only skamps play with big blocks

I have been uninspired... until today.

Us first year teacher folk have to attend these professional development seminars on what is known as "Big Blocks." "Big Blocks" is this horrible term used to describe the 4 main elements of language arts instruction: Guided Reading, Writing, Self-Selected Reading, and Working With Words. What I went into teaching with as my favorite subject, has QUICKLY become my least favorite.

Sure, I still love to write in here, but when it comes to teaching, it is really a CHORE. Luckily, my kids at ENSA can write extremely well given the rest of their academic downfalls. They have great voice and their experiences lead them to write very creatively and about very interesting events. For example, when I gave the assignment to write a journal entry as if you were onboard the Santa Maria with Columbus and you wanted to turn around and sail back to Spain, one of my students wrote about how crazy Columbus was and how he wanted to throw him overboard. I laughed out loud... my kids are gangstas...

Anyway, these seminars meet for 3 weeks at a time with this big bald man named Tom Rowe. Mr. Rowe is an interesting character... an interesting character that refers to himself as "big bald man." I am serious... BIG. BALD. MAN. That defines the man... although you must also throw in the obligatory "Oooooooo-oooooooh"s that he does, accompanied by the official Southern Belle Primer "darling" or "sweetheart." Then there's also the "Ooh, you get a gold star!" when a teacher contributes to his lesson. I got a gold star last week. I was hella embarrassed.

Anyway, today, I sat with Amy, another 4th grade teacher from ENSA. We sat near this table of teachers from I believe Grove Elementary... some other Title 1 school (they seem to complain just as much as we do). Anyway, I sat in disgust as this one girl (who obviously isn't very old or seasoned) proceeded to look at the big bald man with disgust and make these HIDEOUS faces and squak at her fellow teachers after everything he said. Now let me describe this girl. She was big herself... and I'm not talking about "healthy" or "added dimensions." I mean her whole body was a badunkadunk. She had this monstrosity of a pink and orange sweater on, and it was a turtleneck, so it looked as if she was even more stuffed than she really was. Boo. Then she had on this offensive pale make-up and bleached blonde hair... She really had no reason to sit there and complain... everyone else was complaining because she was such a shedonkey. Anyway, I mean, EVERY little statement Tom Rowe said, this heifa proceeded to make faces, write notes to the other teachers, mouth these statements of disagreement... I mean, the skamp truly ruined my "Big Blocks" experience today. I REALLY wanted to throw my lesson plan book at her.

It just made me think... you know, teachers are really just ordinary people too. We always think of them as good, upstanding citizens... who don't drink, smoke, dawdle in controlled substances, have pre-marital sex, swear, look at porn, go into debt, lie, cheat, steal, backwash... but no. Teachers are people too... they can be some heavy duty, skeezy, hobitch, slutpuppies.

So, in celebration of today's heeza, I am taking the crown of hobtich awat from our 5th grade teacher at my school, and giving it to this hot mess of a woman that sat in front of me at "Big Blocks" today. Next Tuesday, I'm SO throwing a teacher's edition at her...

...and PS, Freddie is like the total opposite of this jezebel... Freddie is just like... the BIGGEST block of them all... oh, and I know from experience...

PSS - Jenee, there is a secret message hidden in the blog for you!