OMG. And the saga continues... Captain from Castille. Dr. Spede only wants the captain heading west at say... 20 knots. The band wants the captain heading west at like 220 knots. So today, I decided to talk to good ol' Spedie about this dilemma and he told me that for practice sake, we need to take it slow... and that it is too early in the season to take it that pre-season performance/Madison Scouts speed. Okay, I said. We both got up on the podium (I hate it when he stands up there with me... I get so nervous) and he said, "Lemme see 168 (which is the supposed tempo of Captain)." I showed it to him, and he agreed that it was correct. Okay, so we are on the same page... I start out the song... "tweeeet... tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet." WHAT THE HELL?! The drummers have taken control of the captain's ship, turned it around and have it heading toward land at like 300 knots! And at this point, even I was scared it was going to fall apart.
Well, after THAT was over, there was tons of cheers... the band and even some of the people sitting on the sidelines LOVED it. I'm serious... CHEERS. At the next water break, there were kudos all around. I couldn't even take credit for it. It was the drummers. I am so appreciative of them, but why did they do it?
Even with how great it was, I feel like I don't have any control of it.
DM/CUD practice is tomorrow... answers, please...
And also... answers as to who Smouse is! Thanks for the comment... I appreciated it. But, who are you?
Monday, August 30, 2004
Saturday, August 28, 2004
the last weekend of freedom
Well, this is it... the final Saturday before football season. In all honesty, I have to say that I am ready for a little football. But, today has been really nice. I got to sleep in, then go to THE BRAND NEW WAL MART IN CENTRAL (I kid you not... that is how excited I am about that place). Nick and I went there with Bobby, who would definitely have to be coolest freshman so far. We went to tragic Anderson Mall too. It was all together a really good day. Right now, I am takin' a little load off, since I just got done cleaning up Justin's and my bathroom (it's ironic how I don't mind doing it here, but I HATE doing it when I'm at home).
Anyway, I know that I have become severely tragic when it comes to updating this thing. My life is really busy, and while I can't make any promises really, I promise to write at least once a week. As for dumb pe0ple... I see dumb pe0ple living on in The Tiger this year. I mean, I did write about a dumb person for my first column. It was about the re-re Alpha Chi president. Love Alpha Chi... just not her.
In other news, Tiger Band is going well (I know you were wondering... it seems like all anyone ever asks me anymore is "How is band?"). I think by Saturday, we will be krunk like no other. We are definitely getting there. The only problem I have is with my song. Yes... f-ing Captain. It's a GREAT song... don't get me wrong (yay for a rhyme), but I feel like Dr. Spede is stifling how great it could be! Yesterday at practice, I was so pissed. He told me that I was too excited and that I was pushing the band on too much. He also said that last Saturday at the pre-season performance, it was incredibly too fast. The ironic thing about this, is that EVERYONE in the band thought that it was so much better that fast. Dr. Spede almost had an anxiety attack, but in the end it turned out really well. I can clearly remember Dr. Buyer telling me good job as soon as I got down from the podium. It was fast, but I had it in control. Yesterday, he basically told me that I was pushing them too much and that I was making them go too fast. What I don't understand is how I could start the right speed and then all of a sudden speed up in different parts of the song... There are no accelerandos in the song. I'll tell you what my theory is... I start out the tragically slow tempo that Dr. Spede wants it and the drums, who have told me before, take it at the speed they know it to be. That means that even if I start it super slow or outrageously fast, they are going to pretty much play it the speed it is supposed to be... UNLESS a "Crazy in Love" moment happens... where I hear the drum captain tell the line to take it at whatever speed I want it to be and they just follow along (that happened at 90 minutes before kickoff once last year). Anyway, I start really slow because Dr. Spede wants me to, and the drums take it faster because they can... the rest of the band pretty much has all concentration between marching and their music... so I am pretty much aware that they are not watching me... BUT the drummers are... and they expect me to be with them because they ARE looking at me... despite whether the tempo I counted off was to their approval or not. So, I end up wuRkeng it hard up on the podium, while the band who is not watching me listens down to the super-psychotic drummers who are hacking at whatever speed they feel is necessary. You see the pattern? It's confusing I know, but I do believe this is the problem. And this is the solution: PLAY THE SONG FASTER. Everyone will enjoy it faster... mainly the drummers and I, 'cause I feel that the winds are gonna go with whatever we do. So, I think I'm going to talk to Spede about maybe taking it the actual Madison Scouts speed.
Sorry to bore you non-musical readers with that band mumbo jumbo. Maybe when people ask me "How's band?" I should just bore them with stuff like that. However, I do see people asking in the future, "How is teaching?" and possibly even "How is pledging?"
Anyway, I know that I have become severely tragic when it comes to updating this thing. My life is really busy, and while I can't make any promises really, I promise to write at least once a week. As for dumb pe0ple... I see dumb pe0ple living on in The Tiger this year. I mean, I did write about a dumb person for my first column. It was about the re-re Alpha Chi president. Love Alpha Chi... just not her.
