yup... I'm back! It feels so good too! I came back last night and went to the game... saw Missy, Jenee, Kelly, Michael, Nick, Hoke, etc... and I spent the night with Kelly. It's been fun, but honestly, the worse sleep I have had in a long time... we had Mexican before bed... so, one can imagine how horrible the night was. Anyway, Patty came back early this morning, so later today, he, Nick, Jenee, Missy, and I are going shopping... you know, gotta get those hella tight clothes for ATL!!! Tarik, Kate, and Betsy come back into town tonight, and then it's off to ATL tomorrow!
I'm really excited, but I really hope that there isn't anything that happens on this trip that will upset me or cause me not to have a good time. Still, as excited as I am, the caller is still on my mind... as well as where that will go once school starte back up again...
AND, I'm really excited about getting my contacts and finding out who makes drum major... so, LOTS of excitement ahead!
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Monday, December 29, 2003
call #2
So I got my phone call tonight... you know... the one that was supposed to come before the first of the year. I was really shocked to see their name on my phone when it rang... but, I was happy. The phone call wasn't as long as last time due to the fact that they had just gotten off of work. It was okay though... I heard about stories of work and how many co-workers were crushing on them... I dunno what to think about that. But I might be going out with them on Saturday... depends on if the place is 18 and up or 21 and up. I don't know where it's going... I was actually quite confused once I got off the phone. But, once I got off the phone, I reminded myself that great saying Kate inspires me with: "expect the worst, hope for the best."
Anyway... I hate to waste an entire entry on that phone call so... 2 days, 9 hours, and 53 minutes until the bowl trip commences!!!
Anyway... I hate to waste an entire entry on that phone call so... 2 days, 9 hours, and 53 minutes until the bowl trip commences!!!
Sunday, December 28, 2003
the mirror
So today at church, my dad preached this really good message about "The Mirror." It was basically talking about how no one could survive without a mirror, because a mirror tells us how we look, and no one wants to look unacceptable. So, he equated this necessity for mirrors in our lives to the necessity of the Bible in our lives... The mirror tells us the truth... it gives us the exact replica of ourself. The Bible tells the truth... and it shows how we are to live our lives... while it only shows the good things, it convicts when those good things don't match up with other "stuff" going on in our lives...
So... that brings me to this: there are things that we all see in ourselves that we might not like... like looking in a mirror. We all see things in mirrors that we aren't necessarily happy about... we might be fat or skinny, too dark or too pale... but, in this figurative mirror, we are given the chance to change those things about us that we are not so proud. Looking at our imperfections and trying to right our wrongs is another way of saying "know thyself."
One truly knows themself when they can look at themself objectively and notice those things that they have in order, and notice those other things that they need to work on. Like my dad said, "The mirror can be our best friend, or it can be our worst enemy..."
So... that brings me to this: there are things that we all see in ourselves that we might not like... like looking in a mirror. We all see things in mirrors that we aren't necessarily happy about... we might be fat or skinny, too dark or too pale... but, in this figurative mirror, we are given the chance to change those things about us that we are not so proud. Looking at our imperfections and trying to right our wrongs is another way of saying "know thyself."
One truly knows themself when they can look at themself objectively and notice those things that they have in order, and notice those other things that they need to work on. Like my dad said, "The mirror can be our best friend, or it can be our worst enemy..."
impossible
Two things that I have discovered are impossible today... The first: it is impossible for me to remain upset with Erin. I always said it, and today i found it to be absolutely true. We were'nt really fighting, but there was definitely a rift between us. I took no longer than about 5 minutes on the phone before we were back to normal talking about life in general. I'm glad she is in my life... and STILL in my life.
Secondly, it seems pretty impossible for me to stop anticipating the call from our friend that I talked to last Wednesday about techno. It's like that Kylie Minogue song, "Can't Get You Outta My Head." I wrote them an e-mail today... doubt they'll get it before I go back to school... but the fact that I wrote it got me to get SOME things out of my head and help me not think about it so much.
So, the anticipation for THAT is taking away from the anticipation of getting to Atlanta! But, after talking to Josh and Art today, I am EXTREMELY ready for that! I also get to see Tarik and hang out with my boys, Nick, Jason, and Patrick. I cannot fathom the kind of stuff we're gonna get into...
Seems IMPOSSIBLE for us NOT to have a good time.
Secondly, it seems pretty impossible for me to stop anticipating the call from our friend that I talked to last Wednesday about techno. It's like that Kylie Minogue song, "Can't Get You Outta My Head." I wrote them an e-mail today... doubt they'll get it before I go back to school... but the fact that I wrote it got me to get SOME things out of my head and help me not think about it so much.
