-Kelis
I do. I hate you. There is no other word for it. Even though I was taught that you aren't supposed to hate anyone, I hate you. For your pride and arrogance... the way you stroll around pissing people off with everything you do. Even when one would think that you are helping people or being of service, you are still being rude... it's written all over your face. You get off on being such a douchebag too... you never show any remorse. You just move on to the next person and piss them off as well.
And you know what? For being as arrogant and and prideful as you are, you aren't extremely talented or anything. Anyone can do the BS that you do. It's not like it takes a lot of effort to just go around and piss people off. You obviously don't need a college degree for that. You probably don't even need a high school diploma for that.
How's that make you feel? Worthless? I wish it did, but honestly, around here you are pretty invaluable. Somehow, the crap that you do day in and day out is beneficial to someone. I inquired about it once and wasn't really sold on how the disgusting fruits of your labor do anyone any good. So, for all I care, you are worthless. You are nothing more than a lazy sack of unintelligent crap that does nothing but pridefully float around causing anguish and distress while the rest of us around here try to do something with our lives.
I hate you, you damn Parking Nazi you...
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
ENSA
This is where I will be teaching next year... room 249, to be exact... I went and saw my room and got my teacher's editions today.
This is East North Street Academy of Mathematics and Science...
This is my school...
...I know you're jealous.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
remixes
It's time to be a little intellectual...
You ever think about remixes? You know, like when you hear them on the radio, or if you are in a dance club and one comes on? They are so much more interesting than the original song. That doesn't necessarily mean that they are better or worse... for me however, I think they are better.
Forget the fact that I like to dance and that a remix contains elements that enhance the song's "dancitude," but just think about how it effects you as a listener...
For example, today, I was downtown with Katy at Blackdog and had NO intention of buying anything (now that I am making money, I REALLY don't like spending it, plus I just bought some new flip flops yesterday--with the new debit card!), but I saw a really cheap The Postal Service CD. The Postal Service as in the ones who do Such Great Heights. I actually saw that single for sale, but as much as I like it, it reminds me a lot of something I don't particularly want to be reminded about, plus I have recently started appreciating another one of their songs, The District Sleeps Alone. So, I bought that single... It contains the original, a remix, a remix of Such Great Heights, and another song, Suddenly Everything Has Changed.
I popped it in when I got back to the dorm and I was just kinda lost in the beats of the remix. I didn't even have the urge to dance... It's weird. Like seriously, a remix can completely change the mood of a song. Well, I have no clue what The District Sleeps Alone is supposed to be about, but I tried to take a crack at it (like I did with Such Great Heights) and I couldn't. I honestly got lost in the music.
I am one of those people who listens to songs and appreciates them for the meaning of their lyrics... a song doesn't necessarily have to be pleasing to the ear for me to like it... if they lyrics are good, then the song is worth me listening to it. However, this music... it just makes me want to forget about the words and dwell on the sounds filling the air... AND WHAT A SMORGASBOARD OF SOUNDS (omg, that was so lame)! There's the bass (gotta love the bass... I'm a tuba player), the random high pitched sounds in the back ground, the voice of the person singing, and all that other electronic sounding stuff that alone is so ridiculous, but when you put it together, it's so complex and intricate... everything fits together so well.
So, this remix phenomena is SO great that it allowed me to stomach the remix of Such Great Heights. I really don't enjoy it as much as I used to... so unfortunate. As I said above, it really changes the mood of a song. Instead of me picturing myself waving from such great heights with a particular someone, I just picture myself giving the bird from such great heights... no, I'm just kidding. But I really don't think of that anymore. I kind of see it as a "this is what perfection is like" type thing instead of "this is what is GOING to be" type thing.
And like I said, besides this change of mood, there's just a whole plethora of sounds that come together to create an intense listening experience. Honestly, it makes me think of the Strongbad e-mail where he is talking about techno. Only, this entry was not supposed to be about techno... it's just ironc that a lot of remixes end up being techno.
Seriously though... a remix... think about it... How about doing a remix of your life? Adding a little extra umph and a few obligatory surprises here and there? Things get so boring and monotonous sometimes... a remix is needed to liven things up... and not only will it make life a little more enjoyable, but like I lose significance of lyrics, maybe as a person, you would lose the significance of those small things in life that bother you so. Seriously. A remix. What a novel idea. And like I said... it doesn't have to be "techno" per say... you don't have to go crazy and do off the wall stuff... just things that aren't necessarily normal.
It really makes sense if you think about it. Then again, I am a weirdo... and people who listen to the likes of remixes are crazy-go-nuts party types who probably need to calm down a little instead of wile out and do something remix-like.
Yeah... so that's it... try a remix, if you're lame, and if you are a spazz like me, simmer a little.
...remixes are great to listen to while you simmer, by the way...
You ever think about remixes? You know, like when you hear them on the radio, or if you are in a dance club and one comes on? They are so much more interesting than the original song. That doesn't necessarily mean that they are better or worse... for me however, I think they are better.
Forget the fact that I like to dance and that a remix contains elements that enhance the song's "dancitude," but just think about how it effects you as a listener...
For example, today, I was downtown with Katy at Blackdog and had NO intention of buying anything (now that I am making money, I REALLY don't like spending it, plus I just bought some new flip flops yesterday--with the new debit card!), but I saw a really cheap The Postal Service CD. The Postal Service as in the ones who do Such Great Heights. I actually saw that single for sale, but as much as I like it, it reminds me a lot of something I don't particularly want to be reminded about, plus I have recently started appreciating another one of their songs, The District Sleeps Alone. So, I bought that single... It contains the original, a remix, a remix of Such Great Heights, and another song, Suddenly Everything Has Changed.
I popped it in when I got back to the dorm and I was just kinda lost in the beats of the remix. I didn't even have the urge to dance... It's weird. Like seriously, a remix can completely change the mood of a song. Well, I have no clue what The District Sleeps Alone is supposed to be about, but I tried to take a crack at it (like I did with Such Great Heights) and I couldn't. I honestly got lost in the music.