In other news, Tiger Band is going well (I know you were wondering... it seems like all anyone ever asks me anymore is "How is band?"). I think by Saturday, we will be krunk like no other. We are definitely getting there. The only problem I have is with my song. Yes... f-ing Captain. It's a GREAT song... don't get me wrong (yay for a rhyme), but I feel like Dr. Spede is stifling how great it could be! Yesterday at practice, I was so pissed. He told me that I was too excited and that I was pushing the band on too much. He also said that last Saturday at the pre-season performance, it was incredibly too fast. The ironic thing about this, is that EVERYONE in the band thought that it was so much better that fast. Dr. Spede almost had an anxiety attack, but in the end it turned out really well. I can clearly remember Dr. Buyer telling me good job as soon as I got down from the podium. It was fast, but I had it in control. Yesterday, he basically told me that I was pushing them too much and that I was making them go too fast. What I don't understand is how I could start the right speed and then all of a sudden speed up in different parts of the song... There are no accelerandos in the song. I'll tell you what my theory is... I start out the tragically slow tempo that Dr. Spede wants it and the drums, who have told me before, take it at the speed they know it to be. That means that even if I start it super slow or outrageously fast, they are going to pretty much play it the speed it is supposed to be... UNLESS a "Crazy in Love" moment happens... where I hear the drum captain tell the line to take it at whatever speed I want it to be and they just follow along (that happened at 90 minutes before kickoff once last year). Anyway, I start really slow because Dr. Spede wants me to, and the drums take it faster because they can... the rest of the band pretty much has all concentration between marching and their music... so I am pretty much aware that they are not watching me... BUT the drummers are... and they expect me to be with them because they ARE looking at me... despite whether the tempo I counted off was to their approval or not. So, I end up wuRkeng it hard up on the podium, while the band who is not watching me listens down to the super-psychotic drummers who are hacking at whatever speed they feel is necessary. You see the pattern? It's confusing I know, but I do believe this is the problem. And this is the solution: PLAY THE SONG FASTER. Everyone will enjoy it faster... mainly the drummers and I, 'cause I feel that the winds are gonna go with whatever we do. So, I think I'm going to talk to Spede about maybe taking it the actual Madison Scouts speed.
Sorry to bore you non-musical readers with that band mumbo jumbo. Maybe when people ask me "How's band?" I should just bore them with stuff like that. However, I do see people asking in the future, "How is teaching?" and possibly even "How is pledging?"
Sunday, August 22, 2004
white flag
So it is Sunday afternoon... a pretty one. I'm sitting here in my room with pretty much nothing to do. But, I am listening to White Flag by Dido... you know a song from The Crush miniseries. There is no crush right now... but it is a really pretty song. Very strong words in it. It shows that just because a relationship is over, that doesn't mean that there can't be feelings of love still there as well.
I don't know why I went and got all emotional like that. I'm sorry. Anyway, band camp is over. I'm glad. I think band is actually becoming a bit of a hassle for me. In the past, I would want nothing more than to be on the practice field all day long every day of the week. This year, I had to push myself (or P.U.S.H. as Dr. Buyer said). I dunno. Is it my age? It's a little disheartening to realize that the one thing that made me so excited is now something that I have to push myself to do. Hopefully that will get better as the season progresses.
And now, my brain is empty.
I was going to write about a certain sorority president, but it would be better suited in dumb pe0ple. But, it is going to be BEST suited in my first opinions column in The Tiger... muah ha ha.
I don't know why I went and got all emotional like that. I'm sorry. Anyway, band camp is over. I'm glad. I think band is actually becoming a bit of a hassle for me. In the past, I would want nothing more than to be on the practice field all day long every day of the week. This year, I had to push myself (or P.U.S.H. as Dr. Buyer said). I dunno. Is it my age? It's a little disheartening to realize that the one thing that made me so excited is now something that I have to push myself to do. Hopefully that will get better as the season progresses.
And now, my brain is empty.
I was going to write about a certain sorority president, but it would be better suited in dumb pe0ple. But, it is going to be BEST suited in my first opinions column in The Tiger... muah ha ha.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
greetings from the apartmeezy
Hello there... I am writing from the comfort of my bedroom in 101 A The Reserve. Can I just say that I LOVE living here. Living off campus with friends is like having a constant party! It's so much fun. I really don't think I could have better roomies. I just hope that it doesn't interfere with classes and work. Judging from the first couple days of class, the block is going to be a bitch. Therefore, I will hereafter refer to the block as "the bitch." This is going to be so serious.