So, the anticipation for THAT is taking away from the anticipation of getting to Atlanta! But, after talking to Josh and Art today, I am EXTREMELY ready for that! I also get to see Tarik and hang out with my boys, Nick, Jason, and Patrick. I cannot fathom the kind of stuff we're gonna get into...
Seems IMPOSSIBLE for us NOT to have a good time.
Saturday, December 27, 2003
kujichagulia
Well, I think I am about as bored as I could possibly be... seriously. So what am I doing? Writing. One day, this whole blogging thing is gonna get me somewhere. All these random thoughts will have served some purpose.
Anyway, I was looking at away messages (what better to do when you are ridiculously bored?), and I came across my friend, Jason's. It said:
Happy Kwanzaa!
Kujichagulia (Self-Determination)
To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.
Now, I am not in the least a big fan of Kwanzaa... as a matter of fact, I got in a heated discussion not long ago about how it is a hoax of a holiday that is just as meaningful as Mr. Costanza's Festivus. I view Kwanzaa as a holiday made up by some overzealous black people that thought America sucked and there needed to be a truly African holiday, where blacks in America are jut as far from being Africans as white Americans.
Anyway, todays Kwanzaa lesson, kujichagulia, struck a chord with me... "To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves" reminds me of a little saying I live by: know thyself. Amazing, huh? That these crazy black people could have something in common with our old Caucasian philospher Socrates... no, just kidding... that's not the amazing part. The amazing part is that the fact that it showed up today tells me that it really is an important key to life...
I'm getting kinda good at this whole "kowing myself" thing.
Anyway, I was looking at away messages (what better to do when you are ridiculously bored?), and I came across my friend, Jason's. It said:
Happy Kwanzaa!
Kujichagulia (Self-Determination)
To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves.
Now, I am not in the least a big fan of Kwanzaa... as a matter of fact, I got in a heated discussion not long ago about how it is a hoax of a holiday that is just as meaningful as Mr. Costanza's Festivus. I view Kwanzaa as a holiday made up by some overzealous black people that thought America sucked and there needed to be a truly African holiday, where blacks in America are jut as far from being Africans as white Americans.
Anyway, todays Kwanzaa lesson, kujichagulia, struck a chord with me... "To define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves and speak for ourselves" reminds me of a little saying I live by: know thyself. Amazing, huh? That these crazy black people could have something in common with our old Caucasian philospher Socrates... no, just kidding... that's not the amazing part. The amazing part is that the fact that it showed up today tells me that it really is an important key to life...
I'm getting kinda good at this whole "kowing myself" thing.
king congruence: on the ex-girlfriend
So today, I talked to my friend Chelsea from Wofford summer camp that I haven't talked to in about 2 years. It was good. She is doing well, and we still have a lot in common. One thing that we always had in common was our issues with the r-word. Yep... unfortunately, she has been just as unfortunate as me. And, though 2 years have passed... we still have that in common. Our love lives are pretty much non-existent, but thankfully, sitting there on the phone moping about it was not in our conversation...
What was, was me, for the first time, admitting how wrong I was to my ex-girlfriend. Coming to terms with this is part of me knowing myself... so, here goes. Honestly... I never truly liked her. I was in it for the wrong reasons... no, it wasn't physical enjoyment... it was the fact that someone liked me first! Never in my life had anyone come up to me and asked ME out... but her. When she asked that question, in my mind, I said no, and in my mouth, I said yes. It was horrible. Here, someone was doing the very thing that I have so much trouble doing... taking that first step and admitting their attraction... putting it all out there on the line... allowing their heart to lie in the balance while the person recieving the proposal can either coldly say no or warmly say yes... and I... I coldly said yes. It was for my own pleasure... for me to feel good about someone liking me. Now, I feeel terrible... and can't help but think that part of me being alone ever since October 2000 is because I had an r-thingy... and completely took advantage of it. I deserve solitude... I never, ever, ever want to EVER do anything like that to ANYONE again. A persons emotions are extremely sensitive, and to take advantage of them is horrible. I feel ruthless... I just know what it is like to be led on and I know what it is like to put all of yourself out there for someone and have them walk right over you.
So, I have learned from my lesson... and I am still learnING from it.
What was, was me, for the first time, admitting how wrong I was to my ex-girlfriend. Coming to terms with this is part of me knowing myself... so, here goes. Honestly... I never truly liked her. I was in it for the wrong reasons... no, it wasn't physical enjoyment... it was the fact that someone liked me first! Never in my life had anyone come up to me and asked ME out... but her. When she asked that question, in my mind, I said no, and in my mouth, I said yes. It was horrible. Here, someone was doing the very thing that I have so much trouble doing... taking that first step and admitting their attraction... putting it all out there on the line... allowing their heart to lie in the balance while the person recieving the proposal can either coldly say no or warmly say yes... and I... I coldly said yes. It was for my own pleasure... for me to feel good about someone liking me. Now, I feeel terrible... and can't help but think that part of me being alone ever since October 2000 is because I had an r-thingy... and completely took advantage of it. I deserve solitude... I never, ever, ever want to EVER do anything like that to ANYONE again. A persons emotions are extremely sensitive, and to take advantage of them is horrible. I feel ruthless... I just know what it is like to be led on and I know what it is like to put all of yourself out there for someone and have them walk right over you.
So, I have learned from my lesson... and I am still learnING from it.
Friday, December 26, 2003
christmas day
Well, another day commemorating the Savior's birth is over... that was fun. I didn't get very much... today at least. I got two shirts, two ties, money, new clippers, new shoes, and most importantly CONTACTS!
See, I thought I wasn't going to get them because we found out that they are very expensive. So, I was content with not getting them, because I knew that that much money at one time with no help from insurance was asking alot. But, the last box I opened today was stuffed with tons of blue tissue paper. Under the paper were two sheets of paper stapeled to each other. The first was a poem tht my mom and dad wrote to me and in it they told me that I WOULD get my contacts. The sheet behind it was the receipt. I was VERY excited. They don't come in for a week or so, so I am enjoying my last few days with glasses... it's kinda bittersweet...
My glasses have defined me for the past 16 years... lots of my friends say when they think of me, they think of my glasses. Some even say I look mean without my glasses on... I have to agree to an extent. Maybe it isn't actually that I look mean, but I don't look like myself... Who knows? It will be exciting to see myself without glasses and see the reactions that I get from people.
Another thing that happened today was special time with my daddy. We rode a little ways to a Spinx mart to get some milk and had a little discussion in the car. I don't really like having discussions with my parents... It isn't because I don't like them or don't love them, but I think it is because I am SO incredibly different from them. Sometimes, I think that I am so wild compared to them... they are really conservative, intensely spiritual, and somewhat stuck in their ways. I am incredibly liberal, spiritual, but not as intense, and very openminded... however, today my dad told me that I keep too much in my mind... He said that a lot of times I think about things to myself and don't put them out there for other people who care about me, leaving myself vulnerable and sensitive... I have to admit... although, writing like this does put my feelings out there. But I think one reason that I don't tell my parents the things that are going on in my mind is because of what I said earlier... I think that the things I think are so off the wall to them sometimes... Like they are gonna think I'm weird and lock me up somewhere for serious counseling or something. And also, I don't want to disappoint them at all... they are so successful and such decent people... I can honestly say I am PROUD of my parents. I wouldn't dare disappoint them.
Anyway, another thing my dad talked to me about was this medical condition that I have... I hardly ever think about it... It's very much there, but it is nothing that really inhibits me from doing anything now. Unfortunately though, the older I get, the sooner my kidneys are just gonna pass out on me... my dad was asking me my plans of the future and stuff... like career plans, and where I want to live and all that stuff... he made it sound like because of the insecurity of my kidneys, I would have to come home after college... but then he started talking about how he knew I wanted to move to Georgia and get away from home... so I'm confused... and actually a little nervous... You know, this has never really been a huge issue for me... I have this condition, and I go to the doctor, and it gets taken care of... but now I have to worry about me being away from home... away from the doctor... and on my own. It's a little scary... and even frustrating. I have appeared normal to most people and to myself all my life, but now that being a grown up is being added to this condition, I don't appear so normal after all...
But not to worry... I'm cool. As far as I'm concerned there are plenty more great Christmas Days to come.
See, I thought I wasn't going to get them because we found out that they are very expensive. So, I was content with not getting them, because I knew that that much money at one time with no help from insurance was asking alot. But, the last box I opened today was stuffed with tons of blue tissue paper. Under the paper were two sheets of paper stapeled to each other. The first was a poem tht my mom and dad wrote to me and in it they told me that I WOULD get my contacts. The sheet behind it was the receipt. I was VERY excited. They don't come in for a week or so, so I am enjoying my last few days with glasses... it's kinda bittersweet...
My glasses have defined me for the past 16 years... lots of my friends say when they think of me, they think of my glasses. Some even say I look mean without my glasses on... I have to agree to an extent. Maybe it isn't actually that I look mean, but I don't look like myself... Who knows? It will be exciting to see myself without glasses and see the reactions that I get from people.