I am one of those people who listens to songs and appreciates them for the meaning of their lyrics... a song doesn't necessarily have to be pleasing to the ear for me to like it... if they lyrics are good, then the song is worth me listening to it. However, this music... it just makes me want to forget about the words and dwell on the sounds filling the air... AND WHAT A SMORGASBOARD OF SOUNDS (omg, that was so lame)! There's the bass (gotta love the bass... I'm a tuba player), the random high pitched sounds in the back ground, the voice of the person singing, and all that other electronic sounding stuff that alone is so ridiculous, but when you put it together, it's so complex and intricate... everything fits together so well.
So, this remix phenomena is SO great that it allowed me to stomach the remix of Such Great Heights. I really don't enjoy it as much as I used to... so unfortunate. As I said above, it really changes the mood of a song. Instead of me picturing myself waving from such great heights with a particular someone, I just picture myself giving the bird from such great heights... no, I'm just kidding. But I really don't think of that anymore. I kind of see it as a "this is what perfection is like" type thing instead of "this is what is GOING to be" type thing.
And like I said, besides this change of mood, there's just a whole plethora of sounds that come together to create an intense listening experience. Honestly, it makes me think of the Strongbad e-mail where he is talking about techno. Only, this entry was not supposed to be about techno... it's just ironc that a lot of remixes end up being techno.
Seriously though... a remix... think about it... How about doing a remix of your life? Adding a little extra umph and a few obligatory surprises here and there? Things get so boring and monotonous sometimes... a remix is needed to liven things up... and not only will it make life a little more enjoyable, but like I lose significance of lyrics, maybe as a person, you would lose the significance of those small things in life that bother you so. Seriously. A remix. What a novel idea. And like I said... it doesn't have to be "techno" per say... you don't have to go crazy and do off the wall stuff... just things that aren't necessarily normal.
It really makes sense if you think about it. Then again, I am a weirdo... and people who listen to the likes of remixes are crazy-go-nuts party types who probably need to calm down a little instead of wile out and do something remix-like.
Yeah... so that's it... try a remix, if you're lame, and if you are a spazz like me, simmer a little.
...remixes are great to listen to while you simmer, by the way...
Monday, June 27, 2005
gone bad
It normally takes 2 days for a group of campers to go bad. This week... this week of about 115 campers, it only took 24 hours.
I was going to write about how excited I was to find out that 3 kids that I was a counselor for in years past are here this week. Eeshuar and Daniel were at Y camp with me the summer of 2001. Then Manny was at 4H camp two years in a row when I was there. I was excited to see them... by them remembering me, it showed me that I played a memorable part in their life, and the fact that they are at THIS particular camp shows me that they are achieving in school and are doing well.
Well, that's how I felt yesterday. Today, I'm ready to go tranquicidal on some of these kids. In only 24 hours, I have gone from heralding the arrival of my 21 bundles of joy to loathing the fact that there are 21 stank, rank, rude, crude, and socially unacceptable fitches on my hall. Now don't get me wrong... not all 21 are annoying. But collectively, they make me want to throw babies up against brick walls.
It's all good though, because next week is our week off. I have never been more excited to go home. I'm gonna have the house to myself... just me and my brother. Now that he is about to be 17, he's actually pretty decent to be around. Unfortunately, he is gonna really be in the dumps because his girlfriend is in Inda for the next few weeks. If he decides to be lame, I'll just finish cleaning out my room to make way for my sleigh bed and my epic return home at the end of July. I really can't believe I am about to do it, but you know, I'm convinced things will work out well.
That's about it... I didn't have anything of too much importance to write about. There are SOME things that I am not writing about anymore... They don't have time for me, so I don't have time for them.
::raspberry::
I was going to write about how excited I was to find out that 3 kids that I was a counselor for in years past are here this week. Eeshuar and Daniel were at Y camp with me the summer of 2001. Then Manny was at 4H camp two years in a row when I was there. I was excited to see them... by them remembering me, it showed me that I played a memorable part in their life, and the fact that they are at THIS particular camp shows me that they are achieving in school and are doing well.
Well, that's how I felt yesterday. Today, I'm ready to go tranquicidal on some of these kids. In only 24 hours, I have gone from heralding the arrival of my 21 bundles of joy to loathing the fact that there are 21 stank, rank, rude, crude, and socially unacceptable fitches on my hall. Now don't get me wrong... not all 21 are annoying. But collectively, they make me want to throw babies up against brick walls.
It's all good though, because next week is our week off. I have never been more excited to go home. I'm gonna have the house to myself... just me and my brother. Now that he is about to be 17, he's actually pretty decent to be around. Unfortunately, he is gonna really be in the dumps because his girlfriend is in Inda for the next few weeks. If he decides to be lame, I'll just finish cleaning out my room to make way for my sleigh bed and my epic return home at the end of July. I really can't believe I am about to do it, but you know, I'm convinced things will work out well.
That's about it... I didn't have anything of too much importance to write about. There are SOME things that I am not writing about anymore... They don't have time for me, so I don't have time for them.
::raspberry::
Thursday, June 23, 2005
victims
Kim and I are victims... victims of individuals who don't return the feelings that we so freely and willingly give to them. We're good people... we are looking for someone to appreciate and care for... and we are really willing to love... but, we are victims... to those people who can get just about anyone, and say jut about anything with no regard to another person's true feelings. "I like you" to them is just an everyday occurrence. To a victim, it's like manna from heaven... it doesn't come often, but when it does, it is such a heralded event.
It was so good to talk to Kim tonight... I ABSOLUTELY HATE the fact that Kim shares some of the same feelings I have. She is such an incredible person... just as sweet and intelligent as she is beautiful. It is just scary how the two of us see eye to eye about these people who just treat us like shit.
No one would EVER be treated like that by me. I would honestly NEVER make anyone a victim. I promise from this very day, that I will never do such a thing... I mean, come on... it's quite clear to see that I would never do that, just from the things that I say in here...
