So, last night, I went out with some teachers from ENSA again. It wasn't just Melissa and Tiffany this time, but Marleen too! It was her birthday, and she invited some of the "cool" teachers to come out and celebrate with her.
We were talking last Tuesday doing duty in the gym and she was talking about how she wanted to go out. Ironically, last weekend, I passed by the new Chief's Wings and Firewater. I had always heard about it on B93.7 and how they have "Working Women's Wednesdays." I always thought it would be kinda lame to go there, but it was in a different building, and I was like, what the hell... "What about Chiefs?" Marleen was all up for that.
Well, all day yesterday, I was looking forward to it... and kinda getting nervous about it. I had never gone to a bar/club with people older than me. I didn't want to be out of place, but I also didn't want it to be lame.
Well, I was THOROUGHLY surpised to drive up to Chiefs and see TONS among TONS of people... fabulous people... good looking people (however significantly older than me people). The music was really good... except for their weird little country music montage where LaBarbara and Bocephus did the Trailer Park Tussle in the floor. Boo for that. But w00t for "Lose Control" by Missy and Ciara! GAWD I love that song!
We had an awesome time. And the best part about it, is that now I consider Melissa and Marleen two really good friends now. I mean, Melissa has always been really helpful this year. She is the head of the 4th grade and we've gone out before, but last night was just different. And I never really knew Marleen, but she is definitely good people. All 3 of us have planned on going out next Saturday before the ENSA Christmas party... so big w00t for that!
And after spending time with the teacher folk, it was over to Aaron, Brandon, and Jared's: my 3 best friends in Greenville. I felt kinda bad leaving Marleen's party, but I knew that it wouldn't be a productive weekend without a Saturday night with my boys. I really have nothing to explain about over there... it's always krunk.
...and speaking of KRUNK, THE SEQUAL TO "THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE" COMES OUT ON TUESDAY!!! "KRONK'S NEW GROOVE!" Do I need to explain how excited I am about this? THIS WEEK IS SO AWESOME!
Monday: $500 mall gift card from Eastwood Homes
Tuesday: Llama Movie II
Wednesday: nothing, but halfway done
Thursday: DT Clemson with Melissa ?
Friday: NO MORE SCHOOL UNTIL 2006!
And then, on Sunday, STEVEN WILL BE BACK IN GREENVILLE FOR GOOD!
Excitement. And now, it is 9:30, and I have been done with my lesson plans for like an hour now... so I can stay up and chill, or go to bed... This might just be the best week of my life...
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
the ben speaks truth
Never in my life has a song been written FOR me... never in my life has a song matched my situation or feelings so perfectly. It's almost scary. It's as if The Ben is walking around, following me, writing lyrics about my life.
Ben... how you do what you do...
all is quiet.
his tired eyes
see figures jotted down
and clothes all strewn around
the bedroom floor.
now nothing's adding up
and nothing's making sense.
she's sleeping like a baby.
she doesn't know
he wasn't meant for this.
i'm missing the war.
i'm missing the war all night.
missing the war.
i'm missing the war.
he drove home again
pissed and beaten.
it's really no big deal.
it happens all the time.
it's no big deal.
i'm missing the war.
i'm missing the war all night.
missing the war.
i'm missing the war.
'til beads of sunlight hit me in the morning.
so much time,
so little to say.
time may fly
and dreams may die.
the shaking voice
that tells him go
still thinks he might
he knows he won't.
i'm missing the war.
i'm missing the war all night.
missing the war.
i'm missing the war...
Ben... how you do what you do...
all is quiet.
his tired eyes
see figures jotted down
and clothes all strewn around
the bedroom floor.
now nothing's adding up
and nothing's making sense.
she's sleeping like a baby.
she doesn't know
he wasn't meant for this.
i'm missing the war.
i'm missing the war all night.
missing the war.
i'm missing the war.
he drove home again
pissed and beaten.
it's really no big deal.
it happens all the time.
it's no big deal.
i'm missing the war.
i'm missing the war all night.
missing the war.
i'm missing the war.
'til beads of sunlight hit me in the morning.
so much time,
so little to say.
time may fly
and dreams may die.
the shaking voice
that tells him go
still thinks he might
he knows he won't.
i'm missing the war.
i'm missing the war all night.
missing the war.
i'm missing the war...
Thursday, December 01, 2005
FAILURE
I have been so hideously awful at this blog thing lately. For that, I am a thousand times sorry. I beg of you... PLEASE forgive me.
I really feel atrocious, seeing how I talk so much junk about those individuals who possess blogs and do not frequently write in them. As Mandy used to say in high school, "Oh, how the mighty hath fallen."
But I'm getting back up again, bitches...
Listen to this...
I really don't want to jinx myself or think TOO highly of myself or my pupils, but school has been quite enjoyable as of late. Last week was good... even if it was good by default with its 2 days. But this week has FLOWN by, when usually weeks after holidays are crap. I have even internalized this new feeling of appreciation for my students, school, and faculty by admitting that I would go back to ENSA next year. In case anyone has forgotten, I was dead set on getting out of there with the quickness about a month ago. After Thanksgiving break, I was actually looking forward to seeing some of them... and this week, more than ever, I have been able to cut up with them and throw in random little side jokes every once in a while.
Like today, little Isaiah... the 3'2" kid that yelled at me back a couple months ago... he came up to me just makin' this face... he likes to do it, and I don't know why. It's this little glare/smile thing... like he's pissed off and he's going to bite my ankles or something. In reality, he truly is playing, 'cause he only does that when he's in an exceptionally good mood and I haven't had to call him down at all. Well, he seriously is the shortest thing in the class... next to the trash can. All the kids know it too... So, he walked up to the front of the class and got right up to me (my knee to be exact... lol) and did his little glare thing. I looked down at him in utter confusion and said, "Sit down, little man." The class was ROLLING. It was too funny.
I also "D-Boed" one of Amy's kids in the lunch room today, 'cause he was crackin' on Deshyea. He said something about her "forty-forties" (that's glasses, for those of you uncultured individuals). So I looked at him and said, "Do you have a problem with people with glasses, 'cause if you do, I can help you with it. Before you talk about anybody, you better check yourself." Once again, another point for Mistah Parks.
This was right after Deshyea said that this girl named Ebony looked at her funny... lol. I was just like, "You remember what I told you yesterday? Some people just have eye problems. You just gotta pray for 'em." She grinned. Funny how she is always goin' at it with someone...
Anyway, yeah, school is good for now. If we can make it through the next 2 weeks before the holidays, we'll be good.
As for other things, Kate moves out in a week. I'm going to miss her, but I am going to love a dog free home. I am really going to have to try hard to utilize all the space in this townhouse when she is gone too... 'cause I feel like all I do is sit up in my room. It's funny how this room has become a haven in just 3 short months. I love it up here... maybe things will change once I get my Intel laptop at the beginning of the next semester... w00t for "The Academy," which is what I plan on calling East North Street now... lol. One look at a handful of students and you would really wonder why they call it an "academy," so I am going to take the humor in its name and run with it... kinda how Jenee' has taken "THE ENCLAVE AT THORNBLADE" and run with it... lol. Jenee', honey... "The Enclave at Country Walk" just doesn't sound the same... I am now going to attempt more suitable pretentious names for the community you live in:
Sycamore Ridge at Country Walk
The Preserve at Country Walk
The Sycamores of Country Walk
Sycamore Ridge: The Upper Eschelon of Country Walk <----- THAT'S IT!
Gurl, that is even more pretentious than The Enclave at Thornblade. Y'all could take The Summit in Seneca by storm! w00t! All this talk about pretentious names of residences is a trip... ironically, I have recently been making fun of the street our school social worker lives on: North Ladyslipper Drive. LOL. It's a trip.
As for me. My street is named after a type of cloud: Stratus. It works. LOL.
Well, I'm done for now... and hopefully "for now" isn't the same as "for the next few weeks."
I really feel atrocious, seeing how I talk so much junk about those individuals who possess blogs and do not frequently write in them. As Mandy used to say in high school, "Oh, how the mighty hath fallen."
But I'm getting back up again, bitches...
Listen to this...
I really don't want to jinx myself or think TOO highly of myself or my pupils, but school has been quite enjoyable as of late. Last week was good... even if it was good by default with its 2 days. But this week has FLOWN by, when usually weeks after holidays are crap. I have even internalized this new feeling of appreciation for my students, school, and faculty by admitting that I would go back to ENSA next year. In case anyone has forgotten, I was dead set on getting out of there with the quickness about a month ago. After Thanksgiving break, I was actually looking forward to seeing some of them... and this week, more than ever, I have been able to cut up with them and throw in random little side jokes every once in a while.
Like today, little Isaiah... the 3'2" kid that yelled at me back a couple months ago... he came up to me just makin' this face... he likes to do it, and I don't know why. It's this little glare/smile thing... like he's pissed off and he's going to bite my ankles or something. In reality, he truly is playing, 'cause he only does that when he's in an exceptionally good mood and I haven't had to call him down at all. Well, he seriously is the shortest thing in the class... next to the trash can. All the kids know it too... So, he walked up to the front of the class and got right up to me (my knee to be exact... lol) and did his little glare thing. I looked down at him in utter confusion and said, "Sit down, little man." The class was ROLLING. It was too funny.
I also "D-Boed" one of Amy's kids in the lunch room today, 'cause he was crackin' on Deshyea. He said something about her "forty-forties" (that's glasses, for those of you uncultured individuals). So I looked at him and said, "Do you have a problem with people with glasses, 'cause if you do, I can help you with it. Before you talk about anybody, you better check yourself." Once again, another point for Mistah Parks.
This was right after Deshyea said that this girl named Ebony looked at her funny... lol. I was just like, "You remember what I told you yesterday? Some people just have eye problems. You just gotta pray for 'em." She grinned. Funny how she is always goin' at it with someone...
Anyway, yeah, school is good for now. If we can make it through the next 2 weeks before the holidays, we'll be good.
As for other things, Kate moves out in a week. I'm going to miss her, but I am going to love a dog free home. I am really going to have to try hard to utilize all the space in this townhouse when she is gone too... 'cause I feel like all I do is sit up in my room. It's funny how this room has become a haven in just 3 short months. I love it up here... maybe things will change once I get my Intel laptop at the beginning of the next semester... w00t for "The Academy," which is what I plan on calling East North Street now... lol. One look at a handful of students and you would really wonder why they call it an "academy," so I am going to take the humor in its name and run with it... kinda how Jenee' has taken "THE ENCLAVE AT THORNBLADE" and run with it... lol. Jenee', honey... "The Enclave at Country Walk" just doesn't sound the same... I am now going to attempt more suitable pretentious names for the community you live in:
Sycamore Ridge at Country Walk
The Preserve at Country Walk
The Sycamores of Country Walk
Sycamore Ridge: The Upper Eschelon of Country Walk <----- THAT'S IT!
Gurl, that is even more pretentious than The Enclave at Thornblade. Y'all could take The Summit in Seneca by storm! w00t! All this talk about pretentious names of residences is a trip... ironically, I have recently been making fun of the street our school social worker lives on: North Ladyslipper Drive. LOL. It's a trip.
As for me. My street is named after a type of cloud: Stratus. It works. LOL.
Well, I'm done for now... and hopefully "for now" isn't the same as "for the next few weeks."
