boo on hardee's

Well, I successfully blasted McDonalds a while back, but today, I am going to roast Hardee's.

Boo on you, Hardee's. Not for your food, or for the fact that you are a restaurant with an insane identity crisis (first you were burgers, then you were chicken, then you were breakfast, once again you are burgers), but boo on your marketing schemes. I HATE them.

First of all, it upsets me that the only way you can get people to eat your food is by sex appeal. Put that skamp Paris Hilton on TV in almost nothing eating a burger... ooh yeah... now it looks yummy. Boo on that. Unless you are selling a night with Paris Hilton as a gift with purchase for your overgrown mondo sized heart attack on a bun, then you need to have the normal burger eating man on TV advertising your sandwich: a big fat lard ass 40 something year old sitting in a singlewide on cinder blocks in front of a black and white 16 inch TV sitting on a busted floor model TV in Mountain Rest, SC. Yeah. Boo.

Secondly, why are your burgers so big?! I mean, I guess that is what your big selling point is... big burgers... advertised by big brested hobitches. Yeah. Seriously though... half of your Monster (oh my gawd, I'm so scared!) Thickburger is one person's daily value of calories. You are seriously going to be the death of the redneck population. How do you feel about that?

Thirdly (and the reason why I am writing this tirade), when you get done flashing half nekkid women in your advertisements, the big grande burger plops down in front of the viewer. Yeah, it's what you see on TV. But I was checking my Yahoo! mail, and lo and behold, a Spicy BBQ Thickburger plops down on my computer screen. Just the image of that big heff of a burger plopping on top of my inbox was enough to really set me off.

Oh, Hardee's. Please do better.

But don't get me wrong... you are delicious. LOL.

ben folds and being at home

Well, I am officially out of Clemson. It feels really weird.

Camp is over. I'm out of 101 A. I'm out of Manning Hall. I don't have a residence in Clemson any longer. It really is an insanely weird feeling. I am seriously HOME, you know? I haven't really called my house here in Greer home since high school, but for the next month it is. Thankfully, it is only home for this month, because just for being home these past few hours, I can tell this is going to get very old very fast.

Enough of that... 'cause I don't want to get all emotional about missing Clemson right yet either.

But, BEN FOLDS WAS SO INCREDIBLY AMAZING! I mean seriously. He played so many awesome songs and rocked out just like I expected. He played several songs I didn't know, but of the ones that I did know were "Gone," "Still Fighting It," "Not the Same" (SO AWESOME!), "Brick," "Philosophy," "Army" (and it was f-ing GREAT!), "Rocking the Suburbs," and "One Angry Dwarf and 2000 Solemn Faces." He is so incredibly talented it is unreal. In one song, he was singing, playing the piano, AND playing a maraca all at the same time. UGH! He is so great. Plus, his lyrics are so intense. Yeah, some of them are hella controversial and insanely vulgar, but they are so real... all about life.

This was a great weekend... a great end of college. Moving out of the apartment and the dorm (and I got EVERYTHING out of my dorm in ONE trip... I could ONLY see out of the driver's side window and the driver's side dash... Kyle was SO full)... road tripping to ATL with Karen and Patrick... and now at home...

...home.

sprinklers

I just got back from playing in the sprinklers on the intramural fields. Hoke, Laura, and I were driving to the motorpool to pick up vans (to drive the kids around in because it is way too hot to be walking around outside), when I noticed the sprinklers on. The first thing that came to my mind was running out there in all my clothes in order to cool off. So I suggested it. Laura had this look on her face like, "Hmm, that sure is crazy, but it might be fun." Hoke seemed completely against the whole thing. I really wanted to do it, but I knew that I wasn't going to do it without at least one of them.

So, turns out that we all went out there. Three of us... big rusty college kids, playing in automatic sprinklers in all of our clothes.

It made me think... is it okay for me to still be doing stuff like that? I mean, I am about to be a grown up. I am buying a house. I have a real job. Is it okay for me to still be that crazy and spontaneous? I feel like with growing up, you have to lose that childish side of yourself. I mean, in all seriousness, I don't think that I'm much of an adult... except in years. I still watch Nickelodeon, I don't make my bed everyday, I would much rather be out in the street than sititng at home, the background on my computer is from the forthcoming Harry Potter movie. How many 4th grade teachers are out there that are like me?

I feel like because of my job and new financial responsibilities, a certain amount of sophistication is required. I mean, that's how I FEEL. Does that mean that I am going to change a lot about me? Heck no. As far as I'm concerned, I can be me and be an exciting and effective teacher. Seriously, my spontinaity and active lifestyle should have no bearing on my career. I feel like Kalani is someone who can definitely juggle the awesome responsibility of being a self sufficient educator and an incredibly fun and outgoing young adult. I have always respected that about her and secretly hoped that I could come to that level of sophistication myself. It seems as if it makes her even more sophisticated in a way...

At any rate, playing in the sprinklers was fun... and even if I am not going to dramatically change and become a boring old fart once camp is over, it served as a good "final" act of spontinaity.

disturbed

I was thinking today, that I haven't been writing very frequently. I can't have that. It makes me feel like one of those people who only get online to put up away messages about how perfect or terrible their life is. I'm not gonna be like that, although it prolly seems like that because before the new house thing I was bitching in here quite frequently.

I am disturbed though. I just got done reading Harry Potter 6 and needless to say, I am "crestfallen" like Nick says. I'm not going to go into it though, because I was actually one of the people here at camp who was able to finish the book without getting ANYTHING ruined. It was a difficult task... this is nerd camp and these kids get off on reading 600 page books in a day and broadcasting what happens. What makes them think that that makes them cool?

Anyway, I'm SO ready to be done with camp. This is the last week (thank God), and I am up for doing whatever I please and NOT doing whatever I don't please. I mean, I'm still gonna do enough to get the job done, but I am not going out of my way for anything... I'm out of this joint on Saturday and into my new job on AUGUST 2!!! We have a new employee orientation next Tuesday! I can't believe it.

I am hoping and praying that there will be a lot of COOL new teachers my age right out of college working at ENSA with me. I LOVED Code and I ADORED Mrs. Stephens, but it made me feel so good to have Christy and Jennifer there who were about my age that I could go to for extra support. Besides having people to relate to, hopefully I will make some friends to hang out with when we aren't at school. I talked to Momma Davis the other day and she has really got me excited about teaching and the extracurricular activities of teachers... lol.

Other than that, I am still missing my archies tremendously. I would give anything right now to have Ross knock on my door and say, "Hamilton's a dick." LOL. Oh Lord...

I think I might watch Harry Potter 1... and remember the good ol' days when all Harry had to worry about was Voldemort living in the back of that stuttering fool's head...

the best archies ever

Well, camp might as well be over. It isn't, but it really might as well be. Yesterday, the majority of my campers went home. They had been here for 2 weeks. Ironically, they were archies.

It is pretty common knowledge that I despise architect students to no end. All last summer and the first group this summer, the archies characterized themselves as pompous, arrogant, super stylish, better than everyone gods and goddesses of the teehage world. That's why I hated them so much. Not only did they think they were better than the other kids, but they thought they were better than all the counselors except the one that walked them to class.

Well, the past 2 weeks, I had 8 archie boys on my hall and they were my favorite campers from both this summer and last. The 2 boys Nick had and the girls were good too, but I really really enjoyed my guys.

There was Nate, the Clemson native baller with the incredibly loud music; David from Seneca, the violin and oboe playing Govie with the distinctive voice and popped collars (yes, 2 of them at a time); Kyle the sophisticated Yankee with high expectations of his wife; Alex the quiet and compassionate intellectual that slept like it was his job; Ross the Chucktown skater thug who could dance, freestyle, and improve like it was nobody's business; Tanner from Enoree whose expertise was pissing people off and proving to people that he WASN'T a redneck; Tommy the beast from Irmo who was always useful in causing physical harm to David or Tanner; and Joe Cool from Indianapolis who over the past 2 weeks realized that his Josh Hartnett looks could be of good use.

These guys were awesome. I had so much fun cutting up with them, recording ridiculous dialogue with them on Nate's MP3 player, and watching them terrorize David and Tanner (all in good fun of course).

I still have Brian and Tony left, who have been here the past 2 weeks as well. They are very cool also. But, the 5 others that came last Sunday are just mediocre at best. Will thinks he's too cool, Grayson is bald, Sam is really shy, Tommy is just weird and Blaze...

...his name is Blaze.

They really don't do anything to piss me off, it's just that they have a whole different dynamic than the archies did. Thankfully, they go home in 6 days... and I leave Clemson FOR GOOD.

i don't know why

-Norah Jones

I don't know why the parking nazis have it out for me. I really truly don't. It's like they seriously have a picture of my car on the dash of EVERY parking services vehicle and my license tag number engrained in their memories. My car is ALWAYS the one to get ticketed. I know that half the time, I am in the wrong and I shouldn't be where I am for as long as I am, but THE SAME SHOULD GO FOR EVERYONE ON CAMPUS.

Right now, Nick's car, Aurora, has been in its spot for at LEAST an hour. There is a desk assistant, Jake, whose car has been in its spot since this morning. It's 2:20 pm. What the HELL is up with that? Why are their cars safe and mine isn't?