Anyway, it's been a while. Let's see... band is great. I love it. Some people in the band and KKPsi are getting on my nucking ferves... but this year, I have vowed not to act up or involve myself in fraternity drama... but when it comes to the band, I have a responsibilty as drum major to make sure that people aren't being shitty. The biggest problem is people thinking they are better than other people and yelling at them and talking down to them and getting attitudes... and then some people just act up too much. Yes, band is supposed to be fun, but we have work to do... LOTS of it... Poor Captain from Castille... I think the captain and his fleet of ships sank yesterday at practice... we are struggling. I feel like I am only conducting the drumline because the wind players are SO into trying to get the right spot on the field and/or playing the right notes that they aren't really paying attention to the tempo. I feel a little helpless... I've felt this way before about band... as drum major, sometimes you feel so disconnected from the players being up there and on that podium... especially when people say they don't pay attention to you anyway... yeah, thanks for that.
Enough about the band though... we have a lot of shit to put up with. Last night I listened to the president of Clemson's Alpha Chi Omega chapter talk trash about the band. I'm not going to go into it... She got what she deserved last night... and I just WISH someone would trash talk us again... it kinda shocks people when I get pissed, but after I have said my peace, they get the picture. Alpha Chi Omega only has 3 things going for it now as far as I'm concerned... Kate Moon, Kate Ramage, and Cassie Owens. The president... whoever the ho is... she can get hit by a CAT bus for all I care.
I think that is all... this is going to be a busy semester, so I don't know how often I will write... and the internet here at The Reserve is not extremely dependable. Plus I will be writing for The Tiger also... so who knows. I might be ending delightful* a little sooner than I had expected.... or maybe just at least for this season... I have been having Delia, Mishelle, and Elle withdrawal. I am going to write this afternoon though... we got out of class early because the lady never showed up. HEE HEE. Anyway... I have until 3:15 to sit around and do nothing... then I go see my kids at Seneca High! I have missed them so!
I'll try not to be a stranger...
Anyway, it's been a while. Let's see... band is great. I love it. Some people in the band and KKPsi are getting on my nucking ferves... but this year, I have vowed not to act up or involve myself in fraternity drama... but when it comes to the band, I have a responsibilty as drum major to make sure that people aren't being shitty. The biggest problem is people thinking they are better than other people and yelling at them and talking down to them and getting attitudes... and then some people just act up too much. Yes, band is supposed to be fun, but we have work to do... LOTS of it... Poor Captain from Castille... I think the captain and his fleet of ships sank yesterday at practice... we are struggling. I feel like I am only conducting the drumline because the wind players are SO into trying to get the right spot on the field and/or playing the right notes that they aren't really paying attention to the tempo. I feel a little helpless... I've felt this way before about band... as drum major, sometimes you feel so disconnected from the players being up there and on that podium... especially when people say they don't pay attention to you anyway... yeah, thanks for that.
Enough about the band though... we have a lot of shit to put up with. Last night I listened to the president of Clemson's Alpha Chi Omega chapter talk trash about the band. I'm not going to go into it... She got what she deserved last night... and I just WISH someone would trash talk us again... it kinda shocks people when I get pissed, but after I have said my peace, they get the picture. Alpha Chi Omega only has 3 things going for it now as far as I'm concerned... Kate Moon, Kate Ramage, and Cassie Owens. The president... whoever the ho is... she can get hit by a CAT bus for all I care.
I think that is all... this is going to be a busy semester, so I don't know how often I will write... and the internet here at The Reserve is not extremely dependable. Plus I will be writing for The Tiger also... so who knows. I might be ending delightful* a little sooner than I had expected.... or maybe just at least for this season... I have been having Delia, Mishelle, and Elle withdrawal. I am going to write this afternoon though... we got out of class early because the lady never showed up. HEE HEE. Anyway... I have until 3:15 to sit around and do nothing... then I go see my kids at Seneca High! I have missed them so!
I'll try not to be a stranger...
Saturday, August 14, 2004
moving day
Sunday, August 15, 2004.
Saturday, August 7, 2004.
Thursday, May 27, 2004.
Monday, May 10, 2004.
All of these days make up the moving days of the summer. They sucked. Well, the first date is today's date. I don't really know if it is going to suck, but I am almost certain that it will. I am addressing you from the living room of Club 1-Tweezy. I am sitting on the sofa, which I will attempt to sleep on shortly. Miriam, Renata, Sammie, and Karen have so graciously allowed me to stay here all week. I am actually blogging on Karen's computer. It really makes me appreciate my brothers... even if today, the first day of outdoor rehearsal, people got all hot and bothered. I didn't though. My approach for this year is to not say anything. So with that...
We move in at noon... this sucks. Not only is it at the heat of the day, but it only gives us an hour and a half before we have to be at the band room for rehearsal. On top of that, I have to go to rehearsal nicely dressed because I have a scholarship dinner at 5:30... luckily, this year I will be able to attend. In the past, band got in the way, but this year, things are working out perfectly. Anyway, I will probably have to conduct Captain during rehearsal tomorrow as well. So if I'm not sweaty from moving, I will be from that. After dinner, there is outdoor rehearsal, which is mainly going to be pre-game. That won't be terrible, although I lack patience for watching the band do things that I really can't be involved in. After all that, I finally get to move in whatever I didn't get moved in at noon. Then I can stay up until only God knows when, cuttin' up with the roomies and trying to unpack. And at 9 on Monday, there's more band.