...besides, doesn't really look like there's anyone interested in me who I could potentially make a victim.
It was so good to talk to Kim tonight... I ABSOLUTELY HATE the fact that Kim shares some of the same feelings I have. She is such an incredible person... just as sweet and intelligent as she is beautiful. It is just scary how the two of us see eye to eye about these people who just treat us like shit.
No one would EVER be treated like that by me. I would honestly NEVER make anyone a victim. I promise from this very day, that I will never do such a thing... I mean, come on... it's quite clear to see that I would never do that, just from the things that I say in here...
...besides, doesn't really look like there's anyone interested in me who I could potentially make a victim.
*22*
This post is dedicated to Missy and Hoke on their 22 month anniversary: Make sure that you continue to cherish and love one another... there are so many people searching for love, so be thankful for what you have. Here's to many more months!
Nothing really to report on my own love life... Believe it or not, there is so much other stuff going on that I don't have time to think about it too much. Now, I did call K the other day... so that has reared it's ugly head again... but it was my own fault... I'm not expecting anything, just basically trying to accept things as they are... you know. Anything else that comes from any further correspondence is no one's fault but my own... I understand that.
On top of things being my responsibility, I got a checking account the other day. Before you go saying, "Big f-ing deal," it IS a big deal for me. See, my parents have sheltered me from economic freedom for so long, that now that I am about to be 22 and have my own income, I am just NOW getting all this stuff. I had a savings account, but I was that loser guy who always carried around cash and an ATM card that could ONLY be used at the ATM. Not anymore, heezas! I got me a checkbook... and because I am a South Carolina teacher, I got my first book of checks for free! w00t for benefits!
Anyway, even though 22 is the title of this entry... 30, 115, and 50 are other numbers of significance as of late. There are only 30 campers here this week... it's heaven. I have 2 on my hall. Next week... 115. I will have 20 campers on my hall ALONE. On the entire 2nd floor there will be 40... more than how many we have TOTAL this week. UGH. As for the 50, if Jenee and I can get 50 hits in a day for our SuburbanDictionary, we are going to get t-shirts. I'm so excited.
Anyway, I suppose that is all. This has been fun. I'm going to go be bored since there are hardly any campers running around...
Nothing really to report on my own love life... Believe it or not, there is so much other stuff going on that I don't have time to think about it too much. Now, I did call K the other day... so that has reared it's ugly head again... but it was my own fault... I'm not expecting anything, just basically trying to accept things as they are... you know. Anything else that comes from any further correspondence is no one's fault but my own... I understand that.
On top of things being my responsibility, I got a checking account the other day. Before you go saying, "Big f-ing deal," it IS a big deal for me. See, my parents have sheltered me from economic freedom for so long, that now that I am about to be 22 and have my own income, I am just NOW getting all this stuff. I had a savings account, but I was that loser guy who always carried around cash and an ATM card that could ONLY be used at the ATM. Not anymore, heezas! I got me a checkbook... and because I am a South Carolina teacher, I got my first book of checks for free! w00t for benefits!
Anyway, even though 22 is the title of this entry... 30, 115, and 50 are other numbers of significance as of late. There are only 30 campers here this week... it's heaven. I have 2 on my hall. Next week... 115. I will have 20 campers on my hall ALONE. On the entire 2nd floor there will be 40... more than how many we have TOTAL this week. UGH. As for the 50, if Jenee and I can get 50 hits in a day for our SuburbanDictionary, we are going to get t-shirts. I'm so excited.
Anyway, I suppose that is all. This has been fun. I'm going to go be bored since there are hardly any campers running around...
Sunday, June 19, 2005
the true king congruence
The True You |
| You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to do more for you. |
| With respect to money, you are a bit stingy. |
| You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities. |
| The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort. |
| You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked. |
| When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you will search and search until you find your perfect match. |
still th'u
Um, so I'm happier than I was last night. I think the main reason I was upset was because it was the one night I had free... and there was NOTHING to do. Boo.
Don't get me wrong though... I'm still very th'u with several people. However, one of which is not my dad. I have been playing phone tag trying to get him all day. It has sucked not being able to see him on Father's Day... and what's even worse is that he flew out to Houston today. Luckily, I just got off the phone with him... That phone call solidified a lot of things for me. First of all... I will not be going on vacation with the fam the week of July 4th. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm trying to avoid my family, it's just that is the week that Kate is supposed to beat the snot out of the other heezas in the Miss South Carolina pageant. So w00t for that. On top of that, my parents will be gone until Thursday, leaving the house solely to me... again I say... w00t. Finally, one of the rooms in that house, is currently going through major renovation... Yes folks, my bedroom is being transformed from the middle school black and white Looney Toons hot mess that it is, to a more professional looking adult's quarters...
I'm moving home.
I mean, even if I don't stay for long, I am at least moving home for as long as I can take it. My dad bought me a bedroom suit (WITH A QUEEN SIZED SLEIGH BED)! I didn't even ask him for it... I really wanted a rice bed, but sleigh beds are nice too... AND IT'S A QUEEN! w00t! He told me that the week I am home for the 4th, I need to gut out the room and prepare it for paint. I was thinking dark blue, but my brother's room is blue and they don't want two blue rooms, so now I'm thinking charcoal... I want something dark and grown up. Yes... charcoal or slate sounds good.
So yes, things are looking up as of right now... despite the fact that there are people I'm looking down at on my shit list.
I haven't talked about K in a long time... I guess it's kinda because we haven't been talking much as of late. I'm not about to start discussing K right now either... I'm not going to talk about K anymore. I'm just not.
In fact, I'm not going to talk about any potential love interests in here anymore... like until I'm married at least. I fall too hard. It's not good. I'm a hopeless romantic and I take any little bit of attention and blow it out of proportion. If you take a look back at all the former love interests, how many ever blossomed into anything? Zilch. So, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm th'u with that as well.