Forget that... last week, it wasn't even MY car that was ticketed. When I had the Rottweiler up here, IT got a ticket. Those stupid parking whores just know vehicles that I drive and seek them out to ticket them. I hate them SO much.

...just another reason why I can't wait to get out of Clemson... just 9 more days!

Oh, and closing on the townhouse has been moved up to September 2nd in order to secure a lower interest rate. w00t for that.

the great compromise

Well, I am glad to report that I did not experiment with any handguns over the weekend. It got close for a minute... It really was one of the most frustrating weekends of my life... to have to stand up against my parents for something that I wanted and was fully entitled to, even though it was disappointing to them.

I had said that my parents were impossible. That is the furthest thing from the truth ever. I seriously take back everything that I said about them. In all reality, I am the impossible one. I just don't like talking to my parents... not because I don't like them, but I don't express myself well in speech. If you let me write something down, I can do a pretty good job of expressing my feelings. I never gave them the opportunity to sit down and talk to me about my living situation. I was under the impression that they were going to bring me back into the house and treat me the way that I was treated in high school. That just isn't acceptable. Ironically, even they felt that way.

So, I will not be moving into an apartment with Kate.

I came to this conclusion after about a 2 hour discussion with both of my parents. It got a little hot at moments, but in the end, I realized why they didn't want me to rent and that they didn't want to control my life.

The funny thing is, they let me sit there and argue with them for 2 hours, just so they could pull out a new home brochure to show me some townhomes they thought I would like. The thing had been sitting on the table the whole time, but I didn't pay it any attention. My parents said that the night before while they were preparing for our little discussion, they passed by and thought they would be perfect for me. Ironically, the townhomes had caught my eye before, but I had NO intention of buying a place at all. My parents on the other hand did...

So, the great compromise was for me to buy a townhome at The Reserve at Riverside. The mortgage for the townhome would be the same as total rent at an apartment, so I could buy the place and Kate could rent from me. It sounded good... a little too good to be true. But in all reality, it wasn't.

We went to the townhomes, about 3 miles away from my parents' house, and toured 3 different models. The third, the Summerton was the one that I liked the most. It just so happened that the last townhome on the right in the front of the development was a Summerton and was available. The house was perfect: brick front, upgraded cabinetry, molding, appliances, and carpet. Plus, since it was on the end of the unit, it had side windows, which aren't standard.

My parents asked if I liked it.

I said yes.

I bought the house... put the sold sign out in front of it and everything.

Yeah... seriously. It required only a credit check and a very small downpayment. Surprisingly, even though I have no credit cards, I have exceptional credit... apparently my parents put my name on one of their cards but never let me use it. They used it and kept payments up to date. So, I was cleared to purchase the place.

So, I am scheduled to close on MY townhome, 29 Stratus Court, on September 10... the day after I get my first paycheck.

...damn, it feels good to be a homeowner.

complaining

I hate my life.

But before I delve into that, before you scowl and say, "Hamilton has nothing to worry about," you don't know me. Maybe you know me, but you don't know me as much as I do. EVERYONE has their own issues, and no one person's situation is any worse than another. People are individuals and the ONLY person that knows EVERYTHING about a person is that person. My issues are big for me, just like Sharonaqueeshakaneleka's problems are big for her. So don't make light of anyone's situation... and don't claim to know anything about anyone. You don't know anyone but yourself (and just in case anyone is wondering, this is not directed to any one person... this is a blanket statement to the entire internet community).

My parents are impossible. Point blank. I don't want to go into that any further.

My kidneys don't work. I don't talk about this much in here, just because I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. And it is WAY more serious than anyone knows or claims to know, so how's that for thinking you know me?

"I don't believe in love so I can't be saved..." -Ben Folds Five
(Not really a big issue as of late, but it's still worth hating my life for)

That's about it. And ironically, I'm not in a terrible mood. I've just been carrying on like things are normal. I'm not mad or sad... just tickled at how f-ed up my situation is. Don't get me wrong... I am really thankful for the things in my life that ARE going right. They are the few things that can make me smile in the midst of my crazy parents, revolting kidneys, and unbelief of love.

When my mom was talking to me this morning (or shall I say barking), I really thought about how easy it would be to put a gun in my mouth... not kidding... It would make things so much easier. I'm not going to of course... first of all, I don't know where I would get a gun, and secondly, I would be too scared that I would miss and mess things up even more.

Whatever.

hot mama

I wish that this post could be about the wonderful and beautiful Laura Davis, but alas, it can't. It's about MY mom... and as wonderful and as beautiful as she is, that isn't what this is about either.

My mom was HOT yesterday when I told her about my plans not to move back home. Yes... hot as in upset. I want to make it plain and clear that she is not upset because she wants me home... or at least that's what she said. Honestly, I believe her. I believe that she doesn't want me home so she can rule my life, although, knowing my mother and the stipulations that would be put on me by moving home, I can't help but think that a little part of her does want me home for that reason. Anyway, she says that I will be making "the biggest mistake of my life." She is SO against renting it isn't even funny. And I mean, I understand that it isn't what she wants me to do, but I really don't see why she is getting so upset about it. People do things that other people don't agree with all the time... and it's not like I'm breaking the law or doing anything unmoral. Wait... I'm getting ahead of myself...

So, she kept going to say that she knows that it isn't a wise idea and that she has no clue how to make me see that I shouldn't do it (frankly because I think there isn't any terrible reason in the first place). She kept saying that I would never get a running start if I rented and that living at home would allow me to save money in order to buy something of my own later... and so on and so on... and I got this from my aunt, her sister about 5 minutes after I got it from her.

Okay, so now I'm ready to reason ('cause my parents say that I reason too much) about why I think this isn't such a bad idea. First of all... like I said earlier, I'm not doing anything wrong. By renting an apartment, I am doing what millions of people do. I mean, if it wasn't an okay thing, why would there be SO many apartments? And even if millions of people do it and it is "wrong", it isn't wrong in the eyes of the law or God... so, frankly, that should be the end of the conversation... but it's not.

Secondly, I don't want to live at home. It's that simple. I am almost 22... I have a college degree and a job. Why do I need to be under the watchful eye of my parents anymore? For this reason alone, I am okay with doing this, which they don't agree with. It's time that I made some decisions for myself. As Ben Folds says, "Don't Change Your Plans For Anyone."

Thirdly, the apartment is really not going to be that expensive... I haven't posted anything about this because I've been collecting my thoughts and thinking to myself about it since the proposal came up on Sunday night... Kate decided NOT to go to Memphis, but instead move to Greenville to work and go to school part time. So, she asked me if I would live with her. I thought about it at first, and about what my parents would say... and then I thought about it... Kate needs a roommate. I REALLY can't afford an apartment by myself. I don't want to live at home. Kate's my best friend. I knew it would be a good situation. So, for the past few days, my away message has been the words from the theme to the early 90's show Perfect Strangers:

Sometimes the world looks perfect
Nothing can be arranged
Sometimes you just get a feeling
Like you need some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time
Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart
And a long lost friend
Gives every dark street
A light at the end

Standing tall
On the wings of my dream
Rise and fall
On the wings of my dream

Through rain and thunder
Wind and haze
I'm bound for better days

It's my life
It's my dream
Nothing's gonna stop me now

Anyway, like I said, it's not going to be expensive at all. We went and looked at apartments yesterday. The one that we really liked was Brighton Park. They are really nice apartments in a great location and they are SO affordable... on top of that, because I am employed by the Greenville County School District, I get perks. It honestly is a very good situation... but there is NO way that I can convey that to my parents. I have pretty much decided that this is the first time that I am going to have to go my own direction. I really hate to disappoint them, but I really can't see anything wrong with what I'm doing. And seriously, I REALLY don't want them to be mad at me forever. This is the type of thing that could set them off for an eternity. Ugh.

Basically, I want to be a grown up... I don't want to throw my family away. I worked for 4 years to be at a place where I could support myself and carry on as a responsible adult. Plenty of responsible adults don't live with parents. Plenty of responsible adults rent. They had 22 years... I think they did a good job. It's time to give me a shot.

"time to say goodbye"

It was the moving song sung by Miss South Carolina 2005, Erika Powell, and ironically a fitting title for this time in my life.

Obviously, as you can tell from the first sentence, Kate did not win Miss South Carolina. However, she represented Clemson and all of us who believe in her platform extremely well. I wouldn't have had another Miss Clemson up there at all. The girl that did win, Erika Powell, is a very pretty, very talented girl as well. I think she will represent the state well at Miss America.

Now that Kate isn't continuing in pageants, she has decided to go to The University of Memphis for grad school. Yeah... talk about "time to say goodbye." I can't believe that she is leaving... and that we won't be close to each other any more. The past 3 years, I have spent so much with her and we have truly become best friends... the kind of friends that never get upset with one another... the kind of friends that have opposing views on things but still find a way to compromise... the kind of friends that will stick up for one another no matter what anyone says or does... She is just so awesome and I love her so much and I am so thankful for the friendship that we have. It's hard to even imagine what things are going to be like without having her around. Ugh...

On top of that, yesterday, I had to say goodbye to Kalani. She and Jesse left last night for Orlando where she is going to be teaching. Yesterday we went and had a last meal together and it was almost surreal. It was like I knew later this week we would be getting together to go to Monterrey's or going downtown or something.

It's all so surreal that I can't really even discuss it. These people that I have grown to love... it's not just that I'm leaving Clemson... but they are too... we are going our separate ways. The majority of my friends will still be here next year, but there are so many who did graduate that are starting new chapters in their lives and are just going all over the place. It's so weird.

Am I really not going to have any friends? There really aren't many people in Greenville... hardly anyone from high school... and even if there are, I've been away from them so long, we're practically different people. I know Deni is going to be there... at least until the end of the year... and Jess Hall is there (thank God), but other than that, there really isn't going to be anyone. And yes, Clemson is just up the road, but honestly, I DO want to move on. I just don't want to be "that guy" that still hangs around everyone that's still in school...

I dunno... this just sucks.

"Time to say goodbye." Oh Erika Powell, how you do what you do...

kyle v. the rottweiler

After a very nice, relaxing week at home, I am back in Clemson... the land of my own computer and intenet that doesn't shut off every time the wind blows.

There is one thing that is with me that normally isn't, and one thing that isn't with me that normally is. Kyle is out of commission this week, and at my disposal is my brother's Volvo, The Rottweiler.

I named his car The Rottweiler because it is black with tan interior, which are the colors of a rottweiler... not to mention my complete disdain for the dog and how much I don't like the fact that my brother idolizes his car to the point that he would rather wash his car than do something productive or enlightening... and then he will talk trash about my baby, Kyle.

Now Kyle doesn't look as good as The Rottweiler... I got Kyle a good 2 or 3 years before The Rottweiler came into the picture. Needless to say, it is more worn... and besides, my car goes up and down 123 numerous times a month, while The Rottweiler does good to drive past Furman to church once a week. And even while Kyle is not as shiny or intact as The Rottweiler, he runs fine. But...

...all this is going to change this week. The reason I have The Rottweiler is because Kyle is at the body shop gettin' all done up. Right before graudation, the drivers side door started being really difficult to close... like it wouldn't catch into the door frame. So, I told my dad about it, and we took it to the body shop yesterday. Not only is Kyle's door going to get fixed, but we are (finally) fixing the front driver's side headlight where my neighbor backed into my car, the back driver's side door where I scraped up against the ATM pole (ugh, Clay Aiken), and my dad is getting Kyle painted for my birthday! Yes... Kyle is going to be the "spawkwing diamond" in our driveway before too long.

So, I just had to write about that... and how much I miss Kyle... but just like I had to let go of Kate this week so she can shine at the Miss South Carolina pageant, I have to let him go so he can come back as the way cooler and more awesomer big brother to The Rottweiler (I know "awesomer" is not a word, but I used it... get off my nuts).

Speaking of Kate, tonight is the last night... where they announce the top 10 first thing and then they continue with the rest of the pageant, leading up to the crown at the end!!! I'm such a big pageant DORK now!!! GO MISS CLEMSON!

thoughts after the 3rd night of preliminaries

1. Miss Low State, Casey Armstrong, wore a dookieblue dress. I'm not even playing.

2. Miss Southern, Natoya Dingle, sang that song like it was nobody's business, but...

3. Miss Golden Corner, Erika Powell, is a dangerous girl. She won talent... and swimsuit last night.

4. That's okay because Miss Clemson, Kate Moon, is awesome and she was BANGIN' in her orange evening gown.

5. But really, who told Casey Armstrong that that brown and blue dress was going to be appropriate? I'm stripping her of her tragic title of Miss Low State and renaming her Miss Mauldin Hall, 'cause she definitely matched the dookieblue walls.

my top 10

(in random order)

Miss Greenville - Anna Rebecca Hanks* (3rd Runner Up)
Miss Golden Corner - Erika Grace Powell* (Miss South Carolina)
Miss Clemson - Kate Moon

Miss Marion County - Maegan Nicole Rogers

Miss Lancaster - Linh Lee
Miss Spartanburg - Laura Katherine Stamm
Miss Travelers Rest - Amber Finley* (4th Runner Up)
Miss Liberty - Potitsa Niki Chavis
Miss Greater Irmo - Lauren Elizabeth Vick* (2nd Runner Up)
Miss Greater Greer - Nicole Elizabeth Southgate* (1st Runner Up)

(July 7)

The ones I got right are in bold.
Asteriks indicate top 5, followed by final rank.

productive

Okay, so blogger posts things most recent first... so, this entry comes at 4:32... AFTER the Missy & Hoke entry. I just wanted to say that I HAVE been productive today!

Don't ask why, but I baked a macaroni and cheese dish today. There were cheese, butter, eggs, milk, and noodles just sitting around... and I was just sitting around... so the 6 of us got together and made something delicious. Well, I really don't know if it is delicious or not yet, but it looks good.

I know you want some... too bad.

missy & hoke

...OKAY, BITCHES! THIS IS ME CALLING YOU TWO OUT!

LOL... SO seriously just kidding. I basically just want to say how much fun I had with them last night. Between making comments about the Miss SC contestants, driving around sleepy Boiling Springs, and talking about the dos and don'ts of blogging, I had a really good time. And I know they are going to read this (just like I know triangle head girl is prolly reading this too), especially after our discussion last night... but I have to say, Hoke, I thought you were going to write last night?! What happened? Well, I guess you got home pretty late, so I'll forgive you. But, if you don't at least make a decent effort to update frewuently, I'm going to have to leave you dirty messages on your chatterbox... Don't play...

Anyway, as for the first night of preliminaries, Kate was stellar as ever. She didn't win swimsuit, but she was definitely one of the better ones. Miss Spartanburg tore it up in talent...w00t for instrumentalists. Miss Lancaster looked elegant in her casual wear... but I don't think that is the purpose of CASUAL wear... lol... and plus, she almost fell down the stairs in her evening gown--the SAME evening gown she wore at the Miss Charleston pageant... boo fo' dat.

Anyways, I'm gonna go... this being at home on break thing is making me feel very lazy. I'm going to attempt to do something productive... or not.

damn, it feels good to be a redneck

Okay... short post...

Last night, my aunt, brother, cousin, and I went downtown to County Square to watch the fireworks display. I was completely unaware of how big of a deal it was going to be. Let's just say I had to be real friendly and get very acquainted with all of my Greenville County neighbors. It was SO packed. The exciting thing about it, was that it was nothing short of pure patriotism... Americans of all races, religions and creeds were out there in that parking lot to enjoy "the rocket's red glare" and "bombs bursting in air." It was great.

Well, apparently, when my family went last summer, my brother apparently "started" the "slow clap" at the end of the fireworks. So, his goal was to start it again.

As everyone was sitting in the back of my aunt's Montero and I in the folding chair, people behind us started whooping and hollering. At first, I turned my nose up at their rednecky display... mainly just because the fireworks weren't close to being over and the fireworks hadn't gotten extremely spectacular. Donovan (my bro) started getting very annoyed with our redneck friends and started telling them to hush--only it didn't make a difference because the combination of whooping and hollering and the banging of the fireworks muffled him out pretty well. When the fireworks started coming one on top of the other in quick succession, the rednecks got even louder... and my nose came back down... my lip curled into a grin... I slowly turned around to look at them... my grin turned into a big ol' western Greenville County snaggle toothed cheese... and I opened my mouth and joined in with the redneck ramblin'! I started whooping and hollering too! My brother was VERY disappointed, needless to say. But if that wasn't it, my big ol' rusty aunt (with her fingers in her ears to quell the loudness of the fireworks) started doing it too! Donovan was furious. But it was SO funny!

Ugh! If felt so good to be a redneck! I mean, I thought that being Pickens County was sketchy, but being Western Greenville County... that is some fun for serious!

WOOOOO HOOOOO!

the parentals

So as I was riding back home from watching the fireworks tonight, my parents called my aunt to check up and see how things were back here. Apparently, they enjoyed their Independence Day at a Chinese restaurant.

This isn't what I was going to talk about though. I am going to address the fact that my parents are on a vacation--just the two of them together. It's a little weird to me, because when I started to think about it, I don't have one person that I could go on a vacation with and enjoy it.

But now, I am beginning to think that I wouldn't even enjoy a vacation with only one other person. Of course right now, I don't have one person to go on a vacation with, but if I did, would I enjoy it? Even with my closest friends, I have problems with keeping up conversation when it is just the 2 of us. Seriously, from Kate who I love so dearly, to Jenee who I can crack up with constantly, is there one person that I could spend a whole week with away from everyone else and actually have an extremely enjoyable time?

And the fact that I don't even have a FRIEND that I think I can do this with... is THAT why I am still alone like this? 'Cause I have the inner need to be among a lot of people and I am not suited for intimate time with just one other person?

And even if that isn't the case, I just came to the realization that I am for serious boogee. I am probably not one to talk about being picky when it comes to dating, but honestly, I can't help but turn my nose up at some of the tragedy I see. I know I am always saying "beggars can't be choosers," but that pretty much comes down to quitting your job when you don't have qualifications for doing something else, or turning down something when you have nothing. But in my case, I think I am okay to think the way that I do... It's not like I am rejecting people left and right... seriously, no one has approached me! But today, I was thinking about people that I wouldn't even approach. I mean, even tragic ol' me has to have some standards. Just because I haven't had the best luck with relationships doesn't mean that I am going to settle for anything. I'm gonna need someone with goals, at least some college (preferably a degree if they are no longer matriculating), a job that makes as much or more than me (that isn't asking too much, I'm a teacher), and a cell phone (gotta be able to keep in touch). That's not asking a whole lot. Seriously, I'm tired of high school grad 24 year olds who work in the mall walking around like they are the ish because they are hot and they have a hot significant other. Frankly, what is behind that pretty face is a brain full of nothing but "how to punch in numbers in the cash register." That ain't cute... even to lonely old me.

