the reason

Hoobastank had a song that came out about this time last year. It was called The Reason. It was all about "I found a reason to live... and the reason is you..." yadda yadda yadda.

I have no reason like that. I mean, I don't have a single person who is "a reason to start over new" and all that stuff. But, as I was talking to Katherine tonight, and as I was preparing to get dressed earlier today, I have realized that there is truly a reason for everything.

You ever wonder why for some strange reason, your attention was drawn to a little girl playing with a doll in a park? It's random, and you really could care less about the girl or her doll, but for some reason, it catches your attention and you are sucked in for just a minute? So often that happens to me... where I'm like, "There is obviously a reason for why this is happening or why I am being exposed to this." Usually, it's when I notice something random that I realize this. Never is it really anything substantial that I'm like, "Hey, there's a reason for this." However, Katherine brought this to my attention.

Earlier today, I came into my room after going to the bathroon to start the shower. My door was open and I was getting my things together to take them into the bathroom, when one of the cleaning ladies stopped in my doorway and just randomly started talking about computer games. I swear it was random REAL HARD. Never had I ever seen nor spoken to this woman... and she didn't introduce herself or anything. Like, the first thing she said was,"Do you know of any websites where I can find good computer games?" I don't play computer games, nor do I know much about computers, but she was nice and I was cordial and told her the little that I knew. We talked for about 5 minutes and then she went on her way. When she left, I stood there and thought, "There has got to be some crazy messed up reason that she just randomly stopped me to talk about computer games." And it's a little weird, just 'cause it makes me feel like something is going to happen... either regarding her, or my computer, or games of some sort. I'm no prophet or anything, but it was just SO random... almost like she wasn't really real and she was just some sort of messenger sent to covertly warn me or share information with me... I dunno. It was just so weird.

Yet and still, even with that random incident, I feel that I can't figure out why other things serve only as "a reason." Like Katherine says, maybe they are to show that bigger and better things are in the future. Who knows? That's so hard to believe. Things happen so randomly and so sporadically that it's hard to be patient and expect bigger and better things to happen. Sometimes, you just feel like you need an absolution. You are sick of just plain old reasons and you want a real, solid, firm, everlasting reason...

..."a reason to live."