...and once again, this is me giving a lot of people the finger (definitely not my dad or the lovely Miss City of Clemson 2005, Kate Moon).
Don't get me wrong though... I'm still very th'u with several people. However, one of which is not my dad. I have been playing phone tag trying to get him all day. It has sucked not being able to see him on Father's Day... and what's even worse is that he flew out to Houston today. Luckily, I just got off the phone with him... That phone call solidified a lot of things for me. First of all... I will not be going on vacation with the fam the week of July 4th. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm trying to avoid my family, it's just that is the week that Kate is supposed to beat the snot out of the other heezas in the Miss South Carolina pageant. So w00t for that. On top of that, my parents will be gone until Thursday, leaving the house solely to me... again I say... w00t. Finally, one of the rooms in that house, is currently going through major renovation... Yes folks, my bedroom is being transformed from the middle school black and white Looney Toons hot mess that it is, to a more professional looking adult's quarters...
I'm moving home.
I mean, even if I don't stay for long, I am at least moving home for as long as I can take it. My dad bought me a bedroom suit (WITH A QUEEN SIZED SLEIGH BED)! I didn't even ask him for it... I really wanted a rice bed, but sleigh beds are nice too... AND IT'S A QUEEN! w00t! He told me that the week I am home for the 4th, I need to gut out the room and prepare it for paint. I was thinking dark blue, but my brother's room is blue and they don't want two blue rooms, so now I'm thinking charcoal... I want something dark and grown up. Yes... charcoal or slate sounds good.
So yes, things are looking up as of right now... despite the fact that there are people I'm looking down at on my shit list.
I haven't talked about K in a long time... I guess it's kinda because we haven't been talking much as of late. I'm not about to start discussing K right now either... I'm not going to talk about K anymore. I'm just not.
In fact, I'm not going to talk about any potential love interests in here anymore... like until I'm married at least. I fall too hard. It's not good. I'm a hopeless romantic and I take any little bit of attention and blow it out of proportion. If you take a look back at all the former love interests, how many ever blossomed into anything? Zilch. So, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm th'u with that as well.
...and once again, this is me giving a lot of people the finger (definitely not my dad or the lovely Miss City of Clemson 2005, Kate Moon).
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
my stomach hurts
Ugh. This is becoming a fairly normal occurence. I don't know what it is... whether it was the hot wings I had for dinner, or the germs being spread around from the children.
There is a possibility that it was because I was laughing SO incredibly hard tonight. I mean, I cannot truly convey to you the hilariousness of this evening's events. Just thinking about it right now is making me laugh. Sadly, I think that even with my great talent of storytelling, I won't do it justice. I'll try anyway.
So we went to Fike tonight so the kids could swim. I sat up top with Missy and some of the other campers... more specifically, Elizabeth, Dominique, and Krystal. We watched and made comments as people jumped into the water from the diving boards. We also cringed when people did less than safe looking dives. Well, after we had been sitting there for a good little while, another girl named Elizabeth proceeded to crest the high board closest to where we were sitting. She had been swimming, but I think only in the lanes. I think all of us were a little taken aback, just because most of the divers/jumpers had been doing it the whole time, and to see this random girl come from the shallow water over to the deep end to do a dive so late seemed a little fishy. Also, it just didn't seem like something that she would do. Well, she walked out on the board and did some sort of gesture with her index finger and her face. We all sat there confused and watched in awe at what was going to happen...
And then, she began her decent, only it was the most awkward and absurd looking FALL I have ever seen attempted on a diving board. She looked as if she was attempting to do some sort of flip, but then decided to go straight, but it was too late. It ended up looking as if she was doing a cartwheel in the air, but she landed DIRECTLY on her side. I mean, it looked as if she was like a little rag doll (or dummy like Dominique said). She fell lifelessly into the water, but the way the dive finished was SO INCREDIBLY FUNNY! I mean, it was seriously like she just hit the water in the most ridiculous pose. I SO WISH I had a video to show you readers because it had Elizabeth, Dominique, Krystal and I in TEARS. It was SO FUNNY.
Well, that wasn't it. After she emerged from the water (met by the lifeguard who was checking her vitals), she climbed up to the top of the thing again! This time, she walked to the tip of the board and TURNED AROUND... the girl was BACKWARDS. At the sight of this, all of us began laughing hysterically. Needless to say, this backwards dive was less than successful. She fell into the water (notice I said, FELL, not dived) face and chest first... it was like a face flop. I mean, there was a smack--and it was her face and chest hitting the water, followed by her flailing arms and legs. Once again, we proceeded to double over in laughter and pain. Tears were screaming down my face, my stomach muscles tightened, and I began to ROLL on my side. The girls around me hobbled over in laughter as well. Elizabeth fell over onto her side, Dominique covered her face and clenched my arm in unbelief, and Krystal sprawled out on the bench in front of us shrieking in pain.
And I'm not going to say much more about it, just because I TRULY cannot convey to you how incredibly funny this was. AND IT SUCKS, 'cause it was SO funny. GAWD... I cannot explain to you how funny it was. It was honestly one of the funnier moments of my life.
Okay... reliving that has made my stomach feel better. GOD, IT WAS SO FUNNY!!!
There is a possibility that it was because I was laughing SO incredibly hard tonight. I mean, I cannot truly convey to you the hilariousness of this evening's events. Just thinking about it right now is making me laugh. Sadly, I think that even with my great talent of storytelling, I won't do it justice. I'll try anyway.
So we went to Fike tonight so the kids could swim. I sat up top with Missy and some of the other campers... more specifically, Elizabeth, Dominique, and Krystal. We watched and made comments as people jumped into the water from the diving boards. We also cringed when people did less than safe looking dives. Well, after we had been sitting there for a good little while, another girl named Elizabeth proceeded to crest the high board closest to where we were sitting. She had been swimming, but I think only in the lanes. I think all of us were a little taken aback, just because most of the divers/jumpers had been doing it the whole time, and to see this random girl come from the shallow water over to the deep end to do a dive so late seemed a little fishy. Also, it just didn't seem like something that she would do. Well, she walked out on the board and did some sort of gesture with her index finger and her face. We all sat there confused and watched in awe at what was going to happen...
