THAT was really fun. I always love spending time with my brothers. Surprisingly enough, not nearly as emotional as I thought I would be. Probably because it was hard to get serious on the trip. I was within 20 feet of Sammie the whole time, and she CONSTANTLY keeps me in stitches! I love that girl to death. I would marry her... someone that could keep me smiling and happy all the time... except for the fact that she is mean to me at basketball games sometimes... ANYWAY, I love her to death and I am so happy that she is pledging... and I'm so pissed that someone else is treating her like crap right now... but that's neither here nor there...
No new news... except for maybe the fact that I came to some realizations while having a few deep conversations while on retreat. I was wrong to my ex-girlfriend... don't want to go into it... and there was this r-thingy/dating type thing I had going on with someone this summer (don't worry, you didn't miss anything... it lasted for all of 2 weeks and they lived in Spartanburg). I wasn't ready. I didn't "know myself" I guess...
It turns out that a lot of things don't happen when you want them to because you aren't ready... either you aren't stable enough, you haven't learned from past occurrences, or what is ahead of you is just a little too much for you at the present time. It's really weird that I'm saying all this, 'cause come Thursday I'm gonna probably be back in my rut complaining about what I don't have... but I'm serious when I say this. THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE WORTH WAITING FOR. It's true...
For example... I don't think that I have experienced the best day of my life yet... everyday brings something new, and every new day has the potential to be the best of my life... so I guess, actually, I have had the best day of my life... today. But, tomorrow will be the best day of my life up to that point, because it will have the potential to be the most awesome... When I was younger, I had tons of great things to look forward to... high school, prom, graduation, college... now, I get to look toward graduation, grad school, getting a real job, buying my own place... and yes, someone to share all of that great stuff with. So, the day I graduate will be the best day of my life... but then, after that, starting grad school will be the best day of my life... So, in other words, every new day has the potential to be the best day of your life...
As awful as it sounds, the day I die will truly be the VERY best day of my life... Think about it... it makes sense.
Monday, February 23, 2004
Friday, February 20, 2004
just floatin' around in some onion broth
Yup... that's life. Not necessarily a bad thing, not necessarily a good thing. When people ask me how things are going, I have recently just been saying, "okay." I really can't complain, and I really can't be over excited. There's tons of crap going on, but every once in a while, the crap is cancelled out by something petty, yet amusing... like the regime counting a total of 149 Vera Bradley bags yesterday, or chit chatting with a few brothers outside the library today. I like the high moments. They are much appreciated.
Anyway... nothing major to report... as the title says, "just floatin' around in some onion broth." Some things are bothering me, but it's pointless to go into them... I have learned that while a blog is a place to put your feelings, sometimes, some people just use it to bitch about all the things they are too chicken sh*t to say to people in person... So, I'm not going to do that. My blog is for my entertainment as well as the entertainment of my fabulous readers... ENTERTAINMENT... no need to piss anyone off or throw a pity party (although, sometimes I'm good at doing that). By the way, I apparently have gained a little bit of acclaim in the eyes of a fellow blogger... check out my man, Philip's blog... this is "a blog he loves to read!"
While I'm thinking about it, HEY, SARAH VESTAL!!! Sarah reads my blog all the way in France... that is where she is co-oping this semester... Sarah, you are now blogworthy, so you have to leave me a comment of some sort!
Retreat is this weekend. I'm excited... and a little anticipatory as to what this trip will bring. I'm SURE it's gonna be fun... but there is something about being in nature and away from the norm that plays with my mind... opens me up some, I guess... I think more freely, I'm more expressive, and I tend to be more emotional. Too bad I can't write while I'm up there... I think I'll have to take a notebook and keep some thoughts going. I can't waste a whole good weekend of emotions all because I won't have access to a computer. Y'all don't miss me too much, okay?
It's getting boring here in this bowl... I think I want out.
Anyway... nothing major to report... as the title says, "just floatin' around in some onion broth." Some things are bothering me, but it's pointless to go into them... I have learned that while a blog is a place to put your feelings, sometimes, some people just use it to bitch about all the things they are too chicken sh*t to say to people in person... So, I'm not going to do that. My blog is for my entertainment as well as the entertainment of my fabulous readers... ENTERTAINMENT... no need to piss anyone off or throw a pity party (although, sometimes I'm good at doing that). By the way, I apparently have gained a little bit of acclaim in the eyes of a fellow blogger... check out my man, Philip's blog... this is "a blog he loves to read!"
While I'm thinking about it, HEY, SARAH VESTAL!!! Sarah reads my blog all the way in France... that is where she is co-oping this semester... Sarah, you are now blogworthy, so you have to leave me a comment of some sort!
Retreat is this weekend. I'm excited... and a little anticipatory as to what this trip will bring. I'm SURE it's gonna be fun... but there is something about being in nature and away from the norm that plays with my mind... opens me up some, I guess... I think more freely, I'm more expressive, and I tend to be more emotional. Too bad I can't write while I'm up there... I think I'll have to take a notebook and keep some thoughts going. I can't waste a whole good weekend of emotions all because I won't have access to a computer. Y'all don't miss me too much, okay?
It's getting boring here in this bowl... I think I want out.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
french onion soup
I got the title of this entry today at about 4:30 while sitting in Harcombe eating an abnormally good bowl of hot and cheesy french onion soup. I know what you are thinking... cheez-its, grape kool-aid, and now french onion soup... what is my fascination with food, and why do I make connections with them? I dunno... but I gather things from the weirdest sources sometimes... Today, it came from a bowl of soup.
Anyway, I was there at the end of my delicious bowl of soup. I found myself staring into the bowl. You ever notice that in broths like that, there is oil mixed in with the liquid? Actually, it's not really mixed in at all... there are little pockets of oil floating all over the liquid, you know... the whole oil and water don't mix thing. Well... I think that is actually a pretty pessimistic way of looking at the two substances... Maybe it's just that the little pockets of oil are floating around in the water in order to mix with another little pocket of oil so THEY can mix. The oil isn't meant to mix with the water... but the water mixes, and oil can mix with itself... so the oil is really floating around in search of more oil... I hope it's not that vague... it really makes a lot of sense...
So, here's the punchline. Some people, like the oil,"float" around all the time without mixing with another person. But there is nothing wrong with floating around in the water for a while. But eventually, the oil HAS to mix with more oil... if it sits for long enough, the oil will find more oil and it will mix. It just takes a while... No way to rush it either... cause if you stir it up, the oil gets even more unstable and it will just have to sit longer to meet up with other little oil pockets.
So, I'm not gonna elaborate anymore for anyone... there it goes... let it marinate on you... like some french onion soup...
Anyway, I was there at the end of my delicious bowl of soup. I found myself staring into the bowl. You ever notice that in broths like that, there is oil mixed in with the liquid? Actually, it's not really mixed in at all... there are little pockets of oil floating all over the liquid, you know... the whole oil and water don't mix thing. Well... I think that is actually a pretty pessimistic way of looking at the two substances... Maybe it's just that the little pockets of oil are floating around in the water in order to mix with another little pocket of oil so THEY can mix. The oil isn't meant to mix with the water... but the water mixes, and oil can mix with itself... so the oil is really floating around in search of more oil... I hope it's not that vague... it really makes a lot of sense...
So, here's the punchline. Some people, like the oil,"float" around all the time without mixing with another person. But there is nothing wrong with floating around in the water for a while. But eventually, the oil HAS to mix with more oil... if it sits for long enough, the oil will find more oil and it will mix. It just takes a while... No way to rush it either... cause if you stir it up, the oil gets even more unstable and it will just have to sit longer to meet up with other little oil pockets.
So, I'm not gonna elaborate anymore for anyone... there it goes... let it marinate on you... like some french onion soup...
Monday, February 16, 2004
kelly gotta man
Yes, my dear brother Kelly is now dating someone. I am really happy for her... I really, truly, sincerely, am.
Now, with that said, she talks about him all the time. There's nothing wrong with that either. It's just REALLY sweet. REALLY, REALLY sweet. Seriously. I'm jealous. It makes me happy to see her so happy, but I'm a little jealous. I see her kinda like me, 'cause as long as I have known Kelly, I have never really known her to date anyone. Now she is, and I can tell how happy she is... she talks about it ALL THE TIME! I would be that way too. So, it's kinda sickening to hear about it... but it's also really sweet... and really sad all at the same time...
Dang, that was some sort of emotional...
Go Kelly. :)
Now, with that said, she talks about him all the time. There's nothing wrong with that either. It's just REALLY sweet. REALLY, REALLY sweet. Seriously. I'm jealous. It makes me happy to see her so happy, but I'm a little jealous. I see her kinda like me, 'cause as long as I have known Kelly, I have never really known her to date anyone. Now she is, and I can tell how happy she is... she talks about it ALL THE TIME! I would be that way too. So, it's kinda sickening to hear about it... but it's also really sweet... and really sad all at the same time...
Dang, that was some sort of emotional...
Go Kelly. :)
where there is faith
I don't know if I have used this title yet or not... but, I am listening to this song, and it summarizes how I am feeling and a little bit about the last 48 hours. The words of this song are:
I believe in faithfulness
I believe in giving of myself for someone else
I believe in peace and love
I believe in honesty and trust but it’s not enough
For all that I believe may never change the way it is
Unless I believe Jesus lives
Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, keep walking
You’re not alone in this world
Where there is faith
There is a peace like a child sleeping
Hope everlasting in He who is able to
Bear every burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place
Where there is faith
There’s a man across the sea
Never heard the sound of freedom ring
Only in his dreams
There’s a lady dressed in black
In a motorcade of cadillacs
Daddy’s not coming back
Our hearts begin to fall
And our stability grows weak
But Jesus meets our needs if only we believe
Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, keep walking
You’re not alone in this world
Where there is faith
There is a peace like a child sleeping
Hope everlasting in He who is able to
Bear every burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place
Where there is faith
Yeah, I am a religious CHRISTIAN person... despite how drunk I may get and the choice words I use sometimes... but I am... and this wong helps me find peace. It really does. In a funny way, it is exactly what the little drummer boy was trying to say in his profile... FAITH. Why search? Just be faithful.
I was faithful today in a couple ways... Last night, I was taking out my contacts, and I dropped one on the floor. I stayed up for an hour looking for it. But strangely enough, I wasn't stressed out. I just went to bed. I knew I needed to go to bed. And I was tired. All that I kept thinking was, "there is a peace like a child sleeping." So, I went to sleep, woke up in 4 hours and as soon as I started my search again, I found it within 5 minutes. Faith. Today at church, I was convicted to give tithes. I haven't done this in a while... especially not since I have been away from my own church. Needless to say, I am not in the best financial situation. But, I gave 10% of my paycheck today... a good $20. I didn't have it to give... but I have faith.
I have faith concerning other things too. So much faith that I don't even need to address the subject.
I believe in faithfulness
I believe in giving of myself for someone else
I believe in peace and love
I believe in honesty and trust but it’s not enough
For all that I believe may never change the way it is
Unless I believe Jesus lives
Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, keep walking
You’re not alone in this world
Where there is faith
There is a peace like a child sleeping
Hope everlasting in He who is able to
Bear every burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place
Where there is faith
There’s a man across the sea
Never heard the sound of freedom ring
Only in his dreams
There’s a lady dressed in black
In a motorcade of cadillacs
Daddy’s not coming back
Our hearts begin to fall
And our stability grows weak
But Jesus meets our needs if only we believe
Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, keep walking
You’re not alone in this world
Where there is faith
There is a peace like a child sleeping
Hope everlasting in He who is able to
Bear every burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place
Where there is faith
Yeah, I am a religious CHRISTIAN person... despite how drunk I may get and the choice words I use sometimes... but I am... and this wong helps me find peace. It really does. In a funny way, it is exactly what the little drummer boy was trying to say in his profile... FAITH. Why search? Just be faithful.
I was faithful today in a couple ways... Last night, I was taking out my contacts, and I dropped one on the floor. I stayed up for an hour looking for it. But strangely enough, I wasn't stressed out. I just went to bed. I knew I needed to go to bed. And I was tired. All that I kept thinking was, "there is a peace like a child sleeping." So, I went to sleep, woke up in 4 hours and as soon as I started my search again, I found it within 5 minutes. Faith. Today at church, I was convicted to give tithes. I haven't done this in a while... especially not since I have been away from my own church. Needless to say, I am not in the best financial situation. But, I gave 10% of my paycheck today... a good $20. I didn't have it to give... but I have faith.
I have faith concerning other things too. So much faith that I don't even need to address the subject.
Saturday, February 14, 2004
the little drummer boy says something profound
Remember the incident with the little drummer boy that pissed me off on the bowl trip? Well, from that drunken night, he ended up getting a girlfriend... now, instead of shouting her name all over the North Tower of the CNN Omni Hotel, he is shouting it in his profile... I'm serious. It says her name with 3 exclamation marks after it. ANYWAY... his profile also says something really profound. I don't feel like elaborating on it or giving my thoughts on it, but I like it:
The only way to find what you are looking for is to stop looking. (If you spend all of your time looking, will what you find be a result of who you are, or the effort you put forth to find it?)
Did he come up with that on his own, or did he get that from somewhere, or did he just firgure out that the girl he is dating now isn't that great because of the effort he went through to get her (shouting her name all over the North Tower of the CNN Omni Hotel). I doubt it was the latter, but seriously... I would like to know how he came to this realization.
Honestly, I am sick of hearing people say that... Another profile says:
BAM! and it just hits you like that. Unexpectedly.
"Things are gonna happen naturally"
I hate hearing that, but I plan on taking the advice. What could it hurt? The worse thing that could happen is... nothing.
The only way to find what you are looking for is to stop looking. (If you spend all of your time looking, will what you find be a result of who you are, or the effort you put forth to find it?)
Did he come up with that on his own, or did he get that from somewhere, or did he just firgure out that the girl he is dating now isn't that great because of the effort he went through to get her (shouting her name all over the North Tower of the CNN Omni Hotel). I doubt it was the latter, but seriously... I would like to know how he came to this realization.
Honestly, I am sick of hearing people say that... Another profile says:
BAM! and it just hits you like that. Unexpectedly.
"Things are gonna happen naturally"
I hate hearing that, but I plan on taking the advice. What could it hurt? The worse thing that could happen is... nothing.
in martin lab
Well, it's been a little while... My bad. I haven't been incredibly busy or anything, just not anything extremely pressing on my mind. But, today is the dreaded February 14th, so I figured I needed to write something and share a little bit of how I am feeling with the rest of the world.
I'm okay, honestly. I mean, it's another year, and things aren't any WORSE than they were last year, so I guess I should be thankful for that. Another crush has come and gone, and thankfully, the crush is still a friend. Even though I was drunk when I had to apporach the situation, we got a chance to talk about it soberly and openly the other night. It was good. I was completely honest. I talked about all the feelings I had had... fear, anger, all that good stuff. So, that is over.
Now, I'm just chillin' out I guess. It's "the day" and I'm not really planning on doing anything. I'm not even going to any of the "Singles Awareness Day" parties. I'm not going to acknowledge today for anything other than the fact that it is a Saturday, and on Saturdays I sleep in late and don't do homework that I should do (although, I am doing it to keep my mind from wandering). There is a party at UGA, a party at Rose Hill, and Kate is having a shin dig. I am going to Kate's for dinner, but that is about it. I am on duty anyway, so tonight will be spent alone in my room hopefully watching something gory and grotesque on TV... with no romantic overtones WHATSOEVER.
I can't wait until tomorrow. Not only will today be over, but I am going to Jenee's church and then over to Miriam and Renata's for dinner. That should be good... and it should make up for whatever horrors I may still face today...
ANYWAY, on a lighter note, the "Vera is a Ho" regime is growing like wildfire! I've got tons of people scoping out Vera all over the state! I am not even lying! Erin is in Spartanburg holding down the Vera count, and this weekend, Kelly is in Columbia counting! I've got people in Clemson counting upwards of 20 and 30 Veras a day! Nick and I even went to the Vera Bradley website in order to take a look at all the designs and types of bags that we are fighting against... Just a minute ago, Kate called me and said that she saw a couple Veras... AT WAFFLE HOUSE! WTF, mate?! I'm telling you, if we keep it up, we're bound to rid Clemson and possibly the WORLD of Vera's grandma bag creations. Maybe we can write to Louis Vuitton and get him to make a college co-ed Louis bag that would not only be ACCEPTABLE, but better than Vera. Hmm...
...keep counting your Veras... we're gonna take the ho down.
I'm okay, honestly. I mean, it's another year, and things aren't any WORSE than they were last year, so I guess I should be thankful for that. Another crush has come and gone, and thankfully, the crush is still a friend. Even though I was drunk when I had to apporach the situation, we got a chance to talk about it soberly and openly the other night. It was good. I was completely honest. I talked about all the feelings I had had... fear, anger, all that good stuff. So, that is over.