Sunday, November 27, 2005
not cute
What does society think they are doing? Having things shut down for half a week for Thanksgiving, and then we are supposed to be projected back into that mess for another 3 weeks and we are supposed to be okay with that?
If it was up to me, we would be out the whole Thanksgiving week... and that would be it for the year. Now before you spaz, listen, 'cause this is really an idea that could work. And instead of coming back for 3 highly unproductive weeks before Christmas, we could just come back at the beginning of the year... and go for 12 more weeks... that would put us at like the beginning of April. Then, we'd have all of April off. We'd come back at the beginning of May and go from May to July and then have all of August off... so you get that?
1st Trimester - Sept. - Nov.
DECEMBER (WINTER) BREAK
2nd Trimester - Jan. - Mar.
APRIL (SPRING) BREAK
3rd Trimester - May - July
AUGUST (SUMMER) BREAK
GAWD! I should be in charge of the school district. I have just solved the problem of year-round school. It's still 9 months. We still basically get 3 months off total, with the extra week for Thanksgiving. I'm going to take the nation's department of education by storm...
Anyway, I had a GREAT Thanksgiving break. Too much fun with my long lost buddy from Brushy Creek, Northwood, and Eastside, Steven. Great times. Unfortunately, yesterday, I married off yet another of my friends (btw, Mandy was 2 weeks ago). Allyson Davies is now Allyson Davies-Powell... which is so weird, 'cause the name "Allyson Davies" is almost like a name that will always be amongst the halls of Eastside High School... along with the likes of Jackie Baker, Drew Leventis, Ern Mills, Beth Reese, Lauren DeWeil, Oliver Lollis, Jeff Ashworth, Holly Nolan, Hamilton Parks... lol. Seriously though... it made me think of the good times at good ol' EHS.
It also shocked me into the realization that no one is getting any younger... it's marryin' time. It's so weird... and so depressing to a degree...
hrmph...
ANTYWAYS (that so wasn't a typo, just to let you know)... I don't bitch and moan in here... I do that in the other blog... in here I just develop ways to take over the system... hence my trimester plan. Y'all look out for that in the forthcoming years. Some of your kids will be on that track... just wait and see, bitches...
If it was up to me, we would be out the whole Thanksgiving week... and that would be it for the year. Now before you spaz, listen, 'cause this is really an idea that could work. And instead of coming back for 3 highly unproductive weeks before Christmas, we could just come back at the beginning of the year... and go for 12 more weeks... that would put us at like the beginning of April. Then, we'd have all of April off. We'd come back at the beginning of May and go from May to July and then have all of August off... so you get that?
1st Trimester - Sept. - Nov.
DECEMBER (WINTER) BREAK
2nd Trimester - Jan. - Mar.
APRIL (SPRING) BREAK
3rd Trimester - May - July
AUGUST (SUMMER) BREAK
GAWD! I should be in charge of the school district. I have just solved the problem of year-round school. It's still 9 months. We still basically get 3 months off total, with the extra week for Thanksgiving. I'm going to take the nation's department of education by storm...
Anyway, I had a GREAT Thanksgiving break. Too much fun with my long lost buddy from Brushy Creek, Northwood, and Eastside, Steven. Great times. Unfortunately, yesterday, I married off yet another of my friends (btw, Mandy was 2 weeks ago). Allyson Davies is now Allyson Davies-Powell... which is so weird, 'cause the name "Allyson Davies" is almost like a name that will always be amongst the halls of Eastside High School... along with the likes of Jackie Baker, Drew Leventis, Ern Mills, Beth Reese, Lauren DeWeil, Oliver Lollis, Jeff Ashworth, Holly Nolan, Hamilton Parks... lol. Seriously though... it made me think of the good times at good ol' EHS.
It also shocked me into the realization that no one is getting any younger... it's marryin' time. It's so weird... and so depressing to a degree...
hrmph...
ANTYWAYS (that so wasn't a typo, just to let you know)... I don't bitch and moan in here... I do that in the other blog... in here I just develop ways to take over the system... hence my trimester plan. Y'all look out for that in the forthcoming years. Some of your kids will be on that track... just wait and see, bitches...
Friday, November 18, 2005
harry made me cry
Or maybe it was Cedric Diggory... in fact, it was really Lord Voldemort.
Hell... I cried, okay?
I cried last night when I went to go see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Talk about one of the best spontaneous decisions I ever decided to make! Nichole invited me, and even though I was tired, I was all up for it... and I am so glad that I went because the movie was nothing less than incredible. Also, who else was there but Nick, Missy, Jess G., and Quad. I also saw Labiby and Katie Kavanaugh. Good times at the Hollywood 20... where the manager was all huffin' and puffin' about rowdy kids in the theater. Boo on her! It ws friggin' Harry Potter! We have to wait a year between each movie... so really last night, those 2 hours and however many minutes were the only period of true Harry fulfillment we will get until sometime next year, or possibly even the one after that.
Needless to say, I had a great time. Unfortunately, something tells me that that was the most fun I will have all weekend... Clemson is playing AT USC (go Tigers), and everyone will be down there. Also, I have to start saving my money for Christmas, living by myself when Kate moves out (she and Deni bought a house next door), and the bowl game.
Whatever though... it's Friday... and I have no intentions of sitting here in my classroom and blogging myself into a depressed state over my lack of no exciting plans for this weekend. All that matters is I only have to work on Monday and Tuesday of next week!
So, time to do lesson plans for those 2 days now, so I won't have to do ANYTHING this weekend... although, I'd like to do a little something... please... thanks...
Hell... I cried, okay?
I cried last night when I went to go see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Talk about one of the best spontaneous decisions I ever decided to make! Nichole invited me, and even though I was tired, I was all up for it... and I am so glad that I went because the movie was nothing less than incredible. Also, who else was there but Nick, Missy, Jess G., and Quad. I also saw Labiby and Katie Kavanaugh. Good times at the Hollywood 20... where the manager was all huffin' and puffin' about rowdy kids in the theater. Boo on her! It ws friggin' Harry Potter! We have to wait a year between each movie... so really last night, those 2 hours and however many minutes were the only period of true Harry fulfillment we will get until sometime next year, or possibly even the one after that.
Needless to say, I had a great time. Unfortunately, something tells me that that was the most fun I will have all weekend... Clemson is playing AT USC (go Tigers), and everyone will be down there. Also, I have to start saving my money for Christmas, living by myself when Kate moves out (she and Deni bought a house next door), and the bowl game.
Whatever though... it's Friday... and I have no intentions of sitting here in my classroom and blogging myself into a depressed state over my lack of no exciting plans for this weekend. All that matters is I only have to work on Monday and Tuesday of next week!
So, time to do lesson plans for those 2 days now, so I won't have to do ANYTHING this weekend... although, I'd like to do a little something... please... thanks...
Thursday, November 17, 2005
sad
sad adj. describing an individual with a slow mind syn. retarded, slow
origin: my SAD fourth graders
If they knew that I kept a blog and have not updated it in more than a week, they would probably claim that I am sad. Then again, "they give no fuck" so it doesn't really matter.
Yeah, I got this quote from The Ben last night. For the second time in my life I saw him in concert. I was even more wowed than the first time due to the fact that he played the song of the aforementioned quote, and he played one of my favorites, "The Ascent of Stan." He also played "The Luckiest" and others. There aren't words to describe that man...
Anyway, unfortunately, I was surrounded by Furman Chrissies abound! Whoever was the creative genius behind the ald adage "Clemson Girls, Best in the World" was not lying, 'cause I would rather be around all the Chrissy's in Clemson than one of those triflin' Furman Chrissy hobitches (as for the "best in the world" statement, please note the sarcasm when I mentioned the creative genius... 'cause all the girls at every dag gum South Carolina school claims to be the best in the world... hello! That's why the song f-ing says "CAROLINA girls, best in the world." Skeezas...).
Anyway, it's only 8:35 and I want to go home so badly. I have decided that I really really dislike it here. It's not the faculty... no, no. Even 5th grade hobitch has been OF HELP lately! Plus, the Tigers made FSU their bitch last weekend, so I have one up on her anyway. The staff I love... really, I have gotten over all my petty issues with anyone who has casted my wrong looks, or talked about my momma, or said that I smoked trees with my black lips... oh, wait a minute... haha, those are my kids that say that mess to each other! OH! Grrrr...
They make me sick. THEY make me want to leave this place.
**visit from the principal**
::sigh:: I really like him a lot. I mean, geez... I've known the man since I was 8. He is a good man, and God bless him for being in charge of this entire crazy house. My mom brought to my attention that I only have to watch out for 21 of them... but he has to deal with over 600 of them. It's a good thing he shaves his head bald, or else he would have some serious hair loss. This place makes you lose things... hair, weight (I am down 2 pants sizes since the beginning of the year), sanity, cell phones... oh wait, no that was that little klepto jezebel in Melissa's class down the hall... grrr.
See... insanity.
Like The Ben said: "They give no fuck."
origin: my SAD fourth graders
If they knew that I kept a blog and have not updated it in more than a week, they would probably claim that I am sad. Then again, "they give no fuck" so it doesn't really matter.
Yeah, I got this quote from The Ben last night. For the second time in my life I saw him in concert. I was even more wowed than the first time due to the fact that he played the song of the aforementioned quote, and he played one of my favorites, "The Ascent of Stan." He also played "The Luckiest" and others. There aren't words to describe that man...
Anyway, unfortunately, I was surrounded by Furman Chrissies abound! Whoever was the creative genius behind the ald adage "Clemson Girls, Best in the World" was not lying, 'cause I would rather be around all the Chrissy's in Clemson than one of those triflin' Furman Chrissy hobitches (as for the "best in the world" statement, please note the sarcasm when I mentioned the creative genius... 'cause all the girls at every dag gum South Carolina school claims to be the best in the world... hello! That's why the song f-ing says "CAROLINA girls, best in the world." Skeezas...).
Anyway, it's only 8:35 and I want to go home so badly. I have decided that I really really dislike it here. It's not the faculty... no, no. Even 5th grade hobitch has been OF HELP lately! Plus, the Tigers made FSU their bitch last weekend, so I have one up on her anyway. The staff I love... really, I have gotten over all my petty issues with anyone who has casted my wrong looks, or talked about my momma, or said that I smoked trees with my black lips... oh, wait a minute... haha, those are my kids that say that mess to each other! OH! Grrrr...
They make me sick. THEY make me want to leave this place.
**visit from the principal**
::sigh:: I really like him a lot. I mean, geez... I've known the man since I was 8. He is a good man, and God bless him for being in charge of this entire crazy house. My mom brought to my attention that I only have to watch out for 21 of them... but he has to deal with over 600 of them. It's a good thing he shaves his head bald, or else he would have some serious hair loss. This place makes you lose things... hair, weight (I am down 2 pants sizes since the beginning of the year), sanity, cell phones... oh wait, no that was that little klepto jezebel in Melissa's class down the hall... grrr.
See... insanity.
Like The Ben said: "They give no fuck."
Monday, November 07, 2005
big blocks eve
Tomorrow marks the last Big Blocks class of the year 2005. Unfortunately, in January, it all starts again.
Coincidentally, I ended up seeing big bitch #2 three times in all last week: EVERY OTHER DAY. Tuesday at Big Blocks, Thursday at a PAS-T meeting, and Saturday at the Clemson game. Boo. Thankfully, I did not see her today. However, I will see her tomorrow... not for an incredibly long time though... as I have a meeting at the Youth Learning Institute tomorrow evening. w00t.
Anyway, I am sorry that I don't have much more to report, or anything thoroughly exciting. This weekend drained me, as well as a few other things that drain me constantly. But, for all of you who care ('cause honestly, it seems like a lot of you), my kids are alright for now... I mean, they aren't perfect... and they definitely aren't Code students (I love Code so much), but I am thankful for their behavior today. Unfortunately, one of the good ones withdrew to go to another school in the district today. Why did it have to be a good one? GAWD.
Now I'm down to 20... which means that the percentage of disobedience has gone up. Joy.
And in other news, I have obtained an unhealthy fetish with ABBA. I'm not kidding. Thanks for that, Freddie.
...no seriously, Freddie--thank you. You rock my Ray Bans off.
Coincidentally, I ended up seeing big bitch #2 three times in all last week: EVERY OTHER DAY. Tuesday at Big Blocks, Thursday at a PAS-T meeting, and Saturday at the Clemson game. Boo. Thankfully, I did not see her today. However, I will see her tomorrow... not for an incredibly long time though... as I have a meeting at the Youth Learning Institute tomorrow evening. w00t.
Anyway, I am sorry that I don't have much more to report, or anything thoroughly exciting. This weekend drained me, as well as a few other things that drain me constantly. But, for all of you who care ('cause honestly, it seems like a lot of you), my kids are alright for now... I mean, they aren't perfect... and they definitely aren't Code students (I love Code so much), but I am thankful for their behavior today. Unfortunately, one of the good ones withdrew to go to another school in the district today. Why did it have to be a good one? GAWD.
Now I'm down to 20... which means that the percentage of disobedience has gone up. Joy.
And in other news, I have obtained an unhealthy fetish with ABBA. I'm not kidding. Thanks for that, Freddie.
...no seriously, Freddie--thank you. You rock my Ray Bans off.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
big bitches
Ooh, gurl, I have TONS to write about today. First off, before I delve into the great Saturday night I spent in Clemson, I have got to talk about our skamp friend from last week's Big Blocks class... the namesake of this very blog entry.
She is a big bitch. I think I stated that last week. The heifa is a big girl... I think the phrase I used was "her whole body is a badunkadunk." Yes. No, no love lost to the girl. I love big girls. Aretha Frankiln is a big girl... love her. Comedienne Monique is big girl... ADORE her. Basically all I'm trying to say is that I have NO PROBLEM WITH BIG GIRLS. The problem I DO have, is big girls with big attitudes to match. UGH! Lets think this through... Really... So the girl is already not society's image of a pretty girl... she already has issues to deal with. People are cruel and mean to larger people. Heck, I'm a big fella myself. I'm not above admitting that. I am not a physically fit person... neither are larger girls... neither is this hobitch skamp from Big Blocks. OH! And neither is her friend that annoyed the hell out of me today. Yes, now there are two of them.
Anyway, I am done giving fat girls the benefit of the doubt. Now it's time for me to lay it all out there: If you already have the weight issue working against you, one would think that you would do everything in your power to make the rest of you appealing, ie. clothes, make-up, attitude, FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.
Let me tell you about these two heezas. Every word anyone tried to contribute to Mr. Rowe's lesson, these hussies scowled at! Honestly, today, I enjoyed the lesson. It was all about writing a memoir, which I am all about (exhibit A, this blog). But seriously, I watched this lady try to share a good book that would help teachers teach students about a snapshot, the two girls looked at her like she really looked as skanky as they did. I mean really. I SO hate girls who do that shoot-daggers-at-you look. What the hell do they get out of looking at people like that? I can't even think of something clever to write that runs through their badly dyed heads.
All I have to say is this: If you are a fat girl, please do everything in your power to accentuate your true beauty. Society already has this jaded view that because you have a few added dimensions, you are less of a lady. Do everything you can to prove them wrong--keep a smile on your face, a warm demeanor, and a fashionable wardrobe. Thank you, please.
Now. Saturday night. I met Freddie and Emily at Acropolis in Clemson. We ate in disgust as Clemson lost to Tech, but we were soon relieved of our woes when an incredibly amusing species of girl sat in the booth behind us. It was a "Chrissy."
Chrissy (n.) a ridiculously obnoxious college girl who talks too much, has excessive amounts of sex, is often referred to as "hot shit" by horny guys, and is at least 10% synthetic
This girl had the signature airy/Macy Gray/"I've had too many phallic objects in my mouth" voice (obnoxious), the ridiculous conversation about her escapades from the night before (excessive amounts of sex), the plethora of Fratty Frattersons around her (the "hot shit" referrence), and an obvious tan-in-a-can (10% synthetic). Amidst her talk of "Ohmigod, you were so drunk last night," she could not decide whether to have the chicken fingers or the chicken "parm"--both of which would be coming up again later that night while she bowed to the Porcelain Goddess due to her thorough roofie spiked intoxication by one of her Fratties. She also sat there on the phone saying nothing more than the signature Chrissy "Yea" and "Omigod."
If that wasn't enough, her friend Jordan showed up... Jordan was a female of the "mo" persuasion, we believe... due to her infatuation with the waitress, who was eating it all up.
Well, if that Chrissy wasn't enough. About twenty-seven-eleventy-three of them came in all at the same time... accompanied by only two boys: Bob Saget and Dirty Doesn't Wash Fratty. Among these Chrissies were: Ugly Chrissy, CMT Chrissy, Redhead Chrissy, Big Booty Chrissy, Big Forehead/Talks Too Much Chrissy, and our all time fave, Chrissy Wu. While all the other Chrissies are pretty self explanatory, Chrissy Wu was an Asian girl. The conclusion we drew was that Chrissy Wu was not really friends with these Chrissies. They just picked her up outside of Super China Buffet and decided to be diverse for the evening. They didn't pay poor Chrissy Wu any attention. She looked like every minute she sat there with them, her super-human Asian intellect was decreasing by 10 IQ points. Bless her heart, 'cause it prolly was. Seriously though, Chrissy Wu had this look on her face like, "Americans are really a waste of good oxygen. And why can't I get any rice in this establishment?"
Well, after laughing out loud at all the Chrissies at Acropolis, we attended this utterly tragic party in one of Central's premiere ghettoes. Don't get it twisted or anything... we didn't attend in order to have a good time. We basically wanted to see all the freaks come out... and did we ever. The funny thing about this "gathering" was the fact that we arrived in time for the host to make a few announcements, including the awards ceremony for the costume contest, and the birthday toast TO HIMSELF. We snuck out the back door... and ran like fire to the car in fears of A) being shot and B) being seen in such an atrocious community.
Oh yes. We had fun. These are just the highlights of the night...
BUT LET'S NOT FORGET THE BEAUTIFUL NEW STRUCTURE THAT GRACES CENTRAL, SOUTH CAROLINA NOW: INGLES! Oh, my goodness, it is more wonderful than any other grocery store I have ever laid eyes on in my life. It's so big and sparkly! It's like it illuminated the little town of Central. I'm tellin' you... they thought that Wal-Mart was a big deal??? Well, Sam Walton can take his super-corporation ass and shove it, 'cause it's all about Bob Ingle's shit now, bitches...
...bitches.
...big bitches... do better, big bitches.
(And now I have ended my writing the same way I started it--which is an ending strategy that we learned today at Big Blocks... Thanks for that, Mr. Rowe)
She is a big bitch. I think I stated that last week. The heifa is a big girl... I think the phrase I used was "her whole body is a badunkadunk." Yes. No, no love lost to the girl. I love big girls. Aretha Frankiln is a big girl... love her. Comedienne Monique is big girl... ADORE her. Basically all I'm trying to say is that I have NO PROBLEM WITH BIG GIRLS. The problem I DO have, is big girls with big attitudes to match. UGH! Lets think this through... Really... So the girl is already not society's image of a pretty girl... she already has issues to deal with. People are cruel and mean to larger people. Heck, I'm a big fella myself. I'm not above admitting that. I am not a physically fit person... neither are larger girls... neither is this hobitch skamp from Big Blocks. OH! And neither is her friend that annoyed the hell out of me today. Yes, now there are two of them.
Anyway, I am done giving fat girls the benefit of the doubt. Now it's time for me to lay it all out there: If you already have the weight issue working against you, one would think that you would do everything in your power to make the rest of you appealing, ie. clothes, make-up, attitude, FACIAL EXPRESSIONS.
Let me tell you about these two heezas. Every word anyone tried to contribute to Mr. Rowe's lesson, these hussies scowled at! Honestly, today, I enjoyed the lesson. It was all about writing a memoir, which I am all about (exhibit A, this blog). But seriously, I watched this lady try to share a good book that would help teachers teach students about a snapshot, the two girls looked at her like she really looked as skanky as they did. I mean really. I SO hate girls who do that shoot-daggers-at-you look. What the hell do they get out of looking at people like that? I can't even think of something clever to write that runs through their badly dyed heads.
All I have to say is this: If you are a fat girl, please do everything in your power to accentuate your true beauty. Society already has this jaded view that because you have a few added dimensions, you are less of a lady. Do everything you can to prove them wrong--keep a smile on your face, a warm demeanor, and a fashionable wardrobe. Thank you, please.
Now. Saturday night. I met Freddie and Emily at Acropolis in Clemson. We ate in disgust as Clemson lost to Tech, but we were soon relieved of our woes when an incredibly amusing species of girl sat in the booth behind us. It was a "Chrissy."
Chrissy (n.) a ridiculously obnoxious college girl who talks too much, has excessive amounts of sex, is often referred to as "hot shit" by horny guys, and is at least 10% synthetic
This girl had the signature airy/Macy Gray/"I've had too many phallic objects in my mouth" voice (obnoxious), the ridiculous conversation about her escapades from the night before (excessive amounts of sex), the plethora of Fratty Frattersons around her (the "hot shit" referrence), and an obvious tan-in-a-can (10% synthetic). Amidst her talk of "Ohmigod, you were so drunk last night," she could not decide whether to have the chicken fingers or the chicken "parm"--both of which would be coming up again later that night while she bowed to the Porcelain Goddess due to her thorough roofie spiked intoxication by one of her Fratties. She also sat there on the phone saying nothing more than the signature Chrissy "Yea" and "Omigod."
If that wasn't enough, her friend Jordan showed up... Jordan was a female of the "mo" persuasion, we believe... due to her infatuation with the waitress, who was eating it all up.
Well, if that Chrissy wasn't enough. About twenty-seven-eleventy-three of them came in all at the same time... accompanied by only two boys: Bob Saget and Dirty Doesn't Wash Fratty. Among these Chrissies were: Ugly Chrissy, CMT Chrissy, Redhead Chrissy, Big Booty Chrissy, Big Forehead/Talks Too Much Chrissy, and our all time fave, Chrissy Wu. While all the other Chrissies are pretty self explanatory, Chrissy Wu was an Asian girl. The conclusion we drew was that Chrissy Wu was not really friends with these Chrissies. They just picked her up outside of Super China Buffet and decided to be diverse for the evening. They didn't pay poor Chrissy Wu any attention. She looked like every minute she sat there with them, her super-human Asian intellect was decreasing by 10 IQ points. Bless her heart, 'cause it prolly was. Seriously though, Chrissy Wu had this look on her face like, "Americans are really a waste of good oxygen. And why can't I get any rice in this establishment?"
Well, after laughing out loud at all the Chrissies at Acropolis, we attended this utterly tragic party in one of Central's premiere ghettoes. Don't get it twisted or anything... we didn't attend in order to have a good time. We basically wanted to see all the freaks come out... and did we ever. The funny thing about this "gathering" was the fact that we arrived in time for the host to make a few announcements, including the awards ceremony for the costume contest, and the birthday toast TO HIMSELF. We snuck out the back door... and ran like fire to the car in fears of A) being shot and B) being seen in such an atrocious community.
Oh yes. We had fun. These are just the highlights of the night...
BUT LET'S NOT FORGET THE BEAUTIFUL NEW STRUCTURE THAT GRACES CENTRAL, SOUTH CAROLINA NOW: INGLES! Oh, my goodness, it is more wonderful than any other grocery store I have ever laid eyes on in my life. It's so big and sparkly! It's like it illuminated the little town of Central. I'm tellin' you... they thought that Wal-Mart was a big deal??? Well, Sam Walton can take his super-corporation ass and shove it, 'cause it's all about Bob Ingle's shit now, bitches...
...bitches.
...big bitches... do better, big bitches.
(And now I have ended my writing the same way I started it--which is an ending strategy that we learned today at Big Blocks... Thanks for that, Mr. Rowe)
Monday, October 31, 2005
freddie is fabulous
So I am le tired. It's Halloween night, 9:20, and I'm hittin' the sack. See, the time changed over the weekend, so it really feels like it's 10:20. Plus I laughed myself silly hanging out with Freddie and Emily. They are so hella tight that I really don't have the energy to retell Saturday night's events. Don't worry, I will though... it was so much fun.
But I am le tired...
...fire ze missiles.
But I am le tired...
...fire ze missiles.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
only skamps play with big blocks
I have been uninspired... until today.
Us first year teacher folk have to attend these professional development seminars on what is known as "Big Blocks." "Big Blocks" is this horrible term used to describe the 4 main elements of language arts instruction: Guided Reading, Writing, Self-Selected Reading, and Working With Words. What I went into teaching with as my favorite subject, has QUICKLY become my least favorite.
Sure, I still love to write in here, but when it comes to teaching, it is really a CHORE. Luckily, my kids at ENSA can write extremely well given the rest of their academic downfalls. They have great voice and their experiences lead them to write very creatively and about very interesting events. For example, when I gave the assignment to write a journal entry as if you were onboard the Santa Maria with Columbus and you wanted to turn around and sail back to Spain, one of my students wrote about how crazy Columbus was and how he wanted to throw him overboard. I laughed out loud... my kids are gangstas...
Anyway, these seminars meet for 3 weeks at a time with this big bald man named Tom Rowe. Mr. Rowe is an interesting character... an interesting character that refers to himself as "big bald man." I am serious... BIG. BALD. MAN. That defines the man... although you must also throw in the obligatory "Oooooooo-oooooooh"s that he does, accompanied by the official Southern Belle Primer "darling" or "sweetheart." Then there's also the "Ooh, you get a gold star!" when a teacher contributes to his lesson. I got a gold star last week. I was hella embarrassed.
Anyway, today, I sat with Amy, another 4th grade teacher from ENSA. We sat near this table of teachers from I believe Grove Elementary... some other Title 1 school (they seem to complain just as much as we do). Anyway, I sat in disgust as this one girl (who obviously isn't very old or seasoned) proceeded to look at the big bald man with disgust and make these HIDEOUS faces and squak at her fellow teachers after everything he said. Now let me describe this girl. She was big herself... and I'm not talking about "healthy" or "added dimensions." I mean her whole body was a badunkadunk. She had this monstrosity of a pink and orange sweater on, and it was a turtleneck, so it looked as if she was even more stuffed than she really was. Boo. Then she had on this offensive pale make-up and bleached blonde hair... She really had no reason to sit there and complain... everyone else was complaining because she was such a shedonkey. Anyway, I mean, EVERY little statement Tom Rowe said, this heifa proceeded to make faces, write notes to the other teachers, mouth these statements of disagreement... I mean, the skamp truly ruined my "Big Blocks" experience today. I REALLY wanted to throw my lesson plan book at her.
It just made me think... you know, teachers are really just ordinary people too. We always think of them as good, upstanding citizens... who don't drink, smoke, dawdle in controlled substances, have pre-marital sex, swear, look at porn, go into debt, lie, cheat, steal, backwash... but no. Teachers are people too... they can be some heavy duty, skeezy, hobitch, slutpuppies.
So, in celebration of today's heeza, I am taking the crown of hobtich awat from our 5th grade teacher at my school, and giving it to this hot mess of a woman that sat in front of me at "Big Blocks" today. Next Tuesday, I'm SO throwing a teacher's edition at her...
...and PS, Freddie is like the total opposite of this jezebel... Freddie is just like... the BIGGEST block of them all... oh, and I know from experience...
PSS - Jenee, there is a secret message hidden in the blog for you!
Us first year teacher folk have to attend these professional development seminars on what is known as "Big Blocks." "Big Blocks" is this horrible term used to describe the 4 main elements of language arts instruction: Guided Reading, Writing, Self-Selected Reading, and Working With Words. What I went into teaching with as my favorite subject, has QUICKLY become my least favorite.
Sure, I still love to write in here, but when it comes to teaching, it is really a CHORE. Luckily, my kids at ENSA can write extremely well given the rest of their academic downfalls. They have great voice and their experiences lead them to write very creatively and about very interesting events. For example, when I gave the assignment to write a journal entry as if you were onboard the Santa Maria with Columbus and you wanted to turn around and sail back to Spain, one of my students wrote about how crazy Columbus was and how he wanted to throw him overboard. I laughed out loud... my kids are gangstas...
Anyway, these seminars meet for 3 weeks at a time with this big bald man named Tom Rowe. Mr. Rowe is an interesting character... an interesting character that refers to himself as "big bald man." I am serious... BIG. BALD. MAN. That defines the man... although you must also throw in the obligatory "Oooooooo-oooooooh"s that he does, accompanied by the official Southern Belle Primer "darling" or "sweetheart." Then there's also the "Ooh, you get a gold star!" when a teacher contributes to his lesson. I got a gold star last week. I was hella embarrassed.
Anyway, today, I sat with Amy, another 4th grade teacher from ENSA. We sat near this table of teachers from I believe Grove Elementary... some other Title 1 school (they seem to complain just as much as we do). Anyway, I sat in disgust as this one girl (who obviously isn't very old or seasoned) proceeded to look at the big bald man with disgust and make these HIDEOUS faces and squak at her fellow teachers after everything he said. Now let me describe this girl. She was big herself... and I'm not talking about "healthy" or "added dimensions." I mean her whole body was a badunkadunk. She had this monstrosity of a pink and orange sweater on, and it was a turtleneck, so it looked as if she was even more stuffed than she really was. Boo. Then she had on this offensive pale make-up and bleached blonde hair... She really had no reason to sit there and complain... everyone else was complaining because she was such a shedonkey. Anyway, I mean, EVERY little statement Tom Rowe said, this heifa proceeded to make faces, write notes to the other teachers, mouth these statements of disagreement... I mean, the skamp truly ruined my "Big Blocks" experience today. I REALLY wanted to throw my lesson plan book at her.
It just made me think... you know, teachers are really just ordinary people too. We always think of them as good, upstanding citizens... who don't drink, smoke, dawdle in controlled substances, have pre-marital sex, swear, look at porn, go into debt, lie, cheat, steal, backwash... but no. Teachers are people too... they can be some heavy duty, skeezy, hobitch, slutpuppies.
So, in celebration of today's heeza, I am taking the crown of hobtich awat from our 5th grade teacher at my school, and giving it to this hot mess of a woman that sat in front of me at "Big Blocks" today. Next Tuesday, I'm SO throwing a teacher's edition at her...
...and PS, Freddie is like the total opposite of this jezebel... Freddie is just like... the BIGGEST block of them all... oh, and I know from experience...
PSS - Jenee, there is a secret message hidden in the blog for you!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
the week that wouldn't end
It is only Thursday. Yes, it is Thursday, but by now, it should really be like Monday again... by that I mean, this week has been the longest of my LIFE. Oh, yes. The ONLY thing that is keeping me from killing children is the fact that it's illegal and killing is wrong. I could care less about losing my job. I just don't want to fry.
Anyway, I am thankful for the job, because tomorrow (the last day of this dreadful week) is payday! While I am not thoroughly overjoyed by my salary, it will be money in the pocket, and at least kind of a decent payoff for what I do from day to day.
Don't get me wrong... I love my kids... ALL of them. Even the really bad ones (and there is one that I just think is nothing but evil). However, this just isn't exactly how I thought it would be. Last spring, I was spoiled by the sporadic girlfights, random chit chat in class, and petty laughing at Code. At East North Street, girlfights are anything by sporadic... they are more like planned girlBRAWLS. Random chit chat is more like Jerry Springer LIVE in room 249, and petty laughing is more like uncontrolled whooping and hollering. The two schools could not be more different.
Oh well... after tomorrow, I won't have to see them until Tuesday (w00t for a teacher workday). This weekend, I plan on living it up... I SO deserve it. On top of that, my new glasses are in and I am going to get them this evening... double w00t. See, the end of the week brings for reward and riches.
I sure do wish I had something hella funny to talk about though... I know Freddie is gonna be disappointed... Hmm, I better call on my muses to bring my some hilarity...
OMG... so after sitting here for 3 minutes and 56 seconds (the length of "Everytime" by Britney Spears... shut up, I know) I've got it. You wanna hear how dumb I felt just about an hour ago? Well, I had the most intense craving for some Bojangle's biscuits! I mean, it was a terrifying desire I could feel growing in my loins. I needed me some biscuit. Ironically, they JUST put one over on Pelham Road close to my townhouse. I hesitated for a minute though, 'cause I thought it would be so dumb of me to go to a chicken place just for biscuits. It's like in high school when we would go to Little Pig's BBQ before the football games and I would order chicken fingers. I know... lame. Well, I did it. And I KNOW they think I'm the biggest loser. First of all, because all I ordered was biscuits. Secondly, they were all black in there! And I know they were just like, "He's black too... Why the hell don't he want any chicken? What's his problem?" Well, my thoughts to them were, "Where the devil did all these negroes come from?! This is the Pelham Road/Thornblade area! Is there some unspoken rule that all chickne places have to be operated by a majority of black people? And did all of them caravan over here from the other side of town? Seriously! Where do y'all live?!" I really was confused. Honestly, I have lived on this side of town all my life, and my family has always been among the only 3 black families in the community. Now, the side of town I live on now and the area that the Bojangle's is in is even MORE sadiddy than where my parents live... it was just odd to see all of them in there just fryin' up chicken and serving it to the C.O.O.s, C.F.O.s, and C.E.O.s of the Thornblade area. Then I thought... "There are Thornblade people eatin' this chicken! Goodbye, hummus and pita chips... Goodbye roasted chicken and red peppers with portabella mushroom sauce, wild rice, and vegetable medley... Goodbye, grilled Mahi-Mahi and pan seared pineapple... the Caucasians are not only all up in Kanye West's music and Oprah's Book Club, but now they're eating our ridiculously fattening soul food! WE HAVE OVERCOME!"
YES! What a great way to end this horriffic week... RACISM FOUND DEAD ON THE SCENE IN THE THORNBLADE AREA, TONIGHT ON FOX CAROLINA, THE...