And then, she began her decent, only it was the most awkward and absurd looking FALL I have ever seen attempted on a diving board. She looked as if she was attempting to do some sort of flip, but then decided to go straight, but it was too late. It ended up looking as if she was doing a cartwheel in the air, but she landed DIRECTLY on her side. I mean, it looked as if she was like a little rag doll (or dummy like Dominique said). She fell lifelessly into the water, but the way the dive finished was SO INCREDIBLY FUNNY! I mean, it was seriously like she just hit the water in the most ridiculous pose. I SO WISH I had a video to show you readers because it had Elizabeth, Dominique, Krystal and I in TEARS. It was SO FUNNY.
Well, that wasn't it. After she emerged from the water (met by the lifeguard who was checking her vitals), she climbed up to the top of the thing again! This time, she walked to the tip of the board and TURNED AROUND... the girl was BACKWARDS. At the sight of this, all of us began laughing hysterically. Needless to say, this backwards dive was less than successful. She fell into the water (notice I said, FELL, not dived) face and chest first... it was like a face flop. I mean, there was a smack--and it was her face and chest hitting the water, followed by her flailing arms and legs. Once again, we proceeded to double over in laughter and pain. Tears were screaming down my face, my stomach muscles tightened, and I began to ROLL on my side. The girls around me hobbled over in laughter as well. Elizabeth fell over onto her side, Dominique covered her face and clenched my arm in unbelief, and Krystal sprawled out on the bench in front of us shrieking in pain.
And I'm not going to say much more about it, just because I TRULY cannot convey to you how incredibly funny this was. AND IT SUCKS, 'cause it was SO funny. GAWD... I cannot explain to you how funny it was. It was honestly one of the funnier moments of my life.
Okay... reliving that has made my stomach feel better. GOD, IT WAS SO FUNNY!!!
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
i can't do it
As each day goes by, I get more and more opposed to moving back home. It is like a cancer that eats away at my mind. Each day that I think about it, I start hating the idea even more... I begin to see more and more terrible things coming from staying at that house. I mean, it just doesn't seem to make sense. It just seems like the most worst thing that I could ever do EVER. I think that it is going to be death to SO many things about me.
I have become a person within these past 4 years of being in college. That person is NOT the person that lived in my house 4 years ago. So many things about me have changed... the most obvious one, my education and my age. Obviously, after attending school and living on my own for 4 years, I have proven that I can to things on my own.
Then again, however, there are certain things that I can't do... not because I CAN'T do them, but just because the iron fist of my parents has hindered me from doing it. I don't know the first thing about a credit card. Nor do I know anything about a checking account. Money has never really been something that I have had full control over. Strange though, seeing how I do have a job and most certainly will be making bank in less than 3 months. Things like this make me not want to move home... along with the fact that I am going to have to answer to my parents. I am going to have to do work around the house. I am going to have to so what they want when they want it. I am going to have to come in at a decent hour. These are things I really haven't had to do in 4 years. On top of that, my parents are really strict. And it seems as if I raise an eyebrow the wrong way and I'm in trouble.
Why would a 22 year old with a job want to come home to that everyday. I am completely capable of living on my own. I could see if these past 4 years I have botched everything up. If I failed school, got arrested, fathered a child, killed somone, got addicted to drugs. Any one of those would have been a red flag for, "He needs to be under our supervision more." But, I graduated with a good GPA, have a clean record, have no children, have never committed homicide, and I could pass a drug test with flying colors. I think I did pretty well.
On top of that, I have a job... it's not like I'm gonna have to look for one. Having a job and living with my parents? I just can't fathom it. On top of that, my job is at a school... it's gonna be like coming home from school and my mom asking me "How was school?" I am NOT in school anymore. I am 22 years old. I have a degree, a job, a good head on my shoulders, and the intelligence and ability to live my life without any further parental guidance.
I can't do it. I just can't. I honestly cannot do it. It will be the death of me.
I have become a person within these past 4 years of being in college. That person is NOT the person that lived in my house 4 years ago. So many things about me have changed... the most obvious one, my education and my age. Obviously, after attending school and living on my own for 4 years, I have proven that I can to things on my own.
Then again, however, there are certain things that I can't do... not because I CAN'T do them, but just because the iron fist of my parents has hindered me from doing it. I don't know the first thing about a credit card. Nor do I know anything about a checking account. Money has never really been something that I have had full control over. Strange though, seeing how I do have a job and most certainly will be making bank in less than 3 months. Things like this make me not want to move home... along with the fact that I am going to have to answer to my parents. I am going to have to do work around the house. I am going to have to so what they want when they want it. I am going to have to come in at a decent hour. These are things I really haven't had to do in 4 years. On top of that, my parents are really strict. And it seems as if I raise an eyebrow the wrong way and I'm in trouble.
Why would a 22 year old with a job want to come home to that everyday. I am completely capable of living on my own. I could see if these past 4 years I have botched everything up. If I failed school, got arrested, fathered a child, killed somone, got addicted to drugs. Any one of those would have been a red flag for, "He needs to be under our supervision more." But, I graduated with a good GPA, have a clean record, have no children, have never committed homicide, and I could pass a drug test with flying colors. I think I did pretty well.
On top of that, I have a job... it's not like I'm gonna have to look for one. Having a job and living with my parents? I just can't fathom it. On top of that, my job is at a school... it's gonna be like coming home from school and my mom asking me "How was school?" I am NOT in school anymore. I am 22 years old. I have a degree, a job, a good head on my shoulders, and the intelligence and ability to live my life without any further parental guidance.
I can't do it. I just can't. I honestly cannot do it. It will be the death of me.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
let's be a little negative
Just for kicks, huh? What do you say? That's what I thought...