Now, I'm just chillin' out I guess. It's "the day" and I'm not really planning on doing anything. I'm not even going to any of the "Singles Awareness Day" parties. I'm not going to acknowledge today for anything other than the fact that it is a Saturday, and on Saturdays I sleep in late and don't do homework that I should do (although, I am doing it to keep my mind from wandering). There is a party at UGA, a party at Rose Hill, and Kate is having a shin dig. I am going to Kate's for dinner, but that is about it. I am on duty anyway, so tonight will be spent alone in my room hopefully watching something gory and grotesque on TV... with no romantic overtones WHATSOEVER.
I can't wait until tomorrow. Not only will today be over, but I am going to Jenee's church and then over to Miriam and Renata's for dinner. That should be good... and it should make up for whatever horrors I may still face today...
ANYWAY, on a lighter note, the "Vera is a Ho" regime is growing like wildfire! I've got tons of people scoping out Vera all over the state! I am not even lying! Erin is in Spartanburg holding down the Vera count, and this weekend, Kelly is in Columbia counting! I've got people in Clemson counting upwards of 20 and 30 Veras a day! Nick and I even went to the Vera Bradley website in order to take a look at all the designs and types of bags that we are fighting against... Just a minute ago, Kate called me and said that she saw a couple Veras... AT WAFFLE HOUSE! WTF, mate?! I'm telling you, if we keep it up, we're bound to rid Clemson and possibly the WORLD of Vera's grandma bag creations. Maybe we can write to Louis Vuitton and get him to make a college co-ed Louis bag that would not only be ACCEPTABLE, but better than Vera. Hmm...
...keep counting your Veras... we're gonna take the ho down.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
cheez-its and MORE grape kool-aid!
I'm happy... I just got back from a late night Bi-Lo run with Nick and I have a renewed stash of grape kool-aid and cheez-its! My day was good. I wrote about it when I was at Seneca Middle... Here goes, transferred from notebook paper to blog:
I'm at Seneca Middle tutoring right now. Well, I'm not really tutoring... I would be having more fun watching paint dry. I'm watching 7 students practice PACT work. I feel sorry for them. I don't know what PACT is, but I do know that it is pretty pointless and trivial. I graduated with a South Carolina diploma and no PACT, and I'm intelligent enough to write my memoirs in an electronic journal. THIS is one of the reasons why I MUST get out of this state.
Today has been really good, though. I woke up in time for breakfast and trekked across campus to class. My goal for the day was to count as many Veras as possible. I got to 15... Yeah... Clemson girls are somethin' else, that's all I have to say.
Anyway, I laughed and goofed off with Kristin, Kajal, and Abby in Math Methods, had an ABSOLUTE BLAST in PE, and actually took notes in Speech! Yeah, so today was good. One problem with speech though... I don't know whether to do my speech on Ben Folds, band, KKPsi, or being an RA. Maybe the RA thing isn't a good idea... it's not my favorite of the 4...
Anyway, I need to go get my haircut... SERIOUSLY! I put on a hat this morning (learned that from Tarik) in order to sheild my nappy roots from the eyes of the Vera Bradley toting ladies in my ed classes (what happened to that group, "Nappy Roots" anyway?). So, I think I'm going to Cut Creators after this... GOD, I CAN'T WAIT! I know I hate Feb. 14th and all that comes with it, but I want to look decent for it. I dunno... I seriously don't. I guess I wanna look good for all the sorority girls I'll be seeing this Friday and Saturday night while doing rounds in their buildings. Maybe I'll see more of Vera!
ANYWAY, I'm glad that I am in such a good mood this week of that little half naked, fat, arrow shooting bastard baby... Maybe it will get even better.
5:06 pm
Well, I did get my hair cut... just to let you know... AND, I saw 4 more pieces of Vera tonight as Nick and I were driving out of the horseshoe... they were 4 girls, all carrying Vera... DANG.
I'm at Seneca Middle tutoring right now. Well, I'm not really tutoring... I would be having more fun watching paint dry. I'm watching 7 students practice PACT work. I feel sorry for them. I don't know what PACT is, but I do know that it is pretty pointless and trivial. I graduated with a South Carolina diploma and no PACT, and I'm intelligent enough to write my memoirs in an electronic journal. THIS is one of the reasons why I MUST get out of this state.
Today has been really good, though. I woke up in time for breakfast and trekked across campus to class. My goal for the day was to count as many Veras as possible. I got to 15... Yeah... Clemson girls are somethin' else, that's all I have to say.
Anyway, I laughed and goofed off with Kristin, Kajal, and Abby in Math Methods, had an ABSOLUTE BLAST in PE, and actually took notes in Speech! Yeah, so today was good. One problem with speech though... I don't know whether to do my speech on Ben Folds, band, KKPsi, or being an RA. Maybe the RA thing isn't a good idea... it's not my favorite of the 4...
Anyway, I need to go get my haircut... SERIOUSLY! I put on a hat this morning (learned that from Tarik) in order to sheild my nappy roots from the eyes of the Vera Bradley toting ladies in my ed classes (what happened to that group, "Nappy Roots" anyway?). So, I think I'm going to Cut Creators after this... GOD, I CAN'T WAIT! I know I hate Feb. 14th and all that comes with it, but I want to look decent for it. I dunno... I seriously don't. I guess I wanna look good for all the sorority girls I'll be seeing this Friday and Saturday night while doing rounds in their buildings. Maybe I'll see more of Vera!
ANYWAY, I'm glad that I am in such a good mood this week of that little half naked, fat, arrow shooting bastard baby... Maybe it will get even better.
5:06 pm
Well, I did get my hair cut... just to let you know... AND, I saw 4 more pieces of Vera tonight as Nick and I were driving out of the horseshoe... they were 4 girls, all carrying Vera... DANG.
Monday, February 09, 2004
install software
Tarik sent me this in an e-mail today... After writing what I felt last night and having the discussions that I had with Danny and Jenee, I felt that this was PERFECT. Tarik is completely BLOGWORTHY for this.
"Technically Speaking" - Installing Love
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes, for others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up: Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
- Author Unknown
"Technically Speaking" - Installing Love
Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?
Tech Support: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.
Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.
Customer: So, what should I do?
Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.
Customer: Okay, done.
Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes, for others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up: Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.
Customer: Thank you, God.
- Author Unknown
sparkles on the sidewalk
This evening while walking back to my dorm from Nick and Jason's, I noticed something that I had never seen before. The street light was shining down on the sidewalk and the sidewalk was sparkling. It was the most bizarre thing... First, because I'm sure that whatever rocks that make up the concrete in the sidewalk ALWAYS do that, but secondly because it was so pretty... I can't really get over it. The SIDEWALK outside of my crappy POS building??? It became the inspiration for this entry.
Things suck. They really do... not even trying to sugar coat things. My car got towed on Friday, I had a ticket a few weeks ago, I am having to pay the consequences for that ticket, I had money stolen at Fike a couple weeks ago, have dumb school assignments due all over the place, the worst day of the year is in 6 days, I don't understand myself and no one else really does either, I spend a lot of time alone writing my mindless jibber jabber in here... Things suck. Things really do suck. But, there are sparkles on the sidewalk. I just know that in the midst of all this coarse rock, a shiny pebble is lurking... and that it's glimmer will bring a little bit of hope to me. I don't even want to begin to imagine what that sparkle is... or where it is... or when or where I'll see it. It's there, cause I can see it... like on the sidewalk, the whole sidewalk wasn't sparkling, it was just in a few sporadic spots. So, they were few and far between...
My sparkle is somewhere on the sidewalk...
...but I don't think I'm gonna look for it.
Things suck. They really do... not even trying to sugar coat things. My car got towed on Friday, I had a ticket a few weeks ago, I am having to pay the consequences for that ticket, I had money stolen at Fike a couple weeks ago, have dumb school assignments due all over the place, the worst day of the year is in 6 days, I don't understand myself and no one else really does either, I spend a lot of time alone writing my mindless jibber jabber in here... Things suck. Things really do suck. But, there are sparkles on the sidewalk. I just know that in the midst of all this coarse rock, a shiny pebble is lurking... and that it's glimmer will bring a little bit of hope to me. I don't even want to begin to imagine what that sparkle is... or where it is... or when or where I'll see it. It's there, cause I can see it... like on the sidewalk, the whole sidewalk wasn't sparkling, it was just in a few sporadic spots. So, they were few and far between...
My sparkle is somewhere on the sidewalk...
...but I don't think I'm gonna look for it.
Sunday, February 08, 2004
a new ham rule
The whole point of this entry is to come up with a title for it. I can't really think of a title at all, but I am in a pensive mood and I want to write. Today was cool. After I got back from the party at around 2:30, I blogged and talked to people who seemed to be really proud of me for what I did last night. Well, thanks for your words of congratulations and your pride in me... but honestly, I didn't think of it as something incredibly... blogworthy or anything...
Anyway, then, Patrick, Nick, and I went to Clemson Place to look at an apartment. We went and visited my friends Ellen and Mary Beth. It was really fun. All we did was check the apartment out and then sat around and talked about a bunch of stuff. This type of laziness pretty much took precendence for the day. We didn't do anything amazingly fun or anything, but just being in each other's presence was awesome. I'm thankful for Patty and Nick... they ARE blogworthy.
So, we came over here to my room just 'cause there was nothing else to do... We left with intentions of getting my dear sweet Volvo, Kyle, out of the impound... But, Kyle's little vacation at the impound is gonna cost Hamilton $216. Big supa boo. But it's alright. I know it'll be ok.
After that, we went to Chili's Too and had dinner. It was really good. We sat and talked for probably about 2 hours or something. Not about a lot of anything, but you know, it was fun. Surprisingly enough, I was really into the NFL highlights that were playing on the TV above our table... it was REALLY weird... 'cause I'm not incredibly into sports or anything, and I am certainly not a fan of PRO football... but I was way into the Patriots... yeah... weird.
After that, we went to Hoke and Tripp's and hung out and watched a movie... I sat there for the first half just listening to their conversation... that conversation... NOT blogworthy. Everytime I hear people talking about it or am involved in a discussion about it, my heart hurts... All I can say is that it is really crappy when a person intentionally mistreats their significant other... I don't understand how someone can live with the fact that they wronged someone who loves them so much. And about that word love... people throw it around too much. It's precious...
Rule Number 19: The Love Rule
The word "love" is a very precious and powerful word. Use it sparingly and ONLY when you mean it.
So speaking of that word... The worse f***ing day of the year is next Saturday... I have tried to avoid it by taking the weekend for duty. I HATE that day and I figured that it would be best spent in my dorm room on duty. I don't want to say too much about it, 'cause I know that Missy loves it in all of it's pinkness... but it's a craphole of a day. Just thought I would mention that. Time for my nightly IM caucus with the nephew!
So, I think I'll title this entry "A New Ham Rule." Yeah, that works.
Anyway, then, Patrick, Nick, and I went to Clemson Place to look at an apartment. We went and visited my friends Ellen and Mary Beth. It was really fun. All we did was check the apartment out and then sat around and talked about a bunch of stuff. This type of laziness pretty much took precendence for the day. We didn't do anything amazingly fun or anything, but just being in each other's presence was awesome. I'm thankful for Patty and Nick... they ARE blogworthy.
So, we came over here to my room just 'cause there was nothing else to do... We left with intentions of getting my dear sweet Volvo, Kyle, out of the impound... But, Kyle's little vacation at the impound is gonna cost Hamilton $216. Big supa boo. But it's alright. I know it'll be ok.
After that, we went to Chili's Too and had dinner. It was really good. We sat and talked for probably about 2 hours or something. Not about a lot of anything, but you know, it was fun. Surprisingly enough, I was really into the NFL highlights that were playing on the TV above our table... it was REALLY weird... 'cause I'm not incredibly into sports or anything, and I am certainly not a fan of PRO football... but I was way into the Patriots... yeah... weird.
After that, we went to Hoke and Tripp's and hung out and watched a movie... I sat there for the first half just listening to their conversation... that conversation... NOT blogworthy. Everytime I hear people talking about it or am involved in a discussion about it, my heart hurts... All I can say is that it is really crappy when a person intentionally mistreats their significant other... I don't understand how someone can live with the fact that they wronged someone who loves them so much. And about that word love... people throw it around too much. It's precious...
Rule Number 19: The Love Rule
The word "love" is a very precious and powerful word. Use it sparingly and ONLY when you mean it.
So speaking of that word... The worse f***ing day of the year is next Saturday... I have tried to avoid it by taking the weekend for duty. I HATE that day and I figured that it would be best spent in my dorm room on duty. I don't want to say too much about it, 'cause I know that Missy loves it in all of it's pinkness... but it's a craphole of a day. Just thought I would mention that. Time for my nightly IM caucus with the nephew!
So, I think I'll title this entry "A New Ham Rule." Yeah, that works.
Saturday, February 07, 2004
i told... part ii
I told again... but no... no more anonymities... a hella amount of people know now... including the crush. Yeah... THAT is who I told. Like Nelly Furtado kept telling me to "say what you want," I really did it. After tons of prodding and poking by Jeff and Anonymity #1 (surprise... it was Nick). So... I was drunk... unfortunately... or not unfortunately... I haven't figured out whether or not that was a good thing. Anyway, in being drunk, I don't remember much of what I said. I do know that I quoted a few song lyrics... "Please Forgive Me" to be exact... The crush was on the sofa laying down and I was kneeling on the floor. It was a good situation... And I am glad that it happened.
I also found out that the day I wrote about the cock blocker was the day the crush found out. So, All day yesterday and all day Thursday, the crush knew... and nothing changed in our day to day interactions... as nothing changed after I spilled my drunken guts.
I passed out shortly after I came clean to the crush... actually, my last memory of last night was talking to the crush. I woke up this morning and we hung out and talked... like nothing had really changed. And THAT makes me INCREDIBLY happy.
So, maybe you are wondering what comes next... well, either we didn't come to a conclusion, or we did and I was too drunk to remember... but, to me... it doesn't matter much. What does matter is that I don't have to keep worrying about what if's and freaking out about the reaction and all that... I may not have a significant other... but I have an incredibly awesome friend.
THE CRUSH Miniseries
CREDITS...
Blogger
Hamilton
Anonymity #1
Nick
Anonymity #2
Tex
The Crush
The Crush
Music:
"Please Forgive Me"
David Gray
"The Luckiest"
Ben Folds
"Toxic"
Britney Spears
"White Flag"
Dido
"Always"
Atlantic Star
"Powerless"
Nelly Furtado
Soundtrack on King Congruence Records
Special Thanks to my Confidants:
Tarik
Jenee
Erin
Jeff
Kate
Betsy
Missy
I also found out that the day I wrote about the cock blocker was the day the crush found out. So, All day yesterday and all day Thursday, the crush knew... and nothing changed in our day to day interactions... as nothing changed after I spilled my drunken guts.
I passed out shortly after I came clean to the crush... actually, my last memory of last night was talking to the crush. I woke up this morning and we hung out and talked... like nothing had really changed. And THAT makes me INCREDIBLY happy.
So, maybe you are wondering what comes next... well, either we didn't come to a conclusion, or we did and I was too drunk to remember... but, to me... it doesn't matter much. What does matter is that I don't have to keep worrying about what if's and freaking out about the reaction and all that... I may not have a significant other... but I have an incredibly awesome friend.
THE CRUSH Miniseries
CREDITS...
Blogger
Hamilton
Anonymity #1
Nick
Anonymity #2
Tex
The Crush
The Crush
Music:
"Please Forgive Me"
David Gray
"The Luckiest"
Ben Folds
"Toxic"
Britney Spears
"White Flag"
Dido
"Always"
Atlantic Star
"Powerless"
Nelly Furtado
Soundtrack on King Congruence Records
Special Thanks to my Confidants:
Tarik
Jenee
Erin
Jeff
Kate
Betsy
Missy
Friday, February 06, 2004
sorority girls
I was sitting at the Barnett Desk and I felt the need to vent. First of all, let me explain that Barnett Hall houses 3 national sororities: Alpha Delta Pi, Kappa Delta, and Kappa Alpha Theta. Now before everyone goes around saying that I don't like sorority girls, let me just say that I have great friends in all 3 of these sororities including others. But, after sitting at that desk for hours at a time watching tons of over-excited girls go in and out of the building, I can't help but be annoyed with some of them.
First of all... whiny chicks. I HATE listening to girls whine to their boyfriends about why they can't spend time with them or why Anna Catherine is pissing the WHOLE sorority off. So, this pet peeve is not just about my greek ladies, but EVERYONE that whines.
Secondly, must you always be excited about EVERYTHING? I know it is soooo cool that Courtney Jane just pledged Delta Theta Gamma at C of C and she is coming to visit this weekend with her hot boyfriend the Epsilon Rho from Wofford, but not everyone within a 20 foot radius of you cares!
Thirdly, Vera Bradley is a ho and she is laughing at you 'cause she's got you carrying around that geriatric grandma bag lookin' like you pledged in Fall '71 rather than Fall '01.