I'll just remain on my own, I suppose... I can't see myself taking a long vacation alone with just one person anyway...

mcdonalds can suck my nuts

First of all, I shouldn't have been eating McDonalds today anyway... but I was, so you're just going to have to get over that. I'm at home in Greer and as usual, there is nothing in the house. My mom said that she took my brother shopping on Saturday before she left, but somehow, none of the food he got is worthy of me diegesting... that and he ate a box and a half of cereal yesterday (I'm not kidding).

So I go to McDonalds. I have always thought highly of this McDonalds, simply because of its location: it is on the Eastside. Not to be to boogee, but this is thought of as the nicer side of town. As of late, I beg to differ (too many people around here with window air conditioning units in the FRONT of the house). Besdies, with it being on the Eastside, I imagined that the people who worked there were Eastsiders themselves... more than likely, Eastside students out for the summer.

Well, I pull up to the drive through and sit there for a good 5 minutes. No one helped me. I was so pissed off, not just because I wasn't being served, but because there was a line forming behind me and I was the one that was going to look like a fool. So, I pulled up to the 1st window... no one there. At the 2nd window is a car and in the window is the most uncouth, tragic, hot ghetto mess of a girl, standing there with her mouth open. She wasn't really being of any use to anyone... her mouth was just hanging there open. It was an open invitation for me to hock a lugey into it.

Well, I drove back around and they were actually helping the car at the drive thru. So, I waited my turn, only to hear "Would you like to try a value meal?" when I pulled up. There was no "Thank you for choosing McDonalds" or "Welcome to McDonalds." I was utterly disappointed. I made my order, pulled up to pay at the first window, and then braced myself for coming face to face with the waste of a girl that was going to be assisting me at the 2nd window. I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse, but when I got there, she said nothing. She just chucked the bag out to me and shut the window. No "Thank you" or "Do you need any ketchup?"

Boo for that. McDonalds, I am NOT lovin' it.

i hate you so much right now

-Kelis

I do. I hate you. There is no other word for it. Even though I was taught that you aren't supposed to hate anyone, I hate you. For your pride and arrogance... the way you stroll around pissing people off with everything you do. Even when one would think that you are helping people or being of service, you are still being rude... it's written all over your face. You get off on being such a douchebag too... you never show any remorse. You just move on to the next person and piss them off as well.

And you know what? For being as arrogant and and prideful as you are, you aren't extremely talented or anything. Anyone can do the BS that you do. It's not like it takes a lot of effort to just go around and piss people off. You obviously don't need a college degree for that. You probably don't even need a high school diploma for that.

How's that make you feel? Worthless? I wish it did, but honestly, around here you are pretty invaluable. Somehow, the crap that you do day in and day out is beneficial to someone. I inquired about it once and wasn't really sold on how the disgusting fruits of your labor do anyone any good. So, for all I care, you are worthless. You are nothing more than a lazy sack of unintelligent crap that does nothing but pridefully float around causing anguish and distress while the rest of us around here try to do something with our lives.

I hate you, you damn Parking Nazi you...

ENSA

This is where I will be teaching next year... room 249, to be exact... I went and saw my room and got my teacher's editions today.

This is East North Street Academy of Mathematics and Science...

This is my school...

...I know you're jealous.

remixes

It's time to be a little intellectual...

You ever think about remixes? You know, like when you hear them on the radio, or if you are in a dance club and one comes on? They are so much more interesting than the original song. That doesn't necessarily mean that they are better or worse... for me however, I think they are better.

Forget the fact that I like to dance and that a remix contains elements that enhance the song's "dancitude," but just think about how it effects you as a listener...

For example, today, I was downtown with Katy at Blackdog and had NO intention of buying anything (now that I am making money, I REALLY don't like spending it, plus I just bought some new flip flops yesterday--with the new debit card!), but I saw a really cheap The Postal Service CD. The Postal Service as in the ones who do Such Great Heights. I actually saw that single for sale, but as much as I like it, it reminds me a lot of something I don't particularly want to be reminded about, plus I have recently started appreciating another one of their songs, The District Sleeps Alone. So, I bought that single... It contains the original, a remix, a remix of Such Great Heights, and another song, Suddenly Everything Has Changed.

I popped it in when I got back to the dorm and I was just kinda lost in the beats of the remix. I didn't even have the urge to dance... It's weird. Like seriously, a remix can completely change the mood of a song. Well, I have no clue what The District Sleeps Alone is supposed to be about, but I tried to take a crack at it (like I did with Such Great Heights) and I couldn't. I honestly got lost in the music.

I am one of those people who listens to songs and appreciates them for the meaning of their lyrics... a song doesn't necessarily have to be pleasing to the ear for me to like it... if they lyrics are good, then the song is worth me listening to it. However, this music... it just makes me want to forget about the words and dwell on the sounds filling the air... AND WHAT A SMORGASBOARD OF SOUNDS (omg, that was so lame)! There's the bass (gotta love the bass... I'm a tuba player), the random high pitched sounds in the back ground, the voice of the person singing, and all that other electronic sounding stuff that alone is so ridiculous, but when you put it together, it's so complex and intricate... everything fits together so well.

So, this remix phenomena is SO great that it allowed me to stomach the remix of Such Great Heights. I really don't enjoy it as much as I used to... so unfortunate. As I said above, it really changes the mood of a song. Instead of me picturing myself waving from such great heights with a particular someone, I just picture myself giving the bird from such great heights... no, I'm just kidding. But I really don't think of that anymore. I kind of see it as a "this is what perfection is like" type thing instead of "this is what is GOING to be" type thing.

And like I said, besides this change of mood, there's just a whole plethora of sounds that come together to create an intense listening experience. Honestly, it makes me think of the Strongbad e-mail where he is talking about techno. Only, this entry was not supposed to be about techno... it's just ironc that a lot of remixes end up being techno.

Seriously though... a remix... think about it... How about doing a remix of your life? Adding a little extra umph and a few obligatory surprises here and there? Things get so boring and monotonous sometimes... a remix is needed to liven things up... and not only will it make life a little more enjoyable, but like I lose significance of lyrics, maybe as a person, you would lose the significance of those small things in life that bother you so. Seriously. A remix. What a novel idea. And like I said... it doesn't have to be "techno" per say... you don't have to go crazy and do off the wall stuff... just things that aren't necessarily normal.

It really makes sense if you think about it. Then again, I am a weirdo... and people who listen to the likes of remixes are crazy-go-nuts party types who probably need to calm down a little instead of wile out and do something remix-like.

Yeah... so that's it... try a remix, if you're lame, and if you are a spazz like me, simmer a little.

...remixes are great to listen to while you simmer, by the way...

gone bad

It normally takes 2 days for a group of campers to go bad. This week... this week of about 115 campers, it only took 24 hours.

I was going to write about how excited I was to find out that 3 kids that I was a counselor for in years past are here this week. Eeshuar and Daniel were at Y camp with me the summer of 2001. Then Manny was at 4H camp two years in a row when I was there. I was excited to see them... by them remembering me, it showed me that I played a memorable part in their life, and the fact that they are at THIS particular camp shows me that they are achieving in school and are doing well.

Well, that's how I felt yesterday. Today, I'm ready to go tranquicidal on some of these kids. In only 24 hours, I have gone from heralding the arrival of my 21 bundles of joy to loathing the fact that there are 21 stank, rank, rude, crude, and socially unacceptable fitches on my hall. Now don't get me wrong... not all 21 are annoying. But collectively, they make me want to throw babies up against brick walls.

It's all good though, because next week is our week off. I have never been more excited to go home. I'm gonna have the house to myself... just me and my brother. Now that he is about to be 17, he's actually pretty decent to be around. Unfortunately, he is gonna really be in the dumps because his girlfriend is in Inda for the next few weeks. If he decides to be lame, I'll just finish cleaning out my room to make way for my sleigh bed and my epic return home at the end of July. I really can't believe I am about to do it, but you know, I'm convinced things will work out well.

That's about it... I didn't have anything of too much importance to write about. There are SOME things that I am not writing about anymore... They don't have time for me, so I don't have time for them.

::raspberry::

victims

Kim and I are victims... victims of individuals who don't return the feelings that we so freely and willingly give to them. We're good people... we are looking for someone to appreciate and care for... and we are really willing to love... but, we are victims... to those people who can get just about anyone, and say jut about anything with no regard to another person's true feelings. "I like you" to them is just an everyday occurrence. To a victim, it's like manna from heaven... it doesn't come often, but when it does, it is such a heralded event.

It was so good to talk to Kim tonight... I ABSOLUTELY HATE the fact that Kim shares some of the same feelings I have. She is such an incredible person... just as sweet and intelligent as she is beautiful. It is just scary how the two of us see eye to eye about these people who just treat us like shit.

No one would EVER be treated like that by me. I would honestly NEVER make anyone a victim. I promise from this very day, that I will never do such a thing... I mean, come on... it's quite clear to see that I would never do that, just from the things that I say in here...

...besides, doesn't really look like there's anyone interested in me who I could potentially make a victim.

*22*

This post is dedicated to Missy and Hoke on their 22 month anniversary: Make sure that you continue to cherish and love one another... there are so many people searching for love, so be thankful for what you have. Here's to many more months!

Nothing really to report on my own love life... Believe it or not, there is so much other stuff going on that I don't have time to think about it too much. Now, I did call K the other day... so that has reared it's ugly head again... but it was my own fault... I'm not expecting anything, just basically trying to accept things as they are... you know. Anything else that comes from any further correspondence is no one's fault but my own... I understand that.

On top of things being my responsibility, I got a checking account the other day. Before you go saying, "Big f-ing deal," it IS a big deal for me. See, my parents have sheltered me from economic freedom for so long, that now that I am about to be 22 and have my own income, I am just NOW getting all this stuff. I had a savings account, but I was that loser guy who always carried around cash and an ATM card that could ONLY be used at the ATM. Not anymore, heezas! I got me a checkbook... and because I am a South Carolina teacher, I got my first book of checks for free! w00t for benefits!

Anyway, even though 22 is the title of this entry... 30, 115, and 50 are other numbers of significance as of late. There are only 30 campers here this week... it's heaven. I have 2 on my hall. Next week... 115. I will have 20 campers on my hall ALONE. On the entire 2nd floor there will be 40... more than how many we have TOTAL this week. UGH. As for the 50, if Jenee and I can get 50 hits in a day for our SuburbanDictionary, we are going to get t-shirts. I'm so excited.

Anyway, I suppose that is all. This has been fun. I'm going to go be bored since there are hardly any campers running around...

the true king congruence

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to do more for you.

With respect to money, you are a bit stingy.

You think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities.

The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.

You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.

When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you will search and search until you find your perfect match.

Who's the True You?

still th'u

Um, so I'm happier than I was last night. I think the main reason I was upset was because it was the one night I had free... and there was NOTHING to do. Boo.

Don't get me wrong though... I'm still very th'u with several people. However, one of which is not my dad. I have been playing phone tag trying to get him all day. It has sucked not being able to see him on Father's Day... and what's even worse is that he flew out to Houston today. Luckily, I just got off the phone with him... That phone call solidified a lot of things for me. First of all... I will not be going on vacation with the fam the week of July 4th. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm trying to avoid my family, it's just that is the week that Kate is supposed to beat the snot out of the other heezas in the Miss South Carolina pageant. So w00t for that. On top of that, my parents will be gone until Thursday, leaving the house solely to me... again I say... w00t. Finally, one of the rooms in that house, is currently going through major renovation... Yes folks, my bedroom is being transformed from the middle school black and white Looney Toons hot mess that it is, to a more professional looking adult's quarters...

I'm moving home.

I mean, even if I don't stay for long, I am at least moving home for as long as I can take it. My dad bought me a bedroom suit (WITH A QUEEN SIZED SLEIGH BED)! I didn't even ask him for it... I really wanted a rice bed, but sleigh beds are nice too... AND IT'S A QUEEN! w00t! He told me that the week I am home for the 4th, I need to gut out the room and prepare it for paint. I was thinking dark blue, but my brother's room is blue and they don't want two blue rooms, so now I'm thinking charcoal... I want something dark and grown up. Yes... charcoal or slate sounds good.

So yes, things are looking up as of right now... despite the fact that there are people I'm looking down at on my shit list.

I haven't talked about K in a long time... I guess it's kinda because we haven't been talking much as of late. I'm not about to start discussing K right now either... I'm not going to talk about K anymore. I'm just not.

In fact, I'm not going to talk about any potential love interests in here anymore... like until I'm married at least. I fall too hard. It's not good. I'm a hopeless romantic and I take any little bit of attention and blow it out of proportion. If you take a look back at all the former love interests, how many ever blossomed into anything? Zilch. So, I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm th'u with that as well.

...and once again, this is me giving a lot of people the finger (definitely not my dad or the lovely Miss City of Clemson 2005, Kate Moon).

th'u

Th'u is defined here.

I am th'u on so many levels.

I shan't name them all.

Just know that I am th'u. And in being th'u, there is nothing to talk about. Just understand that I am th'u...

...and this is me giving a lot of people the finger.

my stomach hurts

Ugh. This is becoming a fairly normal occurence. I don't know what it is... whether it was the hot wings I had for dinner, or the germs being spread around from the children.

There is a possibility that it was because I was laughing SO incredibly hard tonight. I mean, I cannot truly convey to you the hilariousness of this evening's events. Just thinking about it right now is making me laugh. Sadly, I think that even with my great talent of storytelling, I won't do it justice. I'll try anyway.

So we went to Fike tonight so the kids could swim. I sat up top with Missy and some of the other campers... more specifically, Elizabeth, Dominique, and Krystal. We watched and made comments as people jumped into the water from the diving boards. We also cringed when people did less than safe looking dives. Well, after we had been sitting there for a good little while, another girl named Elizabeth proceeded to crest the high board closest to where we were sitting. She had been swimming, but I think only in the lanes. I think all of us were a little taken aback, just because most of the divers/jumpers had been doing it the whole time, and to see this random girl come from the shallow water over to the deep end to do a dive so late seemed a little fishy. Also, it just didn't seem like something that she would do. Well, she walked out on the board and did some sort of gesture with her index finger and her face. We all sat there confused and watched in awe at what was going to happen...

And then, she began her decent, only it was the most awkward and absurd looking FALL I have ever seen attempted on a diving board. She looked as if she was attempting to do some sort of flip, but then decided to go straight, but it was too late. It ended up looking as if she was doing a cartwheel in the air, but she landed DIRECTLY on her side. I mean, it looked as if she was like a little rag doll (or dummy like Dominique said). She fell lifelessly into the water, but the way the dive finished was SO INCREDIBLY FUNNY! I mean, it was seriously like she just hit the water in the most ridiculous pose. I SO WISH I had a video to show you readers because it had Elizabeth, Dominique, Krystal and I in TEARS. It was SO FUNNY.

Well, that wasn't it. After she emerged from the water (met by the lifeguard who was checking her vitals), she climbed up to the top of the thing again! This time, she walked to the tip of the board and TURNED AROUND... the girl was BACKWARDS. At the sight of this, all of us began laughing hysterically. Needless to say, this backwards dive was less than successful. She fell into the water (notice I said, FELL, not dived) face and chest first... it was like a face flop. I mean, there was a smack--and it was her face and chest hitting the water, followed by her flailing arms and legs. Once again, we proceeded to double over in laughter and pain. Tears were screaming down my face, my stomach muscles tightened, and I began to ROLL on my side. The girls around me hobbled over in laughter as well. Elizabeth fell over onto her side, Dominique covered her face and clenched my arm in unbelief, and Krystal sprawled out on the bench in front of us shrieking in pain.

And I'm not going to say much more about it, just because I TRULY cannot convey to you how incredibly funny this was. AND IT SUCKS, 'cause it was SO funny. GAWD... I cannot explain to you how funny it was. It was honestly one of the funnier moments of my life.

Okay... reliving that has made my stomach feel better. GOD, IT WAS SO FUNNY!!!

i can't do it

As each day goes by, I get more and more opposed to moving back home. It is like a cancer that eats away at my mind. Each day that I think about it, I start hating the idea even more... I begin to see more and more terrible things coming from staying at that house. I mean, it just doesn't seem to make sense. It just seems like the most worst thing that I could ever do EVER. I think that it is going to be death to SO many things about me.

I have become a person within these past 4 years of being in college. That person is NOT the person that lived in my house 4 years ago. So many things about me have changed... the most obvious one, my education and my age. Obviously, after attending school and living on my own for 4 years, I have proven that I can to things on my own.

Then again, however, there are certain things that I can't do... not because I CAN'T do them, but just because the iron fist of my parents has hindered me from doing it. I don't know the first thing about a credit card. Nor do I know anything about a checking account. Money has never really been something that I have had full control over. Strange though, seeing how I do have a job and most certainly will be making bank in less than 3 months. Things like this make me not want to move home... along with the fact that I am going to have to answer to my parents. I am going to have to do work around the house. I am going to have to so what they want when they want it. I am going to have to come in at a decent hour. These are things I really haven't had to do in 4 years. On top of that, my parents are really strict. And it seems as if I raise an eyebrow the wrong way and I'm in trouble.

Why would a 22 year old with a job want to come home to that everyday. I am completely capable of living on my own. I could see if these past 4 years I have botched everything up. If I failed school, got arrested, fathered a child, killed somone, got addicted to drugs. Any one of those would have been a red flag for, "He needs to be under our supervision more." But, I graduated with a good GPA, have a clean record, have no children, have never committed homicide, and I could pass a drug test with flying colors. I think I did pretty well.

On top of that, I have a job... it's not like I'm gonna have to look for one. Having a job and living with my parents? I just can't fathom it. On top of that, my job is at a school... it's gonna be like coming home from school and my mom asking me "How was school?" I am NOT in school anymore. I am 22 years old. I have a degree, a job, a good head on my shoulders, and the intelligence and ability to live my life without any further parental guidance.