::sigh::
I love it.
And on a side note... Damn, Vanessa Huxtable has got a mess of hair on this episode.
Saturday, August 7, 2004.
Thursday, May 27, 2004.
Monday, May 10, 2004.
All of these days make up the moving days of the summer. They sucked. Well, the first date is today's date. I don't really know if it is going to suck, but I am almost certain that it will. I am addressing you from the living room of Club 1-Tweezy. I am sitting on the sofa, which I will attempt to sleep on shortly. Miriam, Renata, Sammie, and Karen have so graciously allowed me to stay here all week. I am actually blogging on Karen's computer. It really makes me appreciate my brothers... even if today, the first day of outdoor rehearsal, people got all hot and bothered. I didn't though. My approach for this year is to not say anything. So with that...
We move in at noon... this sucks. Not only is it at the heat of the day, but it only gives us an hour and a half before we have to be at the band room for rehearsal. On top of that, I have to go to rehearsal nicely dressed because I have a scholarship dinner at 5:30... luckily, this year I will be able to attend. In the past, band got in the way, but this year, things are working out perfectly. Anyway, I will probably have to conduct Captain during rehearsal tomorrow as well. So if I'm not sweaty from moving, I will be from that. After dinner, there is outdoor rehearsal, which is mainly going to be pre-game. That won't be terrible, although I lack patience for watching the band do things that I really can't be involved in. After all that, I finally get to move in whatever I didn't get moved in at noon. Then I can stay up until only God knows when, cuttin' up with the roomies and trying to unpack. And at 9 on Monday, there's more band.
::sigh::
I love it.
And on a side note... Damn, Vanessa Huxtable has got a mess of hair on this episode.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
twenty one
Greetings... from the land of the legal. I am 21 years old and it feels great. Just to know that I can walk into a bar and order a beer and it will be perfectly fine to do so (don't worry, I am not planning on turning into a lush). But, yeah, the day is finally here, and ironically, I am more excited about the next 4 days than I am about today. I mean, I will be 21 all year... I will be legal for the rest of my life. But the first day of my last year in band will only come once, and so will the day that I move into my first apartment. I honestly can't wait, and the excitement about these two events is overshadowing the pleasure of being 21.
That is pretty much all I have to say... I mean, things are good. I am at home in Greenville right now, but this week, I am staying at Club 1-Tweezy (Miriam, Renata, Sammie, and Karen's) so I wouldn't have to carry all my stuff back here to Greenville. It is a lot of fun staying there, and I am SO grateful to have brothers like them that will let me crash there for a whole week. Just like Hoke, they personify the word "brother."
I think that is all... I am seriously more interested in the life of Miss Delia Johnson right now... I have been writing in there lots more than in here...
OH!!! I got the BEST birthday present yesterday... Well, since Club 1-Tweezy has DirecTV, there are like a seventy-leven billion stations on there. I was watching Oxygen yesterday, and THE FINAL EPISODE OF ROSEANNE AIRED! I was in heaven! Seeing how I haven't even watched regular episodes in like 2 weeks because of Dookieblue not having cable the last stretch of camp, I was completely overjoyed to watch it. It was just as touching as I imagined... when Roseanne explained the whole thing about Dan and his heart attack, I kinda teared up a little... ugh... that show. It really does something to me. I am a Roseanne freak... and damn proud of it!
Okay... see, the entry wasn't so short after all. You got a little more than you bargained for. Well, I hope this holds all you readers for a little while... I don't have much access to a computer right now, seeing how mine is sitting on the floor in pieces at Club 1-Tweezy. I am sure once band starts, I will have lots and lots to talk about. Until next time...
That is pretty much all I have to say... I mean, things are good. I am at home in Greenville right now, but this week, I am staying at Club 1-Tweezy (Miriam, Renata, Sammie, and Karen's) so I wouldn't have to carry all my stuff back here to Greenville. It is a lot of fun staying there, and I am SO grateful to have brothers like them that will let me crash there for a whole week. Just like Hoke, they personify the word "brother."
I think that is all... I am seriously more interested in the life of Miss Delia Johnson right now... I have been writing in there lots more than in here...
OH!!! I got the BEST birthday present yesterday... Well, since Club 1-Tweezy has DirecTV, there are like a seventy-leven billion stations on there. I was watching Oxygen yesterday, and THE FINAL EPISODE OF ROSEANNE AIRED! I was in heaven! Seeing how I haven't even watched regular episodes in like 2 weeks because of Dookieblue not having cable the last stretch of camp, I was completely overjoyed to watch it. It was just as touching as I imagined... when Roseanne explained the whole thing about Dan and his heart attack, I kinda teared up a little... ugh... that show. It really does something to me. I am a Roseanne freak... and damn proud of it!