Fourth: Vera's little creation is also not cute when worn with workout attire. Neither are pearls.
Fifth: This goes out to all the two faced sistas out there. If you speak to me when no one is around, but then later you are walking with your Tri-Eta girlies and you are too cool so speak, save yourself the trouble and don't speak the first time. If you don't want to know me unless you are alone and your sisters aren't around, just don't know me at all... THANKS!
Sixth: Tone deaf white girls with no rhythm should not "shake it like a Polaroid picture."
Seventh: Whoever told you that Diet Coke was gonna trim down that waist for spring break in Cancun lied to you. I bet it was Vera again. Damn that bitch, Vera!
Eighth: Going to the gym should not be a major production. Everytime I hear girls leaving to go to the gym, they are discussing what they are going to do... Honey, it doesn't matter... This whole gym thing is just a fad for you anyway! And besides, later tonight, you'll be up in your room vegging out with your sisters watching syndicated reruns of The Bachelor: Part 7.
Ninth: Like, OMG! If you are in a sorority, you HAVE to have a North Face/Patagonia jacket... and it HAS to cost at least $300.
Tenth: WHEN YOU LEAVE THE BUILDING, TAKE YOUR F***ING ID CARD WITH YOU! MY JOB DESCRIPTION DOES NOT INCLUDE GETTING UP EVERY 5 MINUTES TO LET IN BRATTY, STUCK UP, SNOTTY GIRLS WHO HAVE HAD EVERYTHING IN LIFE DONE FOR THEM BY A BUTLER NAMED HERMAN BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO GOOD TO CARRY THEIR ID CARD TO THE GYM IN THEIR VERA BRADLEY PIECE OF S***!!!
...Love you, girls!!! Mean it! Wanna be you for Halloween!
First of all... whiny chicks. I HATE listening to girls whine to their boyfriends about why they can't spend time with them or why Anna Catherine is pissing the WHOLE sorority off. So, this pet peeve is not just about my greek ladies, but EVERYONE that whines.
Secondly, must you always be excited about EVERYTHING? I know it is soooo cool that Courtney Jane just pledged Delta Theta Gamma at C of C and she is coming to visit this weekend with her hot boyfriend the Epsilon Rho from Wofford, but not everyone within a 20 foot radius of you cares!
Thirdly, Vera Bradley is a ho and she is laughing at you 'cause she's got you carrying around that geriatric grandma bag lookin' like you pledged in Fall '71 rather than Fall '01.
Fourth: Vera's little creation is also not cute when worn with workout attire. Neither are pearls.
Fifth: This goes out to all the two faced sistas out there. If you speak to me when no one is around, but then later you are walking with your Tri-Eta girlies and you are too cool so speak, save yourself the trouble and don't speak the first time. If you don't want to know me unless you are alone and your sisters aren't around, just don't know me at all... THANKS!
Sixth: Tone deaf white girls with no rhythm should not "shake it like a Polaroid picture."
Seventh: Whoever told you that Diet Coke was gonna trim down that waist for spring break in Cancun lied to you. I bet it was Vera again. Damn that bitch, Vera!
Eighth: Going to the gym should not be a major production. Everytime I hear girls leaving to go to the gym, they are discussing what they are going to do... Honey, it doesn't matter... This whole gym thing is just a fad for you anyway! And besides, later tonight, you'll be up in your room vegging out with your sisters watching syndicated reruns of The Bachelor: Part 7.
Ninth: Like, OMG! If you are in a sorority, you HAVE to have a North Face/Patagonia jacket... and it HAS to cost at least $300.
Tenth: WHEN YOU LEAVE THE BUILDING, TAKE YOUR F***ING ID CARD WITH YOU! MY JOB DESCRIPTION DOES NOT INCLUDE GETTING UP EVERY 5 MINUTES TO LET IN BRATTY, STUCK UP, SNOTTY GIRLS WHO HAVE HAD EVERYTHING IN LIFE DONE FOR THEM BY A BUTLER NAMED HERMAN BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO GOOD TO CARRY THEIR ID CARD TO THE GYM IN THEIR VERA BRADLEY PIECE OF S***!!!
...Love you, girls!!! Mean it! Wanna be you for Halloween!
ham rules
So last night at Krunchy Mu, a few of us were having a discussion about rules. Our dear brother, Angie has several rules... they include not touching buttons in her car, not spraying stuff, not invading her personal space... ish like that. Well, then I reminded her that I have rules too. These rules are Ham Rules, and they were rules that I came up with in my other online journal... they are basically lessons I have learned with interaction from friends and other situations. I have broken some of them recently... numbers 4 and 9 specifically. But, I am posting these in an attempt to make myself more aware of them... and there is a party tonight, and I don't want to break The Party Rule.
HAM RULES
Rule Number 1: The Chelsea Rule
Don't go in search of people with good looks OR good personalities. Allow someone to find you based on your good personality.
Rule Number 2: The Jeff Rule (in his own words)
Don't start talking to someone just because they have a penis. Get to know them as a friend first and let whatever happens happen.
Rule Number 3: The Kelly Clarkson Rule
Don't believe that something is gonna be love when some people wait a lifetime for it.
Addendum to Rule Number 3: Hamilton is included in "some people."
Rule Number 4: The Alicia Keys Rule
Don't fall.
Rule Number 5: The Composed Rule
It's okay to be nervous about what is to come, but be composed because whatever follows the hardships that may come first, is sure to be great.
Rule Number 6: The Morning Rule
You mess up... You make mistakes... but at the beginning of every day, you can start all over again.
Rule Number 7: The Andy Rule
There is nothing wrong with being friends. Some people truly do make better friends than lovers.
Rule Number 8: Whatever Happens, Happens...
Rule Number 9: No Self-Proclaimed Crushes
Rule Number 10: The Hook Up Rule
Meaningless hook ups are just that... MEANINGLESS. NO HOOK UPS... just in case someone randomly confuses me with someone they really want to hook up with.
Rule Number 11: Chris Rock said it best...
NO SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Rule Number 12: The Party Rule
Parties are meant to be fun. Therefore, do not go to a party and mope about r-word ish.
Rule Number 13: The R-Word Rule
The word "relationship" (ugh) is vulgar and shall not be used. Instead, "the r-word" will be said in it's place.
Rule Number 14: The Lake Jumping Rule
Do something crazy and out of the norm every once in a while... you might just surprise yourself.
Rule Number 15: The Best Advice Rule
So no matter what way you look at the r-word, it's confusing, and everyone has their own way of handling it... While the advice of friends means a lot, your own advice is the best advice.
Rule Number 16: The Latanya / Allyson Rule
You can tell just how much you mean to someone when they take the time to talk to you and they haven't talked to you in a long time.
Rule Number 17: The Erin Rule
It's one thing to make other people happy, but it's another to make yourself happy.
Rule Number 18: The Priorities Rule
"Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option."
HAM RULES
Rule Number 1: The Chelsea Rule
Don't go in search of people with good looks OR good personalities. Allow someone to find you based on your good personality.
Rule Number 2: The Jeff Rule (in his own words)
Don't start talking to someone just because they have a penis. Get to know them as a friend first and let whatever happens happen.
Rule Number 3: The Kelly Clarkson Rule
Don't believe that something is gonna be love when some people wait a lifetime for it.
Addendum to Rule Number 3: Hamilton is included in "some people."
Rule Number 4: The Alicia Keys Rule
Don't fall.
Rule Number 5: The Composed Rule
It's okay to be nervous about what is to come, but be composed because whatever follows the hardships that may come first, is sure to be great.
Rule Number 6: The Morning Rule
You mess up... You make mistakes... but at the beginning of every day, you can start all over again.
Rule Number 7: The Andy Rule
There is nothing wrong with being friends. Some people truly do make better friends than lovers.
Rule Number 8: Whatever Happens, Happens...
Rule Number 9: No Self-Proclaimed Crushes
Rule Number 10: The Hook Up Rule
Meaningless hook ups are just that... MEANINGLESS. NO HOOK UPS... just in case someone randomly confuses me with someone they really want to hook up with.
Rule Number 11: Chris Rock said it best...
NO SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Rule Number 12: The Party Rule
Parties are meant to be fun. Therefore, do not go to a party and mope about r-word ish.
Rule Number 13: The R-Word Rule
The word "relationship" (ugh) is vulgar and shall not be used. Instead, "the r-word" will be said in it's place.
Rule Number 14: The Lake Jumping Rule
Do something crazy and out of the norm every once in a while... you might just surprise yourself.
Rule Number 15: The Best Advice Rule
So no matter what way you look at the r-word, it's confusing, and everyone has their own way of handling it... While the advice of friends means a lot, your own advice is the best advice.
Rule Number 16: The Latanya / Allyson Rule
You can tell just how much you mean to someone when they take the time to talk to you and they haven't talked to you in a long time.
Rule Number 17: The Erin Rule
It's one thing to make other people happy, but it's another to make yourself happy.
Rule Number 18: The Priorities Rule
"Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option."
obvious
So, I was thinking of a title for tonight's entry, and I decided that this would be fitting... just because it should really be obvious by now... and that's all I'm gonna say.
Anyway, I went to Krunchy Mu tonight. I LOVE THEM! Yes, I am a brother of the Kappa Beta chapter, but I DO love my brothers at the University of Georgia. They are krunchy most of the time, just 'cause they aren't us... but, tonight, they threw a fabulous dinner party and they are planning a fabulous date party this weekend. So, the title of krunchy goes to us... Krunchy Beta... Sadly enough, a lot of that is my fault. But, I am going to do better. THEY are the krunchiest! Not us! Seriously though, they are a really cool group of people. That is the fabulous thing, KKPsi is not Tiger Band or Clemson, and it isn't The Redcoat Band or UGA, it is about brotherhood and the love of music that we share. It is an awesome organization and I am so incredibly blessed and thankful to be a part of such an AMAZING organization... KM brothers, as well as ALL brothers, sisters, and MCs... Y'ALL are BLOGWORTHY.
Speaking of band and more specifically, TIGER BAND, drum majors for the 2004-2005 season were announced today. They are:
Leroy Cooper
Kate Moon
Hamilton Parks
Lindsey Templeton
Jennie Turchi
Yes... it is quite OBVIOUS that there is one more than we had last year. Dr. Spede (aww, he's BLOGWORTHY) has decided to pick 5 of us this year. Interesting, huh? Yeah. I don't know what I think about it... not about WHO got it necessarily, but the fact that there are 5. All I have to say is I am ALL about making this thing work. I really want us, the first group of 5, to stand out in Tiger Band history as the 5 best drum majors ever. There is a lot of controversy surrounding this already, but I really hope to quell it with cooperation amongst all of us. We have an awesome responsibility. Tiger Band is becoming something absolutely incredible and we have the privilege to be drum majors... I look at it as serving the band... hey... KKPSI!
That's enough ranting and raving... so, let's review...
1. Kappa Mu is the shiznit fo' sheezy.
2. Kappa Kappa Psi is the shiznit times 10-10-23.
3. Tiger Band will once again be graced by the leadership of my drum major divas and me... AND Leroy!
4. Isn't it obvious?
Anyway, I went to Krunchy Mu tonight. I LOVE THEM! Yes, I am a brother of the Kappa Beta chapter, but I DO love my brothers at the University of Georgia. They are krunchy most of the time, just 'cause they aren't us... but, tonight, they threw a fabulous dinner party and they are planning a fabulous date party this weekend. So, the title of krunchy goes to us... Krunchy Beta... Sadly enough, a lot of that is my fault. But, I am going to do better. THEY are the krunchiest! Not us! Seriously though, they are a really cool group of people. That is the fabulous thing, KKPsi is not Tiger Band or Clemson, and it isn't The Redcoat Band or UGA, it is about brotherhood and the love of music that we share. It is an awesome organization and I am so incredibly blessed and thankful to be a part of such an AMAZING organization... KM brothers, as well as ALL brothers, sisters, and MCs... Y'ALL are BLOGWORTHY.
Speaking of band and more specifically, TIGER BAND, drum majors for the 2004-2005 season were announced today. They are:
Leroy Cooper
Kate Moon
Hamilton Parks
Lindsey Templeton
Jennie Turchi
Yes... it is quite OBVIOUS that there is one more than we had last year. Dr. Spede (aww, he's BLOGWORTHY) has decided to pick 5 of us this year. Interesting, huh? Yeah. I don't know what I think about it... not about WHO got it necessarily, but the fact that there are 5. All I have to say is I am ALL about making this thing work. I really want us, the first group of 5, to stand out in Tiger Band history as the 5 best drum majors ever. There is a lot of controversy surrounding this already, but I really hope to quell it with cooperation amongst all of us. We have an awesome responsibility. Tiger Band is becoming something absolutely incredible and we have the privilege to be drum majors... I look at it as serving the band... hey... KKPSI!
That's enough ranting and raving... so, let's review...
1. Kappa Mu is the shiznit fo' sheezy.
2. Kappa Kappa Psi is the shiznit times 10-10-23.
3. Tiger Band will once again be graced by the leadership of my drum major divas and me... AND Leroy!
4. Isn't it obvious?
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
toxic
Never would I have imagined that Britney Spears and I would be on the same wavelength. But, hark... we are.
So, I didn't get to "say what I want"ed today... but, I prepared for it. I made sure I was dressed nicely and psyched myself up... but I never got the chance to. The HORRIBLE fact of the matter is (and I am about to sink into a not so good mood, so this might get cut short), I was immersed in the presence of the crush for a L O N G time... but due to a certain "cock blocker," as they are called, I pretty much ceased to exist.
So, should I go against what Dido says? Should I jump ship before it goes down? Should I put my hands up and surrender? Should I put a white flag above my door? I really don't know.
All I do know is that I really am powerless. Everytime I am around the crush, I want to say what I want... but it feels like lightning running through my veins everytime I look at the crush. Seriously. I told Tarik tonight that I honestly can't stand being around the crush... talk about toxic... I really like this person... why do I not want to be around them at all?
So, I didn't get to "say what I want"ed today... but, I prepared for it. I made sure I was dressed nicely and psyched myself up... but I never got the chance to. The HORRIBLE fact of the matter is (and I am about to sink into a not so good mood, so this might get cut short), I was immersed in the presence of the crush for a L O N G time... but due to a certain "cock blocker," as they are called, I pretty much ceased to exist.
So, should I go against what Dido says? Should I jump ship before it goes down? Should I put my hands up and surrender? Should I put a white flag above my door? I really don't know.
All I do know is that I really am powerless. Everytime I am around the crush, I want to say what I want... but it feels like lightning running through my veins everytime I look at the crush. Seriously. I told Tarik tonight that I honestly can't stand being around the crush... talk about toxic... I really like this person... why do I not want to be around them at all?
new song lyric
So, I'm about to go to bed. And I wanted an away message with an inspirational song lyric... so I chose one different from all of the lyrics I threw around last night. It's "Powerless" by Nelly Furtado. That's me right now... powerless.
'Cause this life
Is too short
To live it just for you
When you feel
So powerless
What are you gonna do?
So say what you want
Say what you want...
You can imagine what comes next...
'Cause this life
Is too short
To live it just for you
When you feel
So powerless
What are you gonna do?
So say what you want
Say what you want...
You can imagine what comes next...
another unproductive duty night
Yes... with a Special Ed. test tomorrow, a newsletter due in ED F 315 tomorrow night, and a Math Methods test on Thursday (at least with the Math Methods I will have no problem identifying what two triangles can make). Anyway, all this to do, and I still find time to blog. I wish I didn't enjoy it so much. Something about it is refreshing. There is a problem with it though... I can write until I'm blue in the face, and I could pour out my feelings until I was drowning in them... but I still wouldn't be able to actually put it all out there verbally... and when I mean put it ALL out there... I mean ALL of it. I will never be able to tell someone how truly pissed off at them I am in person, but I could damn someone to hell with my writing... I could never truly show how much I appreciate someone face to face, but through my writing, I could definitely let someone know that they are part of the reason I live. I could never truly say EVERYTHING I want to say to the crush. NEVER EVER EVERYTHING. The sad part is, I don't even know if they read this a lot... but if they did, and if they knew it was them, I think they would definitely know how sincere I am.
I'm not boasting... but Anonymity #2 told me that the whole triangle thing almost made him cry. My feelings are real. That's about as real as I can put it. No fancy words, no complex sentences... my feelings are real. And all I wish is that the crush would figure out without me telling... figure out by reading this lump of nonsense... figure out by reading my feelings. 'Cause if it comes down to it, and I have to talk to the crush in person, I'm gonna screw up royally...
I said all this to say, that I am tired of tirading around about this elusive crush. This is turning into April 2003 when I had another crush... it ended tragically, as expected... but the entire month was wasted away on feelings for this one individual... It sucked. I look back at how pathetic I was. Luckily, I am not nearly as pathetic as I was then. But, I know that this is getting ridiculous... I'm tired of this. I really am. I want the crush to know. I am willing to sacrifice all this mess for a little bit of relief. I want to write about things like Missy and Jenee and how much each pisses the other off... I want to write about how I bombed my Special Ed. test because I stayed up all night blogging... I want to write about how much I don't care that I am single...
