word vomit

In the movie Mean Girls, the main character, Cady, talks about having "word vomit." It's kinda like when you have something you REALLY need to say and you can't control it from coming up... and when it does, it just comes out in a way that you weren't expecting at all. Well, I think I have a lot to say. Or at least in my mind it feels like it's a lot. Sometimes when I get to writing it doesn't seem to be much... but I feel like I have a lot coming.

First of all, Tree #3. For those of you who don't know what this elusive code name is for it is Delightful. Delightful is a fictional story about a college age girl at a fictional university in Atlanta, Georgia. The whole reason I came up with it was because I was absolutely bored at home, and the past year was so dramatic, I wanted to live it out again, but through the eyes of someone not so quite like me. However, lots of the situations in the story came from things that I have heard, seen, or have experienced. I have REALLY enjoyed writing in it and I would HATE to stop writing in it... however, I have been slacking off so much on it, that I don't feel as if I am doing it justice. I mean, I think it's a really good story. I had people believing that it was real. I had people thinking that it was a real girl at a real school with real issues. But no, it's just a figment of my imagination. One of my friends (who shall remain anonymous because I don't know if she would want to admit how addicted she is to it) fusses at me when I don't update it like I should. So, I guess what have come to is, I either need to let Delia Johnson go, or vow to keep her life up to date... I would HATE to throw away what I believe to be such good literature (you can go check it out for yourself). I mean, I am very proud of my work, and I think that the best thing for me to do is plan out a time to write at least every other day, if not daily. Maybe it will even help me build responsibility... So hold on, Delia Johnson... I still gotcha.

Secondly, this camp is making me feel so ridiculously old. I mean, yeah, it's GREAT to almost be 21, but when I look back on life, the years that these campers are in were the best of my life. People always say that college is the best time of your life... well, I think I beg to differ. There is always difficult school work, drama with friends, pointless arguments with people, trying out the whole dating game, lack of money, limbo between adolescence and adulthood... I think this is a very trying time. High school was SO awesome. No matter what was going on at school, I could always go home and relax from it. In college, it's hard to get away... you live with the people you go to class with, and there is constantly something you have to do that is affiliated with college life. In high school, you can have your school life and your home life, and it doesn't get all jumbled up. I kinda miss that. I miss being able to act like a total idiot and blaming it on the fact that I was only in high school and not mature enough to realize how decent I was supposed to act. I liked it when I was a teenager... and I knew that I was older than a kid and younger than an adult... now, it's like I want to act like a teenager, but I want the respect of the adults that I am in constant contact with. It's so frustrating. And it doesn't get any better... which leads me to my 3rd point...

Politics. I hate f-ing politics. Yesterday, Bryn, Tripp, and Bryce went to see Farenheit 9/11. They came back with all the terrible things that they learned from the movie. I HATE George W. Bush. Oh, but don't go and get upset, you staunch Republican conservatives... I don't really like Kerry either... or Nader. I wish that we could truly live in a Utopian society... and my utopia would be one that was free of politics, because politics is what gets people so fired up... and what in essence kills and controls money. So, yes, I hate politics. I have decided to move out of this country to escape it. I'm going to Australia... seriously, one day, I am.

Next week is my week off... I am glad to have a free week, but it's not like I'm gonna do anything fun. I mean, first of all, I will have class (even though it will only be an online class), second of all, my mom is expecting me to come home... and even though I enjoyed home in high school, in college, it sucks, 'cause my mom wants to treat me like I am still IN high school and keep me in and around the house doing chores and cleanin' up after her, my dad, and my brother. I would love to go somewhere... but there is really nowhere to go. I would actually enjoy staying here in Dookieblue and maybe going home for a day or two... but being at home in Greenville for a week? TRAGIC. And on top of this, I would never be able to tell my mom, "No, I don't want to come home." I don't know what she'd do. I think she'd flip.

Finally, it is a camper... This week, I have a rising 6th grader. I am SO worried about him. First of all, one day last week, Mrs. Coffey's assistant calls me and tells me that I am going to get 2 students that are both from very peculiar situations... bad home lives, not too great an economic background... well, I looked at this as a challenge. Well, when only one of the 2 showed up, I was kinda relieved. But them I realized how old this boy was... he is a rising 6th grader. The youngest kid at the camp. On top of that, his roommate didn't show, so he is all alone tonight... and he might be all week. Well, he is just so little... age wise and in stature... he is just a little boy. And you can tell how young he is, just by his interaction with the other kids. He clings to me, which I don't have a problem with, but it just makes me feel for him. I want to be around him 24/7 to make sure that he isn't lonely and that no one picks on him and that he's not scared and that he has a good time. I'm just so worried. I want him to be here, and I want him to have a GREAT experience here, but I just don't know if he is ready for it. He makes me so nervous. And on top of that... I feel like I was given this responsibility. Mrs. Coffey's assistant's exact words were "they need a mentor-type person." So, this was one of those times that God gave me something to do, and I gotta do it. I feel like it is my responsibility to make sure that he has a good time and thatn everything goes well for him. He's just so young and seems so impressionable. I just don't understand why they allowed such a young kid to come to a big scary college campus??? Who knows. I just hope I can help him enjoy his time... and stay safe.

Okay, so I think that is it. See, I guess I didn't have as much to talk about as I thought. I'm glad I got some of that off my chest. Today, Kurt said that I didn't seem very happy, and I think part of it was because I was so weighed down by that ish. I hope this is a good week...

To the campers... ENJOY YOUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARS! THEY ARE THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE!