another unproductive duty night

Yes... with a Special Ed. test tomorrow, a newsletter due in ED F 315 tomorrow night, and a Math Methods test on Thursday (at least with the Math Methods I will have no problem identifying what two triangles can make). Anyway, all this to do, and I still find time to blog. I wish I didn't enjoy it so much. Something about it is refreshing. There is a problem with it though... I can write until I'm blue in the face, and I could pour out my feelings until I was drowning in them... but I still wouldn't be able to actually put it all out there verbally... and when I mean put it ALL out there... I mean ALL of it. I will never be able to tell someone how truly pissed off at them I am in person, but I could damn someone to hell with my writing... I could never truly show how much I appreciate someone face to face, but through my writing, I could definitely let someone know that they are part of the reason I live. I could never truly say EVERYTHING I want to say to the crush. NEVER EVER EVERYTHING. The sad part is, I don't even know if they read this a lot... but if they did, and if they knew it was them, I think they would definitely know how sincere I am.

I'm not boasting... but Anonymity #2 told me that the whole triangle thing almost made him cry. My feelings are real. That's about as real as I can put it. No fancy words, no complex sentences... my feelings are real. And all I wish is that the crush would figure out without me telling... figure out by reading this lump of nonsense... figure out by reading my feelings. 'Cause if it comes down to it, and I have to talk to the crush in person, I'm gonna screw up royally...

I said all this to say, that I am tired of tirading around about this elusive crush. This is turning into April 2003 when I had another crush... it ended tragically, as expected... but the entire month was wasted away on feelings for this one individual... It sucked. I look back at how pathetic I was. Luckily, I am not nearly as pathetic as I was then. But, I know that this is getting ridiculous... I'm tired of this. I really am. I want the crush to know. I am willing to sacrifice all this mess for a little bit of relief. I want to write about things like Missy and Jenee and how much each pisses the other off... I want to write about how I bombed my Special Ed. test because I stayed up all night blogging... I want to write about how much I don't care that I am single...

...I want to write about how I asked the crush, the crush said no, and how I returned to my ever so unproductive life.