i had something to say...

...but I forgot. LOL.

So, I started writing in my new Xanga blog. I said before that I don't like Xanga too much... just that everyone has it. I feel like a trend setter, cause I know a couple people hopped onto blogspot because of me. Yes, I know you love me. Anyway, I started the whole blog out of malice and dishonesty. Yes. It was bad. But I have learned from my mistakes. If anything, it has given me another outlet to express my feelings. But, I don't want to neglect this blog... I mean, this is my baby! So, if any of you have any ideas as to how I can write in both, please leave it in the comments. There is a link to my Xanga over in the links thing ------------> but I think the link doesn't work... I dunno. Here it is again. Go read what I wrote yesterday.

Anyway, I had good food today. My brother played the crap outta his saxophone. My Pop Pop has been here all weekend and I got to sit with him at church. I was UBERlazy today after church. And tomorrow, I head to CHARLESTON with Nick to visit Kate and Deni! w00t!

Now, I gotta go pack for that. This is going to be an extremely FABULOUS spring break. I will try to keep some kind of log to document how incredibly awesome it is. Have fun you guys, and be safe!

-King C.

the root of all evil

"Money is not the root of all evil. Miscommunication is the root of all evil." -Jenee

To a degree, I believe that... but the little degree that I don't is because of the old adage, "Money talks." So, in essence, money IS the root of all evil... but i guess it isn't the money, but it's the talking that money does. So yes... miscommunication is the root of all evil. It is responsible for some of the animosity expressed over the past few days... but it's over now... lesson learned... no reason to delve into all of it. Although, if you are looking for juicy fraternity gossip, go here.

Now that THAT is out of your system (hehe), I'll say this... on the topic of miscommunication. Weblogs can be beautiful and horrible things at the same time. I mean, it's a look into the deep thoughts of a person... and lets just be real... humans think some beautiful and horrible things. While it is important to understand that everyone has the right to post whatever they want in their blogs, it is also important to understand that everyone has the right to get upset about something they read in someone's blog. That goes back to being human again... we, as people, get upset at stuff sometimes. The important thing to understand is that we all need to compromise... agree to disagree.

AND, when we do have to get in tiffs... the best thing to do is to talk it out, because, quite frankly, name calling and pointing fingers is SO playground... lol. Think about it... what good does it do to call someone a bitch? It's a word... it really doesn't mean anything other than female dog. And if you call someone a female dog, they really shouldn't take offense... NO HUMAN is a female dog... they are humans! LOL. I'm so gonna use that spill on my students when the time comes... only I won't use the same word. Hehe... so that's it.

OH! BTW, IT'S SPRING BREAK! AND I'M GOING TO CHARLESTON AND TUSKEGEE!

mr. band director

So, today, the weirdest, yet most exciting thing happened. I was at Kellett tutoring with the afterschoolers and this man comes into the school. Kathy walks up to me and introduces me to him. I can't remember his name now (lol), but he is from the Seneca River Baptist Association... some organization of churches... they have "insert name" River Baptist Associations all over the state... Anyway, he came up to me asking if I would be interested in helping with the SRBA Youth Orchestra. I was completely taken aback. I told him I didn't know how much help I could be, but I would do what I could. He told me that the first week of April, I would be teaching a group of about 10 to 15 band students 2 pieces of my choice to perform at the closing ceremony on the Friday of that week. Then I got excited... 10-15 kids... music of MY choice... and then there was also the $75 that he said but I just forgot to mention... SO HECK YEAH! I'm stoked now! He then asked if I knew where the Seneca River Family Life Center was. I told him that I had been there before when my dad pastored a church up around here... then he asked who my dad was and was shocked that he didn't put the two names together. My dad will actually be teaching that same week I am teaching up there! So woah... me and my dad BOTH doing grown up things in the same arena... WEIRD. But...

...EXCITING! I then called home to tell my dad. I really hope he didn't take offense to it, but I told him that I had scored this gig with no help from him. My dad is always telling me that people know who I am and have high expectations of me because of him... He's not being conceited... but I mean, he is a very prominent figure in Greenville. Usually, people see my last name and the fact that I LOOK like him and immediately make me out to be the perfect image of PKism (Preacher's Kid-ism). However, anyone who reads this is bound to know that I am far from flawless... But, it was refreshing to see that my reputation had preceeded me with this guy. He heard about me from Kathy, who told him I was a tutor and a drum major of Tiger Band.

So, I am making a name for myself... and it's uberexciting (the uber- prefix is the new catch phrase of the week... Nick and Missy had to explain it to me... Nick uses it very liberally). What is more uberexciting is that I get to try my hand at directing my own little band! w00t!

I am sure that it will be TONS more thrilling than this ridiculous PE that I have been slaving over this week... Just about 36 hours left!!!

log this away...

This is INTENDED to piss someone off...

I'm sorry that your life has become nothing but a sad sob story cried over instant messages to your little sister, but I'd really appreciate it if you maybe "had enough balls to say things to my face." 'Cause frankly, I would respect you a little bit more... I mean, I barely respect you at all, but I do respect you because I HAVE to. I don't care if you respect me or not, but I guess I would appreciate it if you practiced what you preached and came to my face instead of getting your little sister involved. But wait... let me be a little more respectful... I should respect the fact that you must run and whine to your sister because you've alienated yourself from people who once were your friends. So, go ahead, let the little girl keep bothering me. Oh wait... she can't 'cause she's blocked... JUST LIKE YOU! And blocking someone is not a sign of weakness... if anything, it is a sign that I am sick of your crap, and instead of seeing your screenname on a list reserved for my "Buddies," I would rather see a big red circle with a line through it next to your name... not only will it make me smile because it will mean that I won't have to talk to you, but it will also mean that all the ish that I associate with you is in that little red circle... which means it is done... and you don't know this, 'cause you think I have no balls, but when I am done with something, I don't keep going back in my blog reminding myself... I am done... Hell... YOU are done. And with that, I do not intend on wasting any more precious blog space writing about you and how incredibly back asswards you are... and I am saying that here, and I don't intend on saying it to your face, because THAT would be a waste of my breath. I'm done...

...and if you ARE pissed off (haha), it's your own fault... 'cause you don't have to snoop around in my blog anyway... just go run to yours and write about how angry you are at me and the rest of your friends because we are not as ballsy as you.

AND THAT IS THE LAST TIME THAT I WILL ADDRESS THIS SITUATION AND/OR PERSON IN THIS BLOG. THE KING HAS SPOKEN.

the band geek revolution and dance dance revolution

The Band Geek Revolution

In the last entry, I closed by sending Kate happy thoughts for the Miss Clemson Pageant, which was on Friday night. Well, I think that my happy thoughts did her well... along with her beauty, intelligence, and talent. KATE MOON IS MISS CLEMSON UNIVERSITY 2004! She was OBVIOUSLY the most beautiful girl at the pageant, AND she won for the best interview and the best talent... I can't even begin to tell you how amazingly she did... All of her AXO sisters were proud of her, as they very well should have been... but THE BAND... WE WERE SOOOOOO PROUD! We cheered during the whole pageant for her... and when she won, we gave her a standing ovation... IT WAS THE BAND GEEK REVOLUTION! Kate, a band geek just like the rest of us, proved that you can be in band AND be all that and a bag of potato chips. When we all joined band at our respective schools however many years ago, we pretty much gave up coolness... we sacrificed popularity and acceptance for the joy of music... and now that we are in college, and popularity really doesn't exist in the first place, we are a little cooler and a little more respected... BUT, Kate showed everybody that a band geek can rock out on ANYBODY ANYTIME ANYWHERE! GO KATE! She is Clemson's Queen, but first and foremost, she is the band geek's queen. Click here for a pic of Miss Clemson and all of her adoring band geeks.

Dance Dance Revolution

The second revolution of the weekend lasted for 24 hours... Dance Dance Revolution occured Friday night when Patrick, Nick, Anna, and I attacked the club. It was so much fun, as going to the club was the week before... HOWEVER, on Saturday night, while in Greensboro for the Women's ACC Tournament, Nick, Jamie (a cheerleader), and I went to a club... THAT WAS THE MOST AMAZING MUSIC I HAVE EVER DANCED TO!!! The beats were amazing, the DJ was off the meat rack, and it was just an incredible experience... Okay, I'm about to sound like a COMPLETE weirdo, but the music hit me in a way that it never had before... I closed my eyes and started doing this crazy hand/arm gyrating thing... It's hard to explain, but usually, dancing just involves my feet and lower body, but this music was so intense that my arms and hands were just all over the place... I felt like a raver... Hehe... IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! I got lost in the music... I forgot about everything... time, space, how tired I was ('cause I only slept 5 hours the night before), and all the work that is waiting for me this week (ugh). I want to dance like that all the time... I want to experience a Dance Dance Revolution ALL the time... or at least once a week. That was some fun ish.

::sigh:: what an INCREDIBLE weekend!

so i lied...

I said I was gonna write again yesterday, but I didn't. Oh well... you didn't miss anything. I did all the work for my stupid mah project and prepared myself for the speech that I gave today. All I will say is... I admit defeat. It wasn't great. I was really nervous. But, I don know that my information was good and they learned a lot about KKPsi. I doubt that my grade will be good though. My speech was supposed to be 5:30, but it turned out to be 8:53... yeah. Oh well. I'm going to be a teacher... I'm supposed to have to talk for long periods of time... so, as far as I'm concerned, I'm going in the right direction.

