"Royster" died Thursday, March 17 in a car accident on I-85 on his way to pick up a friend in Charlotte, North Carolina.
His death is the first sudden death of a friend my age that I have ever had to deal with. In dealing with this, I have been completely and utterly torn up by the whole situation.
I may appear okay, and at some times, I may even appear nonchalant or empathetic. This is hardly the case. Strangely, the whole thing has yet to fully sink in with me.
I heard the news as I was sitting in TD's Thursday night with Kalani and Sarah venting about our experiences in the classroom when I saw Joe, one of my other APO brothers... I gave him the usual, "Hey, what's up?" accompanied by the high five/handshake thing. Then he said, "Have you heard the news?" Well, when someone says this and doesn't say "the bad news," I immediately think something great has happened. That wasn't the case...
"Royster died today."
Honestly, I took him as kidding. I mean, Royster was young, healthy, a good guy, he would be the last person on earth that I would have expected to die. So I said, "You're kidding, right?"
"No. I wish I was."
And you know... it didn't even fully hit me then. Nor did it hit me when I went to the APO lounge and saw all my brothers crying and all the people who had been touched in some way by Royster. Really, I am just realizing it now... reliving the whole thing.
Who at age 20, just weeks away from turning 21, who is healthy, intelligent, friendly, and fun loving just... DIES? It's something that is so difficult for me to understand. And the other thing... out of the hundreds of times that we drive in our cars on I-85, why that time did it have to be fatal for him? I mean, these questions... I can't understand. And this leads me to another question... If death is so "fair," meaning that any and everyone is succeptible to it at any given point of time, why did it have to choose him? Why not someone else? Why not me?
I just don't get it. Just weeks ago, he was playing his trumpet in pep band... just weeks ago, he was giving a service report to the chapter... just weeks ago, he was in my apartment just hanging out and having a good time... and the thing that blows my mind is that NO ONE in the world knew that on March 17, he would cease to exist. It was so abrupt. We couldn't plan on it. I mean, as terrible as it sounds, I wish that there was a way that he could have warned us, you know? Like, "Hey guys, after March 17, I'm not gonna be around anymore." It was so quick. It's like, he went somewhere, and has just decided to never come back... it's easier to look at it that way, because that is a more likely situation... who would have expected him to just DIE?
I don't know... I mean, I honestly don't. For the past 3 days, I have been pinching my self... kinda saying, this can't be true... thinking of the situation and telling myself, maybe there is some way that Royster is still alive. I mean, he just can't be gone.
The accident apparently resulted in the car catching on fire and burning Royster's body so badly that they couldn't recognize him... the only way they knew it was him is because of his ID which was found near the site. So, I look at this and say to myself, maybe he got out alive... maybe he is wandering around Cherokee County in a state of shock from the accident...
...I wanna believe these theories, but it's not likely.
So, in conceding the the fact that Royster is no longer physically here, I have come to learn many many things. First of all, driving fast is not safe... it's fatal. On Royster's thefacebook profile, one of his interests was driving fast. One of his favorite movies was Gone in 60 Seconds. The boy liked speed... and ultimately, going 85 in a 65 was his fatal flaw. I cannot let his death have been in vain. If anything has happened from his death, it has made me a more aware and cautious driver. Also, I have learned to appreciate EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY PERSON in my life. EVERYONE. From the douchebags, to my best friends. We are all here on this earth together, and we are all succeptible to the same tragedy that has befallen Royster. Life is not guaranteed, by ANY means. We can truly be here one day and gone the next... and right now, it is hard to even look forward because I am in fear of my life and my friends' just because of this accident. But I know that everything is in God's hands... and in times like these and all the time, faith is what should help us keep going and keep us from worrying about our fate.
Lastly, I have learned to welcome life. This statement was said several times by one of the grief counselors that was in the lounge on Thursday night. We went through this intense exercise where we meditated on the memory of Royster and tried to come to a stable place about his death. She kept saying, "Welcome life" when we would take deep breaths in. You know... we take our breath for granted. We truly do. It is life, and it keeps us living... plain and simple. Royster, rest his soul, doesn't have the privilege of breath right now. And for us to take advantage of the life that we have is showing that his death--the death of someone so similar to me and all my peers--is insignificant. It could have been anyone. But it was him... it wasn't me. It wasn't anyone in my family. But it was a significant life.
Please... on behalf of Royster... welcome life.
Robert Benjamin Royster
April 26, 1984 - March 17, 2005
"A Leader, A Friend, A Servant"
"A Leader, A Friend, A Servant"
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