this won't make any sense

Last night, after going out with my AWESOME friend Steven from EHS, I wrote in my secret blog... so you know if you DON'T know, then it was serious stuff. I only put things I'm incessantly angry or sad about in my secret blog. I have to keep the viewing public thinking that all is well in the Kingdom of Congruence.

Anyway, church today was absolutely incredible. I'm surprised I didn't get emotional at all... usually the week of a big milestone in my life I am usually really humbled at church especially. I get overcome with a lot of emotion when I think about how blessed I am. This week, it's because of my upcoming 22nd birthday. The waterworks didn't come today (omg, you should have seen me when I graduated from high school).

Today, however, from Sunday school, to the message (delivered by the chairman of our deacon board AKA my school principal/boss) was great... and perfect for me.

In Sunday school (I'm in the single's class now... I hated it, but today was great), we talked about envy... and how it is whenever you desire something that you feel is valuable that someone else has that you don't have. We had this 10 question quiz that asked us to mark 1 to 5 about whether we desired things we didn't have or other people had... I swear that I had a 4 or 5 down for just about everything. My score ended up stating: You suffer from envy. I don't deny it. I think I do. I am always looking at someone else thinking, "Wow, I wish I had a relationship like that," or "I wish I looked like that," or "Everyone else has it easier/better than I do."

I need to learn to get over that... with the quickness. If I ever want to be able to enjoy MY life to the fullest, I have to learn to appreciate what I have and learn to wait on those other things that I want or desire.

Then my dad said something really profound... "If you are looking for a man or a woman, you should stop, because what you find might not be what God has intended for you." Ugh... as well as he put it, it is exactly what I hear all the time... and what Erin says all the time: "Once you stop looking, that's when it happens." Yay. Thanks, God, for being like that... I think that bites. So frustrating... but once again, it's what I have to make myself do.

Oh, the eye-openings of attending church...