Anyway, this week was HORRIBLE. H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E. And, I thought that it would all be over after today... NOT EVEN. ::sigh:: Let's see... I have an edf 302 quiz and Math Methods test on Tuesday as well as my PE learning center due on Thursday. BUT... I am gonna hold strong. I can do it, just like I made it through this week. I CAN! So, I am REALLY gonna try to not get stressed out.

As a little reward for this week, we are going to the club again tomorrow. It should be fun. I love dancing... do we see a pattern here? Conducting, singing, dancing... I am a whore to music. It controls every aspect of my life.

Speaking of music again, I didn't do the "Clemson Idol" thing. Not only did I have CRAPLOADS to do last night, but I looked in Barnett Lounge to see if anyone was in there, and no one was. So, I didn't really miss out on anything. I think I am gonna have to come to the conclusion that the whole singing thing is gonna just be a hobby and nothing else. But you know... I would LOVE to be able to sing to someone or have someone sing to me... I think that's sweet... It'd be cool to sing Ben Folds "The Luckiest" to someone... and "My Immortal" by Evanescence is a good one too... although, it's sweet for other reasons... sad reasons, but still sweet.

At any rate, I have no one to sing to... Unless you count those three whores named edf 302 test, Math Methods test, and PE learning center... ugh... BUT THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!!! I'M GONNA MAKE IT! AND AFTER THAT IS SPRING BREAK! YAY!

Here's a happy thought for Kate, 'cause I "LOBE" her so much...

YOU ARE GONNA DO AWESOME TOMORROW IN THE MISS CLEMSON PAGEANT! JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU, YOU ARE THE TOTAL PACKAGE: BEAUTY, INTELLIGENCE, AND TALENT!


MY FRIEND, KATE MOON:
SO HOT, SHE MAKES GAY MEN CREAM!

brackett lab

I'm in Brackett Lab... Today has been one of those days where it makes absolutely no sense to go back to my room... I'll either get laxidazical and do nothing, or sit there and check away messages all afternoon. I had to do my webpage for edf315 after class today, so after that, I went to lunch. Now, I am in here printing out the T/F answers for my Sepcial Ed. test... I ALWAYS get nervous about tests for this class, but I made 100 on the first test and a 98 on the second... so, I really shouldn't be... but, I'm just waiting for a big C to jump up and bite me on the arse right when I think I can ace it. So, I'm still studying... only not really... 'cause I'm blogging... go figure.

Anyway, there is this "Clemson Idol" thing going on tonight. It's just what it sounds like... basically a talent or "no talent" showcase. It's for my residential area... ironically, recently, I have been especially interested in singing again. For those of you who didn't know, I sang in high school in Honors Concert Choir, where I was a Tenor II... I was also in 2 breakout groups... Vocal Ensemble and Those 8 Guys, which at the time consisted of 8 guys (now it is still "Those 8 Guys" but there are 12 of them)... It was an Eastside version of Tigeroar, basically. So, I was pretty good. I dunno how good I am now. I mean, I don't get training daily like I did, but I think I can still sing at least a little bit. I know I am nowhere as good as I used to be... but I would love to sing frequently like I used to. So, needless to say, the Clemson Idol thing strikes my interest. The only thing is that I don't know if I'd be one of those insanely tragic people that goes on American Idol thinking they can sing circles around Whitney Houston but gets their dreams smashed to hell by Simon. I would also have to sing an acapella song... I have (and have always had) a little problem STAYING on whatever key I start on... so, accompaniment is my best friend. Lastly, my residential area is made up of sorority girls... the same girls that carry their sorors around in oversized Vera Bradley Ps.O.S. LOL. Speaking of Vera, this girl JUST walked up to the computer next to me... with a blue and white Vera. Haha...

So, anyway, it's an idea. But, if I don't do it... I think I want to do something about this whole lack of singing in my life. I can't really take a choir... no time. I guess I can sing in the car and in my room and stuff... and whenever I have the chance. Last night, I went to go park Kyle and it was like 1 am. I took my CD player with some Citizen Cope in it. I was singing in the car and once I parked Kyle and got out to walk back to Mauldin, I kept singing. I figured, it was 1 am and no one was really out... so I kept belting it... you know, like how you do in your house or car when NO ONE else is around. It was a very freeing experience. I was outside in nature... in the dark... no one around... just me and the music... No inhibitions. I kept singing loudly, not caring at all if someone was behind a tree listening or somewhere out of vision. It made me happy... Lord knows I need a little happiness this week with all this crap to do. So, maybe singing tonight would add to my happiness... either that or it will take away from precious time to do my math project and edf302 retest... ugh.

Well... I guess I'm off to take the Special Ed. test. More to come tonight...

the sleepiest day of my life...

...and yet it is 1:32 and I am still up. WTF, mate? I didn't sleep much last night... I was on the phone with Patrick until 12:30... I had planned on going to sleep at 11, but I had to lend (geez, I SO wanna say the Greek translation, but I was definitely scared while doing rounds on the floor of the unmentioned sorority) "a helping hand." LOL.

Anyway, yeah, I fell asleep in math methods... AND while tutoring. Yes, while tutoring. The kids got yelled at by the supervisor, so they sat there and did their homework quietly and didn't say a peep. A little too quietly, unfortunately. Ms. Patterson, the supervisor, told me to put my head down and take a nap... LOL. Oh, Lord... so yeah, I was a hot mess today.

Anyway (I hope I don't get in trouble for this), but I was doing the powerpoint for my speech that I am giving on Thursday... the one on KKPsi. This speech could not have come at a better time. I had to go to a bunch of different chapter websites to get pictures. It gave me the chance to look at KKPsi across the nation... and ::"psi" of content:: I am in such a great organization. I had to talk through my speech and come up with what I was gonna say, and it got me thinking about how awesome it is.

In ALL seriousness... I TRULY hope that everyone in a Greek organization can appreciate what it stands for if they are gonna be in it. I talk junk about that one sorority, but honestly, if THAT kinda stuff is what they believe in and what they hold near and dear to their heart, I can't hate on them. It's good to believe in something. And with that, I'm gonna stop talking about them. Quite honestly, if someone decided to post all of KKPsi's secrets on the internet, I think that I would conjure up an owl to go kill them too... just kidding... I said I was gonna stop, so I will.

Anyway, my powerpoint is really good. I just hope that I can get my point across to the class. It's hard to express emotions like the kind I have for KKPsi. I know there is a Pika, Kappa Sig, ZTA,Tri-Delt, and SGR in my class... and I'm wondering if they will be able to appreciate KKPsi for what it is, or if they won't think anything of it and not be open to any other organization but their own being awesome... actually, I can't blame them for that... 'cause I often think, "I'm in KKPsi. I win."

Anyway, enough of that... don't want to upset anyone. I have a rough 48 hours ahead of me... test tomorrow, project due tomorrow, retest Thursday, teaching Thursday, project due Thursday, speech Thursday... so, I would appreciate it if all complaints regarding me be held until Thursday at 1:45 pm. Thank you.

the 5th and final hurrah

So... I started this entry completely different than it reads now. I will put that at the end for those of you who care to read it... But I decided to change the direction of this last entry of the day so that you wouldn't stay up all night plotting my death... I really shouldn't worry about that... It's not like I told the secrets of Chi Omega or anything. WOOPS! Anyway, I'm in rare form tonight. I'm highly cynical, but yet my creative writing is a little stifled... I am prohibited to write about what is going on in my mind. But yet, whoever you are, you are sitting on the other side of a square screen reading this... and I KNOW the only reason you are reading it is because you are wondering what Hamilton is gonna say next... Well, whatever Hamilton says, it won't be in 3rd person like this is... ANYWAY, the point is, it's your choice to read it... if you get angry with it, then I suggest you don't read it. Point blank. And no, that is not directed to any one person... actually, no, I will direct it to one person. I'll direct it to Pip, 'cause I don't know him at all, but I am sure that I don't anger him with my writing (I'm one of his freakin' "Blog's I Love to Read") and he seems like a cool guy. So, Pip... don't go gettin' all pissy 'cause you read something that you didn't want to hear... no if's, and's, or but's... I don't want to hear it. You choose to read it, so you can choose to not read it! So there! ::raspberry::

So, Pip... while I'm on it, you can also NOT read what is below... it is that original beginning of this entry. I decided to not keep going with it, 'cause I could see myself getting in trouble for it. But, I think that everything I write has relevant, so I'm not going to delete it... so, PIP, if you don't want to read it, click the "x" up above... no one is gonna make you read it. If you get upset, it's your own fault! I don't want to hear it. I better not hear it, Pip... 'cause remember, YOU are the one reading it... the only way to NOT get emotionally charged over it is NOT read it. That's all I'm gonna say about it, Pip... now, it's up to you to turn away if you don't want to see it. You do what you feel is right...

This is the 5th entry I have written today. Holy crap... it's like something is wrong or something. Anyway. I have proved that my blog is all that and a bag of potato chips. I move people to uncontrollable madness and it sends them into fits of profane rage... Without even trying! Yay. Does any institution of higher learning offer a masters degree in mind control?

I mean, I feel like Strong Bad. People flock to him weekly to see him answer e-mails. He's a little fat cartoon with a Mexican wrestling mask and boxing gloves on! How insane. I should have known that if a little rotund boxing cartoon that says "crap" every 5 words could gain the attention of a nation that I would at least be able to gain the attention of a small village...

Pip, you bastard... you read it.

this is what boredom looks like...

...but how bored can one be at the Moulin Rouge?!

Your Moulin Rouge Status: by pinkrobelover
Your Name:
Your deepest secret:	You got piss drunk with absinthe and performed the "can can can" on yourself.
The Bohemian Ideal You hold true to most is:	Truth
Your Job at the Moulin Rouge:	Satine's body guard
What the customers think:	A bit more practice in bed, mate.
Favorite Quote:	"Outside it may be raining, but in here it's entertaining!"
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

and now, a word from our sponsors...

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

and now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

I worked with my little drum majors to be today. It is funny how inspiring those younger than me are. They are only 16, but it's still young enough to provide a little different insight on things. Seth and Audrey are both working very hard... They kind of remind me about how I was when I was trying out for drum major. They work so hard, and they both want it so badly... one thing different about us though, is the fact that they are so inhibited... it's okay. I'm not bashing them via weblog, I have told them this. Anyway, they are so stiff and rigid. I'm having a little trouble teaching them because, strangely enough, it comes pretty naturally to me. I don't mean to brag (for heaven's sake, I'm not that ballsy), but I'm not real inhibited when I'm conducting. I mean, a lot of that is owed to Kate and Jennie, and even Rebecca Poe for all mentoring me at one time... but for the most part, I got the whole conducting thing pretty easily... I mean, I think I have it pretty well... feel free and tell me if I suck or something so I don't continue writing false statements in here.

Anyway, I really want them to feel the music... I want them to get fierce and angry when they hear "El Toro." I want them to get solemn and reflective when they hear "Maria." I want them to get peppy when we do marches. I want them to feel the music. This did take me some time to understand. Kate is the one that really got me to do this. I remember our first few practices last year... I had this halfway smirky grin thing on my face the whole time... I thought Kate looked so funny... and she wanted me to do what she was doing?! HA! Not that I couldn't do it, but more because I didn't want to look spastic. Somewhere between those first practices and this past band season I realized that "getting into it" wasn't goofy... it was and IS music. Never was this made more clear to me than the Friday before we first marched my show...

Dr. Spede said that we had been having a mediocre B- practice all day, and I couldn't help but feel guilty. I knew everyone was tired... we had just gotten done with the terrific World Tour show, had JUST learned the drill to the EWF show, and it was getting late in the afternoon. People were ready for the weekend. During a water break, I went up to Kate and I told her... I felt it was my fault. I was just like everyone else that was so tired and didn't want to be there anymore. I was tired of trying so hard to do everything perfectly. I wanted to have fun. Then she told me... HAVE FUN! No one else was having fun, so if I was up there on that podium looking like I was having fun, then they would have fun, and of course everyone wants to have fun in the best way possible, right? So, I did. It was amazing... almost like something off of an afterschool TV special... It was SO much better. Dr. Spede said that that run through was the best yet. I had fun, I moved around a little bit, I "hit that spot." Haha.

Then, it happened again... but this time, even moreso than before. It was on the bowl trip. For the game, we were going to play "El Toro" and "Johnny One Note." So, Kate and Lindsey had their respective songs... and Jennie got pregame... I dunno why she did now... I wasn't upset or anything, but she got it... I was cool with it. But what I wasn't cool with was how idle I was! OMG... that trip. The practices were SO BORING. We ran through "El Toro..." Kate got up and conducted. We ran through "Johnny One Note..." Lindsey conducted. We ran through pregame... Jennie conducted. And Hamilton got a cramp in his neck while turning and watching whoever was on the middle podium. And when we weren't on the ladders, I was over with the clarinets, field teching... lemme tell you... THAT'S THE BEST! Especially when everyone knows their spot like the back of their hand because they marched it so much AND because they don't really do anything but march back and forth (sarcasm noted). Anyway, I have NEVER felt so useless in band. I wanted to ask Spede if I could pick up a tuba and march so I could have something to do. Well, I couldn't wait for the pep rally... 'cause I knew that I would get to conduct and have a little fun... so when the time came, I showed out. LOL. I shocked myself. All that pent up conducting that had been boiling inside of me for so long... was released in the form of "Let's Go." It was amazing. Tiger Band did an INCREDIBLE job... and it was the coolest feeling I ever had... all 180 however many people confined in an itty bitty space in front of me giving me all they had... Wow. What a rush. To be able to help get it out of them... an awesome feeling. I felt like I was doing something... and I was doing it well.

So (woah... HUGE digression)... I want Audrey and Seth to FEEL the music. FEEL the music. FEEL the music. I want them to appreciate it for everything that it is... everything that it invokes. Music is a language. It is an awesome thing to be able to speak that language.

a quote from ben

It's funny... and extremely relevant to the aforementioned entry:

"Don't sweat the petty, pet the sweaty."

this entry is dedicated to my brother, patrick

Patrick... well. He became a brother on March 28, 2003. And he gave up his active status tonight, February 29, 2004. Not even a year. But, he did what he felt was best for him. In his actions, I have been forced to look at KB in a different light.

First, let me explain. My blog is not a place to rant and rave about the latest occurrences in Clemson's Kappa Kappa Psi chapter. If that is what you are looking for, this might be a better blog for your reading pleasure. But, I will tell you that this event has really made me think.

My chapter, Kappa Beta, is full of brothers that I love and enjoy being around. But, Patrick and his little brother, who is no longer in the process, are probably my 2 best friends... we do almost everything together... we are even planning on living together next year. Well, with first Nick gone and now Patrick, I am the only one out of our trio that remains "offillimus" (a new Greek word that means "affiliated" that I learned this weekend) to the fraternity. As much as the social aspect is important (I'm the freakin' social chair), it pained me to see that I was so caught up in what my friends were doing when it came to the fraternity. The fraternity is about service to the bands... not service to Hamilton's social life. So, as much as it would be fun for Patrick, Nick, and I to all be "offilimus" together, it isn't necessary for me to have a worthwhile experience in KKPsi. Besides the fact that I do have other great friends (including my great little brothers Missy and Bryn), there is so much more to gain... that's not a headache... Believe it or not, I'm kinda getting one right now trying to write this entry... It's hard to talk about.

I mean, I LOVE my fraternity so much... everything we stand for. It is exactly what I believe. EXACTLY. And after learning immense amounts of secrets about one of Panhellenic's dear sweet national sororities this weekend, it makes me thankful that what we stand for is so wholesome and uplifting! But yeah, I love my fraternity. And the opportunity it gives me to make a difference in the band program at Clemson. I'd be a fool to give it all up because a few friends aren't in it... I'd be looking way past what the fraternity stands for...

...and on that note, it doesn't stand for self-righteousness... Random and way out from left field, I know, but I can't help but think that some of my psi brothers are a little too high and mighty, and holier than thou. I may be wrong, but even in the midst of all that crazy ish I learned about that crazy "women's fraternity" there was nothing like "We believe that the sisters of this fraternity are better than everyone, including every other sorority and women's fraternity. Most importantly, each sister is better than every other." LOL. But in that sorority, I guess the people dropping the initiates into the coffin are a little better than the ones going into the coffin. I can't imagine anyone going INTO a coffin being better off than anyone out of one...

ANYWAY, I digress. I feel as if I have done nothing but rambled tonight. Recap:

1. I love my friends Patrick and Nick.
2. I love my fraternity, Kappa Kappa Psi.
3. I will not let the lack of my two friends in the fraternity change the way I view my fraternity.
4. Our fraternity is way better than that sorority that drops people into coffins.

1+1=2-2=0

I'm sure THAT means nothing to you... but it's an equation that I had in my mind all day. I don't want to go into it... but I just wanted to document it. I'll put it this way, I'm basically setting myself up for disappointment. I do it all the time. I should really know better.

Anyway, I did have a good time last night. Almost too good. Nights like last night, followed by days of uncertainty like this one suck. I wish I was on a high like that everyday, all the time. I wish I was just surrounded by tons of music and people and void of all my inhibitions... I was void of my inhibitions last night... and I wasn't even drunk... go me. :)

I think I am really starting to grow some balls. People often tell me that I don't have any, but I think that telling the crush was definitely the first sign of some definite ballage... They're developing. I mean, I'm about to be 21 in less than half a year... I might as well grow some. It's time I grew out of the little boy stage... It's time I grew out of setting myself up for disappointment... It's time I stopped using elementary algebra and started using calc or something.

clubbin' it up

Short entry... but, Nick and I JUST got back from a couple clubs in Greenville... can you say "Hella tight?!" OMG! It was so much fun. I saw people from high school, met new people, and most of all, got to bond with someone I truly consider a best friend... Thanks for the night, Nick! You get diva points! LOL!

the burning of the ridge

As September 11, 2001 lives on in the lives of Americans, February 25, 2004 will live on in the lives of Clemson students. University Ridge is burning to the ground as I type. It was the closest off campus apartment complex to the campus, and was hardly like an off campus apartment at all. It might as well have been on campus. The landscape of our campus will definitely be different without it there. I never went there, just heard about how cool it was and all the cool parties people had there. The only connection that I have to it is 3 friends that already signed a lease to live there next year. So I WAS going to have a little bit of history with The Ridge, but not anymore.

Well, it was shocking news for everyone. The ironic part is that I left a speech in Tillman (which is right across the street from The Ridge) at 9:30 and fire trucks and police cars were speeding there, but there was no visible action going on. I went to my staff meeting at 10 and all the way up to 11 we heard sirens and stuff. Well, right at 11 when we got done, this girl came in to tell us the news. The Ridge was on fire, and not only was it on fire, but it was burning to the ground. Laura, one of the girls who was planning on living there next year, laid down on the ground kind of in disbelief. Angie and I went out into the lobby and started talking to Jessica who was working the desk. Jessica told us all the latest news. Then Angie and I decided to walk down to Bowman Field and watch the chaos.

I could not believe the flames and all the smoke. It was like something I had never seen. As soon as the entire building came into view and I realized the caliber of the tragedy, my heart sank. I couldn't believe how something that had just been there an hour and a half before was up in flames and burning down to the ground. I couldn't believe how the people that lived there lost EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. College kids, like me... who hardly have anything at all anyway. Gone. All gone.

The scene on the field was just as breathtaking. At least 1,000 Clemson students were out on the field watching. At around 11:30 on a Wednesday evening, almost the entire population of the campus was out on that field to watch the changing of the Clemson landscape. Strangely enough, and sadly enough, it made me feel like part of the Clemson community. I guess you really don't appreciate something until something horrible happens.

With all the sh*t... and I do emphatically mean ALL THE SH*T... going on, it's time to wake up and get serious. I hate doing this, but I'm going to... we need to get over our petty "boyfriend-girlfriend-fraternity-sorority-gossip-backstabbing-who's hot-who's not-get drunk and screw-party time-live it up" frame of mind and realize that in the grand scheme of things there is a life to be lived, things to be gained, and obviously lost. There is too much in life to worry about the small stuff. For example, fraternity drama is small stuff. Losing everything you have in a fire is big stuff.

Okay, I'm gonna stop... before I climb too far up on my soap box and can't get down. Friends and readers... enjoy life and cherish EVERYTHING. But DO NOT sweat the small stuff.

GOD BLESS THE RESIDENTS OF THE RIDGE.

the cherry jolly rancher lollipop

Yep... here I go again. But this story is seriously sweet... as sweet as cherry Jolly Rancher lollipop I was given.

I went to Kellett today as I do every Tuesday... Things went normal... a lot of chaos... but I helped the kids with their homework. Devante, a little boy that I read with twice a week last year came up to me and asked for help. I don't work with him hardly at all this year because he is in 3rd grade and is a lot more developed. The kindergarteners really need my help... unfortunately. ANYWAY, I got done helping some first graders, and Devante came over to ask for help.

Lemme tell you a little bit about how Devante looks. Imagine a 4 foot tall, chubby, pudgy, little black boy with glasses... yeah, so kinda like me... ha ha ha. Seriously, though... he always has on a big black "marshmallow man" type coat and sweats... just hobbling around, not really getting into trouble... but not really doing what he is supposed to do. But, he is a lot more intelligent than most people would notice. He really reminds me of the way my brother and I were when we were little.

Anyway, he came over to me and asked for some help with his multiplication facts that he was practicing. He was doing stuff like 1x1, 2x2, 3x3, 4x4, etc. Well, he had all of them up to 13x13. But, 12x12 and 13x13 were 24 and 26, instead of 144 and 169. He had written the problems himself and was working them out himself... SELF MOTIVATION! WOW! Since when did the kids at Kellett have self motivation?! Devante, in any case, is different from the rest of those kids. Anyway, I helped him and cleared his confusion up... I think I taught him the first little bit about multiplying one digit numbers by 2 digit numbers other that 10, 11, and 12! So, I was really proud.

So, as I got up to go leave and go to the middle school, he followed me. He took out these Yu-gi-oh coins for me to look at. I felt REALLY old, cause I asked if they were Digimon... Come ON, Hamilton... Digimon? Yeah. I was old today. Anyway, he said that they were Yu-gi-oh. I really could have cared less about what they were, but I acted interested because he thought enough to share them with me. Then, I gave them back and he reached in his pocket and said, "Here, have this." It was the cherry Jolly Rancher lollipop. Since when do kids share their candy with people?! Then, once I said I couldn't take his candy he said this, which caught me even more off guard, "No, you have it. I already have a fruit roll up." ::GASP!:: I mean, woah. Not only was he sharing, but he shared because I had none and he had an abundance... this is no ordinary 3rd grader. Then, I said, "Thank you, Devante! I will see you Thursday." And he said bye and waved as I walked out the door.

It just did my heart right. Devante and I had a connection. I made a difference for him. And whether he knows it or not, he made a difference for me too. It feels SO good to be needed. SO SO SO good. I was so full and so happy... as I am right now. More people need to be like Devante. He's a good kid.

running laps

Yep... you know when the title of an entry is something completely random that I am about to rip it apart and tell how you can live your life by thinking in terms of it...

So, I was at the gym with Kate and she is having me run a mile and a half each time we go. Well, I am not a runner... AT ALL. But, what Kate has been having me do has done TONS for me. Not only do I look better, but I FEEL better about myself. She has helped and motivated me so much... even though I call her a drill sargeant and sometimes a bitch, she has helped me tons. THANKS KATE! I LOBE YOU!

Anyway, I digress... So, I normally run on the treadmill. It's easier for me. But tonight, ALL the treadmills were taken... "REAL HARD," as Sammie says. So, we had to go to the track. A mile is approximately 10 laps or something like that. So, she told me to run 15. And, I started out. Well, I got done with 3 and just HAD to stop... but I was determined not to wuss out. So, I started just walking briskly... one lap. Then, when that lap was done, I started running again... one lap. I did this for the rest of our time at the track. I ran so much that I forgot how much I had actually done, but I know that it was more than 15. I was proud.

All this mean is, you have to set small goals... achieveable goals. The reason we as people get upset so much is because sometimes we set ourselves up for disappointment. Like Al Sharpton... that man KNOWS that he will NOT be President. Why the hell is he trying... LOL... just kidding. Good luck, Al... maybe this Al will win since the other did, but the dimpled chads stole the race from him... ANYWAY, I digress again. Achieveable goals are the type of goals we should all set for ourselves. These goals can build up to achieving even greater goals... My goals for right now are to complete my math and PE projects... REAL HARD. Geez... they actually seem like big goals right now, but in essence, they are just little goals that will lead up to the big goal of GETTING DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER (so ready)!

Okay, recap... Running laps = setting small goals that are achievable... ooh... elaborative rehearsal... GO ME!

college is NOT for the faint at heart

I cannot help but think about how much CRAP me and all my friends have to go through in this thing we call college. THIS sucks. I mean, yeah, it's fun... when you aren't doing work for your 37 hours of classes... but seriously... how can ANYONE say that college is the best time of one's life when YOU ARE HERE FOR AN EDUCATION... not for friends... not to find an r-thingy... not for a greek organization... not to get drunk... but for an EDUCATION. I think I believe in this even more than the run of the mill college student because I am an education major, and I am serious when I say that education is the foundation for EVERYTHING. You can't get friends if you are a dummy that no one wants to be around... you won't find an r-thingy if you are stupid and you don't know how to treat other people... fraternities and sororities are college organizations, and what is a COLLEGE organization without COLLEGE (education)... and the whole drinking thing... well, I suppose it doesn't take a rocket scientest to be able to get drunk.

But anyway, I am just thinking about all the stuff I have to do this week. I am procrastinating, 'cause I should really get up and get dressed. I'm supposed to be in Greenville for an eye-appointment at 11:30. I don't want to go. I wish I could get rid of all distractions and just do what I am supposed to do so I can get the hell out of here... CLEMSON. I'm ready for a little bit of a change. I'm ready to stretch my wings. I seriously feel like I am ALWAYS stressed out. But the thing is, I should really never be stressed out about anything besides school. I gotta go to school and get my work done, or else I will become NOTHING. I have huge goals... and the thing about me is, I want to achieve them. I recently decided that being a classroom teacher wasn't good enough for me anymore. I have decided to go into Educational Psychology, and I am really excited. I know it's more work, but in the end, it will all be worth it... just like what I said last night, "the best things in life are worth waiting for."

So... I really need to focus on school... and look away from all these things pulling at me from different directions. I also need to realize that all this hard work will really pay off one day. I doubt that working in the real world is this hard at all... I mean, you will get to do what you know the best... you will have majored in it... in my case, I will have MASTERED it... and I will do it all day long to the best of my ability. AND, I'll get paid for it! WAY different from things now.

So, with that, I start the week. And as Tex says, I'm gonna get my ducks in a row. This whole thing called college is not for the faint at heart... it's for the ambitious.... hmm... Ambition. What a concept.

retreat

THAT was really fun. I always love spending time with my brothers. Surprisingly enough, not nearly as emotional as I thought I would be. Probably because it was hard to get serious on the trip. I was within 20 feet of Sammie the whole time, and she CONSTANTLY keeps me in stitches! I love that girl to death. I would marry her... someone that could keep me smiling and happy all the time... except for the fact that she is mean to me at basketball games sometimes... ANYWAY, I love her to death and I am so happy that she is pledging... and I'm so pissed that someone else is treating her like crap right now... but that's neither here nor there...

No new news... except for maybe the fact that I came to some realizations while having a few deep conversations while on retreat. I was wrong to my ex-girlfriend... don't want to go into it... and there was this r-thingy/dating type thing I had going on with someone this summer (don't worry, you didn't miss anything... it lasted for all of 2 weeks and they lived in Spartanburg). I wasn't ready. I didn't "know myself" I guess...

It turns out that a lot of things don't happen when you want them to because you aren't ready... either you aren't stable enough, you haven't learned from past occurrences, or what is ahead of you is just a little too much for you at the present time. It's really weird that I'm saying all this, 'cause come Thursday I'm gonna probably be back in my rut complaining about what I don't have... but I'm serious when I say this. THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE WORTH WAITING FOR. It's true...

For example... I don't think that I have experienced the best day of my life yet... everyday brings something new, and every new day has the potential to be the best of my life... so I guess, actually, I have had the best day of my life... today. But, tomorrow will be the best day of my life up to that point, because it will have the potential to be the most awesome... When I was younger, I had tons of great things to look forward to... high school, prom, graduation, college... now, I get to look toward graduation, grad school, getting a real job, buying my own place... and yes, someone to share all of that great stuff with. So, the day I graduate will be the best day of my life... but then, after that, starting grad school will be the best day of my life... So, in other words, every new day has the potential to be the best day of your life...

As awful as it sounds, the day I die will truly be the VERY best day of my life... Think about it... it makes sense.

just floatin' around in some onion broth

Yup... that's life. Not necessarily a bad thing, not necessarily a good thing. When people ask me how things are going, I have recently just been saying, "okay." I really can't complain, and I really can't be over excited. There's tons of crap going on, but every once in a while, the crap is cancelled out by something petty, yet amusing... like the regime counting a total of 149 Vera Bradley bags yesterday, or chit chatting with a few brothers outside the library today. I like the high moments. They are much appreciated.

Anyway... nothing major to report... as the title says, "just floatin' around in some onion broth." Some things are bothering me, but it's pointless to go into them... I have learned that while a blog is a place to put your feelings, sometimes, some people just use it to bitch about all the things they are too chicken sh*t to say to people in person... So, I'm not going to do that. My blog is for my entertainment as well as the entertainment of my fabulous readers... ENTERTAINMENT... no need to piss anyone off or throw a pity party (although, sometimes I'm good at doing that). By the way, I apparently have gained a little bit of acclaim in the eyes of a fellow blogger... check out my man, Philip's blog... this is "a blog he loves to read!"

While I'm thinking about it, HEY, SARAH VESTAL!!! Sarah reads my blog all the way in France... that is where she is co-oping this semester... Sarah, you are now blogworthy, so you have to leave me a comment of some sort!

Retreat is this weekend. I'm excited... and a little anticipatory as to what this trip will bring. I'm SURE it's gonna be fun... but there is something about being in nature and away from the norm that plays with my mind... opens me up some, I guess... I think more freely, I'm more expressive, and I tend to be more emotional. Too bad I can't write while I'm up there... I think I'll have to take a notebook and keep some thoughts going. I can't waste a whole good weekend of emotions all because I won't have access to a computer. Y'all don't miss me too much, okay?

It's getting boring here in this bowl... I think I want out.

french onion soup

I got the title of this entry today at about 4:30 while sitting in Harcombe eating an abnormally good bowl of hot and cheesy french onion soup. I know what you are thinking... cheez-its, grape kool-aid, and now french onion soup... what is my fascination with food, and why do I make connections with them? I dunno... but I gather things from the weirdest sources sometimes... Today, it came from a bowl of soup.

Anyway, I was there at the end of my delicious bowl of soup. I found myself staring into the bowl. You ever notice that in broths like that, there is oil mixed in with the liquid? Actually, it's not really mixed in at all... there are little pockets of oil floating all over the liquid, you know... the whole oil and water don't mix thing. Well... I think that is actually a pretty pessimistic way of looking at the two substances... Maybe it's just that the little pockets of oil are floating around in the water in order to mix with another little pocket of oil so THEY can mix. The oil isn't meant to mix with the water... but the water mixes, and oil can mix with itself... so the oil is really floating around in search of more oil... I hope it's not that vague... it really makes a lot of sense...

So, here's the punchline. Some people, like the oil,"float" around all the time without mixing with another person. But there is nothing wrong with floating around in the water for a while. But eventually, the oil HAS to mix with more oil... if it sits for long enough, the oil will find more oil and it will mix. It just takes a while... No way to rush it either... cause if you stir it up, the oil gets even more unstable and it will just have to sit longer to meet up with other little oil pockets.

So, I'm not gonna elaborate anymore for anyone... there it goes... let it marinate on you... like some french onion soup...

kelly gotta man

Yes, my dear brother Kelly is now dating someone. I am really happy for her... I really, truly, sincerely, am.

Now, with that said, she talks about him all the time. There's nothing wrong with that either. It's just REALLY sweet. REALLY, REALLY sweet. Seriously. I'm jealous. It makes me happy to see her so happy, but I'm a little jealous. I see her kinda like me, 'cause as long as I have known Kelly, I have never really known her to date anyone. Now she is, and I can tell how happy she is... she talks about it ALL THE TIME! I would be that way too. So, it's kinda sickening to hear about it... but it's also really sweet... and really sad all at the same time...

Dang, that was some sort of emotional...

Go Kelly. :)

where there is faith

I don't know if I have used this title yet or not... but, I am listening to this song, and it summarizes how I am feeling and a little bit about the last 48 hours. The words of this song are:

I believe in faithfulness
I believe in giving of myself for someone else
I believe in peace and love
I believe in honesty and trust but it’s not enough
For all that I believe may never change the way it is
Unless I believe Jesus lives

Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, keep walking
You’re not alone in this world
Where there is faith
There is a peace like a child sleeping
Hope everlasting in He who is able to
Bear every burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place
Where there is faith

There’s a man across the sea
Never heard the sound of freedom ring
Only in his dreams
There’s a lady dressed in black
In a motorcade of cadillacs
Daddy’s not coming back
Our hearts begin to fall
And our stability grows weak
But Jesus meets our needs if only we believe

Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, keep walking
You’re not alone in this world
Where there is faith
There is a peace like a child sleeping
Hope everlasting in He who is able to
Bear every burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place
Where there is faith

Yeah, I am a religious CHRISTIAN person... despite how drunk I may get and the choice words I use sometimes... but I am... and this wong helps me find peace. It really does. In a funny way, it is exactly what the little drummer boy was trying to say in his profile... FAITH. Why search? Just be faithful.

I was faithful today in a couple ways... Last night, I was taking out my contacts, and I dropped one on the floor. I stayed up for an hour looking for it. But strangely enough, I wasn't stressed out. I just went to bed. I knew I needed to go to bed. And I was tired. All that I kept thinking was, "there is a peace like a child sleeping." So, I went to sleep, woke up in 4 hours and as soon as I started my search again, I found it within 5 minutes. Faith. Today at church, I was convicted to give tithes. I haven't done this in a while... especially not since I have been away from my own church. Needless to say, I am not in the best financial situation. But, I gave 10% of my paycheck today... a good $20. I didn't have it to give... but I have faith.

I have faith concerning other things too. So much faith that I don't even need to address the subject.

the little drummer boy says something profound

Remember the incident with the little drummer boy that pissed me off on the bowl trip? Well, from that drunken night, he ended up getting a girlfriend... now, instead of shouting her name all over the North Tower of the CNN Omni Hotel, he is shouting it in his profile... I'm serious. It says her name with 3 exclamation marks after it. ANYWAY... his profile also says something really profound. I don't feel like elaborating on it or giving my thoughts on it, but I like it:

The only way to find what you are looking for is to stop looking. (If you spend all of your time looking, will what you find be a result of who you are, or the effort you put forth to find it?)

Did he come up with that on his own, or did he get that from somewhere, or did he just firgure out that the girl he is dating now isn't that great because of the effort he went through to get her (shouting her name all over the North Tower of the CNN Omni Hotel). I doubt it was the latter, but seriously... I would like to know how he came to this realization.

Honestly, I am sick of hearing people say that... Another profile says:

BAM! and it just hits you like that. Unexpectedly.
"Things are gonna happen naturally"

I hate hearing that, but I plan on taking the advice. What could it hurt? The worse thing that could happen is... nothing.

in martin lab

Well, it's been a little while... My bad. I haven't been incredibly busy or anything, just not anything extremely pressing on my mind. But, today is the dreaded February 14th, so I figured I needed to write something and share a little bit of how I am feeling with the rest of the world.

I'm okay, honestly. I mean, it's another year, and things aren't any WORSE than they were last year, so I guess I should be thankful for that. Another crush has come and gone, and thankfully, the crush is still a friend. Even though I was drunk when I had to apporach the situation, we got a chance to talk about it soberly and openly the other night. It was good. I was completely honest. I talked about all the feelings I had had... fear, anger, all that good stuff. So, that is over.

Now, I'm just chillin' out I guess. It's "the day" and I'm not really planning on doing anything. I'm not even going to any of the "Singles Awareness Day" parties. I'm not going to acknowledge today for anything other than the fact that it is a Saturday, and on Saturdays I sleep in late and don't do homework that I should do (although, I am doing it to keep my mind from wandering). There is a party at UGA, a party at Rose Hill, and Kate is having a shin dig. I am going to Kate's for dinner, but that is about it. I am on duty anyway, so tonight will be spent alone in my room hopefully watching something gory and grotesque on TV... with no romantic overtones WHATSOEVER.

I can't wait until tomorrow. Not only will today be over, but I am going to Jenee's church and then over to Miriam and Renata's for dinner. That should be good... and it should make up for whatever horrors I may still face today...

ANYWAY, on a lighter note, the "Vera is a Ho" regime is growing like wildfire! I've got tons of people scoping out Vera all over the state! I am not even lying! Erin is in Spartanburg holding down the Vera count, and this weekend, Kelly is in Columbia counting! I've got people in Clemson counting upwards of 20 and 30 Veras a day! Nick and I even went to the Vera Bradley website in order to take a look at all the designs and types of bags that we are fighting against... Just a minute ago, Kate called me and said that she saw a couple Veras... AT WAFFLE HOUSE! WTF, mate?! I'm telling you, if we keep it up, we're bound to rid Clemson and possibly the WORLD of Vera's grandma bag creations. Maybe we can write to Louis Vuitton and get him to make a college co-ed Louis bag that would not only be ACCEPTABLE, but better than Vera. Hmm...

...keep counting your Veras... we're gonna take the ho down.

cheez-its and MORE grape kool-aid!

I'm happy... I just got back from a late night Bi-Lo run with Nick and I have a renewed stash of grape kool-aid and cheez-its! My day was good. I wrote about it when I was at Seneca Middle... Here goes, transferred from notebook paper to blog:

I'm at Seneca Middle tutoring right now. Well, I'm not really tutoring... I would be having more fun watching paint dry. I'm watching 7 students practice PACT work. I feel sorry for them. I don't know what PACT is, but I do know that it is pretty pointless and trivial. I graduated with a South Carolina diploma and no PACT, and I'm intelligent enough to write my memoirs in an electronic journal. THIS is one of the reasons why I MUST get out of this state.

Today has been really good, though. I woke up in time for breakfast and trekked across campus to class. My goal for the day was to count as many Veras as possible. I got to 15... Yeah... Clemson girls are somethin' else, that's all I have to say.

Anyway, I laughed and goofed off with Kristin, Kajal, and Abby in Math Methods, had an ABSOLUTE BLAST in PE, and actually took notes in Speech! Yeah, so today was good. One problem with speech though... I don't know whether to do my speech on Ben Folds, band, KKPsi, or being an RA. Maybe the RA thing isn't a good idea... it's not my favorite of the 4...

Anyway, I need to go get my haircut... SERIOUSLY! I put on a hat this morning (learned that from Tarik) in order to sheild my nappy roots from the eyes of the Vera Bradley toting ladies in my ed classes (what happened to that group, "Nappy Roots" anyway?). So, I think I'm going to Cut Creators after this... GOD, I CAN'T WAIT! I know I hate Feb. 14th and all that comes with it, but I want to look decent for it. I dunno... I seriously don't. I guess I wanna look good for all the sorority girls I'll be seeing this Friday and Saturday night while doing rounds in their buildings. Maybe I'll see more of Vera!

ANYWAY, I'm glad that I am in such a good mood this week of that little half naked, fat, arrow shooting bastard baby... Maybe it will get even better.

5:06 pm

Well, I did get my hair cut... just to let you know... AND, I saw 4 more pieces of Vera tonight as Nick and I were driving out of the horseshoe... they were 4 girls, all carrying Vera... DANG.

install software

Tarik sent me this in an e-mail today... After writing what I felt last night and having the discussions that I had with Danny and Jenee, I felt that this was PERFECT. Tarik is completely BLOGWORTHY for this.

"Technically Speaking" - Installing Love

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes, for others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up: Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

- Author Unknown

sparkles on the sidewalk

This evening while walking back to my dorm from Nick and Jason's, I noticed something that I had never seen before. The street light was shining down on the sidewalk and the sidewalk was sparkling. It was the most bizarre thing... First, because I'm sure that whatever rocks that make up the concrete in the sidewalk ALWAYS do that, but secondly because it was so pretty... I can't really get over it. The SIDEWALK outside of my crappy POS building??? It became the inspiration for this entry.

Things suck. They really do... not even trying to sugar coat things. My car got towed on Friday, I had a ticket a few weeks ago, I am having to pay the consequences for that ticket, I had money stolen at Fike a couple weeks ago, have dumb school assignments due all over the place, the worst day of the year is in 6 days, I don't understand myself and no one else really does either, I spend a lot of time alone writing my mindless jibber jabber in here... Things suck. Things really do suck. But, there are sparkles on the sidewalk. I just know that in the midst of all this coarse rock, a shiny pebble is lurking... and that it's glimmer will bring a little bit of hope to me. I don't even want to begin to imagine what that sparkle is... or where it is... or when or where I'll see it. It's there, cause I can see it... like on the sidewalk, the whole sidewalk wasn't sparkling, it was just in a few sporadic spots. So, they were few and far between...

My sparkle is somewhere on the sidewalk...

...but I don't think I'm gonna look for it.

a new ham rule

The whole point of this entry is to come up with a title for it. I can't really think of a title at all, but I am in a pensive mood and I want to write. Today was cool. After I got back from the party at around 2:30, I blogged and talked to people who seemed to be really proud of me for what I did last night. Well, thanks for your words of congratulations and your pride in me... but honestly, I didn't think of it as something incredibly... blogworthy or anything...

Anyway, then, Patrick, Nick, and I went to Clemson Place to look at an apartment. We went and visited my friends Ellen and Mary Beth. It was really fun. All we did was check the apartment out and then sat around and talked about a bunch of stuff. This type of laziness pretty much took precendence for the day. We didn't do anything amazingly fun or anything, but just being in each other's presence was awesome. I'm thankful for Patty and Nick... they ARE blogworthy.

So, we came over here to my room just 'cause there was nothing else to do... We left with intentions of getting my dear sweet Volvo, Kyle, out of the impound... But, Kyle's little vacation at the impound is gonna cost Hamilton $216. Big supa boo. But it's alright. I know it'll be ok.

After that, we went to Chili's Too and had dinner. It was really good. We sat and talked for probably about 2 hours or something. Not about a lot of anything, but you know, it was fun. Surprisingly enough, I was really into the NFL highlights that were playing on the TV above our table... it was REALLY weird... 'cause I'm not incredibly into sports or anything, and I am certainly not a fan of PRO football... but I was way into the Patriots... yeah... weird.

After that, we went to Hoke and Tripp's and hung out and watched a movie... I sat there for the first half just listening to their conversation... that conversation... NOT blogworthy. Everytime I hear people talking about it or am involved in a discussion about it, my heart hurts... All I can say is that it is really crappy when a person intentionally mistreats their significant other... I don't understand how someone can live with the fact that they wronged someone who loves them so much. And about that word love... people throw it around too much. It's precious...

Rule Number 19: The Love Rule
The word "love" is a very precious and powerful word. Use it sparingly and ONLY when you mean it.

So speaking of that word... The worse f***ing day of the year is next Saturday... I have tried to avoid it by taking the weekend for duty. I HATE that day and I figured that it would be best spent in my dorm room on duty. I don't want to say too much about it, 'cause I know that Missy loves it in all of it's pinkness... but it's a craphole of a day. Just thought I would mention that. Time for my nightly IM caucus with the nephew!

So, I think I'll title this entry "A New Ham Rule." Yeah, that works.

i told... part ii

I told again... but no... no more anonymities... a hella amount of people know now... including the crush. Yeah... THAT is who I told. Like Nelly Furtado kept telling me to "say what you want," I really did it. After tons of prodding and poking by Jeff and Anonymity #1 (surprise... it was Nick). So... I was drunk... unfortunately... or not unfortunately... I haven't figured out whether or not that was a good thing. Anyway, in being drunk, I don't remember much of what I said. I do know that I quoted a few song lyrics... "Please Forgive Me" to be exact... The crush was on the sofa laying down and I was kneeling on the floor. It was a good situation... And I am glad that it happened.

I also found out that the day I wrote about the cock blocker was the day the crush found out. So, All day yesterday and all day Thursday, the crush knew... and nothing changed in our day to day interactions... as nothing changed after I spilled my drunken guts.

I passed out shortly after I came clean to the crush... actually, my last memory of last night was talking to the crush. I woke up this morning and we hung out and talked... like nothing had really changed. And THAT makes me INCREDIBLY happy.

So, maybe you are wondering what comes next... well, either we didn't come to a conclusion, or we did and I was too drunk to remember... but, to me... it doesn't matter much. What does matter is that I don't have to keep worrying about what if's and freaking out about the reaction and all that... I may not have a significant other... but I have an incredibly awesome friend.

THE CRUSH Miniseries
CREDITS...

Blogger
Hamilton

Anonymity #1
Nick

Anonymity #2
Tex

The Crush
The Crush

Music:
"Please Forgive Me"
David Gray

"The Luckiest"
Ben Folds

"Toxic"
Britney Spears

"White Flag"
Dido

"Always"
Atlantic Star

"Powerless"
Nelly Furtado

Soundtrack on King Congruence Records

Special Thanks to my Confidants:
Tarik
Jenee
Erin
Jeff
Kate
Betsy
Missy

sorority girls

I was sitting at the Barnett Desk and I felt the need to vent. First of all, let me explain that Barnett Hall houses 3 national sororities: Alpha Delta Pi, Kappa Delta, and Kappa Alpha Theta. Now before everyone goes around saying that I don't like sorority girls, let me just say that I have great friends in all 3 of these sororities including others. But, after sitting at that desk for hours at a time watching tons of over-excited girls go in and out of the building, I can't help but be annoyed with some of them.

First of all... whiny chicks. I HATE listening to girls whine to their boyfriends about why they can't spend time with them or why Anna Catherine is pissing the WHOLE sorority off. So, this pet peeve is not just about my greek ladies, but EVERYONE that whines.

Secondly, must you always be excited about EVERYTHING? I know it is soooo cool that Courtney Jane just pledged Delta Theta Gamma at C of C and she is coming to visit this weekend with her hot boyfriend the Epsilon Rho from Wofford, but not everyone within a 20 foot radius of you cares!

Thirdly, Vera Bradley is a ho and she is laughing at you 'cause she's got you carrying around that geriatric grandma bag lookin' like you pledged in Fall '71 rather than Fall '01.

Fourth: Vera's little creation is also not cute when worn with workout attire. Neither are pearls.

Fifth: This goes out to all the two faced sistas out there. If you speak to me when no one is around, but then later you are walking with your Tri-Eta girlies and you are too cool so speak, save yourself the trouble and don't speak the first time. If you don't want to know me unless you are alone and your sisters aren't around, just don't know me at all... THANKS!

Sixth: Tone deaf white girls with no rhythm should not "shake it like a Polaroid picture."

Seventh: Whoever told you that Diet Coke was gonna trim down that waist for spring break in Cancun lied to you. I bet it was Vera again. Damn that bitch, Vera!

Eighth: Going to the gym should not be a major production. Everytime I hear girls leaving to go to the gym, they are discussing what they are going to do... Honey, it doesn't matter... This whole gym thing is just a fad for you anyway! And besides, later tonight, you'll be up in your room vegging out with your sisters watching syndicated reruns of The Bachelor: Part 7.

Ninth: Like, OMG! If you are in a sorority, you HAVE to have a North Face/Patagonia jacket... and it HAS to cost at least $300.

Tenth: WHEN YOU LEAVE THE BUILDING, TAKE YOUR F***ING ID CARD WITH YOU! MY JOB DESCRIPTION DOES NOT INCLUDE GETTING UP EVERY 5 MINUTES TO LET IN BRATTY, STUCK UP, SNOTTY GIRLS WHO HAVE HAD EVERYTHING IN LIFE DONE FOR THEM BY A BUTLER NAMED HERMAN BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO GOOD TO CARRY THEIR ID CARD TO THE GYM IN THEIR VERA BRADLEY PIECE OF S***!!!

...Love you, girls!!! Mean it! Wanna be you for Halloween!

ham rules

So last night at Krunchy Mu, a few of us were having a discussion about rules. Our dear brother, Angie has several rules... they include not touching buttons in her car, not spraying stuff, not invading her personal space... ish like that. Well, then I reminded her that I have rules too. These rules are Ham Rules, and they were rules that I came up with in my other online journal... they are basically lessons I have learned with interaction from friends and other situations. I have broken some of them recently... numbers 4 and 9 specifically. But, I am posting these in an attempt to make myself more aware of them... and there is a party tonight, and I don't want to break The Party Rule.

HAM RULES

Rule Number 1: The Chelsea Rule
Don't go in search of people with good looks OR good personalities. Allow someone to find you based on your good personality.

Rule Number 2: The Jeff Rule (in his own words)
Don't start talking to someone just because they have a penis. Get to know them as a friend first and let whatever happens happen.

Rule Number 3: The Kelly Clarkson Rule
Don't believe that something is gonna be love when some people wait a lifetime for it.

Addendum to Rule Number 3: Hamilton is included in "some people."

Rule Number 4: The Alicia Keys Rule
Don't fall.

Rule Number 5: The Composed Rule
It's okay to be nervous about what is to come, but be composed because whatever follows the hardships that may come first, is sure to be great.

Rule Number 6: The Morning Rule
You mess up... You make mistakes... but at the beginning of every day, you can start all over again.

Rule Number 7: The Andy Rule
There is nothing wrong with being friends. Some people truly do make better friends than lovers.

Rule Number 8: Whatever Happens, Happens...

Rule Number 9: No Self-Proclaimed Crushes

Rule Number 10: The Hook Up Rule
Meaningless hook ups are just that... MEANINGLESS. NO HOOK UPS... just in case someone randomly confuses me with someone they really want to hook up with.

Rule Number 11: Chris Rock said it best...
NO SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Rule Number 12: The Party Rule
Parties are meant to be fun. Therefore, do not go to a party and mope about r-word ish.


Rule Number 13: The R-Word Rule
The word "relationship" (ugh) is vulgar and shall not be used. Instead, "the r-word" will be said in it's place.

Rule Number 14: The Lake Jumping Rule
Do something crazy and out of the norm every once in a while... you might just surprise yourself.

Rule Number 15: The Best Advice Rule
So no matter what way you look at the r-word, it's confusing, and everyone has their own way of handling it... While the advice of friends means a lot, your own advice is the best advice.

Rule Number 16: The Latanya / Allyson Rule
You can tell just how much you mean to someone when they take the time to talk to you and they haven't talked to you in a long time.

Rule Number 17: The Erin Rule
It's one thing to make other people happy, but it's another to make yourself happy.

Rule Number 18: The Priorities Rule
"Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option."

obvious

So, I was thinking of a title for tonight's entry, and I decided that this would be fitting... just because it should really be obvious by now... and that's all I'm gonna say.

Anyway, I went to Krunchy Mu tonight. I LOVE THEM! Yes, I am a brother of the Kappa Beta chapter, but I DO love my brothers at the University of Georgia. They are krunchy most of the time, just 'cause they aren't us... but, tonight, they threw a fabulous dinner party and they are planning a fabulous date party this weekend. So, the title of krunchy goes to us... Krunchy Beta... Sadly enough, a lot of that is my fault. But, I am going to do better. THEY are the krunchiest! Not us! Seriously though, they are a really cool group of people. That is the fabulous thing, KKPsi is not Tiger Band or Clemson, and it isn't The Redcoat Band or UGA, it is about brotherhood and the love of music that we share. It is an awesome organization and I am so incredibly blessed and thankful to be a part of such an AMAZING organization... KM brothers, as well as ALL brothers, sisters, and MCs... Y'ALL are BLOGWORTHY.

Speaking of band and more specifically, TIGER BAND, drum majors for the 2004-2005 season were announced today. They are:

Leroy Cooper
Kate Moon
Hamilton Parks
Lindsey Templeton
Jennie Turchi

Yes... it is quite OBVIOUS that there is one more than we had last year. Dr. Spede (aww, he's BLOGWORTHY) has decided to pick 5 of us this year. Interesting, huh? Yeah. I don't know what I think about it... not about WHO got it necessarily, but the fact that there are 5. All I have to say is I am ALL about making this thing work. I really want us, the first group of 5, to stand out in Tiger Band history as the 5 best drum majors ever. There is a lot of controversy surrounding this already, but I really hope to quell it with cooperation amongst all of us. We have an awesome responsibility. Tiger Band is becoming something absolutely incredible and we have the privilege to be drum majors... I look at it as serving the band... hey... KKPSI!

That's enough ranting and raving... so, let's review...
1. Kappa Mu is the shiznit fo' sheezy.
2. Kappa Kappa Psi is the shiznit times 10-10-23.
3. Tiger Band will once again be graced by the leadership of my drum major divas and me... AND Leroy!
4. Isn't it obvious?

toxic

Never would I have imagined that Britney Spears and I would be on the same wavelength. But, hark... we are.

So, I didn't get to "say what I want"ed today... but, I prepared for it. I made sure I was dressed nicely and psyched myself up... but I never got the chance to. The HORRIBLE fact of the matter is (and I am about to sink into a not so good mood, so this might get cut short), I was immersed in the presence of the crush for a L O N G time... but due to a certain "cock blocker," as they are called, I pretty much ceased to exist.

So, should I go against what Dido says? Should I jump ship before it goes down? Should I put my hands up and surrender? Should I put a white flag above my door? I really don't know.

All I do know is that I really am powerless. Everytime I am around the crush, I want to say what I want... but it feels like lightning running through my veins everytime I look at the crush. Seriously. I told Tarik tonight that I honestly can't stand being around the crush... talk about toxic... I really like this person... why do I not want to be around them at all?

new song lyric

So, I'm about to go to bed. And I wanted an away message with an inspirational song lyric... so I chose one different from all of the lyrics I threw around last night. It's "Powerless" by Nelly Furtado. That's me right now... powerless.

'Cause this life
Is too short
To live it just for you
When you feel
So powerless
What are you gonna do?
So say what you want
Say what you want...

You can imagine what comes next...

another unproductive duty night

Yes... with a Special Ed. test tomorrow, a newsletter due in ED F 315 tomorrow night, and a Math Methods test on Thursday (at least with the Math Methods I will have no problem identifying what two triangles can make). Anyway, all this to do, and I still find time to blog. I wish I didn't enjoy it so much. Something about it is refreshing. There is a problem with it though... I can write until I'm blue in the face, and I could pour out my feelings until I was drowning in them... but I still wouldn't be able to actually put it all out there verbally... and when I mean put it ALL out there... I mean ALL of it. I will never be able to tell someone how truly pissed off at them I am in person, but I could damn someone to hell with my writing... I could never truly show how much I appreciate someone face to face, but through my writing, I could definitely let someone know that they are part of the reason I live. I could never truly say EVERYTHING I want to say to the crush. NEVER EVER EVERYTHING. The sad part is, I don't even know if they read this a lot... but if they did, and if they knew it was them, I think they would definitely know how sincere I am.

I'm not boasting... but Anonymity #2 told me that the whole triangle thing almost made him cry. My feelings are real. That's about as real as I can put it. No fancy words, no complex sentences... my feelings are real. And all I wish is that the crush would figure out without me telling... figure out by reading this lump of nonsense... figure out by reading my feelings. 'Cause if it comes down to it, and I have to talk to the crush in person, I'm gonna screw up royally...

I said all this to say, that I am tired of tirading around about this elusive crush. This is turning into April 2003 when I had another crush... it ended tragically, as expected... but the entire month was wasted away on feelings for this one individual... It sucked. I look back at how pathetic I was. Luckily, I am not nearly as pathetic as I was then. But, I know that this is getting ridiculous... I'm tired of this. I really am. I want the crush to know. I am willing to sacrifice all this mess for a little bit of relief. I want to write about things like Missy and Jenee and how much each pisses the other off... I want to write about how I bombed my Special Ed. test because I stayed up all night blogging... I want to write about how much I don't care that I am single...

...I want to write about how I asked the crush, the crush said no, and how I returned to my ever so unproductive life.

the crush appears in my math textbook

Yes, folks... I just had to break from the norm of writing late late late at night to give you this breaking news. I honestly couldn't believe it when I first saw it. But, the crush is definitely in my math textbook. For those of you who are absolutely oblivious to everything that I am about, I am an Elementary Education major. Being so, there are random students' names thrown all over my curriculum as examples and students in case studies.

Well, today, we were talking about Giant Journals, which is apparently what the teacher uses with younger students who don't know how to put down their own thoughts on paper yet. So, you take a huge flipchart, and write the things that the students learned from the prior lesson. When a student says something and it is written on the flipchart, the student's name is written under the objective they have stated... well, lo and behold, in the example in the book, the crush says, "2 triangles can make a square."

The minute I saw this, I thought back to what I said a few entries back that came from the conversation with Anonymity #1:

...we are always talking about how we want good people that arent just interested in hooking up that are going to be honest and caring and not douches and all... we are saying it to each other, and we could possibly be the solution to each other's problems

Two triangles, can make a square... Two individuals can make a couple... Two people looking for a sincere relationship that are fed up with everyone being all about nookie can have a pleasant relationship together...

So yes... to notice this in a textbook in the middle of Mathematics Methods is absolutely heinous... sorry. No, I'm not...

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

miriam writes songs

Miriam writes songs. I write in my blog. I wish that I could put my thoughts into a lyrical form. All I do is sing 4 songs in my head over and over and over and over day after day after day after day... "For Always," by Atlantic Star; "The Luckiest," by Ben Folds; "Please Forgive Me," by David Gray; and "White Flag," by Dido. These songs really do express all the feelings going through my head about my present situation... "For Always" says:

Ooh you're like the sun, chasing all of the rain away.
When you come around you bring brighter days.

"The Luckiest" has a part that hits me every time I hear it. It is pretty long and I copied it in here once before, so I won't do it again. But it talks about an old man who died and his wife died a few days after him due to the fact that she couldn't stand living without him. It's really tender and it talks of a love that would be incredible to find.

"White Flag" keeps me holding on. The chorus talks about how despite the fact that it might not be kosher to have the feelings that I have because of our friendship, I'm not going to just quell my feelings and give up:

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

"Please Forgive Me" is a powerful song. I first heard it in Matt Sparrow's car on the way back from Carowinds in 12th grade. We must have listened to it all the way from Charlotte to Greenville. I never really listened to the words because I was so enthralled with the techno/canon type instrumentals in the song. But now, I understand the lyrics. I love this song. It is how I feel:

Please forgive me if i act a little strange
For I know not what I do
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you

At the end of "Please Forgive Me," it says "Everytime I look at you" 4 times... that line is so true... It's just like what I said in my last entry... it makes me smile. I wish I could honestly, really, and truly just openly and freely declare how I feel about the crush, but just like the song says, "Help me out here all my words are falling short / And theres so much I want to say." I can't do it. But it makes me smile. One day, like Tarik told me, the time will present itself... And Andy just said the same thing to me a few minutes ago. I honestly feel that when the time come's I'll be ready, and the inspiration from these songs will help me get my thoughts out... Now, I just keep letting all this marinate... smiling... thinking of the brighter days possibly ahead. And just how lucky I would be if all this works out in my favor. I won't throw my hands up and surrender... Ill just keep smiling... everytime I look... at the crush.

On a less serious note... any of you Homestar Runner fans, are you ever reminded of The Cheat" when I say "the crush?" Like, they never refer to The Cheat as just "Cheat." It's always "THE Cheat." And I'm always like, "THE crush." It's kinda funny.

And if you don't think of The Cheat, maybe you think of Crush soda... I do.

what makes me smile and what makes me frown

I'm looking at a picture of the crush... it's making me smile... as well as the words of wisdom that I got today about the crush... I talked to Tarik and our new friend, Anonymity #2 today. I feel encouraged. And you know what... I am really optimistic. And for this very moment, all I can say is even if the crush doesn't work out, someone will be able to experience just how awesome a guy I am. And I'm not saying that to be uppidy or anything (I mean, after that stuff I told Anonymity #1 last night, I have a right to build myself up a little)... but in talking to Tarik and Anonymity #2 today, I realized that I really am a good guy, and my reasons for liking the crush are honorable... it's not to get a little action, like so many other guys, but it is honestly to have a deeper emotional connection and really show how much I care. Yeah...

...so enough with the overly mushy stuff. But it really does make me smile. I feel like I can talk to the crush... not any time soon or anything... I have to let all of this happy ish marinate for a little bit. Like Tarik said, the time will present itself.

Another thing that makes me smile is how many people read this mess of incessant jibber jabber about my sorry lack of a love life... To you all, I'm flattered... To Dawn, Lee, and Chris Danner, I just wanted to let you all know, you are BLOGWORTHY.

Frowns: FILLIAM WUCKING TELL! I want to cuss like my dear brothers of the Delta Iota chapter of KKPsi, but this is a family show (like Janet Jackson's performance at the SUper Bowl was SUPPOSED to be). Why we played William Tell at tonights basketball game is way over my head... it is so over my head that it is over the river and through the woods, pass grandma's house and over to Pookie 'n dem's house... THAT SONG WAS RIDICULOUS. In ALL of my time in band, I have never been more embarrassed than tonight... I went and got freakin' QUALITIES at marching band competitions with the Eastside High School Sorry Cadets... but I have NEVER been more humiliated than tonight at the 8 minute official time out in the second half of the Duke/Clemson Ladies Basketball game. We played William Tell Overture because some high and mighty person wanted us to... well, needless to say, Littlejohn Coliseum has never seen a quieter moment than after we got done playing that song. Fans sat in their seats with the most pained and confused looks on their faces... I think that the Duke bench actually looked away from their huddle at the band in wonderment... We went from shakin' the southland, to givin' the southland indigestion. Tragic? YES.

Now it's time to talk to my dear nephew Nick... That makes me smile too.

columbia, south carolina: the place where the earth opens up and all hell spews out in the middle of richland county and other stories

Well, it's been a little bit since I've written. I went to DLC at USC this weekend. I had a really good time.

**hold on... it's the caller**

Okay, I'm done with that. Nothing exciting to report... the caller has just become a friend. We talk, we laugh... good times.

Anyway, I have suddenly lost the urge to write... I seriously spilled my guts about this weekend to the caller, so I don't have much to write about anymore... but, I have a really cool title for this entry, so I'll elaborate on that...

Columbia, South Carolina is a nasty city. GROSS. I used to complain about how hokey and small Clemson was... but I am SO thankful that I go to school here. This school is beautiful and truly God's Country... Columbia is a nasty cess pool or metro trash. That says nothing about our dear ZX brothers that live there... they are cool, as well as the rest of the brothers and sorors of the Southeast District.

As for the crush... Jeff from "Crucnhy Mu" knows now, and so does another person... they'll remain anonymous for now... they are in custody of what I am calling the Blogworthy Protection Services... The individuals are, Tarik, Erin, Jenee, Jeff, and Anonymity #1. I know this is already too many people involved, but strength comes in numbers... these individuals help me in my... infatuation...

Yes, I AM INFATUATED. Sorry. After all that mess about me NOT being infatuated, this weekend, I came to the realization that I am. I'm such a goober. I admit this.

Anyway, I'm getting tired of trying to organize all the thoughts running through my head... like I said, I TALKED all my ish out to the caller and to Anonymity #1 tonight... but, so that you won't be left completely in the dark... I'll insert snip-its from my conversation with Anonymity #1 into this entry...

...we are always talking about how we want good people that arent just interested in hooking up that are going to be honest and caring and not douches and all... we are saying it to each other, and we could possibly be the solution to each other's problems

...i have the WORST luck with relationships... the most terrible, and horrible, and incredibly tragic fortune with them... no one ever seems to like me, and i dont know what it is. i try to be a nice guy, but then people say i'm too nice and "just a friend" and that's all they see me as... and then there are people that say i'm SOOO sweet, but these are all people that would never date me in real life... and i know i'm not the most attractive guy in the world, and i know that people aren't REALLY that shallow, but that is the only thing i can figure... it's that i'm not cute so no one likes me... i mean, i really think that i'm nice... but then again, i'm too nice to date... so, really... i have NO CLUE as to why i'm never datable...

...so, i said all that to say... after you've taken so many chances and none of them worked out, you just want to give up and settle with the fact that no one wants you... you would think that the pain would become less severe with the more you experience... but it gets worse...

Tragic? YES.