I can't do it. I just can't. I honestly cannot do it. It will be the death of me.

let's be a little negative

Just for kicks, huh? What do you say? That's what I thought...

In 2 months... exactly 2 months, I will be 22. I will have just returned from my first day at work at East North Street Academy. I will be living at home. I will (more than likely) be single. I will have no fond memories of my last summer not working ('cause I'm here at camp). I will have no friends closeby.

It's going to suck. And there is NOTHING I can do about it. I gotta have a job... and it's going to be stressful. I've got to live somewhere... at least 'til I get some bank. Let's not even discuss the whole single issue. And as for camp, I just miss my freedom. It's 10 o'clock on a Saturday night and I'm sitting in my DORM room surrounded by high schoolers.

NOW, I can finally say that I am ready to leave Clemson. Maybe this job was good for me. 'Cause I thought I was going to have such a hard time letting go of Clemson... but no. I'm ready to live in a HOUSE... in a bigger city... with a majority of people who are mature. I'm ready for that.

So, I think I'm done WRITING about my negativity. Time to just sit and wallow in it.

drum roll please...

Hamil (me) and Jenee' are pleased to introduce...

SuburbanDictionary
est. 2005

Click the link. Read the words. Be re-educated.

the reason

Hoobastank had a song that came out about this time last year. It was called The Reason. It was all about "I found a reason to live... and the reason is you..." yadda yadda yadda.

I have no reason like that. I mean, I don't have a single person who is "a reason to start over new" and all that stuff. But, as I was talking to Katherine tonight, and as I was preparing to get dressed earlier today, I have realized that there is truly a reason for everything.

You ever wonder why for some strange reason, your attention was drawn to a little girl playing with a doll in a park? It's random, and you really could care less about the girl or her doll, but for some reason, it catches your attention and you are sucked in for just a minute? So often that happens to me... where I'm like, "There is obviously a reason for why this is happening or why I am being exposed to this." Usually, it's when I notice something random that I realize this. Never is it really anything substantial that I'm like, "Hey, there's a reason for this." However, Katherine brought this to my attention.

Earlier today, I came into my room after going to the bathroon to start the shower. My door was open and I was getting my things together to take them into the bathroom, when one of the cleaning ladies stopped in my doorway and just randomly started talking about computer games. I swear it was random REAL HARD. Never had I ever seen nor spoken to this woman... and she didn't introduce herself or anything. Like, the first thing she said was,"Do you know of any websites where I can find good computer games?" I don't play computer games, nor do I know much about computers, but she was nice and I was cordial and told her the little that I knew. We talked for about 5 minutes and then she went on her way. When she left, I stood there and thought, "There has got to be some crazy messed up reason that she just randomly stopped me to talk about computer games." And it's a little weird, just 'cause it makes me feel like something is going to happen... either regarding her, or my computer, or games of some sort. I'm no prophet or anything, but it was just SO random... almost like she wasn't really real and she was just some sort of messenger sent to covertly warn me or share information with me... I dunno. It was just so weird.

Yet and still, even with that random incident, I feel that I can't figure out why other things serve only as "a reason." Like Katherine says, maybe they are to show that bigger and better things are in the future. Who knows? That's so hard to believe. Things happen so randomly and so sporadically that it's hard to be patient and expect bigger and better things to happen. Sometimes, you just feel like you need an absolution. You are sick of just plain old reasons and you want a real, solid, firm, everlasting reason...

..."a reason to live."

i knew i wasn't a country bumpkin

Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English

30% Yankee

25% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

secret blog

So, I recently started ANOTHER blog. Yes. That makes... hell, I don't know, and I don't feel like counting how many I really have. But this blog is not open to the public. I recently discovered that my mind is so ridiculously complex and weird that if I wrote down every little thing that I was thinking or feeling in here, people would probably avoid me like the plague. I mean, I scared myself when I admitted to having thoughts of committing arson or murder in talking about moving home.

But, it's all good... think of it as self-prescribed, self-assisted psychiatric release. LOL. I'm good really, I am. It's just that a lot of thoughts that run through my head are just random as all get out. I guess they are those little dark thoughts and secrets that NO ONE ever knows about, you know? Everyone has some deep dark secret or fantasy or idea that just pops into their head every once in a while. I am just being real and getting it out.

Everyone needs to. I think everyone would be a little bit better if they just got stuff off their chests. It's kinda like not worrying. Instead of worrying about stuff... let it flow... let it out... be random and weird... scare yourself every once in a while... figuratively kill a small animal, you know? Just come out with it.

That's what I'm doing. Sorry you can't be a part of it. I know you're pissed.

something stupid

Lord...

It's been a whole two days since I wrote anything. Seems like I'm reverting back to life as a busy college student. That isn't the case though...

As the title of this entry states, I feel that if I write anything (more specifically, anything about what I'm thinking), it will be stupid.

No... I'm not really scared of what people will think if I were to write it in here, but I am just a little confused as to what it is I need to get off my chest and put down. It is something substantial... and if it is on my mind, it's blogworthy... but I cannot put it into words really.

It's been marinating in my head for a little bit now, and I can't find the combination of words to use that will convey all my feelings accurately.

MAYBE, my lack of something to say is in fact a blessing in disguise. Maybe I am just not worrying. Maybe that's what it is? Hmm... I dunno. Talking about all this makes me feel like I am worrying, so I'm gonna stop.

In other news, a camper down the hall just laughed. It wasn't Louie, Vincent, Kurt, Ryan-Deon-Chris, Louis, Jeremi, Clinton, Taylor, Travis, or Alex though. Dang... I didn't think I was going to miss them. They were good kids.

not worrying

Well, it's finally Friday. The building has dinged for a whole week now... the children have been bad for a week now... it has RAINED for a week now. Ugh. Life is just a little bit boring right now.

NOT worrying seems to be adding to this lack of excitement around here too. I mean, yeah, it's great not to worry. I really feel like I am doing a good job. I'm just... really chill. I'm not worrying, and it's boring as all get out.

Last night, I almost started worrying about moving back home in August. This is what I have come to... It's going to suck SO incredibly bad. I mean, next year WILL be the most difficult year of my life. I'm going to be living at home with my parents after 4 years of freedom. I will have the challenges of a brand new job. I won't have any friends around... it's pretty much going to suck so bad. Don't be surprised if a suicide letter is posted in here within the next year... either that or the explanation of a homicide.

But, I then realized, if things start to suck, I'm peacing out. I don't care if I have to rent an apartment. If I am not happy with my living situation, I'm getting out. There is only so much that a grown man living in his parents' house can take. And what is it going to look like if and when I do meet people and I say, "Um, well, we can't go to my house... 'cause my parents are there." OOH... and if they try to give me a curfew, I might burn the house down.

I kinda feel like everyone is growing up... Kalani is moving to Florida, everyone and their dog is going to grad school, everyone else is getting married and starting their lives together AWAY from the parental ball and chain. Me? I'm going back home to Greenville to live with my parents and work for a man who I have known since I was 8. I might be Clemson's most tragic graduate this year.

Anyway, I'm not worrying... just devising plans for what to do when this ish happens.

If I don't like living at home, I'm moving out.
If my parents give me a curfew, I'm burning the house down.
If my life is just shit all around, I'm killing someone.

See? Simple.

As for this very present moment, I am listening to Ben Kweller's In Other Words. I just have it on my playlist 'cause Matt Sparrow sent it to me my freshman year. I like this line though...

Butterflies
Are passive agressive
And put their problems on the shelf
But they're so beautiful...

Ha. Let that simmer for a minute.

Okay, done.

I'm ready for these children to go home. Some of them have been thorns in my side. Others have been the silver lining among the dark clouds. As a whole, I have felt like I have been babysitting Satan's offspting. Last year's 1st 2 week group was SO awesome... so this group coming in on Sunday has a lot to live up to. Actually, I don't care if they are as cool as the 2 weekers last year. All I care is that they are better than the group that has been here this week... and I do believe that is an affirmative (at least it better be).

As for the big K???

ding!

The elevator in this building is wretched. I really don't like the fact that it dings so. Ugh.

Besides the fact that the elevator dings (there it goes again), it has been raining constantly for the past few days. Maybe some of the bad children will melt.

Speaking of the bad children, they really trip me out... how they can be Junior Scholars and make excellent scores on SATs and still talk back, disregard instructions, forget things CONSTANTLY, ask RIDICULOUS questions, and run around the building like they are on fire.

It's so funny... disturbing, but still funny.

I am really proud of my 10 campers though. It makes me feel good that they have seemed to take on a little bit of my personality. And I really do think that they get me. They know that I am gonna crank my music at 7 am every morning and bang on their door... so, I made it clear to them that if they go to sleep late, they are gonna have to suffer the consequences and still be up on time. This morning, I had campers waiting at their doors for me to come by and wake them up... they were prepared. It was a good start to the morning.

And the best part is, I don't have to yell at them to get them to do stuff. Ugh... ever since I started working with kids, I have subscribed to the thought that yelling at kids does nothing but pisses them off even more. They tune you out and disregard what you are saying 'cause they don't have a reason to respect you. They respect you more if you show respect to them.