Okay... see, the entry wasn't so short after all. You got a little more than you bargained for. Well, I hope this holds all you readers for a little while... I don't have much access to a computer right now, seeing how mine is sitting on the floor in pieces at Club 1-Tweezy. I am sure once band starts, I will have lots and lots to talk about. Until next time...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MIRIAM AND ME!
...and actor, Will Friedel who starred as Eric on Boy Meets World. Yes... the television was my babysitter.
Thursday, August 05, 2004
night 1 of 2...
...left here in Dookieblue (for all of you who failed to catch on that I renamed this crackhouse of a dorm Dookieblue, I am talking about Mauldin Hall). I have NEVER been more excited to leave a place in my life... except for maybe leaving Claflin that week when I went there for camp the summer before 9th grade.
Anyway... I don't have much on my mind. I talked to my mom and dad both today... Sadly (yes, I realize that what I am about to say is sad), whenever I talk to them on the phone, my spirits sink... like, I could be talking to some friends or something and carrying on a good, fun conversation, and then one of them calls, I answer the phone and just plummet into a pit of monotonous auto-chat. It shouldn't be that way. I should be glad to talk to my parents... but I'm not. As a matter of fact, my dad called while we were playing a game this evening and I looked at the phone, rolled my eyes, and turned the phone off. I did call him back though... when I did, he called to ask about a day that the two of us could get together and do something... by something, I mean something, 'cause I really didn't know what he was talking about. He asked when I was coming home, and I told him that I really didn't have any plans of coming home except on my birthday to drop off stuff that I won't need for the apartment and pick up some of the things that are still there at the house. He got (excuse me) sounded upset that I wasn't going to be available past the 11th... but I told him (in an equally frustrated tone) that it wasn't my fault that band starts the 12th... I really think that a lot of this freaking out by my parents is an effect of one or a combination of these upcoming events:
1. August 11, 2004 - The 21st Birthday... If 18 didn't mean I was an adult, 21 really does... ALCOHOL.
2. May 13, 2005 - Graduation... I will have a bachelors degree... the same thing my mom has... does she think that I think that will make us equal??? Please, I know better.
3. August/September 2005 - Grad School... They will have to let go again... and they will have to get over the fact that I will be in a completely different state.
The main cause being... I AM GROWING UP. I might be wrong, but I don't think they can handle it.
Anyway... what else was I going to write about??? Oh. Grad school... Well, as for Australia, I am not even motivated to try... my parents are freaking out that I am about to start a new chapter in my life here in the same country, so I don't even want to begin thinking about "reasoning" with them about Australia. I was set on UGA... but ever since going up to New Brunswick, Rutgers has been looking more and more appealing. It is far away but close to my godparents, in a completely different part of the country, has a really good school of education, EXACTLY what I want to major in, and the opportunity to start all over again and make completely new friends (not that I don't like my friends here at Clemson... I just didn't get to start fresh since so many people came here from Eastside). At any rate, both UGA and Rutgers have their perks... I will go first to the school that I get accepted to, and then to the school that is cheaper.
It was me looking at Rutgers and their band program that brought me all the way back to the sound of the psi. They don't have a KKPsi chapter... or at least an active one. Want some juicy KKPsi gossip? Go here and read the story of Mu Upsilon Alpha. It kinda made me think... if I go to Rutgers, my KKPsi days this year will truly be my last. There is no way that I would ever join the organization they have there... it violates my vows. Then I was just overcome with the simple fact that, "I am a brother of KKPsi..." And NOTHING EVER can change that. There is no way that I can erase the events of March 28, 2002 from my mind... every day since that date, I have been a brother of this organization... even as an active brother in a chapter full of drama, I wear the letters of the organization... even as an inactive brother, I am just that... INACTIVE, but still a brother of KKPsi... there is no getting around it. And there is no reason to deny that which I am... it would be like me saying that I am not my parents' child... despite all of my issues with them, I am still Brenda and Toney's kid... their soon to be 21 year old kid, but their kid, yet and still.
Anyway... I don't have much on my mind. I talked to my mom and dad both today... Sadly (yes, I realize that what I am about to say is sad), whenever I talk to them on the phone, my spirits sink... like, I could be talking to some friends or something and carrying on a good, fun conversation, and then one of them calls, I answer the phone and just plummet into a pit of monotonous auto-chat. It shouldn't be that way. I should be glad to talk to my parents... but I'm not. As a matter of fact, my dad called while we were playing a game this evening and I looked at the phone, rolled my eyes, and turned the phone off. I did call him back though... when I did, he called to ask about a day that the two of us could get together and do something... by something, I mean something, 'cause I really didn't know what he was talking about. He asked when I was coming home, and I told him that I really didn't have any plans of coming home except on my birthday to drop off stuff that I won't need for the apartment and pick up some of the things that are still there at the house. He got (excuse me) sounded upset that I wasn't going to be available past the 11th... but I told him (in an equally frustrated tone) that it wasn't my fault that band starts the 12th... I really think that a lot of this freaking out by my parents is an effect of one or a combination of these upcoming events:
1. August 11, 2004 - The 21st Birthday... If 18 didn't mean I was an adult, 21 really does... ALCOHOL.
2. May 13, 2005 - Graduation... I will have a bachelors degree... the same thing my mom has... does she think that I think that will make us equal??? Please, I know better.
