i'm a big kid now

Okay... so... today I decided that if I am to know myself, then I truly need to take control of MY thoughts and MY actions. It's my life, as Jon Bon Jovi put it so well... EVERYONE is ALWAYS being influnced by the people around them... I mean, that is basically all high school is... a time to be faced by every sort of peer pressure out there... Like I was reminiscing the other day, high school was great... but part of the reason that it took me so long to realize it is because sometimes IT SUCKED on the way through! Petty arguments, not fitting in, gossip (well, that still happens), and truly meaningless relationships... I was not in control of my life in high school... my life belonged to whoever was cool and whatever designer's name was embroidered across my outrageously expensive screenprinted t-shirt... and when I was at home, well, my life belonged to my parents... they definitely had me in the grasps of the iron fist a few times...

...but I'm friggin' 20 years old now. I am going to be able to buy alcohol in 7 months! If I am going to be able to walk into a store and be trusted enough that I am responsible enough to properly drink of the alcohol that I purchase, then I should be able to think my own thoughts and do what I want to do. Point blank. Now, it's not like there is any specific reason that I came to this conclusion... it's a mixture of several thoughts running through my head... I went to the eye doctor today for contacts, and they asked me ALL the questions... I'm used to my mom or dad fielding the questions... but because of privacy rights and me not being a minor they have to ask me EVERYTHING and not assume ANYTHING... they asked stuff like, "are you married? do you smoke? do you drink?" I was like, geez, these are questions you ask a grown person--duh... and then it hit me... oh yeah, I am grown... now...

And on top of that, I really think that my mom is trying to brainwash me... We had a discussion today about gay people... and she is of the strong opinion that it is a lifestyle that is chosen... I am of the STRONG opinon that it is no one's choice, but that when they exited the womb, they came out that way... and it's no one's fault, and that is not a bad thing. Art, "big mama's" boyfriend and I had a talk about it last night... and I truly agree with him... God made the person that way. I don't think that it is even too absurd to think that... My view is just a very liberal one... I equate it to the view of abolitionists back during the slave days... my philosophy sounds completely wrong, but who is TRULY to say that I am wrong... or right for that matter. Point blank, I believe that there is nothing wrong with being gay. And I am COMPLETELY going out on a limb right now because I know that this is not the general consensus... but hey... it's my life and I'll think what I want.