I'm so glad to be doing this again... it's great practice for next year. At times I think classroom management is going to be the biggest problem with being a first year teacher. But I really think that I'll be able to handle them (look, this is me not worrying).

I most certainly won't have to LIVE with them...

...in this wretched dinging building.

the most encouraging phrase is...

"Don't worry."

It was relayed to me by Bryce, Cory, and Kamikaze tonight. I DO worry too much. But like I told Kamikaze, I am going to try really hard not to.

It's so much easier said than done though...

free time @ camp

Free time at camp might just be the greatest thing ever. Everyone is happy... the kids are happy 'cause they aren't in class and the counselors are happy because the kids can do things alone around the dorm to occupy themselves and we don't have to play babysitter.

Camp is going great. Of course there are things that I don't like that I KNEW I wouldn't like, but honestly, the good outweighs the bad. I am enjoying working with this group of counselors. There are only 9 of us, so we are a lot closer knit than we were last summer... also, there is the fact that 6 of us are APO/Gamma Sig, 5 of us are in band (with 1 whose brother is in band), and 4 of us are in KKPsi. It makes things run a lot more smoothly, which I suppose is due to the fact that we know what makes each other tick.

Anyway, free time is a special time today because at lunch time today, Katy and I braved College Avenue at lunch time with close to 100 campers. It was a mess... seriously. I was so on edge, thinkin' that kids were gonna get run over and abducted... Thankfully, that didn't happen, however, 4 little girls caused about a 6 car pile up in the intersection of 93 and College Ave.

Anyway, right about now, I'm kinda at a loss for words. Camp is good. "Nice and good," as Kelly would say. The campers are... well... nice. LOL. I'm having a good time.

I'm happy.

The only thing that could make me a little happier right now would be the satisfaction of having a little free time for myself downtown tonight to celebrate my happiness. LOL...

Thursday, bitches...

But then again, Sarah isn't around...

NO WORRIES! I'll manage.

the return of dumb pe0ple

So today, Monday (Lord, it's gonna be a long week), was the first full day of camp. I like the campers... really I do. However, even though they are supposed to be the smartest youth from all around the country, there really are some special ones here. Even though these kids are "special" they aren't who were the dumbest today... Lord, those dear tennis girls... I wrote about them in dumb pe0ple.

Anyway, like I said... camp is good. I'm getting along well with all the counselors and stuff... and my group of guys are really awesome. It appears as if this is going to be a good week... and hopefully a good summer.

But speaking of dumb pe0ple... I can't point my finger too much without pointing it back at me. I realize my flaws... so much that I don't even feel like I need to put them in here. Hell, they are pretty visible in here without me having to address what they are specifically. I am vowing to work on those things this summer. It's my last summer of freedom, so to speak. I've got some growing up to do still... but I mean, I'm not that bad. If anything, I guess it says a lot that I am able to admit to my flaws and vow to work on them (yes, I am admitting to my flaws by writing them in here).

You know, honestly... I want to walk away from this summer knowing that I had a good time, I learned something, I taught someone something, I grew up, and that I am confident and ready to start teaching come August.

I think I'm on the right track. I really hope I am (there goes a flaw right there... but I'm working on it!).

1st night in manning

So, last night was my first night sleeping here in Manning. It was definitely one for the record books. I've got nothing but good memories so far, but I'm sure that is going to change because I don't think the hot water is working in the showers... ugh.

Anyway, the night started at Craps' with a birthday party for Tiggy. Mmmmm... delicious "fruit and beverage" as Jenee and I would say. Those very same pieces of fruit were the culprits for putting me in the state I was in last night.

We ended up leaving fairly early... I kept saying, "It's not even last call yet!" It was a Saturday night though, so last call was really around midnight. But, I was thinking last call on a weeknight. It's okay though, because it is probably a good thing that we left when we did. When I got back to Manning and realized my state, it was too late...

...not late enough, however, for Kamikaze to call. Ooh wee... I was all smiles. And it was so funny because earlier that evening, Kamikaze said, "You know what would be funny? If you got drunk and I got drunk at the same time!" You see, Kamikaze is not in Clemson... hehe... surprise anyone? But it's true. And last night, Kamikaze wasn't even at home in Kingstree. The call I got was from a drunken Kamikaze who was leaving some sort of establishment in Greensboro, NC.

We talked for a L O N G time... 'til like 4:30 in the morning or so. I loved it. And yes... we were both drunk. But, the awesome thing about the two of us is that regardless of how drunk we were, it never got risque... and I like that a lot. I have never had this much of an emotional connection with someone before. I honestly feel like talking with Kamikaze is just as intense as if we were physically together.

You know... it sucks... just to be far apart. But the AMAZING thing is that somewhere, someone is thinking about me. And seriously, THAT is something that I have wanted to feel for such a long time. When I get a call from Kamikaze and I hear the words, "I think about you a lot," all I can do is smile. I truly understand what Kristen and Antley talk about now.

See... the first night in Manning was ever so excellent.

i worry too much

So the past week has been wasted on me being completely and utterly woeful and downtrodden all because of nothing. Nothing at all. This whole new love interest ... haha... just called me... like earlier in this saga.

Anyway, This whole new love interest really messed me up emotionally all week long. I talked to "Kamikaze" today (this is the name I have coined for the individual) and relayed this. I talked about how I was confused and concerned and didn't know if things were going in the right direction, or any direction at all for that matter. To make a long story short, everything is good... actually, everything is great. We had a little mini-DTR type thing... I mean, we really didn't define a relationship, 'cause there really isn't one yet. But then Kamikaze said "I like you a lot, Hamilton," it apparently came from the heart. And in now way was it said carelessly.

On top of that, I got an explanation for the unanswered phone calls and shortness online and stuff... it's just been busy around there. I mean, it was a good long conversation that cleared up a lot and set us in a good direction.

I am so optimistic now... even though I told Kamikaze that I am a pessimistic person. I really do feel like things are looking up right now. I mean, I got a phone call at 3:30 in the morning... and the assurance that I would more than likely have another tonight.

Yes... I worry too much. Things are good. There's no need to panic. Much like Katherine says, "NO WORRIES!"

In other news, I believe I may have worried about camp a little too much. After we got through that waste-of-my-life meeting, I really started to look forward to camp... to the dorm life... to the kids... to the drama... to the counselors. I am excited. I guess the one thing that I hate is having to pack everything up from The Reserve and cram it into 2A1 Manning Hall for the rest of the summer... and then the harsh reality that my next address will be back home in Greenville.

But I'm not going to WORRY about that now. I'm going to enjoy camp... I AM looking forward to it.

And I'm going to enjoy how things are with Kamikaze. I am looking forward to all that will come with this too.

last night...

Ugh. Forgive me. After returning from downtown last night, I spilled my ever-loving guts in here. I was beyond tragic. I was TURBO-tragic.

I don't know what it is about the night time and the lack of phone calls and the influence of alcohol that combines and turns me into a ball of tragedy. But like I said... a combination of all those things I listed. If you want to keep me in good spirits, I suggest you hang out with me during daylight hours, call me frequently, and keep me away from the likes of Jack, Jose, and Jim.

My life isn't all that bad... I just freak out easily... and panic easily... and sometimes, I'm just a big whiny bitch. LOL.

Today, I'm gonna chill out. I need to. And besides... ::BIG FAT SIGH:: camp starts on Sunday and it would be a travesty for those kids to come and me be a big punk to them... hehe... THEY are the ones that are going to be punks... LOL.

in a fucking mood

No. I'm not in a FUCKING mood... not in the mood to FUCK. That is not even acceptable. Even if I was, I don't think I would write about it. I'm just lost and confused and tired and annoyed and lonely. There... THAT'S the mood I'm in. I'm drunk (more drunk that I was in that "Even In Intoxication" entry) and I just don't know what's going on. I am the biggest hopeless romantic in the world. You know what? I'm ready for this weird thing that is going on to be over. I want to know what is going to happen. I'm sick of waiting and wondering and being confused. I would rather nothing happen than sit here and wait for nothing to happen. I HATE IT.

I am so lost.

I just hate things. I hate lots of things... about me... about my predicament... about my life... about everything. I hope to God this is just the alcohol talking, but I honestly feel like this is everything just pouring out of me. I don't want to go to camp. I don't want to leave Clemson. I don't want to be left wandering. I don't want to grow up. I want to be loved. I want to have fun. I want to be liked. I want resolution. I FUCKING HATE so much about my life. I just... UGH. I just want someone to talk to... to tell me it will be okay. I just want someone to tell me everything I want to hear. I just want. And I hate it.

...yes. This is what going out and having a good time will do to you.

so fresh and so clean clean

Like the new look? Yeah... I thought so. It's more streamlined and crisp, I think... LOL. What the hell do I know? I sound like the descriptions of beers down at Barley's in Greenville. I'm sure I'll have more to write later... just needed to document this exciting occasion in the life of king congruence.

7:30 am news

First of all... this entry is not related to love or anything that the past few have... But you know if I am writing it at 7:30 in the morning, it is big news...

So, I wake up to my parent's ring on my cell phone. On Nokia phones, it's called "Kick." Besides the fact that I call it the "you're in trouble ring" and it just isn't a pleasant sound, it's 7 something in the morning!