Another thing that happened today was special time with my daddy. We rode a little ways to a Spinx mart to get some milk and had a little discussion in the car. I don't really like having discussions with my parents... It isn't because I don't like them or don't love them, but I think it is because I am SO incredibly different from them. Sometimes, I think that I am so wild compared to them... they are really conservative, intensely spiritual, and somewhat stuck in their ways. I am incredibly liberal, spiritual, but not as intense, and very openminded... however, today my dad told me that I keep too much in my mind... He said that a lot of times I think about things to myself and don't put them out there for other people who care about me, leaving myself vulnerable and sensitive... I have to admit... although, writing like this does put my feelings out there. But I think one reason that I don't tell my parents the things that are going on in my mind is because of what I said earlier... I think that the things I think are so off the wall to them sometimes... Like they are gonna think I'm weird and lock me up somewhere for serious counseling or something. And also, I don't want to disappoint them at all... they are so successful and such decent people... I can honestly say I am PROUD of my parents. I wouldn't dare disappoint them.
Anyway, another thing my dad talked to me about was this medical condition that I have... I hardly ever think about it... It's very much there, but it is nothing that really inhibits me from doing anything now. Unfortunately though, the older I get, the sooner my kidneys are just gonna pass out on me... my dad was asking me my plans of the future and stuff... like career plans, and where I want to live and all that stuff... he made it sound like because of the insecurity of my kidneys, I would have to come home after college... but then he started talking about how he knew I wanted to move to Georgia and get away from home... so I'm confused... and actually a little nervous... You know, this has never really been a huge issue for me... I have this condition, and I go to the doctor, and it gets taken care of... but now I have to worry about me being away from home... away from the doctor... and on my own. It's a little scary... and even frustrating. I have appeared normal to most people and to myself all my life, but now that being a grown up is being added to this condition, I don't appear so normal after all...
But not to worry... I'm cool. As far as I'm concerned there are plenty more great Christmas Days to come.
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
christmas eve
It's Christmas Eve... and I can't tell if I am in anticipation of tomorrow or not. I'm not excited about getting anything in particular... whatever I get will be a surprise, 'cause I didn't ask for anything. But, I will enjoy it just as I have enjoyed the rest of this stress free break.
My family went over to the Debnam's tonight... friends of ours. It was nice. I met this girl... she just graduated from Clark Atlanta and is working out in Portland, OR as a computer scientist (well, I'm sure that's not her title, but she majored in comp sci). Anyway, for the first time, I think this girl took interest in me FIRST! My mom said something to her friend, Wanda about me going to the Peach Bowl with the band. Then this girl asked me about Clemson, and my major, and stuff like that. I am never the one to start conversations... ESPECIALLY like that. So, it was refreshing.
Maybe one reason why she "holla'ed" at me is because I shaved my goatee off... I dunno why, but I think it actually looks better. Being around this house with all these pictures of me in high school without the fuzz made me go for the clean shaven look... and I really like the little scruffy feeling when I get a little shadow and need to shave...
And it appears like I'm out of things to write... I am sure Christmas Day will bring tons of things to write about...
OH! I got my car washed today... Kyle is SOOO CLEAN! I LOVE my car! <--Random, but exciting...
Okay... that's all... LEAVE ME COMMENTS!
My family went over to the Debnam's tonight... friends of ours. It was nice. I met this girl... she just graduated from Clark Atlanta and is working out in Portland, OR as a computer scientist (well, I'm sure that's not her title, but she majored in comp sci). Anyway, for the first time, I think this girl took interest in me FIRST! My mom said something to her friend, Wanda about me going to the Peach Bowl with the band. Then this girl asked me about Clemson, and my major, and stuff like that. I am never the one to start conversations... ESPECIALLY like that. So, it was refreshing.
Maybe one reason why she "holla'ed" at me is because I shaved my goatee off... I dunno why, but I think it actually looks better. Being around this house with all these pictures of me in high school without the fuzz made me go for the clean shaven look... and I really like the little scruffy feeling when I get a little shadow and need to shave...
And it appears like I'm out of things to write... I am sure Christmas Day will bring tons of things to write about...
OH! I got my car washed today... Kyle is SOOO CLEAN! I LOVE my car! <--Random, but exciting...
Okay... that's all... LEAVE ME COMMENTS!
a tale of what used to be
I miss my friend. I miss long talks on the phone when I'm either on my way to Greenville or she is on her way to Fort Mill. I miss griping about r-word ish. I miss Schilletter eggs. I miss Alpine Strawberry Colombo's frozen yogurt. I miss Riviera dinners. I miss IM windows with the little bumble bee in the left hand corner. I miss killing turtles. I miss "The World's Best Brownies." I miss hugs before parades. I miss my brother. I miss my confidant. I miss my friend.
It isn't all her fault. It's mine too. It's mine because I am too selfish to celebrate her happiness. It's mine because misery loves company... and I was miserable. I didn't want to be the only one. But... someone as beautiful and as special as her doesn't deserve to be miserable. She deserves to be treated like the princess that I always told her that she was. She deserves a valiant and handsome prince to hold her and cherish her for the magnificent young lady that she is. I'm more like the chambermaid than the prince... I am a friend... there to listen... and laugh... and lean on...
But every princess eventually leaves her chamber and flees to the arms of her prince... the chambermaid must be happy and rejoice in the fortune of the princess...
Erin, I still love you, and I am happy for you. You aren't the only one that has to adjust...
It isn't all her fault. It's mine too. It's mine because I am too selfish to celebrate her happiness. It's mine because misery loves company... and I was miserable. I didn't want to be the only one. But... someone as beautiful and as special as her doesn't deserve to be miserable. She deserves to be treated like the princess that I always told her that she was. She deserves a valiant and handsome prince to hold her and cherish her for the magnificent young lady that she is. I'm more like the chambermaid than the prince... I am a friend... there to listen... and laugh... and lean on...
But every princess eventually leaves her chamber and flees to the arms of her prince... the chambermaid must be happy and rejoice in the fortune of the princess...
Erin, I still love you, and I am happy for you. You aren't the only one that has to adjust...
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
i'm so glad the cheat is not dead!
So, homestarrunner.com has been my BEST friend as of late. I spend numerous hours giggling at all the hilarious antics of Homestar, Strong Bad, and The Cheat. So, that song is stuck in my head, and yes... I am SO glad the cheat is not dead! He is my favorite character... cute and lovable, yet a major punk... he is so the man.
So, I am thankful for the friends that I made from homestarrunner.com... they've been my leisure for the past few days. I got to hang out with some of my Clemson friends tonight... I love 'em so much. I am so thankful for my friends. They seriously are very important to me... that is why being at home is so boring. Not because there is nothing to do here... 'cause in essence, there is really nothing to do in Clemson either... it's just the fact that I have my good friends to do nothing with! YAY! BUT, I am SOOO(etc.) excited about doing SOMETHING with them next week... BOWL GAME!!! WOOT WOOT! I am really pumped. Jenee explained to us tonight that THAT is why no one is really anticipating Christmas... because we are all looking forward to something happening after it... either that, or ALL of my friends have given up on the childhood magic of Christmas all together...
I personally am really ready for everything BUT Christmas... I'm not really expecting much, so whatever I get, I'll be excited about. I am really looking forward to the bowl game (like I said) and then getting back to school... I'll have my own room, and then there is the possibility of this person that I chatted with on Wednesday night/early Thursday morning... i called them tonight... just left a message. I'm being really good about it... anticipating, but not letting it control me. As my gurl, Kate says, "expect the worse, hope for the best." I am really trying to be optimistic... but not completely "fall" (as The Alicia Keys Rule says NOT to do)... but it's hard... with the whole intellectual attraction thing... it's refreshing and stimulating... but the anticipation of this phone call and/or hanging out in person when I return to campus is sobering... it keeps me level headed.
One thing is for sure, I don't HAVE to have it to be happy. Like I said in the entry on Saturday, an r-thingy is not going to define me... it does define some people... some people that I know. But, I don't want to be known as "Hamilton, the guy dating so and so." I want people to be able to say, "That's Hamilton, and he's my friend." Yup... I definitely still want to have room for friends. The whole blasted r-thingy has made friends obselete in some cases...
So, I'm so glad The Cheat is not dead...
Some of my friends are "dead" due to r-thingies...
But, I'm so glad The Cheat is not dead.
So, I am thankful for the friends that I made from homestarrunner.com... they've been my leisure for the past few days. I got to hang out with some of my Clemson friends tonight... I love 'em so much. I am so thankful for my friends. They seriously are very important to me... that is why being at home is so boring. Not because there is nothing to do here... 'cause in essence, there is really nothing to do in Clemson either... it's just the fact that I have my good friends to do nothing with! YAY! BUT, I am SOOO(etc.) excited about doing SOMETHING with them next week... BOWL GAME!!! WOOT WOOT! I am really pumped. Jenee explained to us tonight that THAT is why no one is really anticipating Christmas... because we are all looking forward to something happening after it... either that, or ALL of my friends have given up on the childhood magic of Christmas all together...
