jenee's blog made me do it

At random times of the day, I always get these great things to write about... and I always forget them... ::sigh:: It's okay though. I wasn't going to write tonight... I'm at home, bein' bored online... was actually doin' a little PEek. Then I decided to read Jenee's blog. Well, for those of you who know Jenee, know how militant she is and how tough she is... well, her blog entry today is just tender... Funny how a guy's appearance at church can take away from the whole Easter experience... although, there really was nothing wrong with the brokenness she felt today. I wish I was there to give her a hug. It just goes to show that we all need someone... even those of us who appear like we have really got it all together... sometimes all it takes is something remotely dealing with the r-word, and we are garbage messes.

Anyway, after the USC fan, I dunno what to think about the r-word. Honestly, I feel like a big prick. I mean, for someone as tragic as me, was I too picky? I know I'm not picky... I mean, Patrick and Nick always tell me about how I have such different taste than them. I really try to look on the inside of a person... and in all reality, usually, personality makes a person more physically attractive. Anyway, next month on the 7th will be exactly 4 years from when I started my last r-word... then October will bring 4 years of singleness... While it's sad, it kinda makes me feel tough. Like, I've held on for 4 years and I'm still somewhat sane. Thats a whole college generation...

And right now, I'm in one of those faithful moods... you know. If you have even remotely followed me in my blog(s), you will know that I go from being like I am now (uber-optimistic and patient) to being sad, depressed, and everything but suicidal... Right about now though, I am optimistic. I just think that I'm gonna be a senior... I'm gonna be 21 (in exactly 4 months from yesterday!)... I'm gonna have my own apartment... Things are just looking up. I can't help but hope for the best. But in all seriousness... the "best" kinda means the best person too... I'm not gonna settle... I guess I was picky when it came to the USC fan... but there are some things that I can't handle. And I think it's better to be single than to be in an r-thingy with someone you don't see eye to eye with.

Anyway... on another note. I am about to be a senior in college. I have reached the home stretch... and I am scared to death. I have so many questions... so many insecurities... so many options... so many what-ifs... I just want to be happy. Now this happiness... what does it entail? Is happiness going to get my masters, or going to teach? Is happiness going to UGA to get my masters, or going somewhere else? Is happiness teaching WHILE I am in school getting my masters? Is happiness getting my masters and then getting my Ph.D.? Look at all those questions... and that is just in the whole career aspect of my life... there's more too... do I want to take a job in Oconee County where I KNOW I'll get hired or do I want to go back to Greenville, or do I want to go to Georgia? UGH!

Well... I'm done rambling tonight. Only 8 more days of school this semester... Woo-de-la-hoo. I shall leave you with this from Jenee's blog which she got from Missy...

"She just wants someone to love her... And he just wants someone to love."

And with my poetic license, I will turn it around for me...

"He just wants someone to love him... And he just wants someone to love."

I love you, Jenee. We're in this together...