In 2 months... exactly 2 months, I will be 22. I will have just returned from my first day at work at East North Street Academy. I will be living at home. I will (more than likely) be single. I will have no fond memories of my last summer not working ('cause I'm here at camp). I will have no friends closeby.
It's going to suck. And there is NOTHING I can do about it. I gotta have a job... and it's going to be stressful. I've got to live somewhere... at least 'til I get some bank. Let's not even discuss the whole single issue. And as for camp, I just miss my freedom. It's 10 o'clock on a Saturday night and I'm sitting in my DORM room surrounded by high schoolers.
NOW, I can finally say that I am ready to leave Clemson. Maybe this job was good for me. 'Cause I thought I was going to have such a hard time letting go of Clemson... but no. I'm ready to live in a HOUSE... in a bigger city... with a majority of people who are mature. I'm ready for that.
So, I think I'm done WRITING about my negativity. Time to just sit and wallow in it.
In 2 months... exactly 2 months, I will be 22. I will have just returned from my first day at work at East North Street Academy. I will be living at home. I will (more than likely) be single. I will have no fond memories of my last summer not working ('cause I'm here at camp). I will have no friends closeby.
It's going to suck. And there is NOTHING I can do about it. I gotta have a job... and it's going to be stressful. I've got to live somewhere... at least 'til I get some bank. Let's not even discuss the whole single issue. And as for camp, I just miss my freedom. It's 10 o'clock on a Saturday night and I'm sitting in my DORM room surrounded by high schoolers.
NOW, I can finally say that I am ready to leave Clemson. Maybe this job was good for me. 'Cause I thought I was going to have such a hard time letting go of Clemson... but no. I'm ready to live in a HOUSE... in a bigger city... with a majority of people who are mature. I'm ready for that.
So, I think I'm done WRITING about my negativity. Time to just sit and wallow in it.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
the reason
Hoobastank had a song that came out about this time last year. It was called The Reason. It was all about "I found a reason to live... and the reason is you..." yadda yadda yadda.
I have no reason like that. I mean, I don't have a single person who is "a reason to start over new" and all that stuff. But, as I was talking to Katherine tonight, and as I was preparing to get dressed earlier today, I have realized that there is truly a reason for everything.
You ever wonder why for some strange reason, your attention was drawn to a little girl playing with a doll in a park? It's random, and you really could care less about the girl or her doll, but for some reason, it catches your attention and you are sucked in for just a minute? So often that happens to me... where I'm like, "There is obviously a reason for why this is happening or why I am being exposed to this." Usually, it's when I notice something random that I realize this. Never is it really anything substantial that I'm like, "Hey, there's a reason for this." However, Katherine brought this to my attention.
Earlier today, I came into my room after going to the bathroon to start the shower. My door was open and I was getting my things together to take them into the bathroom, when one of the cleaning ladies stopped in my doorway and just randomly started talking about computer games. I swear it was random REAL HARD. Never had I ever seen nor spoken to this woman... and she didn't introduce herself or anything. Like, the first thing she said was,"Do you know of any websites where I can find good computer games?" I don't play computer games, nor do I know much about computers, but she was nice and I was cordial and told her the little that I knew. We talked for about 5 minutes and then she went on her way. When she left, I stood there and thought, "There has got to be some crazy messed up reason that she just randomly stopped me to talk about computer games." And it's a little weird, just 'cause it makes me feel like something is going to happen... either regarding her, or my computer, or games of some sort. I'm no prophet or anything, but it was just SO random... almost like she wasn't really real and she was just some sort of messenger sent to covertly warn me or share information with me... I dunno. It was just so weird.
Yet and still, even with that random incident, I feel that I can't figure out why other things serve only as "a reason." Like Katherine says, maybe they are to show that bigger and better things are in the future. Who knows? That's so hard to believe. Things happen so randomly and so sporadically that it's hard to be patient and expect bigger and better things to happen. Sometimes, you just feel like you need an absolution. You are sick of just plain old reasons and you want a real, solid, firm, everlasting reason...
..."a reason to live."
I have no reason like that. I mean, I don't have a single person who is "a reason to start over new" and all that stuff. But, as I was talking to Katherine tonight, and as I was preparing to get dressed earlier today, I have realized that there is truly a reason for everything.
You ever wonder why for some strange reason, your attention was drawn to a little girl playing with a doll in a park? It's random, and you really could care less about the girl or her doll, but for some reason, it catches your attention and you are sucked in for just a minute? So often that happens to me... where I'm like, "There is obviously a reason for why this is happening or why I am being exposed to this." Usually, it's when I notice something random that I realize this. Never is it really anything substantial that I'm like, "Hey, there's a reason for this." However, Katherine brought this to my attention.
Earlier today, I came into my room after going to the bathroon to start the shower. My door was open and I was getting my things together to take them into the bathroom, when one of the cleaning ladies stopped in my doorway and just randomly started talking about computer games. I swear it was random REAL HARD. Never had I ever seen nor spoken to this woman... and she didn't introduce herself or anything. Like, the first thing she said was,"Do you know of any websites where I can find good computer games?" I don't play computer games, nor do I know much about computers, but she was nice and I was cordial and told her the little that I knew. We talked for about 5 minutes and then she went on her way. When she left, I stood there and thought, "There has got to be some crazy messed up reason that she just randomly stopped me to talk about computer games." And it's a little weird, just 'cause it makes me feel like something is going to happen... either regarding her, or my computer, or games of some sort. I'm no prophet or anything, but it was just SO random... almost like she wasn't really real and she was just some sort of messenger sent to covertly warn me or share information with me... I dunno. It was just so weird.
Yet and still, even with that random incident, I feel that I can't figure out why other things serve only as "a reason." Like Katherine says, maybe they are to show that bigger and better things are in the future. Who knows? That's so hard to believe. Things happen so randomly and so sporadically that it's hard to be patient and expect bigger and better things to happen. Sometimes, you just feel like you need an absolution. You are sick of just plain old reasons and you want a real, solid, firm, everlasting reason...