So I pick it up, and my mother is on the other end... obviously on the speaker phone (which I hate because it is a speaker phone on the cordless reciever and she will walk around with the reciever on speaker phone which defeats the purpose of a speaker phone). Anyway, she's all excited and says she has good news... and that she knows who my NEW principal is going to be. I was shocked.... honestly. First of all, I was like, I don't have a principal. Then I realized she was talking about for next year at East North Street Academy. Then I realized that the news of a new principal, regardless of who it was, was NOT good news. New principals bring about lots of confusion and changes in policy and disagreement. Even though it won't be a huge change for me, I had already met the former principal... heck, I was HIRED by her. So, I was not looking forward to the news of this person, regarless of who it was.

Anyway, I had no clue who it was... then she said, "You know him really well!" HIM? I had even less of a clue who it was going to be since it was going to be a man. I don't have to talk about how few men there are in elementary education. So, I said the name of the first decent man that came to mind: "Daddy?" It was a long shot, seeing how my dad doesn't have an education degree, so my mom laughed and said no.

Then I began to get frustrated and tell her about how I was not looking forward to a new principal, like I aforementioned. Then my mom was like, "Well, you know 'the Lord will make a way somehow."" And that was all I needed: "Mr. LaVelle?!" Mr. LaVelle is a man that goes to our church... he IS in education... an intelligent and GREAT young guy that I look up to, actually. "Yep! How'd you guess?" My mom asked... I guess it was the church reference that helped me get it.

So, I was excited... and I am excited. The only thing is, I am going to have this constant connection between work and church... I dunno about this. Also, I used to call him Mr. LaVelle, and now I'm going to have to call him by his professional name... Mr. McCray. It sounds so WEIRD! PLUS (I just thought of this), I used to date his niece! WEIRD!!!

But like my mom says, "the Lord will make a way somehow." I really hope that the Lord (as much as I love Him) stays out of East North Street to a degree... but I do hope that He smooths this transition over at the school.

Now, I am going back to bed... I have to call my new principal later today!

horoscope

So... all I can say is, I am a hopeless romantic... and on top of that, I am a pessimist. Not only in the areas of love and relationships. I have always seen the glass as half empty.

Anyway, I have been stressing myself for the past few days about this new love interest (I really need to come up with a name like I had for "The Caller" and "The Crush." I'll work on that). What I took as a loss of interest has turned out to be a busy and hectic schedule.

I mean, I guess that still doesn't make me feel TONS better. I still "toss and turn when I'm alone." And I still "think about you day and night and I just can't get you off my mind."

But, things are looking up. I mean, look at this horoscope that I got from Jenee...

July 23 - August 22 (My birthday is 8/11)
There are only two possible explanations for the mood you're in. One is that you've won the lottery, and you're now preparing to tell off your boss, your boss's boss and anyone who even remotely resembles either of them. But if that's not it, it looks like you're in love, and you've discovered that your special someone loves you too. Either way, nothing could be finer. To celebrate, you really should call someone you love and plan an extremely romantic evening out.

And on top of that, I love Jenee... she is the sister I never had.

katherine

Well, even though the title of this entry is "Katherine," I must first say that I am doing something that my friend Kelly hates. When we were at her house in Pauley's Island, we were watching Dawson's Creek (not my choice... actually my first time watching it) and Dawson's mom was being the classic tragic television woman eating ice cream alone in her kitchen. Well, I'm eating Ramen alone in my room watching American Idol. I haven't watched it at all this season. These people suck. I do have to admit, that I am taking a liking to Bo Bice though. He's weird... and he should cut his hair... but other than that, he is good. Carrie Underwood is a little ol' country heffer. Oh well... in all honestly, I don't care. This season has been a waste of good television time.

Anyway, before I commenced my dinner and American Idol, I had the opportunity to talk to my friend Katherine about this new love interest. She (bless her heart) has been really bored at home since graduation, so what does she do? Indulge in my less than exciting blog musings. Well, I told her all about the elusive individual, which is not really something I do. You know, I don't really talk about things like this. But, I trust Katherine... and she has served as a plethora of information and assistance in dealing with these weird feelings. I'm so glad that she understands what I'm going through. It was good to talk to an actual person about it rather than blog about it. It helped me really understand some things that really bug me when I think about them to myself.

I am just overwhelmed right now and can't really express all that's going on in my mind. Katherine has really done more than I think she knows she has done... I feel a lot more confident about things. Yeah.

Thank you, Katherine.

pauley's island

Greetings from Pauley's Island! I'm here visiting with Bryn, Kelly, and their sister Lane. We came up yesterday after a short stop in Summerville. Today, we went out to the beach on the island. It was SO awesome. I really love the beach. I thought I wasn't going to make it to the beach this summer, but thankfully I have. I guess I have had my little vacation... camp starts on Sunday... I was excited, but not so much anymore.

Anyway, things are good... after a pretty restless Satruday night, I was able to make it this weekend rippin' and roarin' through South Carolina. Saturday night's events really tore me up... you know, the phone call and all... I couldn't sleep... It put the *NSYNC song The Two of Us in my mind.

You know I toss and turn when I'm alone...

Yeah. It sucks... I hate being this way... having my mind invaded by foreign thoughts. I was just sitting downstairs here at the Salters thinking "You know, I'm going to think back on this trip and these first few weeks after graduating and THIS is going to come to mind." Tragic. Ugh.

Oh well. Sadly, these thoughts also seem to be keeping me from being social interaction. My mind is racing so much that sadly, it seems like everytime I should be socializing or joining in conversaiton, I would rather be alone thinking to myself. I mean, I guess I'm always in a pretty pensive mood, but more now than normally.

Like today on the beach, I walked around on the shore looking for seashells and softly humming Such Great Heights while Patrick and the girls were out in the ocean... but also, the water was really cold and I wasn't about to be all out in the water as cold as it was.

Once again, tragic.

Is that what my life has become? I really am starting to feel old... I mean, this situation is making me feel old. I feel distant from my friends in a way. I really hope they don't feel like I am distancing myself. That's not my intention. I even thought about not coming just because I knew that I was going to be in a pretty intense mood after Saturday night. But then I thought, what good is it sitting in that apartment all day with nothing to do, when I can go to the beach and hang out with my friends for almost no cost? Yeah, I did the right thing by coming...

I am just so thankful that they had a computer so I could get some of these thoughts out. Hopefully now, I can go back downstairs and be a little more sociable with this off of my mind.

SERIOUSLY THOUGH, I am NOT trying to alienate myself from anyone. And I am not being a complete bitter snob...

...I make it obvious when I am attempting to do that.

wedding #4

Today I drove to Lexington for my friend Cheryl's wedding. Yes... this was wedding number 4 for the year. Can you believe it? I'm not even going to begin to discuss the plethora of weddings planned for the year, nor am I going to talk about the plethora of weddings I have already attended this year.

It was a very tender wedding though... I think the best part about the wedding was the look on Cheryl's face as the doors opened for her to come down the aisle. She was one big huge ball of boo hoo. IT WAS SO TENDER! The doors opened and all I could see was this big huge smile amidst the most sweet tears of joy. It was one of those situations where I couldn't help but smile. I mean... GAH! You know that's deep when you can feel the love so much. I mean seriously. I coulda cut me a slice out of the air. It was so tender.

You know, being in the midst of all of that emotion and love just makes one want to be in love. It's funny. It was like it was almost contagious. Not to mention, I had a 2 and a half hour drive back to Clemson to let everything marinate.

I guess it's pretty clear that with Such Great Heights on the brain, this new interest, and weddings abound that there's lots goin' on upstairs... possibly even within the chest cavity.

Okay, look... like... I've never gotten goosebumps just talking to a random person. I've never just thought about someone or mentioned them and then my phone rings and their name is showing up on the screen. I've never had someone call and say, "I was thinking about you." I've never wanted to drop everything just to be with someone... until now.

And you know, I don't know if it's real, or if Such Great Heights and all these weddings are serving as catalysts. I honestly don't know.

But what I do know, is that I am better than this... to let something like this consume me so much... I KNOW that it is not good for me. I am just setting myself up...

OMG...

OMG. The craziest fucking thing in the whole universe just happened...

As I am writing about this weird situation that I am in... my phone rang. It was the ever so sweet person in question. And you know, I don't really know a lot of what was said... but I know that "I like you a lot, Hamilton" was said. And my heart started beating really fast... and I got goosebumps... and I started smiling like a big dumb ass. I mean, like a BIG dumb ass. I'm just DUMBfounded. I'm serious when I say that this has never happened. It's too much. In the words of my friend Amanda who I crushed on in high school, "Me lungs hurt." When she found out I liked her, she said, "Me lungs hurt." We laughed... but oh, Amanda... I know what you were talking about.

The only song that comes to mind right now is Beyonce's Crazy in Love. I'm honestly feeling CRAZY right now. I wouldn't go so far as to call it love... but this is a crazy feeling I've got goin' on. It's seriously got me lookin' so crazy right now.

So, in an attempt to not appear so trite and fucking schoolgirlish, I'm going to go, listen to Crazy in Love, and await another phone call.

Such a funny thing for me to try to explain
How I'm feelin' and my pride is the one to blame
Cause I know I don't understand
Just how your love can do what no one else can...