...I want to write about how I asked the crush, the crush said no, and how I returned to my ever so unproductive life.
I'm not boasting... but Anonymity #2 told me that the whole triangle thing almost made him cry. My feelings are real. That's about as real as I can put it. No fancy words, no complex sentences... my feelings are real. And all I wish is that the crush would figure out without me telling... figure out by reading this lump of nonsense... figure out by reading my feelings. 'Cause if it comes down to it, and I have to talk to the crush in person, I'm gonna screw up royally...
I said all this to say, that I am tired of tirading around about this elusive crush. This is turning into April 2003 when I had another crush... it ended tragically, as expected... but the entire month was wasted away on feelings for this one individual... It sucked. I look back at how pathetic I was. Luckily, I am not nearly as pathetic as I was then. But, I know that this is getting ridiculous... I'm tired of this. I really am. I want the crush to know. I am willing to sacrifice all this mess for a little bit of relief. I want to write about things like Missy and Jenee and how much each pisses the other off... I want to write about how I bombed my Special Ed. test because I stayed up all night blogging... I want to write about how much I don't care that I am single...
...I want to write about how I asked the crush, the crush said no, and how I returned to my ever so unproductive life.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
the crush appears in my math textbook
Yes, folks... I just had to break from the norm of writing late late late at night to give you this breaking news. I honestly couldn't believe it when I first saw it. But, the crush is definitely in my math textbook. For those of you who are absolutely oblivious to everything that I am about, I am an Elementary Education major. Being so, there are random students' names thrown all over my curriculum as examples and students in case studies.
Well, today, we were talking about Giant Journals, which is apparently what the teacher uses with younger students who don't know how to put down their own thoughts on paper yet. So, you take a huge flipchart, and write the things that the students learned from the prior lesson. When a student says something and it is written on the flipchart, the student's name is written under the objective they have stated... well, lo and behold, in the example in the book, the crush says, "2 triangles can make a square."
The minute I saw this, I thought back to what I said a few entries back that came from the conversation with Anonymity #1:
...we are always talking about how we want good people that arent just interested in hooking up that are going to be honest and caring and not douches and all... we are saying it to each other, and we could possibly be the solution to each other's problems
Two triangles, can make a square... Two individuals can make a couple... Two people looking for a sincere relationship that are fed up with everyone being all about nookie can have a pleasant relationship together...
So yes... to notice this in a textbook in the middle of Mathematics Methods is absolutely heinous... sorry. No, I'm not...
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Well, today, we were talking about Giant Journals, which is apparently what the teacher uses with younger students who don't know how to put down their own thoughts on paper yet. So, you take a huge flipchart, and write the things that the students learned from the prior lesson. When a student says something and it is written on the flipchart, the student's name is written under the objective they have stated... well, lo and behold, in the example in the book, the crush says, "2 triangles can make a square."
The minute I saw this, I thought back to what I said a few entries back that came from the conversation with Anonymity #1:
...we are always talking about how we want good people that arent just interested in hooking up that are going to be honest and caring and not douches and all... we are saying it to each other, and we could possibly be the solution to each other's problems
Two triangles, can make a square... Two individuals can make a couple... Two people looking for a sincere relationship that are fed up with everyone being all about nookie can have a pleasant relationship together...
So yes... to notice this in a textbook in the middle of Mathematics Methods is absolutely heinous... sorry. No, I'm not...
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
miriam writes songs
Miriam writes songs. I write in my blog. I wish that I could put my thoughts into a lyrical form. All I do is sing 4 songs in my head over and over and over and over day after day after day after day... "For Always," by Atlantic Star; "The Luckiest," by Ben Folds; "Please Forgive Me," by David Gray; and "White Flag," by Dido. These songs really do express all the feelings going through my head about my present situation... "For Always" says:
Ooh you're like the sun, chasing all of the rain away.
When you come around you bring brighter days.
"The Luckiest" has a part that hits me every time I hear it. It is pretty long and I copied it in here once before, so I won't do it again. But it talks about an old man who died and his wife died a few days after him due to the fact that she couldn't stand living without him. It's really tender and it talks of a love that would be incredible to find.
"White Flag" keeps me holding on. The chorus talks about how despite the fact that it might not be kosher to have the feelings that I have because of our friendship, I'm not going to just quell my feelings and give up:
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
"Please Forgive Me" is a powerful song. I first heard it in Matt Sparrow's car on the way back from Carowinds in 12th grade. We must have listened to it all the way from Charlotte to Greenville. I never really listened to the words because I was so enthralled with the techno/canon type instrumentals in the song. But now, I understand the lyrics. I love this song. It is how I feel:
Please forgive me if i act a little strange
For I know not what I do
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you
At the end of "Please Forgive Me," it says "Everytime I look at you" 4 times... that line is so true... It's just like what I said in my last entry... it makes me smile. I wish I could honestly, really, and truly just openly and freely declare how I feel about the crush, but just like the song says, "Help me out here all my words are falling short / And theres so much I want to say." I can't do it. But it makes me smile. One day, like Tarik told me, the time will present itself... And Andy just said the same thing to me a few minutes ago. I honestly feel that when the time come's I'll be ready, and the inspiration from these songs will help me get my thoughts out... Now, I just keep letting all this marinate... smiling... thinking of the brighter days possibly ahead. And just how lucky I would be if all this works out in my favor. I won't throw my hands up and surrender... Ill just keep smiling... everytime I look... at the crush.
On a less serious note... any of you Homestar Runner fans, are you ever reminded of The Cheat" when I say "the crush?" Like, they never refer to The Cheat as just "Cheat." It's always "THE Cheat." And I'm always like, "THE crush." It's kinda funny.
And if you don't think of The Cheat, maybe you think of Crush soda... I do.
Ooh you're like the sun, chasing all of the rain away.
When you come around you bring brighter days.
"The Luckiest" has a part that hits me every time I hear it. It is pretty long and I copied it in here once before, so I won't do it again. But it talks about an old man who died and his wife died a few days after him due to the fact that she couldn't stand living without him. It's really tender and it talks of a love that would be incredible to find.
"White Flag" keeps me holding on. The chorus talks about how despite the fact that it might not be kosher to have the feelings that I have because of our friendship, I'm not going to just quell my feelings and give up:
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
"Please Forgive Me" is a powerful song. I first heard it in Matt Sparrow's car on the way back from Carowinds in 12th grade. We must have listened to it all the way from Charlotte to Greenville. I never really listened to the words because I was so enthralled with the techno/canon type instrumentals in the song. But now, I understand the lyrics. I love this song. It is how I feel:
Please forgive me if i act a little strange
For I know not what I do
Feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you
Every time I look at you
At the end of "Please Forgive Me," it says "Everytime I look at you" 4 times... that line is so true... It's just like what I said in my last entry... it makes me smile. I wish I could honestly, really, and truly just openly and freely declare how I feel about the crush, but just like the song says, "Help me out here all my words are falling short / And theres so much I want to say." I can't do it. But it makes me smile. One day, like Tarik told me, the time will present itself... And Andy just said the same thing to me a few minutes ago. I honestly feel that when the time come's I'll be ready, and the inspiration from these songs will help me get my thoughts out... Now, I just keep letting all this marinate... smiling... thinking of the brighter days possibly ahead. And just how lucky I would be if all this works out in my favor. I won't throw my hands up and surrender... Ill just keep smiling... everytime I look... at the crush.
On a less serious note... any of you Homestar Runner fans, are you ever reminded of The Cheat" when I say "the crush?" Like, they never refer to The Cheat as just "Cheat." It's always "THE Cheat." And I'm always like, "THE crush." It's kinda funny.
And if you don't think of The Cheat, maybe you think of Crush soda... I do.
Monday, February 02, 2004
what makes me smile and what makes me frown
I'm looking at a picture of the crush... it's making me smile... as well as the words of wisdom that I got today about the crush... I talked to Tarik and our new friend, Anonymity #2 today. I feel encouraged. And you know what... I am really optimistic. And for this very moment, all I can say is even if the crush doesn't work out, someone will be able to experience just how awesome a guy I am. And I'm not saying that to be uppidy or anything (I mean, after that stuff I told Anonymity #1 last night, I have a right to build myself up a little)... but in talking to Tarik and Anonymity #2 today, I realized that I really am a good guy, and my reasons for liking the crush are honorable... it's not to get a little action, like so many other guys, but it is honestly to have a deeper emotional connection and really show how much I care. Yeah...
...so enough with the overly mushy stuff. But it really does make me smile. I feel like I can talk to the crush... not any time soon or anything... I have to let all of this happy ish marinate for a little bit. Like Tarik said, the time will present itself.
Another thing that makes me smile is how many people read this mess of incessant jibber jabber about my sorry lack of a love life... To you all, I'm flattered... To Dawn, Lee, and Chris Danner, I just wanted to let you all know, you are BLOGWORTHY.
Frowns: FILLIAM WUCKING TELL! I want to cuss like my dear brothers of the Delta Iota chapter of KKPsi, but this is a family show (like Janet Jackson's performance at the SUper Bowl was SUPPOSED to be). Why we played William Tell at tonights basketball game is way over my head... it is so over my head that it is over the river and through the woods, pass grandma's house and over to Pookie 'n dem's house... THAT SONG WAS RIDICULOUS. In ALL of my time in band, I have never been more embarrassed than tonight... I went and got freakin' QUALITIES at marching band competitions with the Eastside High School Sorry Cadets... but I have NEVER been more humiliated than tonight at the 8 minute official time out in the second half of the Duke/Clemson Ladies Basketball game. We played William Tell Overture because some high and mighty person wanted us to... well, needless to say, Littlejohn Coliseum has never seen a quieter moment than after we got done playing that song. Fans sat in their seats with the most pained and confused looks on their faces... I think that the Duke bench actually looked away from their huddle at the band in wonderment... We went from shakin' the southland, to givin' the southland indigestion. Tragic? YES.
Now it's time to talk to my dear nephew Nick... That makes me smile too.
...so enough with the overly mushy stuff. But it really does make me smile. I feel like I can talk to the crush... not any time soon or anything... I have to let all of this happy ish marinate for a little bit. Like Tarik said, the time will present itself.
Another thing that makes me smile is how many people read this mess of incessant jibber jabber about my sorry lack of a love life... To you all, I'm flattered... To Dawn, Lee, and Chris Danner, I just wanted to let you all know, you are BLOGWORTHY.
Frowns: FILLIAM WUCKING TELL! I want to cuss like my dear brothers of the Delta Iota chapter of KKPsi, but this is a family show (like Janet Jackson's performance at the SUper Bowl was SUPPOSED to be). Why we played William Tell at tonights basketball game is way over my head... it is so over my head that it is over the river and through the woods, pass grandma's house and over to Pookie 'n dem's house... THAT SONG WAS RIDICULOUS. In ALL of my time in band, I have never been more embarrassed than tonight... I went and got freakin' QUALITIES at marching band competitions with the Eastside High School Sorry Cadets... but I have NEVER been more humiliated than tonight at the 8 minute official time out in the second half of the Duke/Clemson Ladies Basketball game. We played William Tell Overture because some high and mighty person wanted us to... well, needless to say, Littlejohn Coliseum has never seen a quieter moment than after we got done playing that song. Fans sat in their seats with the most pained and confused looks on their faces... I think that the Duke bench actually looked away from their huddle at the band in wonderment... We went from shakin' the southland, to givin' the southland indigestion. Tragic? YES.
Now it's time to talk to my dear nephew Nick... That makes me smile too.
columbia, south carolina: the place where the earth opens up and all hell spews out in the middle of richland county and other stories
Well, it's been a little bit since I've written. I went to DLC at USC this weekend. I had a really good time.
**hold on... it's the caller**
Okay, I'm done with that. Nothing exciting to report... the caller has just become a friend. We talk, we laugh... good times.
Anyway, I have suddenly lost the urge to write... I seriously spilled my guts about this weekend to the caller, so I don't have much to write about anymore... but, I have a really cool title for this entry, so I'll elaborate on that...
Columbia, South Carolina is a nasty city. GROSS. I used to complain about how hokey and small Clemson was... but I am SO thankful that I go to school here. This school is beautiful and truly God's Country... Columbia is a nasty cess pool or metro trash. That says nothing about our dear ZX brothers that live there... they are cool, as well as the rest of the brothers and sorors of the Southeast District.
As for the crush... Jeff from "Crucnhy Mu" knows now, and so does another person... they'll remain anonymous for now... they are in custody of what I am calling the Blogworthy Protection Services... The individuals are, Tarik, Erin, Jenee, Jeff, and Anonymity #1. I know this is already too many people involved, but strength comes in numbers... these individuals help me in my... infatuation...
Yes, I AM INFATUATED. Sorry. After all that mess about me NOT being infatuated, this weekend, I came to the realization that I am. I'm such a goober. I admit this.
Anyway, I'm getting tired of trying to organize all the thoughts running through my head... like I said, I TALKED all my ish out to the caller and to Anonymity #1 tonight... but, so that you won't be left completely in the dark... I'll insert snip-its from my conversation with Anonymity #1 into this entry...
...we are always talking about how we want good people that arent just interested in hooking up that are going to be honest and caring and not douches and all... we are saying it to each other, and we could possibly be the solution to each other's problems
...i have the WORST luck with relationships... the most terrible, and horrible, and incredibly tragic fortune with them... no one ever seems to like me, and i dont know what it is. i try to be a nice guy, but then people say i'm too nice and "just a friend" and that's all they see me as... and then there are people that say i'm SOOO sweet, but these are all people that would never date me in real life... and i know i'm not the most attractive guy in the world, and i know that people aren't REALLY that shallow, but that is the only thing i can figure... it's that i'm not cute so no one likes me... i mean, i really think that i'm nice... but then again, i'm too nice to date... so, really... i have NO CLUE as to why i'm never datable...
...so, i said all that to say... after you've taken so many chances and none of them worked out, you just want to give up and settle with the fact that no one wants you... you would think that the pain would become less severe with the more you experience... but it gets worse...
Tragic? YES.
**hold on... it's the caller**
Okay, I'm done with that. Nothing exciting to report... the caller has just become a friend. We talk, we laugh... good times.
Anyway, I have suddenly lost the urge to write... I seriously spilled my guts about this weekend to the caller, so I don't have much to write about anymore... but, I have a really cool title for this entry, so I'll elaborate on that...
Columbia, South Carolina is a nasty city. GROSS. I used to complain about how hokey and small Clemson was... but I am SO thankful that I go to school here. This school is beautiful and truly God's Country... Columbia is a nasty cess pool or metro trash. That says nothing about our dear ZX brothers that live there... they are cool, as well as the rest of the brothers and sorors of the Southeast District.
As for the crush... Jeff from "Crucnhy Mu" knows now, and so does another person... they'll remain anonymous for now... they are in custody of what I am calling the Blogworthy Protection Services... The individuals are, Tarik, Erin, Jenee, Jeff, and Anonymity #1. I know this is already too many people involved, but strength comes in numbers... these individuals help me in my... infatuation...
Yes, I AM INFATUATED. Sorry. After all that mess about me NOT being infatuated, this weekend, I came to the realization that I am. I'm such a goober. I admit this.
Anyway, I'm getting tired of trying to organize all the thoughts running through my head... like I said, I TALKED all my ish out to the caller and to Anonymity #1 tonight... but, so that you won't be left completely in the dark... I'll insert snip-its from my conversation with Anonymity #1 into this entry...
...we are always talking about how we want good people that arent just interested in hooking up that are going to be honest and caring and not douches and all... we are saying it to each other, and we could possibly be the solution to each other's problems
...i have the WORST luck with relationships... the most terrible, and horrible, and incredibly tragic fortune with them... no one ever seems to like me, and i dont know what it is. i try to be a nice guy, but then people say i'm too nice and "just a friend" and that's all they see me as... and then there are people that say i'm SOOO sweet, but these are all people that would never date me in real life... and i know i'm not the most attractive guy in the world, and i know that people aren't REALLY that shallow, but that is the only thing i can figure... it's that i'm not cute so no one likes me... i mean, i really think that i'm nice... but then again, i'm too nice to date... so, really... i have NO CLUE as to why i'm never datable...
...so, i said all that to say... after you've taken so many chances and none of them worked out, you just want to give up and settle with the fact that no one wants you... you would think that the pain would become less severe with the more you experience... but it gets worse...
Tragic? YES.
