in a fucking mood

No. I'm not in a FUCKING mood... not in the mood to FUCK. That is not even acceptable. Even if I was, I don't think I would write about it. I'm just lost and confused and tired and annoyed and lonely. There... THAT'S the mood I'm in. I'm drunk (more drunk that I was in that "Even In Intoxication" entry) and I just don't know what's going on. I am the biggest hopeless romantic in the world. You know what? I'm ready for this weird thing that is going on to be over. I want to know what is going to happen. I'm sick of waiting and wondering and being confused. I would rather nothing happen than sit here and wait for nothing to happen. I HATE IT.

I am so lost.

I just hate things. I hate lots of things... about me... about my predicament... about my life... about everything. I hope to God this is just the alcohol talking, but I honestly feel like this is everything just pouring out of me. I don't want to go to camp. I don't want to leave Clemson. I don't want to be left wandering. I don't want to grow up. I want to be loved. I want to have fun. I want to be liked. I want resolution. I FUCKING HATE so much about my life. I just... UGH. I just want someone to talk to... to tell me it will be okay. I just want someone to tell me everything I want to hear. I just want. And I hate it.

...yes. This is what going out and having a good time will do to you.