...TEN O'CLOCK NEWS (They really do pause that long... I think it's to draw your attention away from their less than quality newscast... sorry, Jamie Guirola).
Anyway, I am thankful for the job, because tomorrow (the last day of this dreadful week) is payday! While I am not thoroughly overjoyed by my salary, it will be money in the pocket, and at least kind of a decent payoff for what I do from day to day.
Don't get me wrong... I love my kids... ALL of them. Even the really bad ones (and there is one that I just think is nothing but evil). However, this just isn't exactly how I thought it would be. Last spring, I was spoiled by the sporadic girlfights, random chit chat in class, and petty laughing at Code. At East North Street, girlfights are anything by sporadic... they are more like planned girlBRAWLS. Random chit chat is more like Jerry Springer LIVE in room 249, and petty laughing is more like uncontrolled whooping and hollering. The two schools could not be more different.
Oh well... after tomorrow, I won't have to see them until Tuesday (w00t for a teacher workday). This weekend, I plan on living it up... I SO deserve it. On top of that, my new glasses are in and I am going to get them this evening... double w00t. See, the end of the week brings for reward and riches.
I sure do wish I had something hella funny to talk about though... I know Freddie is gonna be disappointed... Hmm, I better call on my muses to bring my some hilarity...
OMG... so after sitting here for 3 minutes and 56 seconds (the length of "Everytime" by Britney Spears... shut up, I know) I've got it. You wanna hear how dumb I felt just about an hour ago? Well, I had the most intense craving for some Bojangle's biscuits! I mean, it was a terrifying desire I could feel growing in my loins. I needed me some biscuit. Ironically, they JUST put one over on Pelham Road close to my townhouse. I hesitated for a minute though, 'cause I thought it would be so dumb of me to go to a chicken place just for biscuits. It's like in high school when we would go to Little Pig's BBQ before the football games and I would order chicken fingers. I know... lame. Well, I did it. And I KNOW they think I'm the biggest loser. First of all, because all I ordered was biscuits. Secondly, they were all black in there! And I know they were just like, "He's black too... Why the hell don't he want any chicken? What's his problem?" Well, my thoughts to them were, "Where the devil did all these negroes come from?! This is the Pelham Road/Thornblade area! Is there some unspoken rule that all chickne places have to be operated by a majority of black people? And did all of them caravan over here from the other side of town? Seriously! Where do y'all live?!" I really was confused. Honestly, I have lived on this side of town all my life, and my family has always been among the only 3 black families in the community. Now, the side of town I live on now and the area that the Bojangle's is in is even MORE sadiddy than where my parents live... it was just odd to see all of them in there just fryin' up chicken and serving it to the C.O.O.s, C.F.O.s, and C.E.O.s of the Thornblade area. Then I thought... "There are Thornblade people eatin' this chicken! Goodbye, hummus and pita chips... Goodbye roasted chicken and red peppers with portabella mushroom sauce, wild rice, and vegetable medley... Goodbye, grilled Mahi-Mahi and pan seared pineapple... the Caucasians are not only all up in Kanye West's music and Oprah's Book Club, but now they're eating our ridiculously fattening soul food! WE HAVE OVERCOME!"
YES! What a great way to end this horriffic week... RACISM FOUND DEAD ON THE SCENE IN THE THORNBLADE AREA, TONIGHT ON FOX CAROLINA, THE...
...TEN O'CLOCK NEWS (They really do pause that long... I think it's to draw your attention away from their less than quality newscast... sorry, Jamie Guirola).
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
let's get gangsta
Well... the one phrase that comes to mind this evening is, "It's a pestilence of ign'ance we livin' in." Thanks, Shirley Q. Liquor. She ain't never lied either. Everyone wants to get all crazy all of a sudden. I knew that the little pre-pubescent ones would act up during a full moon, but EVERYONE and EVERYTHING? Lord, I've got sorority girls in heat threatening to wile out on each other in my blog... the bitch downstairs decided there is something fun about whooping and hollering at 2 am last night... I had 4 kids decide that they just wanted to "Knuck if you buck" in class today... and one of those 4 decided he was big and bad enough to get in a yelling match with the teacher (and he has the nerve to only be like 3'11"). Forgive me, but where is the decency? I feel like I am surrounded by crazy mofos.
No need to fret, though... King Congruence is also The King of Krunk (oh, yes). I can get krunk with the best of them. For some reason, I have been too saccharine sweet and nurturing nice since I have been away from Clemson. Where did my balls go? Where did the attitude go? I mean, after my Jr. year in KKPsi, I had developed a pretty good edge. People knew they could get to me at a point, but once they crossed that line, I was not someone to get messed with. It's like now that I am a teacher and grown I can't act like that? Um, no...
Take for example that 5th grade hobitch (she's not too bad lately actually... she was real nice last week and spoke to me today, but last week on "Wear your favorite team t-shirt Day," that heifa went up to Melissa and said, "I can't believe you are wearing THAT shirt after last week"... it was a Clemson shirt... ooh, it took a lot not to rock her world that day), she's grimy (thanks for the new word, Deidre... so way hella fetch!), but she's got a rep. I want a rep. I'm through wanting my kids to like "cool Mr. Parks." Bump that!... The ones that don't ever get in trouble like me (to the point where they asked me today at lunch, "Mr. Parks, do you like getting an attitude? 'Cause today you SCARED us!"). Those 4 that decided to get all Terror Squad on each other today can get over it... I'm not even gonna try to win them over. They like bein' grimy little thangs, so they can do that... I just hope they realize Mr. Parks is not going to be such a pleasant character. I want them leave 4th grade (or do it all over again) with the understanding that "Mr. Parks didn't take my crap."
That goes for everyone... only it's a little worse for them. With kids, you still have to operate with a/several grain(s) of salt. With grown-ups, they should know better. Seriously. As for bitches that live downstairs... I basically just don't have time for them.
And you know what? Maybe this is just my reaction to the full moon, you know? Maybe I'm not really gonna be all gangsta like this, but it's just that the moon has thrown me off kilter too...
NO.
Hamilton doesn't work that way. I'm civilized when it's time to be civilized... which is whenever I'm not being taken advantage of or bothered. When people decide to get all bold and crazy, I'm "'bout to throw 'dem 'bows!" Hell, don't make me get Brooke Valentine on your ass...
...I need a Xanax. I should have taken Josh up on that today in class when he offered me one of his dads.
No need to fret, though... King Congruence is also The King of Krunk (oh, yes). I can get krunk with the best of them. For some reason, I have been too saccharine sweet and nurturing nice since I have been away from Clemson. Where did my balls go? Where did the attitude go? I mean, after my Jr. year in KKPsi, I had developed a pretty good edge. People knew they could get to me at a point, but once they crossed that line, I was not someone to get messed with. It's like now that I am a teacher and grown I can't act like that? Um, no...
Take for example that 5th grade hobitch (she's not too bad lately actually... she was real nice last week and spoke to me today, but last week on "Wear your favorite team t-shirt Day," that heifa went up to Melissa and said, "I can't believe you are wearing THAT shirt after last week"... it was a Clemson shirt... ooh, it took a lot not to rock her world that day), she's grimy (thanks for the new word, Deidre... so way hella fetch!), but she's got a rep. I want a rep. I'm through wanting my kids to like "cool Mr. Parks." Bump that!... The ones that don't ever get in trouble like me (to the point where they asked me today at lunch, "Mr. Parks, do you like getting an attitude? 'Cause today you SCARED us!"). Those 4 that decided to get all Terror Squad on each other today can get over it... I'm not even gonna try to win them over. They like bein' grimy little thangs, so they can do that... I just hope they realize Mr. Parks is not going to be such a pleasant character. I want them leave 4th grade (or do it all over again) with the understanding that "Mr. Parks didn't take my crap."
That goes for everyone... only it's a little worse for them. With kids, you still have to operate with a/several grain(s) of salt. With grown-ups, they should know better. Seriously. As for bitches that live downstairs... I basically just don't have time for them.
And you know what? Maybe this is just my reaction to the full moon, you know? Maybe I'm not really gonna be all gangsta like this, but it's just that the moon has thrown me off kilter too...
NO.
Hamilton doesn't work that way. I'm civilized when it's time to be civilized... which is whenever I'm not being taken advantage of or bothered. When people decide to get all bold and crazy, I'm "'bout to throw 'dem 'bows!" Hell, don't make me get Brooke Valentine on your ass...
...I need a Xanax. I should have taken Josh up on that today in class when he offered me one of his dads.
Monday, October 17, 2005
deidre's rant, ii
What a ho-bag! Chrissy McChrisserson, you effing skeeze-whore! How dare you try to get up on this poor defenseless guy who hosts this blog! Yeah, sure this is the second time I have infiltrated his blog to post nasty shit about you and your prostitute self, but at least I'm not repaying him with sexual favors! Besides, he's a DUDE! He has a little more than what Rosie O'Donnell and your other bull daggas are interested in.
Like when was the last time you ever gave a guy head? That's what I thought... like back in the 6th grade, you nasty slut! Oh yeah, I know. Debra Peterson is from Aiken too, and she went to your lesbian prep school too.... only thing is that I KNOW she isn't a dyke (she is SO having an I Eta Pi's baby in like 2 months... but I didn't tell you that). Anyway, she told me that on the annual St. Mary's camping trip with the boys of St. Elysius's Catholic Reform School, you were caught down by the lake with your head in some 17 year old's lap (OMG, like how big was he?)! So even back before you were of age, you were sluttin' around like a little tramp.
As for that little comment about my "jungle-ish bush," that just shows how obsessed with poo na-na you are! I know you are dying to see it... it just makes your mouth water everytime you see me doesn't it? Disgusting. Besides, that's SUCH a lie. The reason people think it's all overgrown down there is because at the KFC Toga Party, Brett Bretterson was so trying to cop a feel under my Chaps Ralph Lauren linen toga and I smacked the hell out of his perverted ass before he got to my goodies (I never wear panties when I'm drinking... it just get's too hot, right?). Well, when he woke up, I was standing over him chewing his ass out (and so exposing the fact that he danced with that nasty Tara Reid sized slut, April and then went home and hooked up with Harmony Marie). The hit obviously caused him to see massive dark spots... one of which was situated right between my legs as he looked up my toga. When I realized how big of a skeeze he was being, I stepped on his balls and proceeded to lead the girls in the "KFCs Don't Take No Shit" Cheer. Needless to say, he told the entire Greek Community that I had a George W. Super-bush. But that's ok, 'cause if he does ever have any kids, they will so be cross eyed...
So there you go, Chrissy Mc-lays-your-son... and-daughter. Go crawl back under the MMM you just got done scrumping with... and his girlfriend.
Deidre
Like when was the last time you ever gave a guy head? That's what I thought... like back in the 6th grade, you nasty slut! Oh yeah, I know. Debra Peterson is from Aiken too, and she went to your lesbian prep school too.... only thing is that I KNOW she isn't a dyke (she is SO having an I Eta Pi's baby in like 2 months... but I didn't tell you that). Anyway, she told me that on the annual St. Mary's camping trip with the boys of St. Elysius's Catholic Reform School, you were caught down by the lake with your head in some 17 year old's lap (OMG, like how big was he?)! So even back before you were of age, you were sluttin' around like a little tramp.