Thursday, January 29, 2004
long day
Where the heck to I start??? Hmm... Well, I think I'll start from the begining. I had all my classes... nothing really excited happened in any of them... although I did get to eat breakfast with Hoke after Igo's class. After all my classes, I knew I had to get ready and go to Seneca... but I had the strangest craving for some Minute Maid Apple Berry Juice from Schilletter... so, I came back to my room, picked up my Nalgene bottle and my blessed penny (I'll explain in a minute). I went into Schilletter, not trying to get any food, not trying to cause any problems, and this lady comes up to me and says that I can't take anything out of the dining hall because of just that... it's a "dining hall." So, I was cooperating, telling her that I had done it in the past and didn't know that it wasn't allowed and that I would pour it out if she wanted me to... she said, "Well, honey, go ahead and take it this time, but you can't do it again, okay?" WOW. I'm tellin' ya... it's all in the blessed penny...
This penny that I am talking about is really special. Today has been the first day that I haven't had it with me all day in my right pocket since I think last Tuesday. It's a really simple little coin... not well polished or incredibly shiny... it's actually more brown than copper. It is a 2002 issued penny that I found shining in the grass over by the Brooks Center when I was talking to Tarik on the phone about the crush. It seemed really random to me because it was shining there in the grass... not on the sidewalk or inside a building on the floor, but it caught my eye in the grass... and it was on heads. I just knew it was for me... Now, I am not a huge person for "luck" and everything, but I think it's blessed... and it is going to help me achieve some of the things I want. So, I carry it around every day in my right pants pocket in hopes that it will bring me a blessing of some sort.
Anyway, after indulging in some liberated Minute Maid Apple Berry Juice, I headed to Seneca. At Kellet, this little girl named Jania really tried my nerves... I was helping her with her homework, and I swear I was ready to just give up on her... but the teacher in me kept helping her... as she fooled around, laughed, played, and disregarded all the help I was trying to give her. I had patience... I'm in the right profession.
Then, I went to the middle school. There my new job is to teach the kids step. They LOVE it! I feel so good that I am teaching them something positive that they really enjoy and want to keep learning. It is awesome to see them working so hard to perfect the moves that I teach them and how creative some of them get making up things that look sorta like the things I do. They made my afternoon really cool.
I was really tired after stepping, but as soon as I got back into Clemson, Kate called and beckoned me to the gym... I love that girl, but she is gonna drive me NUTS! It is good to go and workout... I know that I am really going to benefit from this. I know it's crazy, but sometimes when I am trying to make that last tenth of a mile on the treadmill or that last push up, I think of the crush as my motivation... sometimes I think that maybe the crush will be attracted to me if I work out harder and improve the way I look... I know... THAT is infatuation... yes, I know. But, if nothing else, it pushes me a little more.
Speaking of the crush, I had a GREAT conversation with Tarik about the crush today. It was a very short conversation, but it helped me a lot. I don't want to go into the conversation too much in order to keep it a special conversation... but I will say this. He said to follow my heart and not my mind... and that the right time will come. Just the fact that he said it will come was inspiration enough. He is optimistic... that means a lot, 'cause we all know that I definitely see the Nalgene bottle only half full of Minute Maid Apple Berry Juice...
ANYWAY, after the gym, I went to pep band practice... I was in my contacts too... like I am now. Everyone seems to like the new Hamilton... oh, and it's Hamilton too... not Hammy... 'cause apparently I look grown up now. Patrick said I look more masculine... Sammie said she ain't ready... I think I look like my dad.
**brief interruption... "Tempted by the Fruit of Another" is back on again... haha... we know what THAT song is about!**
So, now I'm on duty... my room is a wreck from the hustle and bustle of the week... Rosanne is on the TV behind me, I got music blaring on my computer, and I'm ready for a night of relaxing and blogging (yeah, I'll probably do it again tonight). No more classes until Tuesday. PRAISE GOD!
This penny that I am talking about is really special. Today has been the first day that I haven't had it with me all day in my right pocket since I think last Tuesday. It's a really simple little coin... not well polished or incredibly shiny... it's actually more brown than copper. It is a 2002 issued penny that I found shining in the grass over by the Brooks Center when I was talking to Tarik on the phone about the crush. It seemed really random to me because it was shining there in the grass... not on the sidewalk or inside a building on the floor, but it caught my eye in the grass... and it was on heads. I just knew it was for me... Now, I am not a huge person for "luck" and everything, but I think it's blessed... and it is going to help me achieve some of the things I want. So, I carry it around every day in my right pants pocket in hopes that it will bring me a blessing of some sort.
Anyway, after indulging in some liberated Minute Maid Apple Berry Juice, I headed to Seneca. At Kellet, this little girl named Jania really tried my nerves... I was helping her with her homework, and I swear I was ready to just give up on her... but the teacher in me kept helping her... as she fooled around, laughed, played, and disregarded all the help I was trying to give her. I had patience... I'm in the right profession.
Then, I went to the middle school. There my new job is to teach the kids step. They LOVE it! I feel so good that I am teaching them something positive that they really enjoy and want to keep learning. It is awesome to see them working so hard to perfect the moves that I teach them and how creative some of them get making up things that look sorta like the things I do. They made my afternoon really cool.
I was really tired after stepping, but as soon as I got back into Clemson, Kate called and beckoned me to the gym... I love that girl, but she is gonna drive me NUTS! It is good to go and workout... I know that I am really going to benefit from this. I know it's crazy, but sometimes when I am trying to make that last tenth of a mile on the treadmill or that last push up, I think of the crush as my motivation... sometimes I think that maybe the crush will be attracted to me if I work out harder and improve the way I look... I know... THAT is infatuation... yes, I know. But, if nothing else, it pushes me a little more.
Speaking of the crush, I had a GREAT conversation with Tarik about the crush today. It was a very short conversation, but it helped me a lot. I don't want to go into the conversation too much in order to keep it a special conversation... but I will say this. He said to follow my heart and not my mind... and that the right time will come. Just the fact that he said it will come was inspiration enough. He is optimistic... that means a lot, 'cause we all know that I definitely see the Nalgene bottle only half full of Minute Maid Apple Berry Juice...
ANYWAY, after the gym, I went to pep band practice... I was in my contacts too... like I am now. Everyone seems to like the new Hamilton... oh, and it's Hamilton too... not Hammy... 'cause apparently I look grown up now. Patrick said I look more masculine... Sammie said she ain't ready... I think I look like my dad.
**brief interruption... "Tempted by the Fruit of Another" is back on again... haha... we know what THAT song is about!**
So, now I'm on duty... my room is a wreck from the hustle and bustle of the week... Rosanne is on the TV behind me, I got music blaring on my computer, and I'm ready for a night of relaxing and blogging (yeah, I'll probably do it again tonight). No more classes until Tuesday. PRAISE GOD!
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
nothing better to do...
...but write some more!!! Wow. What a good day I had. Two classes cancelled, the third was nothing but utter nonsense, in the 4th I gave my awesome speech on how cool it is to be a band nerd, I got my head right, and then I came back and got my ED F 315 project done! Now, I'm on duty jus' chillin'... it's a little lonely, but it's okay. Been playin' around on AIM talkin' to people... listening to some good music, and just havin' some good, quality Ham time... My WinAmp is on shuffle, so I'm hearing songs that I have never really listened to... this one, ironically, is called "Alone" and it's by Moby... I think it's a little fitting... but you know, no profound statements in this song, or obligatory old song quotes... it's trance-like kinda... and I know this because of the conversation I had with the caller back in December. Oh yes... the days of the caller...
...moving on. I love music. This song by the way is really good... almost enchanting... I want all readers to go and download it... but be stealth about it... you don't want RAA knocking on your door with a million dollar law suit... Crap... this song is almost over... and what is next but S Club 7... HAHA! LOL... Classic. I really used to like them. I used to watch them on Saturday mornings in high school on Fox Family. Good times...
...in all seriousness, these kids can sing... the sad part is they were ruined by whoever marketed them like bubble gum teeny bop people. They did well with that "Never Had a Dream Come True" song though... I think I'll listen to it next... I'm sure it will help stir some kind of emotions... and we know that after my first entry tonight, ALL emotions are emotions worthy of the blog...
Okay, so this song... reminds me of high school... and HOW I WAS IN THE STATE THAT I AM STILL IN!!! YAY! hehe... sad, but true...
I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I met you...
Tender... like a baby fetus. I haven't met that "you" yet. I think they are still stuck in that hollowed out tree they fell into in 2nd grade that I mentioned last entry...
...I talked to Erin tonight... Can we just talk about how much I really miss her. I miss having her here. I miss being able to talk to her whenever about whatever. Well, she knows me incredibly well, and figured out who the crush was. So that makes 3 individuals that know... Good thing two of them are hella far away... I think we might have to put Jenee in some witness protection type program... anyway, back to the "you..." Erin thinks that this crush could be the one... not necessarily because of who it is, but just because of how things work out... I don't really understand, but that is what she thinks... I'm sure she makes sense based on her own experiences... but lets just talk about Hamilton for a minute... "Okay, so this song... reminds me of high school... and HOW I WAS IN THE STATE THAT I AM STILL IN!!!" Yes... my experiences don't lead me to be very optimistic at all...
And that brings us to our next song (I skipped around a little, and this one popped up). It's fitting... "Tempted by the Fruit of Another" by Squeeze. Oh, the words of this song... I just gotta let it marinate for a minute, and then I will reflect... Okay... so it's really random. Talks about a toothbrush, tooth paste, and some flannel for his face... He's shackin' up!!! WORK IT AND WORK IT HARD! haha... so yeah... this song does not apply to me... tempted, but not in that way...
And now we come across "The Dream Within" by Lara Fabian... AWESOME voice, this chick has. I'm not gonna talk about the dream within... I think last night's entry talks a good bit about that. But this is a good song... it's also the last song for this entry...
...a prayer from deep inside you to guide you...
-The Dream Within
...moving on. I love music. This song by the way is really good... almost enchanting... I want all readers to go and download it... but be stealth about it... you don't want RAA knocking on your door with a million dollar law suit... Crap... this song is almost over... and what is next but S Club 7... HAHA! LOL... Classic. I really used to like them. I used to watch them on Saturday mornings in high school on Fox Family. Good times...
...in all seriousness, these kids can sing... the sad part is they were ruined by whoever marketed them like bubble gum teeny bop people. They did well with that "Never Had a Dream Come True" song though... I think I'll listen to it next... I'm sure it will help stir some kind of emotions... and we know that after my first entry tonight, ALL emotions are emotions worthy of the blog...
Okay, so this song... reminds me of high school... and HOW I WAS IN THE STATE THAT I AM STILL IN!!! YAY! hehe... sad, but true...
I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I met you...
Tender... like a baby fetus. I haven't met that "you" yet. I think they are still stuck in that hollowed out tree they fell into in 2nd grade that I mentioned last entry...
...I talked to Erin tonight... Can we just talk about how much I really miss her. I miss having her here. I miss being able to talk to her whenever about whatever. Well, she knows me incredibly well, and figured out who the crush was. So that makes 3 individuals that know... Good thing two of them are hella far away... I think we might have to put Jenee in some witness protection type program... anyway, back to the "you..." Erin thinks that this crush could be the one... not necessarily because of who it is, but just because of how things work out... I don't really understand, but that is what she thinks... I'm sure she makes sense based on her own experiences... but lets just talk about Hamilton for a minute... "Okay, so this song... reminds me of high school... and HOW I WAS IN THE STATE THAT I AM STILL IN!!!" Yes... my experiences don't lead me to be very optimistic at all...
And that brings us to our next song (I skipped around a little, and this one popped up). It's fitting... "Tempted by the Fruit of Another" by Squeeze. Oh, the words of this song... I just gotta let it marinate for a minute, and then I will reflect... Okay... so it's really random. Talks about a toothbrush, tooth paste, and some flannel for his face... He's shackin' up!!! WORK IT AND WORK IT HARD! haha... so yeah... this song does not apply to me... tempted, but not in that way...
And now we come across "The Dream Within" by Lara Fabian... AWESOME voice, this chick has. I'm not gonna talk about the dream within... I think last night's entry talks a good bit about that. But this is a good song... it's also the last song for this entry...
...a prayer from deep inside you to guide you...
-The Dream Within
time to write!
Okay... so I left off last night without finishing all my thoughts... I really didn't have a WHOLE whole lot to write about... but I mean, do I ever really? However, I was really excited that I got through a whole entry without mentioning the crush. Go Ham. I was too busy goofing off with Nick... I love that boy... my little "nephew!" Last night, he, Patrick and I goofed off the rest of our snow day up here in my room. It was a blast.
Anyway, I guess tonight, I will write about the whole idea of infatuation... First of all, I hope I spelled that right... Secondly, it's really sickening if you think about it. How in the world could anyone let one person in the world inhabit their every thought? I have fo nucking clue... but it happens... to the best of us. Am I infatuated with the crush? I have been infatuated before... last April... it was tragic. But back to the the question... am I? I don't think so... despite what this blog may show. And I know that the stuff I write pisses people off sometimes... especially all my ranting and raving about all of the "2 person single entities" walking around all the time... but it's QUITE alright... I believe Nick is INFATUATED with my journal... he's an avid reader... and Tarik told me this afternoon that he has been pissed off that he hasn't been able to read it in 2 days because his power is out at home. So people like it, and it is entertaining... better it be entertaining than depressing...
Anyway, I digress... So this whole subject of infatuation... I'm a little upset that God allowed so much space in our brains to be taken up by such petty things... and that is ALL petty things, not just little play play crushes... but seriously... with the crushes/infatuations... There is so much more to life than who we end up with or who we are boinking at any particular time... it reminds me of what Missy and I have been learning in Igo's class... Imagine that there is a little orb in your mind that is everything you know about trees... lets say that you know in 2nd grade you got stuck in a hollowed out tree at a family reunion... well, that little tidbit of information about the hollow tree at the family reunion is not just in the little tree orb, but also in the family reunion orb... so you think about your family reunion and how you always had ribs at family reunions... so THAT orb is connected to everything you know about ribs... and then there is the fact that Chili's serves baby back ribs... and yadda yadda yadda... LOOK AT ALL THAT NONSENSE!!! And yet... there is still room for how much you like _______ and how awesome your a r-thingy could be with _______ and how willing you are to care for _______ (insert whoever's name you want in there... Jenee know's who my person is... hehe).
Anyway, my point is (and this is intended for a special someone... it's not just me discussing my "pathetic" situation), with all the crap that we ALL go through, the little spot in our minds reserved for random wishes and daydreams about a special someone is there for a reason... it's part of our life... and no matter how petty it seems to anyone, even oneself, it is important... as all feelings are. Feelings of love, grief, anger, betrayal, sadness... they are all little orbs connected to one another, and one feeling is no more important than the other... so do I feel bad about crushing on _______? HA! Nope. Do I feel bad that that is what I write about in my heralded blog? HA! Nope. Do I have other feelings besides that of adoration for _______ ('cause remember, it's not infatuation)? HA! YES (gotcha)!
In conclusion... I am not infatuated with the crush... and my mind is worth more than a bunch of mushy "I love so and so" crap... the funny thing is, "I'm totally crushing," and I get a little ridiculed, but the people that are "totally" dating whoever the hell are the ones that are doing the ridiculing... and doing the complaining 'cause they are being teased so immensely by their boyfriend/girlfriend-impaired counterparts... so once again I say to those individuals... they can go run to the arms of their valiant prince or dainty princess and find relief. (see the i told... entry)
I think I've got a new catch phrase...
Anyway, I guess tonight, I will write about the whole idea of infatuation... First of all, I hope I spelled that right... Secondly, it's really sickening if you think about it. How in the world could anyone let one person in the world inhabit their every thought? I have fo nucking clue... but it happens... to the best of us. Am I infatuated with the crush? I have been infatuated before... last April... it was tragic. But back to the the question... am I? I don't think so... despite what this blog may show. And I know that the stuff I write pisses people off sometimes... especially all my ranting and raving about all of the "2 person single entities" walking around all the time... but it's QUITE alright... I believe Nick is INFATUATED with my journal... he's an avid reader... and Tarik told me this afternoon that he has been pissed off that he hasn't been able to read it in 2 days because his power is out at home. So people like it, and it is entertaining... better it be entertaining than depressing...
Anyway, I digress... So this whole subject of infatuation... I'm a little upset that God allowed so much space in our brains to be taken up by such petty things... and that is ALL petty things, not just little play play crushes... but seriously... with the crushes/infatuations... There is so much more to life than who we end up with or who we are boinking at any particular time... it reminds me of what Missy and I have been learning in Igo's class... Imagine that there is a little orb in your mind that is everything you know about trees... lets say that you know in 2nd grade you got stuck in a hollowed out tree at a family reunion... well, that little tidbit of information about the hollow tree at the family reunion is not just in the little tree orb, but also in the family reunion orb... so you think about your family reunion and how you always had ribs at family reunions... so THAT orb is connected to everything you know about ribs... and then there is the fact that Chili's serves baby back ribs... and yadda yadda yadda... LOOK AT ALL THAT NONSENSE!!! And yet... there is still room for how much you like _______ and how awesome your a r-thingy could be with _______ and how willing you are to care for _______ (insert whoever's name you want in there... Jenee know's who my person is... hehe).
