night 1 of 2...

...left here in Dookieblue (for all of you who failed to catch on that I renamed this crackhouse of a dorm Dookieblue, I am talking about Mauldin Hall). I have NEVER been more excited to leave a place in my life... except for maybe leaving Claflin that week when I went there for camp the summer before 9th grade.

Anyway... I don't have much on my mind. I talked to my mom and dad both today... Sadly (yes, I realize that what I am about to say is sad), whenever I talk to them on the phone, my spirits sink... like, I could be talking to some friends or something and carrying on a good, fun conversation, and then one of them calls, I answer the phone and just plummet into a pit of monotonous auto-chat. It shouldn't be that way. I should be glad to talk to my parents... but I'm not. As a matter of fact, my dad called while we were playing a game this evening and I looked at the phone, rolled my eyes, and turned the phone off. I did call him back though... when I did, he called to ask about a day that the two of us could get together and do something... by something, I mean something, 'cause I really didn't know what he was talking about. He asked when I was coming home, and I told him that I really didn't have any plans of coming home except on my birthday to drop off stuff that I won't need for the apartment and pick up some of the things that are still there at the house. He got (excuse me) sounded upset that I wasn't going to be available past the 11th... but I told him (in an equally frustrated tone) that it wasn't my fault that band starts the 12th... I really think that a lot of this freaking out by my parents is an effect of one or a combination of these upcoming events:

1. August 11, 2004 - The 21st Birthday... If 18 didn't mean I was an adult, 21 really does... ALCOHOL.
2. May 13, 2005 - Graduation... I will have a bachelors degree... the same thing my mom has... does she think that I think that will make us equal??? Please, I know better.
3. August/September 2005 - Grad School... They will have to let go again... and they will have to get over the fact that I will be in a completely different state.

The main cause being... I AM GROWING UP. I might be wrong, but I don't think they can handle it.

Anyway... what else was I going to write about??? Oh. Grad school... Well, as for Australia, I am not even motivated to try... my parents are freaking out that I am about to start a new chapter in my life here in the same country, so I don't even want to begin thinking about "reasoning" with them about Australia. I was set on UGA... but ever since going up to New Brunswick, Rutgers has been looking more and more appealing. It is far away but close to my godparents, in a completely different part of the country, has a really good school of education, EXACTLY what I want to major in, and the opportunity to start all over again and make completely new friends (not that I don't like my friends here at Clemson... I just didn't get to start fresh since so many people came here from Eastside). At any rate, both UGA and Rutgers have their perks... I will go first to the school that I get accepted to, and then to the school that is cheaper.

It was me looking at Rutgers and their band program that brought me all the way back to the sound of the psi. They don't have a KKPsi chapter... or at least an active one. Want some juicy KKPsi gossip? Go here and read the story of Mu Upsilon Alpha. It kinda made me think... if I go to Rutgers, my KKPsi days this year will truly be my last. There is no way that I would ever join the organization they have there... it violates my vows. Then I was just overcome with the simple fact that, "I am a brother of KKPsi..." And NOTHING EVER can change that. There is no way that I can erase the events of March 28, 2002 from my mind... every day since that date, I have been a brother of this organization... even as an active brother in a chapter full of drama, I wear the letters of the organization... even as an inactive brother, I am just that... INACTIVE, but still a brother of KKPsi... there is no getting around it. And there is no reason to deny that which I am... it would be like me saying that I am not my parents' child... despite all of my issues with them, I am still Brenda and Toney's kid... their soon to be 21 year old kid, but their kid, yet and still.