3. August/September 2005 - Grad School... They will have to let go again... and they will have to get over the fact that I will be in a completely different state.
The main cause being... I AM GROWING UP. I might be wrong, but I don't think they can handle it.
Anyway... what else was I going to write about??? Oh. Grad school... Well, as for Australia, I am not even motivated to try... my parents are freaking out that I am about to start a new chapter in my life here in the same country, so I don't even want to begin thinking about "reasoning" with them about Australia. I was set on UGA... but ever since going up to New Brunswick, Rutgers has been looking more and more appealing. It is far away but close to my godparents, in a completely different part of the country, has a really good school of education, EXACTLY what I want to major in, and the opportunity to start all over again and make completely new friends (not that I don't like my friends here at Clemson... I just didn't get to start fresh since so many people came here from Eastside). At any rate, both UGA and Rutgers have their perks... I will go first to the school that I get accepted to, and then to the school that is cheaper.
It was me looking at Rutgers and their band program that brought me all the way back to the sound of the psi. They don't have a KKPsi chapter... or at least an active one. Want some juicy KKPsi gossip? Go here and read the story of Mu Upsilon Alpha. It kinda made me think... if I go to Rutgers, my KKPsi days this year will truly be my last. There is no way that I would ever join the organization they have there... it violates my vows. Then I was just overcome with the simple fact that, "I am a brother of KKPsi..." And NOTHING EVER can change that. There is no way that I can erase the events of March 28, 2002 from my mind... every day since that date, I have been a brother of this organization... even as an active brother in a chapter full of drama, I wear the letters of the organization... even as an inactive brother, I am just that... INACTIVE, but still a brother of KKPsi... there is no getting around it. And there is no reason to deny that which I am... it would be like me saying that I am not my parents' child... despite all of my issues with them, I am still Brenda and Toney's kid... their soon to be 21 year old kid, but their kid, yet and still.
Monday, August 02, 2004
and at the end of the day, blue is still blue...
So I just got back from New Jersey... like seriously only 30 minutes ago. I am really tired, but in a really thoughtful mood... so, here goes.
I really do think my parents loathe me... and for good reason. Apparently, I am nothing that they raised me to be. I am not respectful, too logical, and don't present myself well... according to them, that is. Once when I was home, I was told that I didn't participate in things with the family enough... like when I came home, all I did was sit at the computer (I can't help it, i like to write). Well, it seems that everytime a conversation (CONVERSATION, NOT ARGUMENT) started on this weekend's trip, it turned into something negative. I don't mind talking to them, I just think that they don't realize that when I talk, I am doing just that... TALKING. I have no intention on getting into a heated argument. I can't even think of one specific incident where this occurred... but all you need to know is that it happened.
I suppose that covers how I am disrespectful... my conversations are apparently taken as me "talking back." They just got done warning me that it was inapporpriate to talk back to people older than me in the real world. Do they really think that I am going to carry on like that with people who are in positions above me? I mean, I would assume that in a CONVERSATION with my parents, a little humorous arrogance would be welcome. I guess not... so once again, back to the computer when I am at home for extended periods of time.
Anyway, that leads me to how I present myself. This was nothing more than insulting. Seriously. My parents think that I am incapable of dressing appropriately. I found this out when I went to church in my brown sandals... or flip flops as my mom informed me. You know, they were the nice brown kind... not like electric blue and green or anything. I wore them with my khakis, brown belt, and brand new J. Crew yellow polo shirt. This apparently and all of a sudden, is inappropriate for church... ALL MY LIFE, I have been told that for church, God welcomes you to "come as you are." I mean, if I was coming as I was, I think I was coming pretty nicely. I have to admit, I would have liked to wear shoes, but I didn't pack any and when I went to the mall to find some, I didn't see any that I liked. So, I ATTEMPTED to go to church in my sandals, but my mom made me put on my brothers Firkenstocks (yes, Firkenstocks with an F... they are so knock offs). Anyway, at brunch later that afternoon, I was informed that I am to always wear a tie to church... THAT IS THE REASON WHY PEOPLE DON'T GO TO CHURCH RIGHT THERE!!! 'CAUSE PEOPLE ARE TOO HUNG UP ON WHAT PEOPLE ARE WEARING (this has lead me to a breakthrough in my Christianity, which I will address shortly). Anyway, my dad told me to ask my godfather, who is the GM of the Hyatt we were staying at, who would get farther in an interview, J. Crew me, or the model tie wearing black Baptist church member Donovan. Larry said, "Well, Donovan would definitely get farther in the interview." Yes. Thank you, Larry. Honestly though, if I was coming to interview at the Hyatt, I would wear a tie... but WAS I? NO! And I didn't dare bring this point to my dad's attention, because that would have been considered reasoning... which I do too much of. SO... I have come to tell myself, instead of Teddy Roosevelt's "Speak softly and carry a big stick," "Don't speak at all and carry a duffle bag full of humility." It just doesn't make any sense to try to carry on a conversation with them if all I am going to do is be considered disrespectful and too logical. My dad says that I will argue my way out of a paper bag... I DON'T ARGUE WITH PEOPLE! If anything, he should know how much of a personal person that I am... if it weren't for this blog, so many people would really not know how to take me... then again, I can talk to my friends without them thinking I'm trying to argue with them.