I personally am really ready for everything BUT Christmas... I'm not really expecting much, so whatever I get, I'll be excited about. I am really looking forward to the bowl game (like I said) and then getting back to school... I'll have my own room, and then there is the possibility of this person that I chatted with on Wednesday night/early Thursday morning... i called them tonight... just left a message. I'm being really good about it... anticipating, but not letting it control me. As my gurl, Kate says, "expect the worse, hope for the best." I am really trying to be optimistic... but not completely "fall" (as The Alicia Keys Rule says NOT to do)... but it's hard... with the whole intellectual attraction thing... it's refreshing and stimulating... but the anticipation of this phone call and/or hanging out in person when I return to campus is sobering... it keeps me level headed.
One thing is for sure, I don't HAVE to have it to be happy. Like I said in the entry on Saturday, an r-thingy is not going to define me... it does define some people... some people that I know. But, I don't want to be known as "Hamilton, the guy dating so and so." I want people to be able to say, "That's Hamilton, and he's my friend." Yup... I definitely still want to have room for friends. The whole blasted r-thingy has made friends obselete in some cases...
So, I'm so glad The Cheat is not dead...
Some of my friends are "dead" due to r-thingies...
But, I'm so glad The Cheat is not dead.
Saturday, December 20, 2003
king congruence: on being alone
Okay... can I just say, that I am tired of people asking me why I'm not dating anyone or telling me that I'm sure to find someone soon... SO many people have bought it up in the past week, and it's ridiculous. NO, I'm not dating anyone... Why? Cause no one likes me like that... does it bother me? NO! I have tons of friends to fill the void of a significant other. And as for the whole, "I'm sure you'll find someone" bit, IF I AM SOOOO ELIGIBLE, THEN WHY AM I NOT DATING ANYONE?! It's not like I have tons and tons of girls asking me out and I just keep turning them away, cause I can play hard to get like that... geez!
Okay, I'm outtie... had to get that off my chest.
Okay, I'm outtie... had to get that off my chest.
Friday, December 19, 2003
i'm a big kid now
Okay... so... today I decided that if I am to know myself, then I truly need to take control of MY thoughts and MY actions. It's my life, as Jon Bon Jovi put it so well... EVERYONE is ALWAYS being influnced by the people around them... I mean, that is basically all high school is... a time to be faced by every sort of peer pressure out there... Like I was reminiscing the other day, high school was great... but part of the reason that it took me so long to realize it is because sometimes IT SUCKED on the way through! Petty arguments, not fitting in, gossip (well, that still happens), and truly meaningless relationships... I was not in control of my life in high school... my life belonged to whoever was cool and whatever designer's name was embroidered across my outrageously expensive screenprinted t-shirt... and when I was at home, well, my life belonged to my parents... they definitely had me in the grasps of the iron fist a few times...
...but I'm friggin' 20 years old now. I am going to be able to buy alcohol in 7 months! If I am going to be able to walk into a store and be trusted enough that I am responsible enough to properly drink of the alcohol that I purchase, then I should be able to think my own thoughts and do what I want to do. Point blank. Now, it's not like there is any specific reason that I came to this conclusion... it's a mixture of several thoughts running through my head... I went to the eye doctor today for contacts, and they asked me ALL the questions... I'm used to my mom or dad fielding the questions... but because of privacy rights and me not being a minor they have to ask me EVERYTHING and not assume ANYTHING... they asked stuff like, "are you married? do you smoke? do you drink?" I was like, geez, these are questions you ask a grown person--duh... and then it hit me... oh yeah, I am grown... now...
And on top of that, I really think that my mom is trying to brainwash me... We had a discussion today about gay people... and she is of the strong opinion that it is a lifestyle that is chosen... I am of the STRONG opinon that it is no one's choice, but that when they exited the womb, they came out that way... and it's no one's fault, and that is not a bad thing. Art, "big mama's" boyfriend and I had a talk about it last night... and I truly agree with him... God made the person that way. I don't think that it is even too absurd to think that... My view is just a very liberal one... I equate it to the view of abolitionists back during the slave days... my philosophy sounds completely wrong, but who is TRULY to say that I am wrong... or right for that matter. Point blank, I believe that there is nothing wrong with being gay. And I am COMPLETELY going out on a limb right now because I know that this is not the general consensus... but hey... it's my life and I'll think what I want.
...but I'm friggin' 20 years old now. I am going to be able to buy alcohol in 7 months! If I am going to be able to walk into a store and be trusted enough that I am responsible enough to properly drink of the alcohol that I purchase, then I should be able to think my own thoughts and do what I want to do. Point blank. Now, it's not like there is any specific reason that I came to this conclusion... it's a mixture of several thoughts running through my head... I went to the eye doctor today for contacts, and they asked me ALL the questions... I'm used to my mom or dad fielding the questions... but because of privacy rights and me not being a minor they have to ask me EVERYTHING and not assume ANYTHING... they asked stuff like, "are you married? do you smoke? do you drink?" I was like, geez, these are questions you ask a grown person--duh... and then it hit me... oh yeah, I am grown... now...
And on top of that, I really think that my mom is trying to brainwash me... We had a discussion today about gay people... and she is of the strong opinion that it is a lifestyle that is chosen... I am of the STRONG opinon that it is no one's choice, but that when they exited the womb, they came out that way... and it's no one's fault, and that is not a bad thing. Art, "big mama's" boyfriend and I had a talk about it last night... and I truly agree with him... God made the person that way. I don't think that it is even too absurd to think that... My view is just a very liberal one... I equate it to the view of abolitionists back during the slave days... my philosophy sounds completely wrong, but who is TRULY to say that I am wrong... or right for that matter. Point blank, I believe that there is nothing wrong with being gay. And I am COMPLETELY going out on a limb right now because I know that this is not the general consensus... but hey... it's my life and I'll think what I want.
appreciation for the king
This is from an IM conversation that I had today... You don't need to know who said it... I know, and that is all that matters... just goes to show me that in the same way I STILL appreciate Megan's friendship, someone appreciates mine right now...
hamilton....this is random and i don't do this a whole lot....but i thought about this on my way home....but you're really awesome and i'm glad i've gotten to know you....i just wanted to let you know that
hamilton....this is random and i don't do this a whole lot....but i thought about this on my way home....but you're really awesome and i'm glad i've gotten to know you....i just wanted to let you know that
Thursday, December 18, 2003
reminiscing
So, I went to go pick up my brother from EHS today... As soon as I walked into that foyer, a whole flood of memories came back to me. So, as soon as I came home, I went upstairs to my room, and cracked open the Addidas box that I saved all my notes from high school in. I couldn't be more happy that I saved those little tiny folds of paper. They have so much meaning. It didn't take long before I felt like I was back in high school, walking from 4th period to 5th period exchanging notes with my friend Megan in the halls... Megan is still around... she goes to Clemson... but I NEVER see her. By reading the notes, I felt as if I was getting to know her again... doing the whole high school thing all over.
The sad part is... there is SO much about life that we all take for granted. I can't remember how many times I wished that May 31, 2001 would come so I could say that I was a graduate of Eastside High School... May 31, 2001 has come and gone... I am coming to my 3rd year of being out of high school... my 3rd year of being in college... meaning there is one year left. My childhood is gone... my adolescence is gone. I guess this realization is just part of me getting to "know myself." But, it's kind of scary... with each new day, who knows what will come...
One of the notes in my Addidas box was from my friend Bethany... she was in my 4th period Algebra I class in 9th grade. Bethany died on October 18, 2001. Nothing is promised but the present... not even the next second is promised...
...in getting to know myself, I have learned that I must truly appreciate the present, and live every MOMENT as if it is my last. In knowing myself, I also have to know those who play a huge part in my life... my friends... even Megan, who I don't talk to frequently, is still special to me... because if I am the "star" of my life, she was definitely a "supporting actor."
The sad part is... there is SO much about life that we all take for granted. I can't remember how many times I wished that May 31, 2001 would come so I could say that I was a graduate of Eastside High School... May 31, 2001 has come and gone... I am coming to my 3rd year of being out of high school... my 3rd year of being in college... meaning there is one year left. My childhood is gone... my adolescence is gone. I guess this realization is just part of me getting to "know myself." But, it's kind of scary... with each new day, who knows what will come...
One of the notes in my Addidas box was from my friend Bethany... she was in my 4th period Algebra I class in 9th grade. Bethany died on October 18, 2001. Nothing is promised but the present... not even the next second is promised...