Anyway, my point is (and this is intended for a special someone... it's not just me discussing my "pathetic" situation), with all the crap that we ALL go through, the little spot in our minds reserved for random wishes and daydreams about a special someone is there for a reason... it's part of our life... and no matter how petty it seems to anyone, even oneself, it is important... as all feelings are. Feelings of love, grief, anger, betrayal, sadness... they are all little orbs connected to one another, and one feeling is no more important than the other... so do I feel bad about crushing on _______? HA! Nope. Do I feel bad that that is what I write about in my heralded blog? HA! Nope. Do I have other feelings besides that of adoration for _______ ('cause remember, it's not infatuation)? HA! YES (gotcha)!
In conclusion... I am not infatuated with the crush... and my mind is worth more than a bunch of mushy "I love so and so" crap... the funny thing is, "I'm totally crushing," and I get a little ridiculed, but the people that are "totally" dating whoever the hell are the ones that are doing the ridiculing... and doing the complaining 'cause they are being teased so immensely by their boyfriend/girlfriend-impaired counterparts... so once again I say to those individuals... they can go run to the arms of their valiant prince or dainty princess and find relief. (see the i told... entry)
I think I've got a new catch phrase...
ice, ice, baby...
So, today, we had no classes because of the snow/ice/crap... It didn't make a HUGE difference for me... I just didn't have Special Ed. So, the day was fun... kinda dramatic, but not terribly. We went to eat Chinese and then over to Betsy's to play games... well, we really just played Cranium, but it was fun. While we were over there, Nick, Patty, and I had to go and discuss something and people got kinda pissy about it... It REALLY wasn't a big deal, but people LOVE to whine and complain... BRING ON THE CHEESE, 'CAUSE WE'RE DEALIN' WITH A LOTTA WHINE!!!
ANYWAY, it was still fun. After that, we went to eat Mexican (talk about a taste of the world... Chinese for lunch, Mexican for dinner). Not only did it show me that a large majority of my life is centered around food, but I have a great close knit group of friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. Both places we went, we all sat together at a big long table like a family. It was great... just like being at home... when my brother and I were home from school due to snow, my mom normally was too, so we would all huddle together and eat hot breakfasts and then hang out lazily around the house... And that's what we did today... had a hot--meal and then lazily hung around Betsy's house. While there is always tons of "whine," there is always tons of friendship... no matter who likes who or who doesn't like who...
So... I'll write more later... i do have more to write... but later... Nick and I are having a FABULOUS conversation now!
ANYWAY, it was still fun. After that, we went to eat Mexican (talk about a taste of the world... Chinese for lunch, Mexican for dinner). Not only did it show me that a large majority of my life is centered around food, but I have a great close knit group of friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. Both places we went, we all sat together at a big long table like a family. It was great... just like being at home... when my brother and I were home from school due to snow, my mom normally was too, so we would all huddle together and eat hot breakfasts and then hang out lazily around the house... And that's what we did today... had a hot--meal and then lazily hung around Betsy's house. While there is always tons of "whine," there is always tons of friendship... no matter who likes who or who doesn't like who...
So... I'll write more later... i do have more to write... but later... Nick and I are having a FABULOUS conversation now!
Monday, January 26, 2004
by jenee...
This poem was on Jenee's away message. I don't know what point she was getting at or what made her write it, but I felt that it applied to me...
Suffocated in confusion he just wonders why
Maybe now he can change the things he's seen
Letting the moon rise and the sun set on his memories
Erasing the painted pictures of which he dreams
And yet he hates the love that turned him down
Like failed wings that gave him to the ground
The tide rolls in and the clouds roll by
And I turn away from him, as he looks at me
Crying transparent tears that set him free
-Jenee
I feel like I did the right thing by telling Jenee... People (including me) are always bashing her for being the strong person that she is. But right about now, I need a strong person to be there to listen to my griping and help me figure things out. I just want to openly say that I truly do love Jenee (despite what the 01.02.2004 entry may say). Sometimes I wish I could be like her and be completely open and forward with my opinons instead of so passive and reflective... See, I'm being reflective... I'm gonna stop.
I love you, Jenee.
Suffocated in confusion he just wonders why
Maybe now he can change the things he's seen
Letting the moon rise and the sun set on his memories
Erasing the painted pictures of which he dreams
And yet he hates the love that turned him down
Like failed wings that gave him to the ground
The tide rolls in and the clouds roll by
And I turn away from him, as he looks at me
Crying transparent tears that set him free
-Jenee
I feel like I did the right thing by telling Jenee... People (including me) are always bashing her for being the strong person that she is. But right about now, I need a strong person to be there to listen to my griping and help me figure things out. I just want to openly say that I truly do love Jenee (despite what the 01.02.2004 entry may say). Sometimes I wish I could be like her and be completely open and forward with my opinons instead of so passive and reflective... See, I'm being reflective... I'm gonna stop.
I love you, Jenee.
Sunday, January 25, 2004
i told...
I am so weak... I told someone else about the crush... I had only told one person, but it was a person that I don't see and is not around me or my crush on a regular basis. But now, I told someone that I see all the time... but I thought about it, and decided that it is probably a good thing. My dad says I keep things bottled up inside me too much... so to let one more person know isn't horrible. While I hope that it isn't a disaster, I think that it will be good. I now have a sounding board for when I need to vent about it. But, NO ONE ELSE! I promise myself. I cannot even fathom the crush finding out about it. Talk about World War III...
Anyway, I'm gonna talk about how cold and lonely I am right now... It's in-CRED-ibly cold... we've got sleet/snow/freezing rain goin' on, and classes are cancelled tomorrow until noon... yay. I only have one class tomorrow, and it is at 3:35. Oh well... can we talk about how ridiculously boring the next 16 hours are going to be... cabin fever. Alone in here with nothing but this computer and TV. I usually HATE when people HAVE to sleep in the same bed with their significant other every night... It's annoying to think that two people can't be apart when they are sleeping... the most alone time of the day for EVERYONE... but... lately I have been thinking to myself how nice it would be to fall asleep in the arms of someone else... to be warm and know that the person next to you loves you so much that they would sacrifice the comfort of their own university issued extra-long twin bed to cram into YOUR university issued extra-long twin bed. And other reasons of course... I just can't help but be a little cynical right now...
...after a L O N G time of being as single as a Wendy's 99 cent single (wait, that's not incredibly single 'cause you can mix and match with other items on the 99 cent value menu!), I can't help but hate the things that I see couples do... not because it sucks... but just because of being jealous. It's just like what my parents told me in elementary school... people made fun of me because I was smart and making good grades and they weren't, so they made fun of me... "Oh, how the table's have turned." Now, I'm being the punk and making fun of couples. I don't think it's wrong either... I mean, if they are so hurt by little old me making fun of them in my blog, then they can go run to the arms of their valiant prince or dainty princess and find relief.
And since we are on the subject of the things couples do and say... here's one... that was just brought to my attention by Patrick... "that's when they say things happen... when you're not even lookin' for them." My response: "yeah... but I don't believe it though." And I don't. As Jenee once said, "It's all about the chase." And it is... EVERYTHING we do is about "lookin' for them." It's in the way we dress, the way we brush our hair, the kind of car we drive, the career we choose, the place where we live... it is. So no one EVER stops looking... except people who are HAPPILY married. And you know that someone is happily married when they go out in public lookin' like whodunit and why... 'cause they have no reason to look good and impress anyone... they HAVE the person they want, and they don't need to put on any Dolce and Gabanna or Merle Norman to catch anyone's eye. I look at myself... getting a haircut weekly (or at least in a perfect world, that is what I would be doing), wanting SO badly to get my contacts and get rid of these glasses in front of my face, going to the gym to work out... What really makes me think that doing these things are going to make me SO desirable??? In reality, I think I am a pretty good guy as I am. I might not have a fresh cut all the time, or gorgueous eyes, or a perfect physique, but I am nice, caring, have a pretty good sense of humor, and have the desire to love someone unconditionally with everything that I am. Obviously, that isn't enough...
...and it's why I wrote all this just to say... I told...
Anyway, I'm gonna talk about how cold and lonely I am right now... It's in-CRED-ibly cold... we've got sleet/snow/freezing rain goin' on, and classes are cancelled tomorrow until noon... yay. I only have one class tomorrow, and it is at 3:35. Oh well... can we talk about how ridiculously boring the next 16 hours are going to be... cabin fever. Alone in here with nothing but this computer and TV. I usually HATE when people HAVE to sleep in the same bed with their significant other every night... It's annoying to think that two people can't be apart when they are sleeping... the most alone time of the day for EVERYONE... but... lately I have been thinking to myself how nice it would be to fall asleep in the arms of someone else... to be warm and know that the person next to you loves you so much that they would sacrifice the comfort of their own university issued extra-long twin bed to cram into YOUR university issued extra-long twin bed. And other reasons of course... I just can't help but be a little cynical right now...
...after a L O N G time of being as single as a Wendy's 99 cent single (wait, that's not incredibly single 'cause you can mix and match with other items on the 99 cent value menu!), I can't help but hate the things that I see couples do... not because it sucks... but just because of being jealous. It's just like what my parents told me in elementary school... people made fun of me because I was smart and making good grades and they weren't, so they made fun of me... "Oh, how the table's have turned." Now, I'm being the punk and making fun of couples. I don't think it's wrong either... I mean, if they are so hurt by little old me making fun of them in my blog, then they can go run to the arms of their valiant prince or dainty princess and find relief.
And since we are on the subject of the things couples do and say... here's one... that was just brought to my attention by Patrick... "that's when they say things happen... when you're not even lookin' for them." My response: "yeah... but I don't believe it though." And I don't. As Jenee once said, "It's all about the chase." And it is... EVERYTHING we do is about "lookin' for them." It's in the way we dress, the way we brush our hair, the kind of car we drive, the career we choose, the place where we live... it is. So no one EVER stops looking... except people who are HAPPILY married. And you know that someone is happily married when they go out in public lookin' like whodunit and why... 'cause they have no reason to look good and impress anyone... they HAVE the person they want, and they don't need to put on any Dolce and Gabanna or Merle Norman to catch anyone's eye. I look at myself... getting a haircut weekly (or at least in a perfect world, that is what I would be doing), wanting SO badly to get my contacts and get rid of these glasses in front of my face, going to the gym to work out... What really makes me think that doing these things are going to make me SO desirable??? In reality, I think I am a pretty good guy as I am. I might not have a fresh cut all the time, or gorgueous eyes, or a perfect physique, but I am nice, caring, have a pretty good sense of humor, and have the desire to love someone unconditionally with everything that I am. Obviously, that isn't enough...
...and it's why I wrote all this just to say... I told...
battle of the bands
So, today, I went BACK to Atlanta to see the 2004 Honda Battle of the Bands. I had a GREAT time... it was so cool to be able to be the immense band nerd that I am and have SO much fun doing it... BUT, I have to say, that I would NEVER give up my experience in Tiger Band to be in an HBCU band. They are fun to look at, but... I dunno, there is only so much bass drum bangin' and champagne dancers that I can take. I like my little corps style band at good ol' CU. It makes me feel a little hokey, like the citizens of Clemson and the other surrounding cities in Pickens and Oconee Counties, but I do. HELL YEAH FOR SOME TIGER RAG!
That's pretty much all I wanted to say... Since Jenee told me that I cannot speak of the crush OR grape kool-aid again until I tell her who the crush is... but of course, that isn't going to happen... I can't break a Ham Rule!
That's pretty much all I wanted to say... Since Jenee told me that I cannot speak of the crush OR grape kool-aid again until I tell her who the crush is... but of course, that isn't going to happen... I can't break a Ham Rule!
Friday, January 23, 2004
grape kool-aid
I bought some grape kool-aid mix the other day. I didn't realize how much it was going to start controlling my life. I don't have any made right now, but it is sitting about 3 feet away from me tempting me, and the more and more that I type about it I want it, and I want it now... I'll be right back... :)
Okay... I've got my kool-aid. I'm better now...
This sickening attraction to my grape kool-aid is similar to another type of attraction... This crush. It's kinda like it is sitting about 3 feet away from me tempting me. Unlike my kool-aid, I can't just jump up and go get it though. Not only would I be a nervous wreck, but I see it possibly wrecking a friendship or at least wrecking my self esteem. Getting some kool-aid is not as serious...
Sadly enough, my kool-aid mix is going to run out in a few days... and there will be no threat of temptation. While I'll be sad 'cause I won't be able to enjoy the cool, tasty, grapity drink that has made me happy for these few days, it will be good because there won't be anything keeping me from typing in my journal. So, maybe I should give up on the crush... save myself from some of the wrecking that I talked about a minute ago...
...and the little bit of kool-aid I made to calm my craving is now gone... surprisingly, I don't want anymore either...
Okay... I've got my kool-aid. I'm better now...
This sickening attraction to my grape kool-aid is similar to another type of attraction... This crush. It's kinda like it is sitting about 3 feet away from me tempting me. Unlike my kool-aid, I can't just jump up and go get it though. Not only would I be a nervous wreck, but I see it possibly wrecking a friendship or at least wrecking my self esteem. Getting some kool-aid is not as serious...
Sadly enough, my kool-aid mix is going to run out in a few days... and there will be no threat of temptation. While I'll be sad 'cause I won't be able to enjoy the cool, tasty, grapity drink that has made me happy for these few days, it will be good because there won't be anything keeping me from typing in my journal. So, maybe I should give up on the crush... save myself from some of the wrecking that I talked about a minute ago...
...and the little bit of kool-aid I made to calm my craving is now gone... surprisingly, I don't want anymore either...
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
...but it's only january!
ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! This is not a test. This is actually an emergency. Spring Fever has hit, and it's only January! Profiles and away messages all over are ALREADY heralding praises to significant others...
Wait a minute... it's always been that. Apparently, if you are dating someone, it is MANDATORY to show how much you love your bf/gf by putting one of these phrases in your profile. If you don't have one, feel free to highlight, right click, and copy!!!
I love [insert significant other's name]!
[your name] + [significant other's name] = love
[significant other's name] is my [baby, punkin, poo face, sweetie, baby daddy, baby mama, concubine, etc.]!
There are more... IM me if you need help coming up with one. But as for me, I am sticking to my trusty song lyrics that express how I feel in this epidemic of love we have goin' on right now...
"We could love one another..."
-Citizen Cope
This is so true... we could love one another... me and my crush, everyone and everyone else, and quite frankly, if everyone was gettin' a little love, we wouldn't be so catty to each other!
"Please forgive me if I act a little strange..."
-David Gray
'Cause I really can't help this feeling I've got goin' on inside and this attraction. It is a little strange... and at times, I feel like I need a little forgiveness... One of those things I don't have that much control over... if anything, it's really the CRUSHEE'S fault for being so awesome!
Wait a minute... it's always been that. Apparently, if you are dating someone, it is MANDATORY to show how much you love your bf/gf by putting one of these phrases in your profile. If you don't have one, feel free to highlight, right click, and copy!!!
I love [insert significant other's name]!
[your name] + [significant other's name] = love
[significant other's name] is my [baby, punkin, poo face, sweetie, baby daddy, baby mama, concubine, etc.]!
There are more... IM me if you need help coming up with one. But as for me, I am sticking to my trusty song lyrics that express how I feel in this epidemic of love we have goin' on right now...
"We could love one another..."
-Citizen Cope
This is so true... we could love one another... me and my crush, everyone and everyone else, and quite frankly, if everyone was gettin' a little love, we wouldn't be so catty to each other!
"Please forgive me if I act a little strange..."
-David Gray
'Cause I really can't help this feeling I've got goin' on inside and this attraction. It is a little strange... and at times, I feel like I need a little forgiveness... One of those things I don't have that much control over... if anything, it's really the CRUSHEE'S fault for being so awesome!
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
the caller turns into the IMer
So, I said I was done with the caller... I think I am. Either I am, or I'm playing hard to get. They were actually online this evening. So, I IMed them. They were very responsive... even prompted me to talk... but I did not keep the conversation rolling. It was a really short conversation... really uneventful. But, apparently, when I was in NC on Sunday night, I was called... but I had my phone off, and I was way up on top of a mountain... so much for that.
The caller is also really overshadowed by my crush. I can't talk too much about it. I don't want to think about it anymore than I already do. I talked to a good friend of mine about it tonight... that person is the only person that knows about this crush too... I sincerely intend on it staying that way. In all actuality, I'm not looking for my crush to really notice me or actually fall for me... I think it's one of those things that is just gonna remain something all mine. Although, I've prayed that something might happen... And, I'm not a huge luck person, but today I found a penny laying heads up in the grass while walking to my car. I don't know why it caught my eye, cause it wasn't on the path. But, I picked it up and intend on holding on to it... Maybe it's a little glimmer of hope... like it was a glimmer amidst the grass. Who knows.
