i can't do it

As each day goes by, I get more and more opposed to moving back home. It is like a cancer that eats away at my mind. Each day that I think about it, I start hating the idea even more... I begin to see more and more terrible things coming from staying at that house. I mean, it just doesn't seem to make sense. It just seems like the most worst thing that I could ever do EVER. I think that it is going to be death to SO many things about me.

I have become a person within these past 4 years of being in college. That person is NOT the person that lived in my house 4 years ago. So many things about me have changed... the most obvious one, my education and my age. Obviously, after attending school and living on my own for 4 years, I have proven that I can to things on my own.

Then again, however, there are certain things that I can't do... not because I CAN'T do them, but just because the iron fist of my parents has hindered me from doing it. I don't know the first thing about a credit card. Nor do I know anything about a checking account. Money has never really been something that I have had full control over. Strange though, seeing how I do have a job and most certainly will be making bank in less than 3 months. Things like this make me not want to move home... along with the fact that I am going to have to answer to my parents. I am going to have to do work around the house. I am going to have to so what they want when they want it. I am going to have to come in at a decent hour. These are things I really haven't had to do in 4 years. On top of that, my parents are really strict. And it seems as if I raise an eyebrow the wrong way and I'm in trouble.

Why would a 22 year old with a job want to come home to that everyday. I am completely capable of living on my own. I could see if these past 4 years I have botched everything up. If I failed school, got arrested, fathered a child, killed somone, got addicted to drugs. Any one of those would have been a red flag for, "He needs to be under our supervision more." But, I graduated with a good GPA, have a clean record, have no children, have never committed homicide, and I could pass a drug test with flying colors. I think I did pretty well.

On top of that, I have a job... it's not like I'm gonna have to look for one. Having a job and living with my parents? I just can't fathom it. On top of that, my job is at a school... it's gonna be like coming home from school and my mom asking me "How was school?" I am NOT in school anymore. I am 22 years old. I have a degree, a job, a good head on my shoulders, and the intelligence and ability to live my life without any further parental guidance.

I can't do it. I just can't. I honestly cannot do it. It will be the death of me.