...in getting to know myself, I have learned that I must truly appreciate the present, and live every MOMENT as if it is my last. In knowing myself, I also have to know those who play a huge part in my life... my friends... even Megan, who I don't talk to frequently, is still special to me... because if I am the "star" of my life, she was definitely a "supporting actor."
all sorts of techno
So I met someone last week... last wednesday to be exact. We hung out all afternoon... shared stories, played never have I ever, and got to know each other... And then I didn't hear from them at all... until tonight. While sitting here doing nothing and waiting for something to pop in my head to write about in my fabulous new blog, my cell phone rang. I was utterly surprised to hear from them. We talked for about an hour... I learned all about techno music and taught a little lesson about time signatures and marches... we also talked about Freudism and other philosphies... can I just say that I LOVE an intelligent conversation?! I told this person last week that I was big into gossip (being a member of Tiger Band: The Band that GOSSIPS About the Southland), but I think they have truly turned me on to this more kosher form of conversation... intelligent discussion... with big SAT words and little figures of speech that you have to think about before you laugh at them. This attraction is definitely one of more than looks or physical elements... there is definitely a mental attraction. I've never had one of those before... So, Mr. Sigmund Freud, take that and smoke it in your big fat sexually defined pipe.
Due to their demanding work schedule, we have scheduled to talk SOMETIME before next year... Yay for a random phone call sometime in the next 2 weeks. :)
Due to their demanding work schedule, we have scheduled to talk SOMETIME before next year... Yay for a random phone call sometime in the next 2 weeks. :)
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
bros before hos?
So, a thought went through my head today... this is normal... and I began to wonder if I was dating someone, would I put my bros before hos? And I don't just mean my fraternity brothers, but my friends in general... It's a tough question. There are 2 reasons why this thought comes to mind. The first is because sometimes, a significant other is the bulk of what a person talks about... I began to think... there really is nothing wrong with that. If someone finds that much happiness in another person than good for them... That's awesome. The second reason this happened is because I was ditched this evening for a "ho." Not a real ho, but I was the bro that got shat upon... It made me feel a little bad, but in the end, I really can't hate.
Then there is the non-figurative view of this bros before hos thing... My brother has a girlfriend. She is so nice and I am SO glad that it is her and not some real ho. But, I can't help thinking what is going through his head now... Where does HE place his priorities?
I know it's none of my business, but these things go through my head. I think if I were dating someone, I would definitely not put them completely above my friends... Actually, I would hope that the person I was dating would be my best friend, that way the "ho" would in essence, be a "bro" too... I hope that makes sense... haha.
So ANYWAY, I'm bored out of my mind (as if you couldn't tell). I was supposed to go out with Mandy tonight, but that didn't happen... at least she didn't drop me for a ho.
Then there is the non-figurative view of this bros before hos thing... My brother has a girlfriend. She is so nice and I am SO glad that it is her and not some real ho. But, I can't help thinking what is going through his head now... Where does HE place his priorities?
I know it's none of my business, but these things go through my head. I think if I were dating someone, I would definitely not put them completely above my friends... Actually, I would hope that the person I was dating would be my best friend, that way the "ho" would in essence, be a "bro" too... I hope that makes sense... haha.
So ANYWAY, I'm bored out of my mind (as if you couldn't tell). I was supposed to go out with Mandy tonight, but that didn't happen... at least she didn't drop me for a ho.
king congruence
Let me also explain the name of this jorunal... King Congruence was a nickname of mine in 10th grade Geometry Class. My mind wandered back to this last Sunday when I was talking to Betsy about something. At any rate, I was King Congruence, and there was also Lady Linear, Princess Perpendicular, and Duchess Decagon (or Duchess "something"). I was the ruler of the Kingdom of Congruence. While childish and simple of me, it made me feel good that I could call myself the king of something... so, this blog is about the life and times in the kingdom of congruence... who better to report on the life and times...
...than King Congruence.
...than King Congruence.
know thyself
So, I am copying Matt Lub with this whole blog thing. I hear people talking about it all the time, so I was like, maybe I should get a blog... it's definitely more well known than the site where I had my online journal. So, maybe I'll retire that and start using this. I mean, it is almost a new year, I have been using that my-diary.org for more than 2 years now, and last night I had a HUGE epiphany... Let me explain... see, my freshman year, my kkpsi big brother, Alan, as well as drum major extraordinaire, Rebecca told me this:
"Everything extra eventually comes along when you have your sh*t together"
Well, last night, in one of my ever rambling entries, I figured out what it means to "get your sh*t together:"
Know Thyself.
So, I guess coming to that realization starts a new chapter in my life. So, why not start a new blog?
"Everything extra eventually comes along when you have your sh*t together"
Well, last night, in one of my ever rambling entries, I figured out what it means to "get your sh*t together:"
Know Thyself.
So, I guess coming to that realization starts a new chapter in my life. So, why not start a new blog?
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