Lastly, my Christianity... I have decided from this trip, that I cannot stand the whole be like everyone else mindset. Yes, I am a Christian, but I am no where as devout as my dad the Master of Divinity and my mom the preacher's wife. I feel like I have to be as praying out loud and Bible reading as them... I shouldn't have to feel that way. In all honesty, I believe that a person's relationship with God is just that... THEIRS. No one should feel obligated to do anything. Like, my mom... she always tells me that when I'm in church I should smile. WHY SHOULD I SMILE WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO SMILE ABOUT? I am sitting there listening to what is going on... why should I paint on the grin of a Cheshire cat... so other people in the audience can look at me and say, "Lawd'a mercy that boy's got the spirit comin' outta his ears! JEEEESUS, look at that smile! Hallelujah!" Frankly... I don't care what Sista So-and-so says about me... I go to church for God... not to parade around in leatheri shoes and a silk tie or so everyone can see my Crest smile.
Okay. I think I'm done. I said all of that to say, "and at the end of the day, blue is still blue." Blue is my favorite color and it is something that defines me. In the color blue I find peace and happiness. I could honestly stare smiling at a cloudless sky all day long (I guess that is how you could get me to smile in church). Just like blue is my favorite color, and day in and day out it will remain blue, I will be me... regardless of what anyone says. I hate that I come off as disrespectful and too logical, but it isn't my intention... I can only be me.
I really do think my parents loathe me... and for good reason. Apparently, I am nothing that they raised me to be. I am not respectful, too logical, and don't present myself well... according to them, that is. Once when I was home, I was told that I didn't participate in things with the family enough... like when I came home, all I did was sit at the computer (I can't help it, i like to write). Well, it seems that everytime a conversation (CONVERSATION, NOT ARGUMENT) started on this weekend's trip, it turned into something negative. I don't mind talking to them, I just think that they don't realize that when I talk, I am doing just that... TALKING. I have no intention on getting into a heated argument. I can't even think of one specific incident where this occurred... but all you need to know is that it happened.
I suppose that covers how I am disrespectful... my conversations are apparently taken as me "talking back." They just got done warning me that it was inapporpriate to talk back to people older than me in the real world. Do they really think that I am going to carry on like that with people who are in positions above me? I mean, I would assume that in a CONVERSATION with my parents, a little humorous arrogance would be welcome. I guess not... so once again, back to the computer when I am at home for extended periods of time.
Anyway, that leads me to how I present myself. This was nothing more than insulting. Seriously. My parents think that I am incapable of dressing appropriately. I found this out when I went to church in my brown sandals... or flip flops as my mom informed me. You know, they were the nice brown kind... not like electric blue and green or anything. I wore them with my khakis, brown belt, and brand new J. Crew yellow polo shirt. This apparently and all of a sudden, is inappropriate for church... ALL MY LIFE, I have been told that for church, God welcomes you to "come as you are." I mean, if I was coming as I was, I think I was coming pretty nicely. I have to admit, I would have liked to wear shoes, but I didn't pack any and when I went to the mall to find some, I didn't see any that I liked. So, I ATTEMPTED to go to church in my sandals, but my mom made me put on my brothers Firkenstocks (yes, Firkenstocks with an F... they are so knock offs). Anyway, at brunch later that afternoon, I was informed that I am to always wear a tie to church... THAT IS THE REASON WHY PEOPLE DON'T GO TO CHURCH RIGHT THERE!!! 'CAUSE PEOPLE ARE TOO HUNG UP ON WHAT PEOPLE ARE WEARING (this has lead me to a breakthrough in my Christianity, which I will address shortly). Anyway, my dad told me to ask my godfather, who is the GM of the Hyatt we were staying at, who would get farther in an interview, J. Crew me, or the model tie wearing black Baptist church member Donovan. Larry said, "Well, Donovan would definitely get farther in the interview." Yes. Thank you, Larry. Honestly though, if I was coming to interview at the Hyatt, I would wear a tie... but WAS I? NO! And I didn't dare bring this point to my dad's attention, because that would have been considered reasoning... which I do too much of. SO... I have come to tell myself, instead of Teddy Roosevelt's "Speak softly and carry a big stick," "Don't speak at all and carry a duffle bag full of humility." It just doesn't make any sense to try to carry on a conversation with them if all I am going to do is be considered disrespectful and too logical. My dad says that I will argue my way out of a paper bag... I DON'T ARGUE WITH PEOPLE! If anything, he should know how much of a personal person that I am... if it weren't for this blog, so many people would really not know how to take me... then again, I can talk to my friends without them thinking I'm trying to argue with them.
