So, like, I don't even know whose blog this is. All I know is that I just have to get all this shit off my chest.
First off, Chrissy is a grimy bitch and she and her big lesbo drag queen girl friend can burn in hell! How dare she jump all over my shit because I exposed her nasty lobster filled coochie to the world and the rest of our KFC sisters! She obviously didn't care too much when Cheryl Beedlemire was going to town on her last year at the Britney and Kevin Toxic Mixer with Mu Mu Mu. I mean really? At least I had enough decency to snog with super hottie Herman out back behind the bar where no one could see us... okay, so Brenda Everhart saw us, but she'd never tell, 'cause I've got that whole swallowing a banana whole secret on her.
Anyway, yeah! So that slut Chrissy so went all crazy on me, 'cause she's a big lesbian. Hell, I don't care if she's a lesbian. As long as she doesn't come up to me with all that carpet munchin' BS. I might get hottie Herman to knock her out (even though Hermie said he would so buy me a 14K KFC lavalier if I made out with another chick... hmmmm). I dunno. I'm just not up for that stuff. Back home at Clearwater First Baptist Church of Distinction of Abbeville where I am arts and crafts chair for the Sunday School, they told us that all that same sex stuff was unclean and all those who did it were Hell bound (and Democrats). So, you can believe I so don't agree with Chrissy's behavior. I love her like my sorority sister, but other than that, she is dead to me.
Besides, can I really be seen around campus with a girl who everyone knows has a bubbly vagina. Like, don't tell her this, but when we were friends, before all that news got out, I used to sit with her in NUC 610 (Graduate Advanced Nuclear Physics... the professor was Tyler Kensington! Only the hottest professor at our SCHOOL!), and these creepy "Magic: The Gathering" guys on the front row used to always turn around, look at us, and make these bubbling noises. At the time, Chrissy SWORE they were talking about this Delta Alpha "Dumb Ass" bitch behind us who had apparently been seen at the dining hall teaching her tragic sorority sisters how to blow bubbles with the spunk of freshly milked frat boys. SO not true (well the DA really was caught showing that to her sisters, it's just that those "Magic: The Gathering" guys were talking about Chrissy and her effervescent woman parts). Yeah.
So, Chrissy, if you see this, don't go jumpin' all over MY shit 'cause you got nasty with that crustacean infested hobitch, Cheryl Beedlemire. I suggest that you return yourself to the heterosexual side of the world before you are kicked out of the elite and ever so dainty world of Kappa Frappa Chino. We are girls with standards... hell, we don't even cuss unless our legs are crossed! Duh! Reread your Divine Elements of Sisterhood and see what it says in there about carrying yourself like a lady... not carrying on WITH a lady...
When you have truly learned to get past this haunting confusion in your life (as well as the lobsters and bubbly vagina), SO let me know so we can go shopping! There's this killer DKNY short skirt that I want that will look hella tight with my fake Louis Vuitton slip-ons. Call me, k?
Love and kisses (sisterly, not for real like) in KFC!
Deidre
Friday, October 14, 2005
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Dearest Deidre,
So. You think it's fun to go on some guy's blog and totally rip on me? That is just wrong. That is, like, wronger than Donald Trump singing the "Green Acres" theme song. Dearest Deidre, I hope you realize that this means war. You are going down--you are going down faster than Paris Hilton in a home movie.
Let me just tell you, you picked the wrong Chrissy to play with. Back in high school, when I was trying out for head cheerleader at St. Mary's School for Catholics and Republicans, my competition was Mary Francis McGwen. Well, let's just say that Mary Francis can no longer do any handstands or hold any pom-poms, mainly because "somebody" ran her over in their bright pink SUV ... repeatedly. Would you like a similar fate, hon? 'Cuz I have no problem gettin' all Tonya Harding on your sagging ass!
And I so cannot even wrap my brilliantly accesorized mind around why you keep bringing up my quick trip down lesbianism lane. What can I say, I was trying out being a vegetarian, I wanted to keep off meat for awhile. And even if I was a carpet muncher, what's wrong with that? There's, like, lots of really cool vegelesbians out there: Ellen, Rosie, k.d. lang, Melissa Ethridge, Hilary Swank, Tobey Maguire, my high school gwm teacher. I think we need to break down your drab, dull wall of hate (that I'm sure you bought at Wal-Mart!).
In closing: I'll see you in hell!!!
Lots o' KFC love (without all the calories),
Chrissy
PS: Oh, and I'd ssoo much rather have a bubbly vagina and lobsters infectin' my hoochie-coochie than have a jungle-ish bush like you. Really, people, she has to get her yardkeeper to use his weed-whacker when she needs a trim.
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