..."a reason to live."
i knew i wasn't a country bumpkin
Your Linguistic Profile: |
45% General American English |
30% Yankee |
25% Dixie |
0% Midwestern |
0% Upper Midwestern |
Monday, June 06, 2005
secret blog
So, I recently started ANOTHER blog. Yes. That makes... hell, I don't know, and I don't feel like counting how many I really have. But this blog is not open to the public. I recently discovered that my mind is so ridiculously complex and weird that if I wrote down every little thing that I was thinking or feeling in here, people would probably avoid me like the plague. I mean, I scared myself when I admitted to having thoughts of committing arson or murder in talking about moving home.
But, it's all good... think of it as self-prescribed, self-assisted psychiatric release. LOL. I'm good really, I am. It's just that a lot of thoughts that run through my head are just random as all get out. I guess they are those little dark thoughts and secrets that NO ONE ever knows about, you know? Everyone has some deep dark secret or fantasy or idea that just pops into their head every once in a while. I am just being real and getting it out.
Everyone needs to. I think everyone would be a little bit better if they just got stuff off their chests. It's kinda like not worrying. Instead of worrying about stuff... let it flow... let it out... be random and weird... scare yourself every once in a while... figuratively kill a small animal, you know? Just come out with it.
That's what I'm doing. Sorry you can't be a part of it. I know you're pissed.
But, it's all good... think of it as self-prescribed, self-assisted psychiatric release. LOL. I'm good really, I am. It's just that a lot of thoughts that run through my head are just random as all get out. I guess they are those little dark thoughts and secrets that NO ONE ever knows about, you know? Everyone has some deep dark secret or fantasy or idea that just pops into their head every once in a while. I am just being real and getting it out.
Everyone needs to. I think everyone would be a little bit better if they just got stuff off their chests. It's kinda like not worrying. Instead of worrying about stuff... let it flow... let it out... be random and weird... scare yourself every once in a while... figuratively kill a small animal, you know? Just come out with it.
That's what I'm doing. Sorry you can't be a part of it. I know you're pissed.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
something stupid
Lord...
It's been a whole two days since I wrote anything. Seems like I'm reverting back to life as a busy college student. That isn't the case though...
As the title of this entry states, I feel that if I write anything (more specifically, anything about what I'm thinking), it will be stupid.
No... I'm not really scared of what people will think if I were to write it in here, but I am just a little confused as to what it is I need to get off my chest and put down. It is something substantial... and if it is on my mind, it's blogworthy... but I cannot put it into words really.
It's been marinating in my head for a little bit now, and I can't find the combination of words to use that will convey all my feelings accurately.
MAYBE, my lack of something to say is in fact a blessing in disguise. Maybe I am just not worrying. Maybe that's what it is? Hmm... I dunno. Talking about all this makes me feel like I am worrying, so I'm gonna stop.
In other news, a camper down the hall just laughed. It wasn't Louie, Vincent, Kurt, Ryan-Deon-Chris, Louis, Jeremi, Clinton, Taylor, Travis, or Alex though. Dang... I didn't think I was going to miss them. They were good kids.
It's been a whole two days since I wrote anything. Seems like I'm reverting back to life as a busy college student. That isn't the case though...
As the title of this entry states, I feel that if I write anything (more specifically, anything about what I'm thinking), it will be stupid.
No... I'm not really scared of what people will think if I were to write it in here, but I am just a little confused as to what it is I need to get off my chest and put down. It is something substantial... and if it is on my mind, it's blogworthy... but I cannot put it into words really.
It's been marinating in my head for a little bit now, and I can't find the combination of words to use that will convey all my feelings accurately.
MAYBE, my lack of something to say is in fact a blessing in disguise. Maybe I am just not worrying. Maybe that's what it is? Hmm... I dunno. Talking about all this makes me feel like I am worrying, so I'm gonna stop.
In other news, a camper down the hall just laughed. It wasn't Louie, Vincent, Kurt, Ryan-Deon-Chris, Louis, Jeremi, Clinton, Taylor, Travis, or Alex though. Dang... I didn't think I was going to miss them. They were good kids.
Friday, June 03, 2005
not worrying
Well, it's finally Friday. The building has dinged for a whole week now... the children have been bad for a week now... it has RAINED for a week now. Ugh. Life is just a little bit boring right now.
NOT worrying seems to be adding to this lack of excitement around here too. I mean, yeah, it's great not to worry. I really feel like I am doing a good job. I'm just... really chill. I'm not worrying, and it's boring as all get out.
Last night, I almost started worrying about moving back home in August. This is what I have come to... It's going to suck SO incredibly bad. I mean, next year WILL be the most difficult year of my life. I'm going to be living at home with my parents after 4 years of freedom. I will have the challenges of a brand new job. I won't have any friends around... it's pretty much going to suck so bad. Don't be surprised if a suicide letter is posted in here within the next year... either that or the explanation of a homicide.
But, I then realized, if things start to suck, I'm peacing out. I don't care if I have to rent an apartment. If I am not happy with my living situation, I'm getting out. There is only so much that a grown man living in his parents' house can take. And what is it going to look like if and when I do meet people and I say, "Um, well, we can't go to my house... 'cause my parents are there." OOH... and if they try to give me a curfew, I might burn the house down.
I kinda feel like everyone is growing up... Kalani is moving to Florida, everyone and their dog is going to grad school, everyone else is getting married and starting their lives together AWAY from the parental ball and chain. Me? I'm going back home to Greenville to live with my parents and work for a man who I have known since I was 8. I might be Clemson's most tragic graduate this year.
Anyway, I'm not worrying... just devising plans for what to do when this ish happens.
If I don't like living at home, I'm moving out.
If my parents give me a curfew, I'm burning the house down.
If my life is just shit all around, I'm killing someone.
See? Simple.
As for this very present moment, I am listening to Ben Kweller's In Other Words. I just have it on my playlist 'cause Matt Sparrow sent it to me my freshman year. I like this line though...
Butterflies
Are passive agressive
And put their problems on the shelf
But they're so beautiful...