Lastly, my Christianity... I have decided from this trip, that I cannot stand the whole be like everyone else mindset. Yes, I am a Christian, but I am no where as devout as my dad the Master of Divinity and my mom the preacher's wife. I feel like I have to be as praying out loud and Bible reading as them... I shouldn't have to feel that way. In all honesty, I believe that a person's relationship with God is just that... THEIRS. No one should feel obligated to do anything. Like, my mom... she always tells me that when I'm in church I should smile. WHY SHOULD I SMILE WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO SMILE ABOUT? I am sitting there listening to what is going on... why should I paint on the grin of a Cheshire cat... so other people in the audience can look at me and say, "Lawd'a mercy that boy's got the spirit comin' outta his ears! JEEEESUS, look at that smile! Hallelujah!" Frankly... I don't care what Sista So-and-so says about me... I go to church for God... not to parade around in leatheri shoes and a silk tie or so everyone can see my Crest smile.
Okay. I think I'm done. I said all of that to say, "and at the end of the day, blue is still blue." Blue is my favorite color and it is something that defines me. In the color blue I find peace and happiness. I could honestly stare smiling at a cloudless sky all day long (I guess that is how you could get me to smile in church). Just like blue is my favorite color, and day in and day out it will remain blue, I will be me... regardless of what anyone says. I hate that I come off as disrespectful and too logical, but it isn't my intention... I can only be me.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
new brunswick
Well, I am here in the computer lab of the Hyatt Regency, New Brunswick and I just have a couple of things to report. I have to hurry because there is a hottie that needs in here in about 15 minutes!
1. New Brunswick is a very cool city. I lived here with my godparents the entire summer before 11th grade, but surprisingly enough, I have learned and seen more this weekend than I did all that summer.
2. Among what I learned, I learned that Rutgers University which is here in New Brunswick has one of the best graduate schools of education in the country... including my area or specialization. So, I am going to apply here as well as UGA. It should be good because I need a backup school to UGA and also, if I came here, I would really be getting out of my element.
3. Speaking of out of my element, I love the north. There are so many different types of people. It isn't just black and white... it's so diverse here and I absolutely love it (another plus for Rutgers). I went to New York City today... exciting, but honestly, WAY TOO BIG FOR ME!
4. I do not like sports. Call me a wus, pussy, pansy, loser... but I can't get into sports the way some people can. Being around my cousin and brother drives me insane though because all they do is watch SportsCenter all the time... I swear, if I hear anything else about Nomar Garciaparra, I will choke a bitch...
5. This vacation has been brought to you by my parents. My sanity has also been taken away by them.
6. I am ready to go back to camp... pack it up, and get it out! Important dates coming up...
8/7 - last day of camp, Missy's birthday
8/11 - MIRIAM AND MY 21st BIRTHDAY... YES... BRING OUT THE BUBBLY!
8/12 - section eaders and assistants report for band camp
8/13 - EVERYONE for band camp!
8/15 - THE RESERVE WITH THE COOLEST ROOMMATES KNOWN TO MANKIND!
Okay, that cutie can come back here and kick me out now! See you back down below the Mason Dixon...
1. New Brunswick is a very cool city. I lived here with my godparents the entire summer before 11th grade, but surprisingly enough, I have learned and seen more this weekend than I did all that summer.
2. Among what I learned, I learned that Rutgers University which is here in New Brunswick has one of the best graduate schools of education in the country... including my area or specialization. So, I am going to apply here as well as UGA. It should be good because I need a backup school to UGA and also, if I came here, I would really be getting out of my element.
3. Speaking of out of my element, I love the north. There are so many different types of people. It isn't just black and white... it's so diverse here and I absolutely love it (another plus for Rutgers). I went to New York City today... exciting, but honestly, WAY TOO BIG FOR ME!
4. I do not like sports. Call me a wus, pussy, pansy, loser... but I can't get into sports the way some people can. Being around my cousin and brother drives me insane though because all they do is watch SportsCenter all the time... I swear, if I hear anything else about Nomar Garciaparra, I will choke a bitch...
5. This vacation has been brought to you by my parents. My sanity has also been taken away by them.
6. I am ready to go back to camp... pack it up, and get it out! Important dates coming up...
8/7 - last day of camp, Missy's birthday
8/11 - MIRIAM AND MY 21st BIRTHDAY... YES... BRING OUT THE BUBBLY!
8/12 - section eaders and assistants report for band camp
8/13 - EVERYONE for band camp!
8/15 - THE RESERVE WITH THE COOLEST ROOMMATES KNOWN TO MANKIND!
Okay, that cutie can come back here and kick me out now! See you back down below the Mason Dixon...
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