By the way, I'm not as composed this entry may seem. I'm pretty torn up inside...
The caller is also really overshadowed by my crush. I can't talk too much about it. I don't want to think about it anymore than I already do. I talked to a good friend of mine about it tonight... that person is the only person that knows about this crush too... I sincerely intend on it staying that way. In all actuality, I'm not looking for my crush to really notice me or actually fall for me... I think it's one of those things that is just gonna remain something all mine. Although, I've prayed that something might happen... And, I'm not a huge luck person, but today I found a penny laying heads up in the grass while walking to my car. I don't know why it caught my eye, cause it wasn't on the path. But, I picked it up and intend on holding on to it... Maybe it's a little glimmer of hope... like it was a glimmer amidst the grass. Who knows.
By the way, I'm not as composed this entry may seem. I'm pretty torn up inside...
giving up and holding on
This is gonna be short, cause it's 1:40, and I have a class in 6 hours and 20 minutes... But, tonight, I had an AWESOME talk with two of my best friends, Patrick and Nick. We talked about stuff that we have never talked about with anyone. It makes me feel good to know that I have people like that to confide in...
Anyway, it got me thinking about "the caller," and how there is a Ham Rule that prohibits me from making someone my priority when I am only their option. So, the fact that I am only called once every blue moon makes me an option... but yet, it is quite plain to see that I make "the caller" a priority with how much I talk about them... so, I'm gonna give up on that. Just another notch in my belt, you know... another person liked, another relationship averted.
And speaking of Ham Rules, there is also that one about no self-proclaimed crushes... yep... I still got that crush thing on someone else. I'm holding on to that one. I'm not incredibly discouraged about it either, however, it is something that I really cannot let on to anyone about. It's kinda like the one that Patrick has... something to hold on to... and watch not happen. My mom had one of those... this guy in college whose name started with a D... they called him "Delicious D-(whatever his d-name was)." She never dated him, and obviously ended up with my dad... but she still liked him... he never knew. I think that is what my little crush is gonna end up as.
So, with that, I start this new week... I seriously pray for a little better fortune...
Anyway, it got me thinking about "the caller," and how there is a Ham Rule that prohibits me from making someone my priority when I am only their option. So, the fact that I am only called once every blue moon makes me an option... but yet, it is quite plain to see that I make "the caller" a priority with how much I talk about them... so, I'm gonna give up on that. Just another notch in my belt, you know... another person liked, another relationship averted.
And speaking of Ham Rules, there is also that one about no self-proclaimed crushes... yep... I still got that crush thing on someone else. I'm holding on to that one. I'm not incredibly discouraged about it either, however, it is something that I really cannot let on to anyone about. It's kinda like the one that Patrick has... something to hold on to... and watch not happen. My mom had one of those... this guy in college whose name started with a D... they called him "Delicious D-(whatever his d-name was)." She never dated him, and obviously ended up with my dad... but she still liked him... he never knew. I think that is what my little crush is gonna end up as.
So, with that, I start this new week... I seriously pray for a little better fortune...
Saturday, January 17, 2004
shower time
I just took a shower... I had SO many thoughts running through my mind, but now they are gone. I do some of my best thinking in the shower. But, I'll attempt to put them down now...
Well, yesterday, the triumphant day of contacts, turned out to be TERRIBLE. First of all, I woke up at 7 to go to the gym with Kate... that was pretty good actually. I have been doing really well with this whole gym thing. Anyway, we were having so much fun feeling the burn at the gym that I left for Greenville late... and being late, I started down 123 a little faster than prohibited by law... 25 miles faster to be exact... I was going 90 in a 65, so I got a 6 point and $335 ticket. So, my parents are pretty livid...
I was pretty livid about the fact that when they put my contacts in, THEY DIDN'T FIT. So, I sped all the way down the highway and got a ticket just so they could tell me that my contacts didn't fit. I have to go back sometime next week to actually get my real contacts. I was EXTREMELY disappointed.
Anyway, I hung out a little last night, worked the desk for a hella long time... and today I went and worked out for 2 hours. I am really loving working out. I just really hope that I can keep it up and it won't just have been a this past week thing. I feel great now, so I know I'm doing something right.
One thought that has been going through my mind for the past day... well, it hasn't really been a thought, but a song lyric... It's called The Luckiest and it's by Ben Folds. The last verse is my favorite, and everytime I hear it, I tear up. It has to be the most beautiful but sad example of love ever...
I don't get many things right the first time.
In fact, I am told that a lot.
Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here.
And where was I before the day
that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it every day.
And I know
that I am, I am,
I am the luckiest.
What if I'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
would I know?
And in a wide sea of eyes,
I see one pair that I recognize.
And I know
that I am, I am,
I am the luckiest.
I love you more than I have
ever found a way to say to you.
Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep.
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away.
I'm sorry, I know that's a
strange way to tell you that I know we belong,
that I know that I am, I am
I am the luckiest.
That is so sweet. GOSH! But, alas, I am in the predicament I am always in... a beautiful love song and no one to share it with. I wish that I could sing it to someone... It would definitely be the most tender way to express that emotion.
A while ago, I talked about how I don't have any crushes. I lied... I mean, I'm really stuck on "the caller," but I like someone else too... but, no self-proclaimed crushes... It's against the Ham Rules. It will just remain in the back of my mind... probably forever. It's okay though.
That is probably one of the reasons that I was down so much this past week... Not only was I hung up on the lack of resolve from that last phone call with "the caller," but also on... this crush ish, and other r-word ish that has been floating through my mind... It sucks.
Right now, I wish "the caller" would call... and that I could come across about $335. I'm obviously not the luckiest.
Well, yesterday, the triumphant day of contacts, turned out to be TERRIBLE. First of all, I woke up at 7 to go to the gym with Kate... that was pretty good actually. I have been doing really well with this whole gym thing. Anyway, we were having so much fun feeling the burn at the gym that I left for Greenville late... and being late, I started down 123 a little faster than prohibited by law... 25 miles faster to be exact... I was going 90 in a 65, so I got a 6 point and $335 ticket. So, my parents are pretty livid...
I was pretty livid about the fact that when they put my contacts in, THEY DIDN'T FIT. So, I sped all the way down the highway and got a ticket just so they could tell me that my contacts didn't fit. I have to go back sometime next week to actually get my real contacts. I was EXTREMELY disappointed.
Anyway, I hung out a little last night, worked the desk for a hella long time... and today I went and worked out for 2 hours. I am really loving working out. I just really hope that I can keep it up and it won't just have been a this past week thing. I feel great now, so I know I'm doing something right.
One thought that has been going through my mind for the past day... well, it hasn't really been a thought, but a song lyric... It's called The Luckiest and it's by Ben Folds. The last verse is my favorite, and everytime I hear it, I tear up. It has to be the most beautiful but sad example of love ever...
I don't get many things right the first time.
In fact, I am told that a lot.
Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here.
And where was I before the day
that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it every day.
And I know
that I am, I am,
I am the luckiest.
What if I'd been born fifty years before you
in a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike,
would I know?
And in a wide sea of eyes,
I see one pair that I recognize.
And I know
that I am, I am,
I am the luckiest.
I love you more than I have
ever found a way to say to you.
Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
and one day passed away in his sleep.
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
and passed away.
I'm sorry, I know that's a
strange way to tell you that I know we belong,
that I know that I am, I am
I am the luckiest.
That is so sweet. GOSH! But, alas, I am in the predicament I am always in... a beautiful love song and no one to share it with. I wish that I could sing it to someone... It would definitely be the most tender way to express that emotion.
A while ago, I talked about how I don't have any crushes. I lied... I mean, I'm really stuck on "the caller," but I like someone else too... but, no self-proclaimed crushes... It's against the Ham Rules. It will just remain in the back of my mind... probably forever. It's okay though.
That is probably one of the reasons that I was down so much this past week... Not only was I hung up on the lack of resolve from that last phone call with "the caller," but also on... this crush ish, and other r-word ish that has been floating through my mind... It sucks.
Right now, I wish "the caller" would call... and that I could come across about $335. I'm obviously not the luckiest.
Thursday, January 15, 2004
the way i move
Well, I'm listening to "The Way You Move" by Outkast... so, I have decided to write todays entry about how I move...
I move on the track in Fike. Yes, yesterday, I went and ran 10 laps at the track in Fike... I couldn't believe it! I owe it all to my personal trainer, Kate... She really pushed me in every way imaginable yesterday. I know I had a good work out, cause I feel it today. We are going again tomorrow morning at 7:15.
I AM GOING to move all over somebody's crooked behind... While I was working out with Kate, someone went in my bookbag, and stole all the money out of my wallet. It was the ONLY cash I had. I am seriously scrapping for money, and I don't get paid again until Jaunary 30th... that is 2 weeks away... ::sigh::
I move into a fetal position and go to sleep when I am in speech class... Now, it is not all Christy Raj's fault... It is my 4th straight class of 4 that start at 8 am... so, by the time I get to her class, I am REALLY tired. But she can seriously do better... SHE'S THE SPEECH TEACHER!!! Brent Igo can keep my attention better at 8 am with ed psych... yeah.
I move into my contacts tomorrow!!! I'm so excited!!!
I move further and further away from some of my friends daily... but it's ok...
...another song lyric about moving comes to mind...
I'm movin' on...
-Rascal Flatts
I move on the track in Fike. Yes, yesterday, I went and ran 10 laps at the track in Fike... I couldn't believe it! I owe it all to my personal trainer, Kate... She really pushed me in every way imaginable yesterday. I know I had a good work out, cause I feel it today. We are going again tomorrow morning at 7:15.
I AM GOING to move all over somebody's crooked behind... While I was working out with Kate, someone went in my bookbag, and stole all the money out of my wallet. It was the ONLY cash I had. I am seriously scrapping for money, and I don't get paid again until Jaunary 30th... that is 2 weeks away... ::sigh::
I move into a fetal position and go to sleep when I am in speech class... Now, it is not all Christy Raj's fault... It is my 4th straight class of 4 that start at 8 am... so, by the time I get to her class, I am REALLY tired. But she can seriously do better... SHE'S THE SPEECH TEACHER!!! Brent Igo can keep my attention better at 8 am with ed psych... yeah.
I move into my contacts tomorrow!!! I'm so excited!!!
I move further and further away from some of my friends daily... but it's ok...
...another song lyric about moving comes to mind...
I'm movin' on...
-Rascal Flatts
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
yesterday
Yesterday was terrible... Absolutely horrible... Class from 8 am to 1:45, then straight to Seneca for tutoring. It fightens me about Tuesdays and Thursdays. Tomorrow is Thursday. ::sigh:: Fortunately, it is the last day of classes until next Tuesday... but unfortunately, THAT is a TUESDAY... ugh. Anyway, yesterday also sucked because once I got back here, there was no one to go eat with, and everyone was at the basketball game. I was too tired to go to the basketball game... so I went to bed... at like 7 pm. I woke up at 9 feeling a little better. It just sucked though. It was a bad day. A tiring day. And not really anyone to vent to... well, Bryce offered a listening ear, but I didn't feel like talking about it. I don't really even feel like delving into it in here... Obviously, "it" is a little more than the fact that I had a 10 hour day yesterday... "it" is several things running through my mind... Honestly, it's also more than I want to put in here as well... So, I think I'll end up like "the caller" has predicted... laying on my bed in my room wearing nothing but a raincoat while watching static on TV and licking whipped cream out of an ashtray... Yeah... THAT'S the kinda stuff we talk about.
...and now, I'm speechless... Like Beyonce in this song I'm listening to... only not the same kind of speechless...
...and now, I'm speechless... Like Beyonce in this song I'm listening to... only not the same kind of speechless...
Monday, January 12, 2004
anticipation
No... not for call #5... the funny thing is, I have a lot of friends who are! "The Caller" is apparently a hot topic among some of my friends... well, I'm pretty stuck on "the caller" myself... :)
But this anticipation is to find out who freakin' made drum major!!! I am not gonna sit here and pretend that I don't think about it anymore... It has been inhabiting my thoughts a lot lately... I think I have been driven to this immense anticipation by all of my friends that keep asking me... and MY FAMILY!!! Honestly, my parents haven't been too involved in my band life until my brother and I both became drum majors at the same time. Now I get phone calls nightly asking if I know who got drum major... Do they think I'm gonna find out and not tell them??? Does EVERYONE in band think that the DMs will find out and they won't be notified???
I'M JUST GOIN' A LITTLE CRAZY HERE!!! But of course, once I write this down in here, I won't have to think about it for a while... UNTIL SOMEONE COMES AND ASKS ME IF I'VE FOUND ANYTHING OUT!!!
But it's okay. Sorry for the spaz... But there... it passed.
So now, I am ALSO anticipating my FIRST CLASS OF THE DAY. This whole one class on Mondays isn't as cute as I thought it would be... I just went to lunch with Anna and James, but most people are in class all day Monday... so, I'm just here in my room bored. Class doesn't start for another hour and a half... and after that, I have trombone lessons!!! So, I'm really excited about that. Oh, the anticipation...
Back to boredom...
But this anticipation is to find out who freakin' made drum major!!! I am not gonna sit here and pretend that I don't think about it anymore... It has been inhabiting my thoughts a lot lately... I think I have been driven to this immense anticipation by all of my friends that keep asking me... and MY FAMILY!!! Honestly, my parents haven't been too involved in my band life until my brother and I both became drum majors at the same time. Now I get phone calls nightly asking if I know who got drum major... Do they think I'm gonna find out and not tell them??? Does EVERYONE in band think that the DMs will find out and they won't be notified???
I'M JUST GOIN' A LITTLE CRAZY HERE!!! But of course, once I write this down in here, I won't have to think about it for a while... UNTIL SOMEONE COMES AND ASKS ME IF I'VE FOUND ANYTHING OUT!!!
But it's okay. Sorry for the spaz... But there... it passed.
So now, I am ALSO anticipating my FIRST CLASS OF THE DAY. This whole one class on Mondays isn't as cute as I thought it would be... I just went to lunch with Anna and James, but most people are in class all day Monday... so, I'm just here in my room bored. Class doesn't start for another hour and a half... and after that, I have trombone lessons!!! So, I'm really excited about that. Oh, the anticipation...
Back to boredom...
calls #3 and #4
I got call number 3 on Friday night. I was in a hurry to get over to Hoke's to party a little bit to pay too much attention to it... And, at 2:16 am, I just got off the phone from call number 4. This one was intense... This theme of this call was "the inner workings of Hamilton's mind." Well, I found out that there is attraction from the other side of the phone now... so that is exciting. I'm surprised I'm not more excited... So yeah, this person likes me... but I think now that they have seen the inner workings of my mind, I'm a nut case. I tried to say that I had feelings for this person... and somehow, my mind stopped working... Like it is starting to shut down now... I wasn't saying the right things... but then the calming and wonderful voice from the other end of the phone said, "Don't worry about the details..."
???
I'm so confused... but I was told not to think about it so much... but thinking is what the two of us had in common... There was awkward silence on the phone a lot tonight... when each of us asked why the other wasn't talking... it was because we were thinking... It's what I like so much about this person! Our intellects are something incredbile! The conversation is mind boggling. It's like sex with words! It's intense and rich and thought provoking conversation... it's GOOD! It's not bad that I feel this way! If anything, I feel inferior becasue my mind is not as intense as this persons... BUT THAT'S OKAY! They told me, "Say what you feel... Don't worry about the details..." It's okay... and they like me:
"I know if I had come back over that night after my exam, I would have regretted it." Our friendship right now is based solely on conversation... and it is good that way. I don't think I have even touched this person's hand... there is nothing physical as of right now (except for the fact that we saw each other that Wednesday about a month ago). And I said, "I want to get to know you better." And they said, "Fair enough."
But now, I won't wait in anticipation of the next call... but get my thoughts together for that next intense conversation... and in the mean time... not "worry about the details."
???
I'm so confused... but I was told not to think about it so much... but thinking is what the two of us had in common... There was awkward silence on the phone a lot tonight... when each of us asked why the other wasn't talking... it was because we were thinking... It's what I like so much about this person! Our intellects are something incredbile! The conversation is mind boggling. It's like sex with words! It's intense and rich and thought provoking conversation... it's GOOD! It's not bad that I feel this way! If anything, I feel inferior becasue my mind is not as intense as this persons... BUT THAT'S OKAY! They told me, "Say what you feel... Don't worry about the details..." It's okay... and they like me:
"I know if I had come back over that night after my exam, I would have regretted it." Our friendship right now is based solely on conversation... and it is good that way. I don't think I have even touched this person's hand... there is nothing physical as of right now (except for the fact that we saw each other that Wednesday about a month ago). And I said, "I want to get to know you better." And they said, "Fair enough."
But now, I won't wait in anticipation of the next call... but get my thoughts together for that next intense conversation... and in the mean time... not "worry about the details."