As for that little comment about my "jungle-ish bush," that just shows how obsessed with poo na-na you are! I know you are dying to see it... it just makes your mouth water everytime you see me doesn't it? Disgusting. Besides, that's SUCH a lie. The reason people think it's all overgrown down there is because at the KFC Toga Party, Brett Bretterson was so trying to cop a feel under my Chaps Ralph Lauren linen toga and I smacked the hell out of his perverted ass before he got to my goodies (I never wear panties when I'm drinking... it just get's too hot, right?). Well, when he woke up, I was standing over him chewing his ass out (and so exposing the fact that he danced with that nasty Tara Reid sized slut, April and then went home and hooked up with Harmony Marie). The hit obviously caused him to see massive dark spots... one of which was situated right between my legs as he looked up my toga. When I realized how big of a skeeze he was being, I stepped on his balls and proceeded to lead the girls in the "KFCs Don't Take No Shit" Cheer. Needless to say, he told the entire Greek Community that I had a George W. Super-bush. But that's ok, 'cause if he does ever have any kids, they will so be cross eyed...
So there you go, Chrissy Mc-lays-your-son... and-daughter. Go crawl back under the MMM you just got done scrumping with... and his girlfriend.
Deidre
Sunday, October 16, 2005
thanks for that, deidre
Alright, so I SO don't know who that Deidre heifa is... but that is some southern fried drama if I've ever seen some...
ANYWAY, I had the most absolutely boring weekend of my existence this past weekend. I didn't do anything at all... mostly 'cause my kidneys still aren't being very nice to me. I didn't go out on Friday... I didn't go out on Saturday... all I did was go to church today (which was excellent, by the way) and then over to Aaron, Brandon, and Jared's to watch Weeds.
Now, let's discuss that for a minute... I love the show... seriously... even more after the season finale tonight. But I couldn't help but get a little angry when the theme song came on. It so reminds me of where I live! Boo! So dullsville. I really hope that one of my neighbors is a HUGE pot dealer. That would make things so exciting.
Anyway, I don't have much to write about, seeing how I had such an unproductive weekend. Unfortunately, it is a full moon right now... so the children are going to be HORRIBLE this week. BOO! I'm so not looking forward to work this week.
Well, in closing this uber-tragic entry, I would just like to say that I have come to an even greater appreciation for THE Ben Folds this weekend. I didn't hang out with anyone really, but I listened to a lot of The Ben. I love him... and he will furthermore be referred to as THE Ben Folds. He is cooler than you and me, and if you disagree, I'll burn you with a Cigarette, throw a Brick at you,make sure it's Landed upside your head, get the Army on your ass, do The Last Polka all over your Evaporated backside, and make your life a Mess... that's my Philosophy on the matter... I Paid My Money, heifas.
Okay... sorry attempt to make this entry as interesting as the last. I just can't stand up to Deidre and her Vera Bradley duffle bag-sized drama...
ANYWAY, I had the most absolutely boring weekend of my existence this past weekend. I didn't do anything at all... mostly 'cause my kidneys still aren't being very nice to me. I didn't go out on Friday... I didn't go out on Saturday... all I did was go to church today (which was excellent, by the way) and then over to Aaron, Brandon, and Jared's to watch Weeds.
Now, let's discuss that for a minute... I love the show... seriously... even more after the season finale tonight. But I couldn't help but get a little angry when the theme song came on. It so reminds me of where I live! Boo! So dullsville. I really hope that one of my neighbors is a HUGE pot dealer. That would make things so exciting.
Anyway, I don't have much to write about, seeing how I had such an unproductive weekend. Unfortunately, it is a full moon right now... so the children are going to be HORRIBLE this week. BOO! I'm so not looking forward to work this week.
Well, in closing this uber-tragic entry, I would just like to say that I have come to an even greater appreciation for THE Ben Folds this weekend. I didn't hang out with anyone really, but I listened to a lot of The Ben. I love him... and he will furthermore be referred to as THE Ben Folds. He is cooler than you and me, and if you disagree, I'll burn you with a Cigarette, throw a Brick at you,make sure it's Landed upside your head, get the Army on your ass, do The Last Polka all over your Evaporated backside, and make your life a Mess... that's my Philosophy on the matter... I Paid My Money, heifas.
Okay... sorry attempt to make this entry as interesting as the last. I just can't stand up to Deidre and her Vera Bradley duffle bag-sized drama...
Friday, October 14, 2005
deidre's rant
So, like, I don't even know whose blog this is. All I know is that I just have to get all this shit off my chest.
First off, Chrissy is a grimy bitch and she and her big lesbo drag queen girl friend can burn in hell! How dare she jump all over my shit because I exposed her nasty lobster filled coochie to the world and the rest of our KFC sisters! She obviously didn't care too much when Cheryl Beedlemire was going to town on her last year at the Britney and Kevin Toxic Mixer with Mu Mu Mu. I mean really? At least I had enough decency to snog with super hottie Herman out back behind the bar where no one could see us... okay, so Brenda Everhart saw us, but she'd never tell, 'cause I've got that whole swallowing a banana whole secret on her.
Anyway, yeah! So that slut Chrissy so went all crazy on me, 'cause she's a big lesbian. Hell, I don't care if she's a lesbian. As long as she doesn't come up to me with all that carpet munchin' BS. I might get hottie Herman to knock her out (even though Hermie said he would so buy me a 14K KFC lavalier if I made out with another chick... hmmmm). I dunno. I'm just not up for that stuff. Back home at Clearwater First Baptist Church of Distinction of Abbeville where I am arts and crafts chair for the Sunday School, they told us that all that same sex stuff was unclean and all those who did it were Hell bound (and Democrats). So, you can believe I so don't agree with Chrissy's behavior. I love her like my sorority sister, but other than that, she is dead to me.
Besides, can I really be seen around campus with a girl who everyone knows has a bubbly vagina. Like, don't tell her this, but when we were friends, before all that news got out, I used to sit with her in NUC 610 (Graduate Advanced Nuclear Physics... the professor was Tyler Kensington! Only the hottest professor at our SCHOOL!), and these creepy "Magic: The Gathering" guys on the front row used to always turn around, look at us, and make these bubbling noises. At the time, Chrissy SWORE they were talking about this Delta Alpha "Dumb Ass" bitch behind us who had apparently been seen at the dining hall teaching her tragic sorority sisters how to blow bubbles with the spunk of freshly milked frat boys. SO not true (well the DA really was caught showing that to her sisters, it's just that those "Magic: The Gathering" guys were talking about Chrissy and her effervescent woman parts). Yeah.
So, Chrissy, if you see this, don't go jumpin' all over MY shit 'cause you got nasty with that crustacean infested hobitch, Cheryl Beedlemire. I suggest that you return yourself to the heterosexual side of the world before you are kicked out of the elite and ever so dainty world of Kappa Frappa Chino. We are girls with standards... hell, we don't even cuss unless our legs are crossed! Duh! Reread your Divine Elements of Sisterhood and see what it says in there about carrying yourself like a lady... not carrying on WITH a lady...
When you have truly learned to get past this haunting confusion in your life (as well as the lobsters and bubbly vagina), SO let me know so we can go shopping! There's this killer DKNY short skirt that I want that will look hella tight with my fake Louis Vuitton slip-ons. Call me, k?
Love and kisses (sisterly, not for real like) in KFC!
Deidre
First off, Chrissy is a grimy bitch and she and her big lesbo drag queen girl friend can burn in hell! How dare she jump all over my shit because I exposed her nasty lobster filled coochie to the world and the rest of our KFC sisters! She obviously didn't care too much when Cheryl Beedlemire was going to town on her last year at the Britney and Kevin Toxic Mixer with Mu Mu Mu. I mean really? At least I had enough decency to snog with super hottie Herman out back behind the bar where no one could see us... okay, so Brenda Everhart saw us, but she'd never tell, 'cause I've got that whole swallowing a banana whole secret on her.
Anyway, yeah! So that slut Chrissy so went all crazy on me, 'cause she's a big lesbian. Hell, I don't care if she's a lesbian. As long as she doesn't come up to me with all that carpet munchin' BS. I might get hottie Herman to knock her out (even though Hermie said he would so buy me a 14K KFC lavalier if I made out with another chick... hmmmm). I dunno. I'm just not up for that stuff. Back home at Clearwater First Baptist Church of Distinction of Abbeville where I am arts and crafts chair for the Sunday School, they told us that all that same sex stuff was unclean and all those who did it were Hell bound (and Democrats). So, you can believe I so don't agree with Chrissy's behavior. I love her like my sorority sister, but other than that, she is dead to me.
Besides, can I really be seen around campus with a girl who everyone knows has a bubbly vagina. Like, don't tell her this, but when we were friends, before all that news got out, I used to sit with her in NUC 610 (Graduate Advanced Nuclear Physics... the professor was Tyler Kensington! Only the hottest professor at our SCHOOL!), and these creepy "Magic: The Gathering" guys on the front row used to always turn around, look at us, and make these bubbling noises. At the time, Chrissy SWORE they were talking about this Delta Alpha "Dumb Ass" bitch behind us who had apparently been seen at the dining hall teaching her tragic sorority sisters how to blow bubbles with the spunk of freshly milked frat boys. SO not true (well the DA really was caught showing that to her sisters, it's just that those "Magic: The Gathering" guys were talking about Chrissy and her effervescent woman parts). Yeah.
So, Chrissy, if you see this, don't go jumpin' all over MY shit 'cause you got nasty with that crustacean infested hobitch, Cheryl Beedlemire. I suggest that you return yourself to the heterosexual side of the world before you are kicked out of the elite and ever so dainty world of Kappa Frappa Chino. We are girls with standards... hell, we don't even cuss unless our legs are crossed! Duh! Reread your Divine Elements of Sisterhood and see what it says in there about carrying yourself like a lady... not carrying on WITH a lady...
When you have truly learned to get past this haunting confusion in your life (as well as the lobsters and bubbly vagina), SO let me know so we can go shopping! There's this killer DKNY short skirt that I want that will look hella tight with my fake Louis Vuitton slip-ons. Call me, k?
Love and kisses (sisterly, not for real like) in KFC!
Deidre
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
"little boxes, little boxes"
So, I took the long way home from work today. Today was the first day since Saturday that it has been nice outside. So, instead of driving straight down Hudson Road (I went to the mall to schedule an eye appointment), I turned down Devenger Road: the Greenville parallel to Weeds' Agrestic community. There's a plethora of middle to upper middle class developments off the road: Devenger Place, Devenger Pointe, Foxcroft, Thornhill, Bennington, Thornblade, Deer Run, Hobcaw, The Enclave at Thornblade, Sugar Creek...
So I began to think to myself... holy crap, I'm in the heart of suburbia. Honestly, this is not where I saw myself my first year out of college. I am surrounded by extremely settled, hoity toity, Oprah's Book Club women, their smoking jacket CEO husbands, and their snot nosed, red Kool-aid top lip stained children. I have too quickly achieved the American dream. BOO!
Boo on the fact that I have accomplished this task so soon, and boo on the fact that now that I have done it, I'm not enjoying it! No one told me that owning a home was going to have psychological disadvantages.
I mean, honestly, I feel like I have come back home to die. As if college was my treatment for a terminal disease and graduation was the day they gave me my certain period of time to live, so they sent me home to enjoy it while I could. I know, morbid as hell, but think about it. I feel so stagnate! Like, this is it. But there is so much I haven't done yet... so much that I haven't seen yet... so much that I still don't have... Honestly, it's a cruel irony, this whole situation.