Ha. Let that simmer for a minute.
Okay, done.
I'm ready for these children to go home. Some of them have been thorns in my side. Others have been the silver lining among the dark clouds. As a whole, I have felt like I have been babysitting Satan's offspting. Last year's 1st 2 week group was SO awesome... so this group coming in on Sunday has a lot to live up to. Actually, I don't care if they are as cool as the 2 weekers last year. All I care is that they are better than the group that has been here this week... and I do believe that is an affirmative (at least it better be).
As for the big K???
NOT worrying seems to be adding to this lack of excitement around here too. I mean, yeah, it's great not to worry. I really feel like I am doing a good job. I'm just... really chill. I'm not worrying, and it's boring as all get out.
Last night, I almost started worrying about moving back home in August. This is what I have come to... It's going to suck SO incredibly bad. I mean, next year WILL be the most difficult year of my life. I'm going to be living at home with my parents after 4 years of freedom. I will have the challenges of a brand new job. I won't have any friends around... it's pretty much going to suck so bad. Don't be surprised if a suicide letter is posted in here within the next year... either that or the explanation of a homicide.
But, I then realized, if things start to suck, I'm peacing out. I don't care if I have to rent an apartment. If I am not happy with my living situation, I'm getting out. There is only so much that a grown man living in his parents' house can take. And what is it going to look like if and when I do meet people and I say, "Um, well, we can't go to my house... 'cause my parents are there." OOH... and if they try to give me a curfew, I might burn the house down.
I kinda feel like everyone is growing up... Kalani is moving to Florida, everyone and their dog is going to grad school, everyone else is getting married and starting their lives together AWAY from the parental ball and chain. Me? I'm going back home to Greenville to live with my parents and work for a man who I have known since I was 8. I might be Clemson's most tragic graduate this year.
Anyway, I'm not worrying... just devising plans for what to do when this ish happens.
If I don't like living at home, I'm moving out.
If my parents give me a curfew, I'm burning the house down.
If my life is just shit all around, I'm killing someone.
See? Simple.
As for this very present moment, I am listening to Ben Kweller's In Other Words. I just have it on my playlist 'cause Matt Sparrow sent it to me my freshman year. I like this line though...
Butterflies
Are passive agressive
And put their problems on the shelf
But they're so beautiful...
Ha. Let that simmer for a minute.
Okay, done.
I'm ready for these children to go home. Some of them have been thorns in my side. Others have been the silver lining among the dark clouds. As a whole, I have felt like I have been babysitting Satan's offspting. Last year's 1st 2 week group was SO awesome... so this group coming in on Sunday has a lot to live up to. Actually, I don't care if they are as cool as the 2 weekers last year. All I care is that they are better than the group that has been here this week... and I do believe that is an affirmative (at least it better be).
As for the big K???
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
ding!
The elevator in this building is wretched. I really don't like the fact that it dings so. Ugh.
Besides the fact that the elevator dings (there it goes again), it has been raining constantly for the past few days. Maybe some of the bad children will melt.
Speaking of the bad children, they really trip me out... how they can be Junior Scholars and make excellent scores on SATs and still talk back, disregard instructions, forget things CONSTANTLY, ask RIDICULOUS questions, and run around the building like they are on fire.
It's so funny... disturbing, but still funny.
I am really proud of my 10 campers though. It makes me feel good that they have seemed to take on a little bit of my personality. And I really do think that they get me. They know that I am gonna crank my music at 7 am every morning and bang on their door... so, I made it clear to them that if they go to sleep late, they are gonna have to suffer the consequences and still be up on time. This morning, I had campers waiting at their doors for me to come by and wake them up... they were prepared. It was a good start to the morning.
And the best part is, I don't have to yell at them to get them to do stuff. Ugh... ever since I started working with kids, I have subscribed to the thought that yelling at kids does nothing but pisses them off even more. They tune you out and disregard what you are saying 'cause they don't have a reason to respect you. They respect you more if you show respect to them.
I'm so glad to be doing this again... it's great practice for next year. At times I think classroom management is going to be the biggest problem with being a first year teacher. But I really think that I'll be able to handle them (look, this is me not worrying).
I most certainly won't have to LIVE with them...
...in this wretched dinging building.
Besides the fact that the elevator dings (there it goes again), it has been raining constantly for the past few days. Maybe some of the bad children will melt.
Speaking of the bad children, they really trip me out... how they can be Junior Scholars and make excellent scores on SATs and still talk back, disregard instructions, forget things CONSTANTLY, ask RIDICULOUS questions, and run around the building like they are on fire.
It's so funny... disturbing, but still funny.
I am really proud of my 10 campers though. It makes me feel good that they have seemed to take on a little bit of my personality. And I really do think that they get me. They know that I am gonna crank my music at 7 am every morning and bang on their door... so, I made it clear to them that if they go to sleep late, they are gonna have to suffer the consequences and still be up on time. This morning, I had campers waiting at their doors for me to come by and wake them up... they were prepared. It was a good start to the morning.
And the best part is, I don't have to yell at them to get them to do stuff. Ugh... ever since I started working with kids, I have subscribed to the thought that yelling at kids does nothing but pisses them off even more. They tune you out and disregard what you are saying 'cause they don't have a reason to respect you. They respect you more if you show respect to them.
I'm so glad to be doing this again... it's great practice for next year. At times I think classroom management is going to be the biggest problem with being a first year teacher. But I really think that I'll be able to handle them (look, this is me not worrying).
I most certainly won't have to LIVE with them...
...in this wretched dinging building.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
the most encouraging phrase is...
"Don't worry."
It was relayed to me by Bryce, Cory, and Kamikaze tonight. I DO worry too much. But like I told Kamikaze, I am going to try really hard not to.
It's so much easier said than done though...
It was relayed to me by Bryce, Cory, and Kamikaze tonight. I DO worry too much. But like I told Kamikaze, I am going to try really hard not to.
It's so much easier said than done though...
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