Sunday, January 11, 2004
i am mr. junior league
Yes, that is me... Mr. Junior Leage... Why you ask? My friends and their r-thingies are my charity case... I seriously look out for my friends more than myself... well, either I do that or I live vicariously through them. I would like to think I am Mr. Junior League. I was the same way in high school... setting my friends up, helping them through their r-word ish... While I sat on the sidelines and watched... don't worry, I'm not gonna get depressed...
...in fact, I'm not going to talk about this... I'm getting tired. I've stated my point: I help my friends out with their r-word ish... but I can't do anything about my own... I am Mr. Junior League...
Yay for Bryce...
Yay for Kristen...
Yay for Mr. Junior League!
...in fact, I'm not going to talk about this... I'm getting tired. I've stated my point: I help my friends out with their r-word ish... but I can't do anything about my own... I am Mr. Junior League...
Yay for Bryce...
Yay for Kristen...
Yay for Mr. Junior League!
one day in your life...
So, I am listening to "One Day In Your Life" by Anastacia... such a diva... Anyway, I like it. It makes me wanna dance. I wanna dance. I wanna dance tonight.
And also, it gives me a little hope (close this window if you don't want to hear anything mushy)... Yeah, one day in my life I'll find a wonderful person to share life with. The only reason I am thinking about this is because I had a conversation with Patrick in the car today about it... the funny thing is, this conversation only lasted from McCabe to Mauldin, which is an incredibly short distance... but this conversation sparked so much thought. He was talking about someone he likes and how he can't stop thinking about it... It made me think that I have gotten pretty good with suppressing my crushes (I mean, that is a Ham Rule: No Self-Proclaimed Crushes). I told him that there is nothing wrong with crushing over someone, and in actuality, it's a little fun. Right now, I don't have a crush really... I did tell him in the back of my mind there are names floating around... not really crushes, more or less people that have caught my eye.
But, anyway... no crushes for me...
And also, it gives me a little hope (close this window if you don't want to hear anything mushy)... Yeah, one day in my life I'll find a wonderful person to share life with. The only reason I am thinking about this is because I had a conversation with Patrick in the car today about it... the funny thing is, this conversation only lasted from McCabe to Mauldin, which is an incredibly short distance... but this conversation sparked so much thought. He was talking about someone he likes and how he can't stop thinking about it... It made me think that I have gotten pretty good with suppressing my crushes (I mean, that is a Ham Rule: No Self-Proclaimed Crushes). I told him that there is nothing wrong with crushing over someone, and in actuality, it's a little fun. Right now, I don't have a crush really... I did tell him in the back of my mind there are names floating around... not really crushes, more or less people that have caught my eye.
But, anyway... no crushes for me...
Friday, January 09, 2004
i've got to admit it's gettin' better...
...as the Beatles said... So, the living alone thing has its perks. And now that RA crap for crap is pretty much over, I get time to spend with my friends and brothers. And, class is pretty much in full swing... full swing is barely a swing at all right now though... on Fridays I have NO CLASS!!! Mondays, I have one, and Wednesdays I have 2... Tuesdays and Thursdays are hell starting at 8 am though. It's all good. The 3 1/2 day weekend makes up for it. So, it is Thursday night, and I'm up just chillin'.
I went out to eat with Mike, Missy, Nick, Jenee, Hoke, Tex, and Paul tonight. We had a good discussion about religion. I am so thankful for my religion... My faith and understanding in my religion is still a work in process, but I truly thank God for being a part of my life... as crazy as it seems sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrit... I'm not perfect at all... but as the Kirk Franklin CD that I listened to all afternoon says, "He keeps on lookin' out for me..." THANK GOD!
And, you know... last night, I had to thank God for and ask Him to bless some of my friends... some are just having a little trouble, and others are being a burden to me and to other friends... My dad says that when you are praying for someone, you have to call their names out sometimes... so I did. I think God is takin' his time workin' on that one... I had an encounter with one of them today... ::sigh:: and I used to write such good things about him in my other journal... oh well... people and BROTHERS change apparently.
But, while I am being reflective and asking for things and thanking God for things, I guess I need to ask for a little healing... I have been feeling really bad... it's the whole kidney thing... I haven't told any of my friends, but today was almost unbearable... I couldn't even enjoy the eye candy in my Ed Psych class (thank God for THAT)! But seriously, I sould love to wake up in the morning and for this to go away... especially for the weekend... I just want to feel better.
Okay, I suppose that is it. Yeah...
I've got to admit it's gettin' better... A little better all the time...
-The Beatles
I went out to eat with Mike, Missy, Nick, Jenee, Hoke, Tex, and Paul tonight. We had a good discussion about religion. I am so thankful for my religion... My faith and understanding in my religion is still a work in process, but I truly thank God for being a part of my life... as crazy as it seems sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrit... I'm not perfect at all... but as the Kirk Franklin CD that I listened to all afternoon says, "He keeps on lookin' out for me..." THANK GOD!
And, you know... last night, I had to thank God for and ask Him to bless some of my friends... some are just having a little trouble, and others are being a burden to me and to other friends... My dad says that when you are praying for someone, you have to call their names out sometimes... so I did. I think God is takin' his time workin' on that one... I had an encounter with one of them today... ::sigh:: and I used to write such good things about him in my other journal... oh well... people and BROTHERS change apparently.
But, while I am being reflective and asking for things and thanking God for things, I guess I need to ask for a little healing... I have been feeling really bad... it's the whole kidney thing... I haven't told any of my friends, but today was almost unbearable... I couldn't even enjoy the eye candy in my Ed Psych class (thank God for THAT)! But seriously, I sould love to wake up in the morning and for this to go away... especially for the weekend... I just want to feel better.
Okay, I suppose that is it. Yeah...
I've got to admit it's gettin' better... A little better all the time...
-The Beatles
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
super huge immense crazy cold shower kick in the face wake up call
I feel like I am ridiculously separated from the rest of the world... I really didn't think that being the ONLY resident in Mauldin 3A7 would be so mind numbing... now don't get me wrong. I don't want a Lee back in here... turns out, we have been talking a lot more and hanging out a lot more now that we aren't living together. He's a good guy... I just couldn't live with him.
But, I feel really alone. It's weird... like the worst and biggest wake up call of my life... I'm gonna be living on my own soon. Like out in the real world. There won't be friends across campus or up the road... I'll be starting all over again with no friends at all. It's scary... just seeing how this semester is so far... Missy, Rach, Hoke, Tripp, and the rest of that crowd are over on the west side... Jenee, Betsy, Patrick, and the rest of the Rose Hill people are off campus... Erin is in Spartanburg... and Deni is back, so Kate is going to be slightly more preoccupied.
All I've got are these freshmen boys over here... they aren't bad... just not really into the same things I am... or maybe I'm not into the things they are into. Besides, I am just about fed up with being an RA. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to throw something last night...
I went to Wendy's with Karen, Missy, Jenee, Jay, and Renata last night and seriously almost threw my cup on the ground. Just pent up anger from the day and hearing about my darling brothers... They are really going to make me be not so nice eventually... sad face. Just another wake up call... that people in general are crappy... maybe this whole "solitary confinement" thing isn't so bad after all...
But, I feel really alone. It's weird... like the worst and biggest wake up call of my life... I'm gonna be living on my own soon. Like out in the real world. There won't be friends across campus or up the road... I'll be starting all over again with no friends at all. It's scary... just seeing how this semester is so far... Missy, Rach, Hoke, Tripp, and the rest of that crowd are over on the west side... Jenee, Betsy, Patrick, and the rest of the Rose Hill people are off campus... Erin is in Spartanburg... and Deni is back, so Kate is going to be slightly more preoccupied.
All I've got are these freshmen boys over here... they aren't bad... just not really into the same things I am... or maybe I'm not into the things they are into. Besides, I am just about fed up with being an RA. I cannot tell you how much I wanted to throw something last night...
I went to Wendy's with Karen, Missy, Jenee, Jay, and Renata last night and seriously almost threw my cup on the ground. Just pent up anger from the day and hearing about my darling brothers... They are really going to make me be not so nice eventually... sad face. Just another wake up call... that people in general are crappy... maybe this whole "solitary confinement" thing isn't so bad after all...
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
ketchup
I guess I gotta "kethup" on all that has gone on since that night back in ATL that I was so bothered that I had to write... pretty tragic actually... that I was so upset that I had to take time out of my fabulous vacation and blog... Anyway...
Because of ish that happened on the trip, me and my wonderful group of friends sat down and talked on Saturday night. I never thought that I would ever be included in a group of friends that scheduled a time for everyone to sit down and talk about their issues... I mean, one would imagine that I could do that in KKPsi, but not ALL of us are like that... thankfully, there are a few of them that do care about the friendships they have with their friends. Thank God for my friends... more specifically, Missy, Jenee, Kiki, Rebel, Nick, and Patrick. We talked it out like adults... It made me feel a little more grown up.
Unfortunately, like a grown up, I had to work my butt off as soon as I got back to Clemson... the Tigers won the Peach Bowl by the way... 27-14. But like I said, as soon as I got back to Clemson, it was RA mess that I have had to do... quite frankly, I have hated it... I want to bash it and talk about how horrifically terrible it is, but I can't think of enough obscenities. And, I don't want to cuss that much... I was pretty free flowing with the 4 letter words that last entry... sorry about that! ;-)
Anyway, I don't have lots more to write about. I thought I did, but that little bit I wrote has made me feel a lot better. I was ready to tell several people to F-off today... with RA crap, my scholarship meeting, buying textbooks, losing my prescription, losing my check... the day has been crappy...
But, Ryan just came over, and I haven't seen him since May of last year, so that made me happy... and later tonight, hopefully I will get to hang out with some friends... after this ridiculous mess we call RA training... ::sigh::
Because of ish that happened on the trip, me and my wonderful group of friends sat down and talked on Saturday night. I never thought that I would ever be included in a group of friends that scheduled a time for everyone to sit down and talk about their issues... I mean, one would imagine that I could do that in KKPsi, but not ALL of us are like that... thankfully, there are a few of them that do care about the friendships they have with their friends. Thank God for my friends... more specifically, Missy, Jenee, Kiki, Rebel, Nick, and Patrick. We talked it out like adults... It made me feel a little more grown up.
Unfortunately, like a grown up, I had to work my butt off as soon as I got back to Clemson... the Tigers won the Peach Bowl by the way... 27-14. But like I said, as soon as I got back to Clemson, it was RA mess that I have had to do... quite frankly, I have hated it... I want to bash it and talk about how horrifically terrible it is, but I can't think of enough obscenities. And, I don't want to cuss that much... I was pretty free flowing with the 4 letter words that last entry... sorry about that! ;-)
Anyway, I don't have lots more to write about. I thought I did, but that little bit I wrote has made me feel a lot better. I was ready to tell several people to F-off today... with RA crap, my scholarship meeting, buying textbooks, losing my prescription, losing my check... the day has been crappy...
But, Ryan just came over, and I haven't seen him since May of last year, so that made me happy... and later tonight, hopefully I will get to hang out with some friends... after this ridiculous mess we call RA training... ::sigh::
Friday, January 02, 2004
the little drummer boy
Greetings from Atlanta, GA, 14 hours from the kick-off 2004 Peach Bowl. This trip has been really fun... and really interesting. I HATE to look at this trip in such a terrible light right now, but I have to. I mean, New Years has come and gone, I've almost spent all of my perdiem... but people on this trip are CRAZY!
Missy is upset at us for not being able to hang out with her, but she has Hoke around her at all times, so I really can't sympathize... I love her to death, but I have VERY little patience for people in relationships who feel the need to have their friends AND significant other with them at all times. ::sigh::
Secondly, let it be known that I DO love Jenee... but she can really burn me up sometimes... The fact that she is always right, or that what she says, does, or thinks is of the utmost importance or relevance. NO ONE... absolutely no one can tell me how to be, think, or live... or how I am. My mom and dad used to, but every day that I grow older, I gain a little more independence... so why the HELL would I listen to a random 19 year old girl, when there are things my parents can't tell me to do... I don't care how passive I am. The label of "passive" is pretty much bull honkey, because there are times when Hamilton can only take so much, and passive is not a word that exists in my vocabulary. I don't get pissed much, but I kinda am right now... it wouldn't take much to make me go off... ::sigh::
Thirdly, the little f*@#ing drummer boy... so, I won't go into huge detail, cause I know tons of people read this $hit, but... this drummer that EVERYONE obsesses over, I just had to help him secure himself... I have NEVER seen this person like this. I actually just had my first real conversation with him today. He seems like a pretty intense person, but on a more personal level, he is really cool. Unfortunately, as a drunk, he is a little less tolerable (but who isn't?). Anyway, I was frustrated while trying to get him in the bed. I dunno... I think that the reason I am so freaked out about this occurrence is because I thought one way about this person, but now I think differently. BUT, I can't really do that... the boy was drunk. But there are other reasons amongst this situation that now, I don't feel like delving into. ::sigh::
There are people that I know that make me freak out. Spending time with them on these little trips really helps me realize that the only person that I can truly tolerate is me... and sometimes, I can't tolerate myself... I am tired of trying to please people and be nice to people and be f*@#ing "passive." That is the way I am, but quite honestly, on the inside, words fly, my blood boils, I scream, I cry, I shout, I freak out...
I probably will NEVER be the type of person that puts ALL of my feelings out there for everyone to see... I mean, I didn't even delve into all of my issues with the little drummer boy. Like my dad says, I am an incredibly independent person, despite what ANY f*@#ing person says. I write my feelings in this blog as uncensored as I feel... I know people read it. I have no problem with it... It's my little bit of independence that I am willing to give up... There is tons more that I keep inside... I, Hamilton, live this life...
THANK GOD I can live how I want to live, think what I want to think, and be how I want to be. I know myself... NO ONE knows me better than myself... and I don't even have the relationship with MYSELF that I would like to have... but again, THANK GOD... I'm workin' on it...
And you know... I really want to write more in here, get everything out, and be done with this little blurb of my life... but I can't... sometimes the voice inside says the same thing that Ellen DeGeneres said to suspiciously gay Clay Aiken the other day: "Keep your privacy. It's one of the only things you have... It's all yours."
Missy is upset at us for not being able to hang out with her, but she has Hoke around her at all times, so I really can't sympathize... I love her to death, but I have VERY little patience for people in relationships who feel the need to have their friends AND significant other with them at all times. ::sigh::
Secondly, let it be known that I DO love Jenee... but she can really burn me up sometimes... The fact that she is always right, or that what she says, does, or thinks is of the utmost importance or relevance. NO ONE... absolutely no one can tell me how to be, think, or live... or how I am. My mom and dad used to, but every day that I grow older, I gain a little more independence... so why the HELL would I listen to a random 19 year old girl, when there are things my parents can't tell me to do... I don't care how passive I am. The label of "passive" is pretty much bull honkey, because there are times when Hamilton can only take so much, and passive is not a word that exists in my vocabulary. I don't get pissed much, but I kinda am right now... it wouldn't take much to make me go off... ::sigh::
Thirdly, the little f*@#ing drummer boy... so, I won't go into huge detail, cause I know tons of people read this $hit, but... this drummer that EVERYONE obsesses over, I just had to help him secure himself... I have NEVER seen this person like this. I actually just had my first real conversation with him today. He seems like a pretty intense person, but on a more personal level, he is really cool. Unfortunately, as a drunk, he is a little less tolerable (but who isn't?). Anyway, I was frustrated while trying to get him in the bed. I dunno... I think that the reason I am so freaked out about this occurrence is because I thought one way about this person, but now I think differently. BUT, I can't really do that... the boy was drunk. But there are other reasons amongst this situation that now, I don't feel like delving into. ::sigh::
There are people that I know that make me freak out. Spending time with them on these little trips really helps me realize that the only person that I can truly tolerate is me... and sometimes, I can't tolerate myself... I am tired of trying to please people and be nice to people and be f*@#ing "passive." That is the way I am, but quite honestly, on the inside, words fly, my blood boils, I scream, I cry, I shout, I freak out...
I probably will NEVER be the type of person that puts ALL of my feelings out there for everyone to see... I mean, I didn't even delve into all of my issues with the little drummer boy. Like my dad says, I am an incredibly independent person, despite what ANY f*@#ing person says. I write my feelings in this blog as uncensored as I feel... I know people read it. I have no problem with it... It's my little bit of independence that I am willing to give up... There is tons more that I keep inside... I, Hamilton, live this life...
THANK GOD I can live how I want to live, think what I want to think, and be how I want to be. I know myself... NO ONE knows me better than myself... and I don't even have the relationship with MYSELF that I would like to have... but again, THANK GOD... I'm workin' on it...
And you know... I really want to write more in here, get everything out, and be done with this little blurb of my life... but I can't... sometimes the voice inside says the same thing that Ellen DeGeneres said to suspiciously gay Clay Aiken the other day: "Keep your privacy. It's one of the only things you have... It's all yours."
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