So, what does that mean... why of course! I'm going to start selling pot like Mary-Louise Parker in Weeds! Nah... that might severly jeopardize my day job. No, seriously, as Sheryl Crow says, "I think a change would do me good." Now what exactly does THAT mean? I guess y'all will just have to wait and see just how crazy I am.
I do know one thing... I'm getting the first season of Weeds when it comes out with the QUICKNESS!
"...and they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same."
So I began to think to myself... holy crap, I'm in the heart of suburbia. Honestly, this is not where I saw myself my first year out of college. I am surrounded by extremely settled, hoity toity, Oprah's Book Club women, their smoking jacket CEO husbands, and their snot nosed, red Kool-aid top lip stained children. I have too quickly achieved the American dream. BOO!
Boo on the fact that I have accomplished this task so soon, and boo on the fact that now that I have done it, I'm not enjoying it! No one told me that owning a home was going to have psychological disadvantages.
I mean, honestly, I feel like I have come back home to die. As if college was my treatment for a terminal disease and graduation was the day they gave me my certain period of time to live, so they sent me home to enjoy it while I could. I know, morbid as hell, but think about it. I feel so stagnate! Like, this is it. But there is so much I haven't done yet... so much that I haven't seen yet... so much that I still don't have... Honestly, it's a cruel irony, this whole situation.
So, what does that mean... why of course! I'm going to start selling pot like Mary-Louise Parker in Weeds! Nah... that might severly jeopardize my day job. No, seriously, as Sheryl Crow says, "I think a change would do me good." Now what exactly does THAT mean? I guess y'all will just have to wait and see just how crazy I am.
I do know one thing... I'm getting the first season of Weeds when it comes out with the QUICKNESS!
"...and they're all made out of ticky tacky and they all look just the same."
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
it's not even a full moon
Deshyea almost got buckwild on 3 little boys today... all because they said she was "smoking trees with her black lips." WTF kinda cut down is that?! GAWD!
My terrible children can't even deliver a decent cut down! It makes me SO MAD for SEVERAL reasons.
1. Their cut downs usually make no sense and don't adequately poke fun at a student's true physical flaws. For example, Deshyea does NOT have black lips. And I brought this to the boys' attention. However, she is taller than EVERYONE else in the class. A more suitable cut down would be, "Gurl, you so tall, when i come up to talk to you, all I see is yo' ashy knees!"
2. Their cut downs call someone stupid and then state a reason that is not at all related. For example, one might say, "You so dumb, yo' shoes are bobos!" or "Yo' momma so fat that you pick your nose!" Boo.
3. These STUPID cut downs make kids mad! UGH! Like Deshyea for example, came up to me and was like, "Khavis said I smoke trees." I was like, "Deshyea, that doesn't make sense. And besides, is it true?" She was like, "No." So I was like, "Well, then, don't worry about him. He's being silly. Just ignore him." Well, about an hour later at lunch, the girl is in tears because people have been walking around chanting "TREES!" in front of her. The only reason I addressed the issue was because she was crying. But omg, if we had not been at school and this had been a situation at camp, I would have gone off...
Deshyea, get over it! What is wrong with you?! You are upset 'cause these little boys are saying the word "trees" around you? Lord girl, is it making you upset because you are tall like a tree?... No?... Then what is the problem?... They said you do what with trees?! Deshyea, look at that tree out the window. Tell me how in the world can you smoke a big old tree like that? Hmm... Your lips don't look big enough to put that in your mouth to me. And even if you did put that big ol' tree in your mouth, your lips would not be black... probably brown from the dirt, but seriosuly. Now think about it... who isn't making sense here?... Right, they aren't. But look at this! Neither are you! Why are you crying over this stupid statement that these ignorant boys have said to you. If you can look at that big ol' rusty tree and tell me that there is no human way for you to smoke it, then why are you crying about it?... Now tell me this... If you COULD smoke that tree, would you do it? 'Cause if so, then I might make fun of you too. And then you'd have a reason to cry if I made fun of you, first of all because my cut down would actually be something good, not stupid like what these boys have been saying to you. Wanna hear? I'd say something like, "Gurl, you smoke trees?! What kind of dummy walks up to a tree and says, 'Mmmm, I'm gonna smoke that tree and it's gonna be off da chain!'? That is so whack. Smoking cigarettes is bad, but smoking trees is just STOOPID!"... Yeah, that was funny wasn't it?... Now what they said, "You got black lips, so you must smoke trees" is what?... STOOPID, right! See? Don't worry about those boys. In a few years, they're gonna look at you and be like, "Dang, Deshyea is BANGIN'! Why did I have to go and talk about her lips back in 4th grade?! I sure do wish I could kiss those same lips now!" And you can just walk by, give them the nastiest look, make a smoochy face and say, "Ha. I'd rather smoke a tree." Ooh yeah, gurl, you'll get even...
But alas, you can't talk to kids like that at school. It would have been so more effective than the resolution that I had to come to today. I so wish I could have gone off on those boys though... not for being mean to Deshyea, but on their LUDICROUS cut down. Boo...
My terrible children can't even deliver a decent cut down! It makes me SO MAD for SEVERAL reasons.
1. Their cut downs usually make no sense and don't adequately poke fun at a student's true physical flaws. For example, Deshyea does NOT have black lips. And I brought this to the boys' attention. However, she is taller than EVERYONE else in the class. A more suitable cut down would be, "Gurl, you so tall, when i come up to talk to you, all I see is yo' ashy knees!"
2. Their cut downs call someone stupid and then state a reason that is not at all related. For example, one might say, "You so dumb, yo' shoes are bobos!" or "Yo' momma so fat that you pick your nose!" Boo.
3. These STUPID cut downs make kids mad! UGH! Like Deshyea for example, came up to me and was like, "Khavis said I smoke trees." I was like, "Deshyea, that doesn't make sense. And besides, is it true?" She was like, "No." So I was like, "Well, then, don't worry about him. He's being silly. Just ignore him." Well, about an hour later at lunch, the girl is in tears because people have been walking around chanting "TREES!" in front of her. The only reason I addressed the issue was because she was crying. But omg, if we had not been at school and this had been a situation at camp, I would have gone off...
Deshyea, get over it! What is wrong with you?! You are upset 'cause these little boys are saying the word "trees" around you? Lord girl, is it making you upset because you are tall like a tree?... No?... Then what is the problem?... They said you do what with trees?! Deshyea, look at that tree out the window. Tell me how in the world can you smoke a big old tree like that? Hmm... Your lips don't look big enough to put that in your mouth to me. And even if you did put that big ol' tree in your mouth, your lips would not be black... probably brown from the dirt, but seriosuly. Now think about it... who isn't making sense here?... Right, they aren't. But look at this! Neither are you! Why are you crying over this stupid statement that these ignorant boys have said to you. If you can look at that big ol' rusty tree and tell me that there is no human way for you to smoke it, then why are you crying about it?... Now tell me this... If you COULD smoke that tree, would you do it? 'Cause if so, then I might make fun of you too. And then you'd have a reason to cry if I made fun of you, first of all because my cut down would actually be something good, not stupid like what these boys have been saying to you. Wanna hear? I'd say something like, "Gurl, you smoke trees?! What kind of dummy walks up to a tree and says, 'Mmmm, I'm gonna smoke that tree and it's gonna be off da chain!'? That is so whack. Smoking cigarettes is bad, but smoking trees is just STOOPID!"... Yeah, that was funny wasn't it?... Now what they said, "You got black lips, so you must smoke trees" is what?... STOOPID, right! See? Don't worry about those boys. In a few years, they're gonna look at you and be like, "Dang, Deshyea is BANGIN'! Why did I have to go and talk about her lips back in 4th grade?! I sure do wish I could kiss those same lips now!" And you can just walk by, give them the nastiest look, make a smoochy face and say, "Ha. I'd rather smoke a tree." Ooh yeah, gurl, you'll get even...
But alas, you can't talk to kids like that at school. It would have been so more effective than the resolution that I had to come to today. I so wish I could have gone off on those boys though... not for being mean to Deshyea, but on their LUDICROUS cut down. Boo...
Monday, October 10, 2005
on bananas and bubble tea
"Just another manic Monday..." well, that just doesn't do today justice! Today was actually a decent Monday, if Mondays could ever be described as decent. I woke up at 6, wanted to go back to sleep, but braved the week anyway.
And I just have to say that the children in room 249 of East North Street Academy might have finally gotten their ish together. Either that, or I have put the fear of God and the fear of the wrath of Mr. Parks on them (actually, one of my students' moms is to blame... that sista came up to the school within 10 minutes of me e-mailing her about her son's behavior, and ever since, things have been different). They know I don't play. Even the plant engineer said something that sorta resembled a compliment: "Haven't heard your kids much lately. You must have got them under control." I kinda looked at him funny as I stood there in front of the microwave waiting for my soup to warm up. Part of me wanted to say, "Shut up, you're the 'plant engineer.'" Another part of me wanted to say, "Why the hell do you care if you hear my kids or not? You still haven't fixed my damn pencil sharpener." But the Jesus in me said, "Well, they're getting there." He just laughed and walked away. I SO should have said, ""Haven't had any sharpened pencils in class lately. You must have lots of other plants to engineer." Lord, let me stop...
Anyway, besides getting "D-Boed" by the head janitor, one of my students decided to throw a conniption fit over the fact that it was Columbus Day and we had school. Frankly, if anyone was gonna be pissed that there was no holiday, it should have been me. The student that got all pissed came to school and had a damn holiday anyway! He never does any work. Anyway, he was all like, "Every other school I went to gave us Columbus Day off." I could have cared less that today was Columbus Day. Do we get any presents or have a big feast because Columbus ACCIDENTALLY found the Americas? No. So why should we care? Ironically enough, it is what we are studying in Social Studies this week (It really worked out great). But other than the educational aspect of Columbus's "great discovery," no one cares. It's just October's sorry attempt to be a cool month and have 2 holidays. You suck, October.
When I got home, I did the daily routine of nothing. Oh yes, it is absolutely fabulous (wink, wink). Even though I miss college a lot, there is nothing better than coming home and knowing you have NOTHING to do. No homework, nothing to grade, nothing to plan for... It seems almost sinful to be so slothful! Oh well... I spent 6 and a half hours with 20 4th graders today... I deserve a break.
Anyway, I was so honored by the instant messaging company of my buddy Michael... but we'll call him Freddie the AGR. Freddie rocks my face off. I mean, honestly... I was in stitches talking to him. But where he is different from my little special ones, he makes me laugh and think at the same time. My chilluns just make me laugh... and throw up in my mouth a little every once in a while... but now that I think of it, ol' Freddie made me do the same thing: "This shit is bananas: b-a-n-a-n-a-s."
Ew.
Think about it. Yeah, he made me think about it. Apparently, the outrageously overplayed, disgustingly annoying anthem of the summer really isn't random at all. When we all were wondering what shit was bananas, Freddie had it all figured out. THIS shit is bananas... Gwen's... Thanks for that, Gwen; we all feel like we are a part of your "Tragic Kingdom" now. And thanks, Freddie... let's ride to AGR Mountain Weekend in your domestic Mazda... lol.
