the act

So, my dear friends Mandy and Whipple are pretty much the ONLY people from high school that I didn't graduate with that I still keep in contact with when I am home from college. Whenever we go out, we always do stupid stuff that is pretty much completely out of character. We normally go downtown and act as if I am a drug pushing pimp and they are my hos, and once I played Mandy's pretend older sister's black boyfriend (which was unacceptable to her pretend parents), Dexter Wendelequan Washington III (my nickname was Dex and I was SUPER rich). So, whenever we go out we had a blast. However tonight, we pretended to be people we aren't for the longest time that we have ever attempted it.

First of all, I have to preface this great story with a little episode that happened on Main Street downtown. So, we were walkin' trying to find a bathroom for Mandy and Whip when these ghetto hoochie-fied girls go, "Hey, were you with my mama last night?" I was like, "Wait a minute, does she look like you?" The girl was like, "Yeah." And then I said, "Well no, 'cause you're ugly." HAHA! It was so funny. But then this banshee lookin' loud mouth hot comb needin' slut girl comes up to me and is like, "You ain't talkin' 'bout her mama, 'cause then you talkin' 'bout my mama!" And I was like, "So? Why don't you come back and find me when you get an education." It was so great. I HATE DUMB PE0PLE! GAH!

Anyway, so after downtown, we went to the Waffle House on Roper Mountain Road. We decided to talk in our foreign exchange accents... Mandy and Whip do great Scottish accents and I do a pretty good English accent. Well, we talked in these accents for about a full hour and a half. We ordered in them, argued in them, and best of all, carried on a LONG in depth conversation with the Waffle House employees in them. We told them that we were foreign exchange students studying at Furman and we acted like we had no clue how things worked or were done in America. Our waitress, Shannon, was VERY anti South Carolina. She said that South Carolina was a weird place and that people were rude and backbiting and that she couldn't trust anyone. Then the two cooks came and started talking to us to. They were like, "So where are you guys from?" Mandy and Whip claimed to be from Iverness, Scotland and I said I was from London, England. They bought it SO EASILY!!! They kept asking us questions like why we decided to come to South Carolina and whether we liked it or not and when we were returning. They even told us all about the 4th of July (which they said was just an excuse to get drunk and act crazy along with every other holiday). They also warned us of how to talk to people and adress certain issues and people and how NOT to get caught drinking under age (we told them how much we missed the lower drinking age in our "native countries"). I even told them about how my "cousin Ivan" lived down the street from Hugh Grant's summer home in Leeds. The workers got a kick out of Mandy talking about how here father was a champion sheep herder and me professing my loyalty to the queen of England and my theory that Prince Charles would die before the queen and never become the head of the country. Mandy then proceeded to talk about the sexuality of Prime Minister Tony Blair and I started bashing the integrity of former President Bill Clinton. Then we started talking about the current President Bush... I said some horrible things about the man, and one of the cooks warned me not to say certain things about the President because if the right people were around, all it would take were a few phone calls and I could be shipped away. I told him to bring it on and send me back to England!!! It was SOOOO funny.

I had such a great time tonight. Tonight, ironically, helped me appreciate the country I live in. I'm not an Englishman, but I am an American. At night when I go to sleep, I have to realize that this is the country I reside in, and as long as I am here, I have to deal with the issues of this land. But, tonight also really got me interested in traveling to another country. I talked to my mom and while she doesn't like the idea of me LIVING for GOOD all the way in Australia, she says that it would be interesting for me to study over there... Who knows, maybe England is in the future for me as well...

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN.

LOL.