Finally, I wound down the ever so magnificent Monday with a trip to Pho #1. It's this Vietnamese Pho Noodle restaurant that Kate and I went to last week. The Pho is... interesting. It's good, but I just don't like the fact that my chicken noodle soup tasted like Crest. They put mint leaves in the soup. Silly Asians, mint is for toothpaste! However, those same silly Asians came up with the most intriguing dessert drink ever: BUBBLE TEA! Oh, frabjous bubble tea, how you tease my mind with the name avocado, but the flavor so sweet and rich! How your tapioca pearls enrapt my teeth in a whirlwind of oral ecstacy while my tongue is...
...oh, sorry. Yeah... Bubble Tea. It's like a milkshake with little flavorless chewy pellets at the bottom. The flavor I had was Avocado... Yeah, when I asked the lady last week, she was like, "Yes, avocado." I was like, "Like the kind they use in guacamole?" Sure enough, the drink was made out of avocados. I dunno how they do it. It's like how they put mayonnaise in the chocolate cake at Macaroni Grill and it still comes out tasting good. Just makes you wonder who sat down and said:
"Hey lets make a milkshake out of avocados! And it'll be even better if we mix in mayonnaise!"
"Nah. Lets put tapioca balls in it... we can put the mayonnaise in this chocolate cake batter!"
"Wait a minute, that's not chocolate cake batter..."
"Omigod! This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!"
And I just have to say that the children in room 249 of East North Street Academy might have finally gotten their ish together. Either that, or I have put the fear of God and the fear of the wrath of Mr. Parks on them (actually, one of my students' moms is to blame... that sista came up to the school within 10 minutes of me e-mailing her about her son's behavior, and ever since, things have been different). They know I don't play. Even the plant engineer said something that sorta resembled a compliment: "Haven't heard your kids much lately. You must have got them under control." I kinda looked at him funny as I stood there in front of the microwave waiting for my soup to warm up. Part of me wanted to say, "Shut up, you're the 'plant engineer.'" Another part of me wanted to say, "Why the hell do you care if you hear my kids or not? You still haven't fixed my damn pencil sharpener." But the Jesus in me said, "Well, they're getting there." He just laughed and walked away. I SO should have said, ""Haven't had any sharpened pencils in class lately. You must have lots of other plants to engineer." Lord, let me stop...
Anyway, besides getting "D-Boed" by the head janitor, one of my students decided to throw a conniption fit over the fact that it was Columbus Day and we had school. Frankly, if anyone was gonna be pissed that there was no holiday, it should have been me. The student that got all pissed came to school and had a damn holiday anyway! He never does any work. Anyway, he was all like, "Every other school I went to gave us Columbus Day off." I could have cared less that today was Columbus Day. Do we get any presents or have a big feast because Columbus ACCIDENTALLY found the Americas? No. So why should we care? Ironically enough, it is what we are studying in Social Studies this week (It really worked out great). But other than the educational aspect of Columbus's "great discovery," no one cares. It's just October's sorry attempt to be a cool month and have 2 holidays. You suck, October.
When I got home, I did the daily routine of nothing. Oh yes, it is absolutely fabulous (wink, wink). Even though I miss college a lot, there is nothing better than coming home and knowing you have NOTHING to do. No homework, nothing to grade, nothing to plan for... It seems almost sinful to be so slothful! Oh well... I spent 6 and a half hours with 20 4th graders today... I deserve a break.
Anyway, I was so honored by the instant messaging company of my buddy Michael... but we'll call him Freddie the AGR. Freddie rocks my face off. I mean, honestly... I was in stitches talking to him. But where he is different from my little special ones, he makes me laugh and think at the same time. My chilluns just make me laugh... and throw up in my mouth a little every once in a while... but now that I think of it, ol' Freddie made me do the same thing: "This shit is bananas: b-a-n-a-n-a-s."
Ew.
Think about it. Yeah, he made me think about it. Apparently, the outrageously overplayed, disgustingly annoying anthem of the summer really isn't random at all. When we all were wondering what shit was bananas, Freddie had it all figured out. THIS shit is bananas... Gwen's... Thanks for that, Gwen; we all feel like we are a part of your "Tragic Kingdom" now. And thanks, Freddie... let's ride to AGR Mountain Weekend in your domestic Mazda... lol.
Finally, I wound down the ever so magnificent Monday with a trip to Pho #1. It's this Vietnamese Pho Noodle restaurant that Kate and I went to last week. The Pho is... interesting. It's good, but I just don't like the fact that my chicken noodle soup tasted like Crest. They put mint leaves in the soup. Silly Asians, mint is for toothpaste! However, those same silly Asians came up with the most intriguing dessert drink ever: BUBBLE TEA! Oh, frabjous bubble tea, how you tease my mind with the name avocado, but the flavor so sweet and rich! How your tapioca pearls enrapt my teeth in a whirlwind of oral ecstacy while my tongue is...
...oh, sorry. Yeah... Bubble Tea. It's like a milkshake with little flavorless chewy pellets at the bottom. The flavor I had was Avocado... Yeah, when I asked the lady last week, she was like, "Yes, avocado." I was like, "Like the kind they use in guacamole?" Sure enough, the drink was made out of avocados. I dunno how they do it. It's like how they put mayonnaise in the chocolate cake at Macaroni Grill and it still comes out tasting good. Just makes you wonder who sat down and said:
"Hey lets make a milkshake out of avocados! And it'll be even better if we mix in mayonnaise!"
"Nah. Lets put tapioca balls in it... we can put the mayonnaise in this chocolate cake batter!"
"Wait a minute, that's not chocolate cake batter..."
"Omigod! This shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!"
Sunday, October 09, 2005
the harsh reality
Well, you must forgive me for my lack in writing... it really isn't because I've been incredibly busy or anything. I have basically not written because I am trying to hide the sad fact that there is nothing to write about. See, in writing this sad and uber-tragic entry, I am basically showing you, the reader, that my life has turned into a monotonous ball of boredom that can't be enjoyed by reading this blog anymore. I live in Greer. And the most exciting thing to happen in Greer this weekend was the 4 car wreck outside of my house this evening (seriously, that was pretty much the most exciting thing going on in the 29650 this weekend).
I did go to the Mauldin Tournament of Bands to see Eastside, Seneca, and Tiger Band. Eastside made me proud even though they got last place in their class. Seneca gor 2nd out of 4, which made me happy, but I really don't think they deserved that. Tiger Band rocked out like no other (of course), and I slumped to the all time low of a tragic whooping and hollering Clemson alum when they took the field. The only sad part is that while the Pickens County backwash that acts a fool at games (and didn't even matriculate at Clemson) is usually drunk, I was very sober... boo. And I still acted the f-ing fool. BOO!
Oh well. It's past 10, and the school week starts tomorrow... God, let me just tell you that I LOVE weekends. I would really appreciate it if you could make the next 4 days fly by so it will be Friday. I would enjoy that a lot. Thanks. And if you don't mind... could you please add a little spice to my sad existence down here. I'm getting a little bored...
I did go to the Mauldin Tournament of Bands to see Eastside, Seneca, and Tiger Band. Eastside made me proud even though they got last place in their class. Seneca gor 2nd out of 4, which made me happy, but I really don't think they deserved that. Tiger Band rocked out like no other (of course), and I slumped to the all time low of a tragic whooping and hollering Clemson alum when they took the field. The only sad part is that while the Pickens County backwash that acts a fool at games (and didn't even matriculate at Clemson) is usually drunk, I was very sober... boo. And I still acted the f-ing fool. BOO!
Oh well. It's past 10, and the school week starts tomorrow... God, let me just tell you that I LOVE weekends. I would really appreciate it if you could make the next 4 days fly by so it will be Friday. I would enjoy that a lot. Thanks. And if you don't mind... could you please add a little spice to my sad existence down here. I'm getting a little bored...
Monday, October 03, 2005
higher education 'n thangs
Well, I am blogging to you from the comfort of my own home, at last. The cable guy came on Saturday... it was quite early considering the late night spent with Nick, Tommy, and Bobby. God, I love my friends from Clemson. In a way, it's like I'm not so terribly removed.
Anyway, things are pretty good. Honestly, I have to pinch myself every once in a while, and even make big deals out of petty things. Things seem to be going just a little too well. My kids at school have finally gained a sense of decorum, things around the townhouse are better, Livvi is slowly but surely beoming a pleasure to be around, and the few friends I have here in Greenville are so awesome, and the perfect supplement to my Clemson friends that I still see pretty frequently.
Yes. Things are good. The only thing I hate is the monotony of the week... AND the weekend for that matter. Everything is always the same. In reality, college was pretty monotonous too, but I think there was so much drama to throw in there that every day seemed to bring something new and exciting. I suppose that is why I have turned to television dramas such as The OC (LOVE IT!), Reunion (ridiculously frustrating, but so good!), and a show that I watch weekly with Aaron, Brandon, and Jared, Weeds. Yeah, so just be proud that I have matriculated out of the college of Nickelodeon and into the graduate school of prime-time.
Speaking of matriculating, I would like to publicly congratulate North Greenville College on it's newly appointed University status! It's so exciting, seeing how my dad works there and I have a few friends that attend there. Ever since my dad started working there, I have been highly impressed with the school. Even though it is LUDICROUSLY close to home, I would be okay with my brother attending that institution. It isn't at all a "collich" (see the SuburbanDictionary). So yes, congrats to North Greenville University. Sounds nice!
And speaking of my dad, he's taking the family out to dinner tonight because last night he burned the green beans. My mom called them New Orleans style, in reference to the cajun style. My dad thought she was being inconsiderate and relating it to the hurricane. She sure as hell wasn't, cause I bet those sorry green beans wished they had just a little bit of moisture... they were some sad green, I mean, black beans...
So, I guess living close to the parentals has its advantages... haha... but not living with them has SO many more!
Anyway, things are pretty good. Honestly, I have to pinch myself every once in a while, and even make big deals out of petty things. Things seem to be going just a little too well. My kids at school have finally gained a sense of decorum, things around the townhouse are better, Livvi is slowly but surely beoming a pleasure to be around, and the few friends I have here in Greenville are so awesome, and the perfect supplement to my Clemson friends that I still see pretty frequently.
Yes. Things are good. The only thing I hate is the monotony of the week... AND the weekend for that matter. Everything is always the same. In reality, college was pretty monotonous too, but I think there was so much drama to throw in there that every day seemed to bring something new and exciting. I suppose that is why I have turned to television dramas such as The OC (LOVE IT!), Reunion (ridiculously frustrating, but so good!), and a show that I watch weekly with Aaron, Brandon, and Jared, Weeds. Yeah, so just be proud that I have matriculated out of the college of Nickelodeon and into the graduate school of prime-time.
Speaking of matriculating, I would like to publicly congratulate North Greenville College on it's newly appointed University status! It's so exciting, seeing how my dad works there and I have a few friends that attend there. Ever since my dad started working there, I have been highly impressed with the school. Even though it is LUDICROUSLY close to home, I would be okay with my brother attending that institution. It isn't at all a "collich" (see the SuburbanDictionary). So yes, congrats to North Greenville University. Sounds nice!
And speaking of my dad, he's taking the family out to dinner tonight because last night he burned the green beans. My mom called them New Orleans style, in reference to the cajun style. My dad thought she was being inconsiderate and relating it to the hurricane. She sure as hell wasn't, cause I bet those sorry green beans wished they had just a little bit of moisture... they were some sad green, I mean, black beans...
So, I guess living close to the parentals has its advantages... haha... but not living with them has SO many more!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
